Hoarders...

[KDC]

Just wondering the policy others have with kids 'hoarding' the toys? They will stalk toys, and grab them and sit with all the other's kids toys in their lap and scream if anyone dares to touch 'their' toys? I've had many hoarders over the years and tried many different strategies (1 toy at a time, It's not nice to keep all the toys, you must share), but wondering if anyone had a rule they found works best for them. I feel like I'm talking myself in circles sometimes... Thanks in advance =)

[nannyde]

I don't allow it at all. If I see a child becomes attached to a toy and the attachment interferes with the child being able to be a good citizen and a good player then I ban the toy from the child completely.

I tell them they can't have the toy at all. I don't expect them to share it or use it fairly. When they have a fixation on the toy it doesn't matter if they have it, have to share it, or have the potential of it. It's all the same to the child. They are "doing" the toy whether they actually have it or not.

So it's best to take away the stress of it completely so you can release their mind to get on with playing and being a good member of the group. Often they will then pick something else out to fixate on. When they do... rinse and repeat.

If it means offering them a stack of rags and some cloth books... things that have no hoarding value at all... then that's what they have to play with. They have to earn the privledge to share toys. it's not a given.

They earn it by controlling themselves with EVERY toy they have.

I also OWN all the toys in the house. I do not allow kids to declare that anything is "mine". If they say "mine" it automatically is given away and not available to them at all. I have them put it down or give it to the weakest member of the group for them to play with.

If they fixate on it again I use the words "leave it" and point them away from the toy. When I think they are ready to have the toy back in their play then I give them another shot at it.

When I do this it is only completely by themselves. I don't have them play with it in the presence of the other kids. I also make sure that everyone who wants it plays with it FIRST. So the hoarding child will get it last.

Once they can handle... "i can have it but it has to be last" then I start gradually allowing it in their play to where they are back to having access to it in free play.

If it's a toy that causes all the kids to want to hoard then I don't have that toy in play at all. I've found stuff like baskets, containers, small pieces of sets, etc. are common hoarding toys. I keep those up and away from the kids and just get them out for special.

[cheerfuldom]

Anything I hear or see the kids fighting over gets put into toy timeout (on top of a shelf). I don't care who started it, I always finish it. Sometimes the kids start fighting and then run over to hand me the toy for timeout themselves! My worst toy hoarder was my own middle daughter and I had to take everything away from her for awhile. She literally had nothing to do for days and what nanny said in her post was what I did with her and it was very effective. I have also banned the word "mine" in this household. I take the toy away and remind the kid that we don't use that word here. Any toys that belong to my daughters are left in their rooms and are used only when in their rooms or after daycare hours. Problem solved!

oh and any toys that are constantly a problem go into the yard sale. If there is only one kid that has a problem with that toy, everyone else gets to play with it but them. I had a cute little playhouse in my daycare room that one kid was banned from for about 6 months. The other kids did great with it but not her.

[Cat Herder]

I also have a huge empty tub where toys go that children can't "share" (ie: take from one another forcefully).

I will admit there have been a couple days where the kids were down to lineoleum and one shoe each by clean up for going home time.....

THOSE are the Grandparents favorite photos when I mail them with a little story attached. Priceless. ::

"What does not drive you mad today will make you laugh at 60." (or so they keep telling me.)

[cheerfuldom]

ha ha, yes some days our timeout shelf is overflooding and we start putting timeout toys in the nap room. It gets pretty bare and boring in here on occasion ::

[Meyou]

I was nearly done in by my linen closet a couple of days last winter because of all the toys I had to shove in there. :: There were a couple of particularly bad weeks last Feb.

[2ndFamilyDC]

Glad to know I am not the only one that has a timeout shelf for toys.

[Unregistered]

I also have a time out shelf for any toy causing an issue. Another thing I have found that works really well is I remind them that they are playing with MY toys and I share with EVERYONE .........no hoarding allowed period. I have had issues with the "he took it from me" and solved that one with if it's not in your hand it's allowed to be picked up and played with as you are not playing with it. They were playing with something, moving along to something else then hollering if the original toy was then picked up by another child. Now I hear them say "oh, it was not in my hand you can play with it". They are slowing getting it here now.........

[wdmmom]

I have 2 toyrooms...1 of which isn't used but once a week. Toys are either put on a shelf or taken to the other toy room so they don't get to play with it as often.

