Venting Thread

[Blackcat31]

I get that you are all trying to give me your perspective on what you thought or think of CozyHome but her post wasn't what got me going in the first place.....(See my reply to Angelsj) But now that it has been brought up here is my 2 cents:

NONE of you asked her what was up. NONE of you asked her why she was so angry. NONE of you asked about the circumstances or the details of her post. NONE of you offered any type of support.

I was not tying in her post to Michael about money or any of her other posts.

But still, as Lolaland pointed out, they all happened within a small time frame on the same day. Maybe she had a really bad day. Maybe her dog died, maybe she just got a foreclosure notice.
Obviously, she was very angry at the time of her post(s) and that is what is showing through. Maybe she kept it all together and was super professional all week and finally let it all out after hours..... Maybe she had a few galsses of wine before posting.....I have no idea as I cannot speak for her but I do know that I have been angry before in my life. I have been so angry that I was steaming mad and out of my head. We all have.

I also have no issue with the word hate either. She didn't say it to a child. She said it about a child. BIG difference. When my own kids were mad at me when they were young, they said they hated me but I knew it was their frustration and lack of maturity that spawned their words.

Again, I am NOT condoning Cozyhome's words or her aggressiveness but she vented in a venting thread and the way I see it......it was just a vent. She didn't want anything more than to just get it out and off her chest.
I have kept a journal all my life and if anyone read my venting words, you would think I was crazy.....

But anyways, back to my point.....MY vent wasn't about Cozyhome in the first place. It was about the other thread and the double standard some posters have in regards to who is and isn't worthy of our support, advice and a hand out to help them....NO MATTER what kind of situation they are in.

[lovemykidstoo]

It is interesting to a point BC. I was actually going to reply to the OP, but then I read the message from cozyhome and I totally got sidetracked. I do absolutely think it's terrible that you are missing a child for 30 minutes and don't know it. With the right conditions that child would absolutely be dead. You can bet if that happened to me, I would be calling my consultant and letting her know. I don't care if my parents were "ok" with it or not.

Now, about cozyhome. I said that she should find a line of work and get help because it wasn't just a word for me. It was the underlying hatred and anger that was behind the post. That was not a typical mad thread that we all post from time to time. That was some serious, over the top anger and I hope that she does what I suggested and that was to step back and get help.

[Former Teacher]

On a side note, looking at the response to Michael in the other thread, and some of CozyHome's other posts, I have to wonder if we are being trolled. Eighty three is a lot of posts to have, but it is possible.

I am SO glad that I am not the only one who thought this.

[lolaland]

This is the reason I felt no sympathy for “Cozyhome” when I read her vent:

In a time frame of less than 5 minutes I read her post saying this on “Logged Out Because I Can't Stand Myself”... - “WTF? I was here last week and the story has completely changed. The provider said she left the child in a freezing van for 30 minutes last week. Now it says 5 minutes? Why the lies?”

Right after on the same thread she says this to Michael: - “Wow, if anybody ever made me doubt your professionalism, this just proved their point. Wow. Money is your deal!”

And right after I checked the venting thread and I read this: - “Your kid is not CUTE or SMART he just repeats everything he hears and we all hate him. Even you dcDad know that he's a pain in the ass but you love him. I and the other kids in the daycare that he makes insane on a daily basis do NOT love him or find him the least bit funny or adorable. Why oh why are you putting me in the position of termination and blowing you out of the water because you don't get the fact that your son is annoying, stupid, challenging and worst of all there is some type of food allergy or something that I've been gently and kindly and professionally asking you to address for the past year & 1/2 and I'm so so so so sick of the up the back/down the legs diarrhea. We HATE him, dcgirl pushes him and I have to discipline her because he's clueless about anybody else in the world. Oh it's sooooo ridiculous! Termination next month!”

...so at that time I do not see a daycare provider frustrated with a dificult child and needing support! I see a person ANGRY at the world in general!! ...her online “attacks” makes me wonder how she deals with frustration in a daily basis...?

