Uhhh...Am I Wrong To Refuse Services?! (VENT)

[wdmmom]

yes, I do think you are wrong to refuse services. If the child is contracted to come on Fridays you should take them regardless of where mom is going. She informed you of where she'd be, how to reach her and she's giving you a few hours off. I don't think you have the right to ask for anything else.

Now if your policy states they are not allowed to bring their child if they are not going to work you can call them on that - but be prepared for them to either start lying about it or find another daycare. I'd rather them be honest with me so I know how/where I can reach them.

Only time I ever had an issue was with a parent who took days off work all summer for "fun" things while her kids were still here but then "couldn't" take the time off when they were sick in the Fall because she was out of days - they didn't last long - that was just one indicator that she was a very irresponsible parent.

I know people (not my dc families) who work all week while kids are in daycare and then ship the kids to the grandparents for the weekend or hire babysitters every Sat night because they "need a break from their kids". There's a big difference between that and needing a "mental health" day once in a while. A little time alone makes all of us better parents - let this mom enjoy her time and take it as a compliment that she knows her child is safe with you!

Yes, I get it.

I just wasn't sure if I should remind her of my policies and that she must comply.

She's now wanting to pick up later. So it's 45 minutes late drop off this morning but 30-45 minutes later pick up this afternoon. NO THANK YOU!!!

[TBird]

As long as I'm paid and she picks up on time, I'M WORKING!!!

As it is, I have a military child whose mom pays for Full Time care "just in case" and he only comes maybe 2 days per week so far. He's an ANGEL and has no adjustment problems...I am always paid on time and for the full amount. As long as I am PAID, I consider myself truly blessed!!!

[Unregistered]

I am a parent and see both sides. If it's a habit - something the parents do all the time - then I agree, it is a problem and it makes me very sad. But a once in a while thing? Cut the parents some slack. I, for the first time since my child was enrolled in daycare 10 months ago, am taking an afternoon off and leaving my child in daycare for the first time. Why? To clean and cook and decorate for her birthday party this weekend. It's only for a couple of hours and not something I plan to make a habit of. On the flip side, if you as the provider want a day/afternoon to do the same, why not ask? Our provider has asked if it would be okay to have the day off in a couple of weeks to do projects at home. I said OF COURSE! We will ask the grandparents to watch our child that day. Everyone needs time off now and then to get some things done. I'm not going to expect her to watch our child anyway just because she's going to be home. To me, it's all about give and take.

[MommieNana4]

If she is paying you to watch her child then don't worry about what she is doing in her off time. If you need time off...take it.

[Blackcat31]

I am a parent and see both sides. If it's a habit - something the parents do all the time - then I agree, it is a problem and it makes me very sad. But a once in a while thing? Cut the parents some slack. I, for the first time since my child was enrolled in daycare 10 months ago, am taking an afternoon off and leaving my child in daycare for the first time. Why? To clean and cook and decorate for her birthday party this weekend. It's only for a couple of hours and not something I plan to make a habit of. On the flip side, if you as the provider want a day/afternoon to do the same, why not ask? Our provider has asked if it would be okay to have the day off in a couple of weeks to do projects at home. I said OF COURSE! We will ask the grandparents to watch our child that day. Everyone needs time off now and then to get some things done. I'm not going to expect her to watch our child anyway just because she's going to be home. To me, it's all about give and take.

I completely agree with this! If you as a provider wants/needs a day off, then take one. Don't be offended simply because you are being told a parent has the day off and then complain about how you want one too.....that sounds childish and petty. You are a business woman. Take a day off if you want. That is the beauty of being self employed.

If I am being paid, I work. If I don't I can't pay my bills or feed my family and will have to start posting about how hard it is to make ends meet. I knew coming into this business that as long as a parent is reachable, I really don't care where they are and what they are doing. I agree with PP's about this being a really hard thing to police.

On the flip side, just because someone has a child doesn't mean that they have to be attached at the hip. Parenting doesn't require parents to spend every waking second with their child if they aren't working. In order to be a well rounded healthy person, we need to be able to be defined as things other than Billy's mom. Billy's mom should be allowed to have friends and hobbies and all the other things that make her who she is. We do not cease to be the people we were once we give birth or become parents.