[Unregistered]

Hi. I am a new registered member but cannot log in right now. Hoarding is a very age appropriate behavior for young children. It is an undesirable age appropriate behavior but typical nonetheless. Because children in child care must share most materials all of the time, it is helpful to provide situations where the child can hoard. For example, hide hundreds of gems in the sand table and allow the child to collect as many as s/he can in a little basket. Take the child to the park where there is an acorn or chestnut tree and allow him/her to collect as many as s/he can. This will allow the child to feel as though materials are plentiful and they won't have to surrender to anyone else as they must with regular toys.

[boysx5]

yes I just take them away I found that rotating the toys has helped here alot it likes they get something new each week plus lately I have been getting good deals at Goodwill and they are enjoying that

[nannyde]

Hi. I am a new registered member but cannot log in right now. Hoarding is a very age appropriate behavior for young children. It is an undesirable age appropriate behavior but typical nonetheless. Because children in child care must share most materials all of the time, it is helpful to provide situations where the child can hoard. For example, hide hundreds of gems in the sand table and allow the child to collect as many as s/he can in a little basket. Take the child to the park where there is an acorn or chestnut tree and allow him/her to collect as many as s/he can. This will allow the child to feel as though materials are plentiful and they won't have to surrender to anyone else as they must with regular toys.

I don't agree with this.

I don't think providers have an issue with kids "hoarding" when they are in environments where the resources are plentiful like your outdoor acorn examples. You wouldn't even see kids do this in times like that.

Just because a kids behavior is normal or age appropriate doesn't mean it's acceptable in a group care environment. Remember children have full lives outside of care so they have the opportunity to resource guard and claim. It's not appropriate in someone else's home or in a group of other children.

It's normal for my puppy to beg for food while my son and I are eating dinner. It's hard wired in her to see if she can get me to give it to her. She wants it so she asks for it.

It's my job to not allow it. Just because it's normal doesn't mean it's good for the pup or good for our happy stable relationship.

Same thing with hoarding. Sure the kids want it but what is better for them is to use the shared resources fairly.

[awestbrook713]

You ladies are so smart, I never thought of toy time out or a toy shelf. This is a big issue I deal with and it gets to me. I have tons of toys but why do they always have to fight over one or two toys and when they know another wants it thats when they won't give it up even if they are playing with another toy.

[nannyde]

You ladies are so smart, I never thought of toy time out or a toy shelf. This is a big issue I deal with and it gets to me. I have tons of toys but why do they always have to fight over one or two toys and when they know another wants it thats when they won't give it up even if they are playing with another toy.

Is there any pattern on what toys they are doing this with?

[Hunni Bee]

I don't allow it at all. If I see a child becomes attached to a toy and the attachment interferes with the child being able to be a good citizen and a good player then I ban the toy from the child completely.

I tell them they can't have the toy at all. I don't expect them to share it or use it fairly. When they have a fixation on the toy it doesn't matter if they have it, have to share it, or have the potential of it. It's all the same to the child. They are "doing" the toy whether they actually have it or not.

So it's best to take away the stress of it completely so you can release their mind to get on with playing and being a good member of the group. Often they will then pick something else out to fixate on. When they do... rinse and repeat.

If it means offering them a stack of rags and some cloth books... things that have no hoarding value at all... then that's what they have to play with. They have to earn the privledge to share toys. it's not a given.

They earn it by controlling themselves with EVERY toy they have.

I also OWN all the toys in the house. I do not allow kids to declare that anything is "mine". If they say "mine" it automatically is given away and not available to them at all. I have them put it down or give it to the weakest member of the group for them to play with.

If they fixate on it again I use the words "leave it" and point them away from the toy. When I think they are ready to have the toy back in their play then I give them another shot at it.

When I do this it is only completely by themselves. I don't have them play with it in the presence of the other kids. I also make sure that everyone who wants it plays with it FIRST. So the hoarding child will get it last.

Once they can handle... "i can have it but it has to be last" then I start gradually allowing it in their play to where they are back to having access to it in free play.

If it's a toy that causes all the kids to want to hoard then I don't have that toy in play at all. I've found stuff like baskets, containers, small pieces of sets, etc. are common hoarding toys. I keep those up and away from the kids and just get them out for special.

I don't allow it either. Mine hoard the opposite, the toys that are one of kind.
Certain balls, cars/trucks, non-traditional toy items in the dramatic play area like old phones, keys, dress up jewelry.

I also have a "no traveling" rule. If you are just holding it, hiding it, or carrying it around, not actually playing with it - I warn you. Next time I see you doing it, it goes to someone else.