[BumbleBee]

While I don't know CozyHome personally I feel like I have to speak up.

I read her vent above & thought "wow she sounds stressed." I don't know if this is true or not but that was my first thought. I'm glad she chose to vent on a venting thread with words rather than keep it to herself for fear of judgement. Perhaps someone else will read it & know they are not alone in feeling this way.

Given CozyHome's vent it sounds like the frustration has been building and she is at a point where there is no other option but to term. Perhaps she would LOVE to term this child immediately but policies/finances/life will not allow her to until next month. It sounds like this "parent out to lunch" doesn't get it & that's adding to the frustration. I don't doubt for a second that she has tried. Sounds like something happened or many things happened all at once and it got to the breaking point-instead of lashing out at the kids, parents, family she came here and used words.

I've gone back and read her vent a few times and I keep thinking "stressed, angry, upset, frustrated" for all we know she has been trying and trying and trying to get this child help and it's gotten to the point where she has no other choice but to term. Maybe she feels like failure that she can't help this child because dcd is la-de-da. She said it herself "leaving me no other choice but to terminate" and "blowing you out of the water." To me that sounds like "I've tried and tried. I can't do anymore & I HATE that! I WANT to help this child but nobody will listen to me. WHY CAN'T I HELP HIM? Am I not good enough?????" Maybe she's helped countless kids and this is one that she truly believes can be helped but "nobody sees it but her" and she's doubting herself. Maybe she's so frustrated about having to dicipline dcg when she pushes this kid because she's worked and worked on personal space with dcb but since nobody else does it's like starting over at square one every single day.

I know I'm in the minority but the language used doesn't bother me because they are WRITTEN. If I witnessed someone SAYING those things to a child it would be a whole different ballgame.

My point is we don't know the whole story. Just my 2 cents.

[saved4always]

While I did read some of the child left in van post referred to above, I did not post any opinion on it. By the time I got there to read it, there was already plenty of replies and I didn't feel the need to add mine. For the record though, I don't condone that provider's actions either. Most likely, she did not do the right thing and report it to liscensing and I am not convinced she actually told her parents the whole truth. I cannot imagine all of them being so ok with a child being left in a car alone for over half an hour.

[Angelsj]

BC, in reference to the child left in a van post, I too feel that the OP likely didn't do the right thing and report herself or the incident. I do feel she swept it under the rug and we won't ever know what happened. This is very sad. I was not very supportive there either I guess, mostly because I live in a hot climate and have seen too many stories on the news about horrible deaths.

This is why I kept quiet, because I could not have been supportive. I feel her pain, we can all make mistakes, but it is just so dangerous. My mind keeps going over all the horrible things that could have happened, so I just stayed out of it.

[Angelsj]

But that leaves me wondering what type of person supports a provider who forgets a child and then sweeps it under the rug.

It wasn't the providers original post that got me. It was the covering up and the "yah! glad your parents are all ok with it", line of thinking that got me going.

The general acceptance that parents are ok with it and that the provider was going to do the wrong thing and the fact other providers supported her in that decision.

I cannot argue this at all. Being supportive is one thing; supporting wrongdoing is totally another. People were speaking up to the wrongdoing, however. I think sometimes you get people who go along with a line of thinking without really thinking, KWIM?

However, while CozyHome may need support, and kudos to you for reaching out to her, I also think parents coming here need to see providers policing our own, standing up to say, "If you feel this way about ANY child, you should probably check out a new career."
I do not think some of the replies were necessary, or show professionalism, and that does disturb me.
I agree with Sugar Magnolia as well. If she had come seeking help or sympathy, perhaps, but this kind of venom calls for a stronger response.


On a side note, looking at the response to Michael in the other thread, and some of CozyHome's other posts, I have to wonder if we are being trolled. Eighty three is a lot of posts to have, but it is possible.