I think it is wrong to assume that because a mom is leaving her child at daycare to do something other than work that it is so sad for the child and that the mom is esentially a bad parent because she doesn't spend enough time with them. We have no way of knowing what amount of time she spends with her child or the type of quality time she actually has with her child.

I think that if you want to dictate where a parent goes while you are watching their child then you need to have a really good plan in place for enforcing this. If they lie, then you need to be prepared to term immediatley and if they ask honestly, as this parent did, then you have the right to refuse service if that is your policy. However, you are asking the general population of providers that make up this forum and I don't see many who agree that child care providers can successfully manage this. If you can and do then, stick to your policies and do what works for you. That is one of the reasons I love this business!

[Country Kids]

OK, from what I see the op said in her contract that the parent has to be either working or at school in order to bring the child to childcare.

If I were you I would have said I'm unable to watch the child per my contract. These are the conditions under which I watch children.

Also, I would let her know that if you were to watch the child she would need to be picked up at normal time.

I wouldn't be mad at her per say since she told you what she was doing. I would have simply stuck by your contract and then you wouldn't be working today if you truly don't want to work.

Also, someone please chime in, I may have this wrong but since you are watching the child outside of the times specified in your contract, the contract is void. My understanding is it also voids the other parents contracts since you broke it for one. I may not understand this totally but I thought this is what I understood.

[caligirl]

I don't have any stipulations in my contract that states that I will only watch when a parent is at work or at school, so I don't mind when they bring their child on their day off since they've paid for the day anyway.......that being said, what DOES get under my skin is when they are off, and bring their child earlier than usual and pick up later than usual. They all know my hours are 7-5. All but 2 are here from 8-4:30....it's when they are off and thy drop off the minute I open the door and pick up the minute I am closing that bugs me. I always think, why not spend at least a LITTLE time with your child....either that, or stop complaining to me how much you miss them when you are at work

[daycare]

OK, from what I see the op said in her contract that the parent has to be either working or at school in order to bring the child to childcare.

If I were you I would have said I'm unable to watch the child per my contract. These are the conditions under which I watch children.

Also, I would let her know that if you were to watch the child she would need to be picked up at normal time.

I wouldn't be mad at her per say since she told you what she was doing. I would have simply stuck by your contract and then you wouldn't be working today if you truly don't want to work.

Also, someone please chime in, I may have this wrong but since you are watching the child outside of the times specified in your contract, the contract is void. My understanding is it also voids the other parents contracts since you broke it for one. I may not understand this totally but I thought this is what I understood.

I have in my contract that should I decide to oversee any of my policies for any reason, taht it will not void the contract or make any other policies invalid.

[mom2many]

I don't have any stipulations in my contract that states that I will only watch when a parent is at work or at school, so I don't mind when they bring their child on their day off since they've paid for the day anyway.......that being said, what DOES get under my skin is when they are off, and bring their child earlier than usual and pick up later than usual. They all know my hours are 7-5. All but 2 are here from 8-4:30....it's when they are off and thy drop off the minute I open the door and pick up the minute I am closing that bugs me. I always think, why not spend at least a LITTLE time with your child....either that, or stop complaining to me how much you miss them when you are at work

This exactly!

[WImom]

I'd work.

I honestly could care less what my dcps do during their days - that's their business. As long as I can reach them in an emergency, and I get paid for the day - I'm happy.

I feel the same way.

Its your business...take a day off if you want. Just give them plenty of notice.

[Unregistered]

I feel if it is in your contract that you only work when the parent is working or in school, then you should have said something refering to your contract straight out when she told you.

I feel a parent should be with thier child when they are not working or in school or meetings. I am providing a service for when you can't be with your child. I am not a baby sitter. but..... if a parent is up front with me and puts it out on the line that they need a break and will be doing such and such.....then I can comply to that, because I am working and I am here, but if it becomes abused that is another story.