[Sugar Magnolia]

BC, in reference to the child left in a van post, I too feel that the OP likely didn't do the right thing and report herself or the incident. I do feel she swept it under the rug and we won't ever know what happened. This is very sad. I was not very supportive there either I guess, mostly because I live in a hot climate and have seen too many stories on the news about horrible deaths.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Blackcat, I too found her word choice SO SHOCKING that I just couldn't get past the words "we hate you." I can definitely find kind words and supportive advice to people that say things like "this child's out of control behavior is stressing me out..... I am at my wits end.....
I need to terminate a child because I feel I can't work with them anymore.....etc" . I simply can't support this particular poster because her words about the child were so cruel, so over the top mean, my sympathy evaporated. She gave the industry a black eye. Why not this? :
" I need to vent about a child that has terrible behaviors X, Y and Z! The father won't address an ongoing diarrhea issue, my other dck's can't get along with him and are also stressed by his behavior, I want to term this child.......etc" I feel I can help with that. I can't help with, "hate" or "stupid", and worst of all, her apparent annoyance with the fact that "dcd loves him." I can appreciate that you feel she deserves some help here, but I honestly feel she needs professional,.psychological help that none of us are qualified to give. I have to agree she should seek anger management help or find another line of work.

[providerandmomof4]

I think the reason Cozyhome was met with such hostility is the fact that she wasn't looking for support. She was looking to vent. If she had posted how she was really beginning to dislike this child because of such and such behaviors and she didn't know how to address the situation. EVERYTHING would be different. I myself have felt like I was overwhelmed by a child's behavior. I have told dh that I didn't like feeling this way about a child and something had to change, either with the behavior...or the daycare fit. I think that had the OP posted differently...in a sincere attempt to get help..rather than her heat of the moment thoughts.....she would've been received much differently. Just my thoughts...

[Blackcat31]

I typically find myself in agreement with you BlackCat, but not here.
Look back at the post...these words were vicious, not just venting.
not cute
not smart
we all hate him
do not love him or find him adorable
not the least bit funny
annoying
stupid
challenging
HATE HIM
dcg pushes him (this is dcg's fault?!?)
clueless
?

I will repeat. I am NOT condoning her words or supporting her.

We don't know what kind of provider she is, true, but the things you say, even online reflect the kind of person you are. I still think CozyHome needs to find a different career before she says something like this to a child.

I agree with you. The things we say on line reflect the type of person you are. I 100% agree.

But that leaves me wondering what type of person supports a provider who forgets a child and then sweeps it under the rug.

I didn't actually comment on the "leave the kid in the car" thread, but she was contrite, scared and beating herself up. There were people who "beat her up" even so.

It wasn't the providers original post that got me. It was the covering up and the "yah! glad your parents are all ok with it", line of thinking that got me going.

The general acceptance that parents are ok with it and that the provider was going to do the wrong thing and the fact other providers supported her in that decision.

You also have the right to vent your feelings on all this, but I did notice you are upset with the people who called her on her vent, and you also have not asked her why she feels that way. I think sometimes we see things that just strike us as so very wrong, we need to say something. To me, it was CozyHome's post, to you, it was the lack of support you felt she was getting. Who is to say which is right or wrong?

I am NOT at all upset that people called her (Cozyhome) out on her vent.
I stated very clearly that I don't agree with her and don't condone her words.

I am upset that posters will support a provider who is clearly in the wrong (and continuing to do wrong, as far as we know to date) and offer her words of comfort and understanding but yet will condemn a provider for her words. :confused:

My confusion and feelings of disappointment have NOTHING to do with Cozyhome. She just happened to make a post that allowed me to continue to express my lack of understanding in regards to the replies in the other thread.

This was in reality, not really about Cozyhome herself at all. I do have my own thoughts and feelings about her post. I also reached out to both members privately as I feel if one troubled, confused provider deserves help and support in this crazy, confusing world of child care....then they ALL do.

I am simply confused as to what constitutes a situation worthy of support, comfort and help and what type of situation garners harsh words, judgement and condemnation.

[Angelsj]

I typically find myself in agreement with you BlackCat, but not here.
Look back at the post...these words were vicious, not just venting.
not cute
not smart
we all hate him
do not love him or find him adorable
not the least bit funny
annoying
stupid
challenging
HATE HIM
dcg pushes him (this is dcg's fault?!?)
clueless


We don't know what kind of provider she is, true, but the things you say, even online reflect the kind of person you are. I still think CozyHome needs to find a different career before she says something like this to a child.
I think some of the responses here are a bit over the top, but if a parent were to come here and put two and two together.. ..and the internet is forever. Parents could come here years from now.

I didn't actually comment on the "leave the kid in the car" thread, but she was contrite, scared and beating herself up. There were people who "beat her up" even so.

You also have the right to vent your feelings on all this, but I did notice you are upset with the people who called her on her vent, and you also have not asked her why she feels that way. I think sometimes we see things that just strike us as so very wrong, we need to say something. To me, it was CozyHome's post, to you, it was the lack of support you felt she was getting. Who is to say which is right or wrong?

[Blackcat31]

You know what I find funny/odd?

I find it funny that everyone jumps to help, support and console a provider who forgets a child in a vehicle for 30 minutes but when a provider comes on that uses less than PC language about a child in their care, everyone jumps all over her!

If we are so willing to forgive, validate, console or comfort a provider who could have potentially killed a child, why can't you all find it in your hearts to offer support or help to a provider who may need it the most?

If she is using language or words towards a child that you view as mean or harmful, why not ask why? Why not ask her why she feels that way? Why not try to help?

Do you really think she HATES the child? I am sure the post was heat of the moment.

I have read some words/posts here that I don't always think are appropriate either but we all come from different walks/classes of life and I have read many providers posts using words that I find offensive or words I would never use.

I think it is the word she used that has everyone in an uproar. It IS a strong word but unless your own mouth, mind and posts are free of any judgemental thoughts and words, I think the first thing any of us should have done is tried to help this provider NOT condemn her for venting online!

Thank God she vented on-line instead of keeping those feelings bottled up inside or taking them out on the child!!

I have been a member of this forum for some time now and I am still dumbfounded at some of the things that get posted here and still even more surprised by some of the replies.

In the last week, we have had a provider come VERY close to having a tragic situation happen to her ALL due to HER own behavior and we have had a provider use the word hate about a child in her care in a venting thread and who gets the help, sympathy, kind words and support?!?!

FWIW~ I am NOT condoning either post/member's behavior but I do think there is something wrong with the world when we can comfort and support a provider who almost kills a kid but condemn one who says mean nasty things about one on-line.

We DON'T know what kind of provider Cozyhome is. She may be the most loving caring professional provider out there and because she keeps it all together for the kids and parents in her care, she HAD to come to the venting thread and get it off her chest. She may not have used the best language but at the same time, she HAD to get it off her chest. Who knows for sure. I don't. Do you?

I doubt very much that NONE of you have ever had a mean, hateful or cruel thought about another human.

[Patches]

Your kid is not CUTE or SMART he just repeats everything he hears and we all hate him. Even you dcDad know that he's a pain in the ass but you love him. I and the other kids in the daycare that he makes insane on a daily basis do NOT love him or find him the least bit funny or adorable. Why oh why are you putting me in the position of termination and blowing you out of the water because you don't get the fact that your son is annoying, stupid, challenging and worst of all there is some type of food allergy or something that I've been gently and kindly and professionally asking you to address for the past year & 1/2 and I'm so so so so sick of the up the back/down the legs diarrhea. We HATE him, dcgirl pushes him and I have to discipline her because he's clueless about anybody else in the world. Oh it's sooooo ridiculous! Termination next month!

Oh wow! I admit, I have had my fair share of kids that have tried my patience, but I have never felt this way about a child before. I think you need to take a step back and think, I mean REALLY THINK about how you would feel if someone was saying this about your child. I highly suggest you find a new profession asap. If I ever felt this way I would hope someone would say something like this to me.