Nan I am surprised that you said you gave up on this because I really like what you have said in the past on this toppic. You have put some good post out there on this subject too. A child given a choice will almost always pick to spend that time with the parents,esp come the end of the day when the child has been with us all day long, they want to transition to other things.

I don't agree with just take a day off if you want. I feel your working and running a business, so you should be available to your customers and not just randomly close when you want.

I have flex room on this one. I would not hesitate to tell a parent that I felt was abusing me, by having thier child here when they are capable how I felt. If I knew up front that a child was coming to me to give the parent self time......that's different. Some parents do this. It's the way they choose to live. They are paying me for those hours. Then you have the state parents, that have care scheduled just so they can work and go to school.

I have one parent that works 3 minutes from me and get's out of work at 4:30 but does not pick up until 5.......last kid, urks me to no end. She is great in all other areas.....so I tolerate it. ......but deep down it's an irritation to me. Hard part is the child watches everyone else go home and waits and waits and waits. Parents don't stop to think we are tired too come the end of the day. We are ready to be done. They just think we have this never ending love for kids that goes on and on and on into our sleep and off hours and every waking moment.... lets be real. I love them, but I love sending them home too. I can understand how you feel, just decide what you want to do about it and move on. I again would have said something right away and it has taken me a while to be on my feet and strong enough to be able to do that. I also agree you have a different dinamic when you take one child out of the group and sometimes that is nice break, peps you up to keep on a going and have the love for what you are doing.

[e.j.]

That's where we differ. I feel because I have the child in my care, I have the right to know where the parent is. It's better she told me she won't be at work versus something happening and me calling her at work and not reaching her...kwim?!

I think there was a misunderstanding as to what I said in my original reply. We have no disagreement about needing correct contact info. (I didn't address that in my comments because I assumed the importance of contact info was understood.) I just don't care what the parents are doing with their time while the child is with me. They can work, go to school, go shopping, clean the house, have their hair done, watch soap operas, take dance lessons, practice their yoga moves, clip their toe nails, etc. I offer a service which is child care. Parents pay me to provide that service. It doesn't matter to me why they need (or want) my service.

If your contract states you only do care for parents who are working or going to school and she signed it, you're well within your rights to refuse care. I just don't feel the need to have something similar in mine.

I did read where she wanted to pick up her child later than usual, though, and that wouldn't fly with me. I would tell her she need to pick up on time. I'm flexible for parents when I need to be but for something recreational like quilting, it's not fair of her to ask you to work late - especially on a Friday!

[jen]

I understand that you want a day off and you should absolutely take one! Are you giving yourself vacation days? EVERYONE is entitled to a down day, parents too. (DISCLAIMER: Does NOT apply to the parents who do it on weekly or even monthly basis.)

So, if you want a vacation day, give notice per your contract and enjoy!

[Christian Mother]

I have parents that are open and honest with me if they take a personal day. I am totally ok with that. Mainly bc I don't get paid for the days the child is not in my care. So you can understand where I do not care at all what the parents are up to as long as their child is picked up on time. If they want to sleep in and drop their child off late... No problem. But they understand that per our contract our hrs still stand. Late fees will be applied the min. after pick up. Sure, they will sometimes tell me... I'm going to be a little late and you know what. I smile and say no prob. I totally understand. Late fee of $5 will be applied though. Sometimes I'll wave it for the parents that only are late once in a blue moon. Others who are late quiet a bit get a late fee. The ones who don't though let me know a month in advance bc of a doctors or dentist apt. That gives me a full mo to plan and I appreciate that so I waive it. The ones that are late quiet a bit I have to admit have been awesome lately with pick up on time not to mention have been here even early. I can tell there trying and that counts in my book...that is when I'm willing to waive fees bc I see improvement..but now I am getting past the subject.

The thing I was trying to get at is that times are really hard right now...I can't afford to be picky on how a parent decides to use her daycare days. There are things my children need this mo. and each week I figure in pay. I won't argue with a parent on their time off as I WANT their child here...I don't get paid if their not.