Terminate For Asking Too Many Questions

[NaaNaa]

Hello parents, I am a grandparent taking care of my grandchild. I removed my grandchild from his first daycare (a home daycare) after 7 mths because she closed after a snow storm and there was no state of emergency. My pay was docked for calling out that day, the day after a holiday. I really liked her but it was a business decision for me. I put my baby in another daycare - and in the first month, my 11 mth old was in an excersaucer EVERY DAY when I came to pick him up. I finally asked her how much time he spends in that thing every day because he is a new walker and needs to be walking. She assured me that is was only the last 15 mins of the day. After I asked, he was in it MAYBE 1 day a week. Okay!!! So, the next month (and some of the first month) my baby came home with a brand of diaper that I know I didn't supply...SO, I asked if he was running out of diapers and am I not bringing enough. She replied that he has plenty but the helpers don't always pay attention to the cubby that they are taking diapers out of...I didn't like the answer but I swallowed it. I had 2 thoughts about this....1) how do you know that my baby isn't allergic to huggies, or whatever and that maybe that's why I don't use them? 2) I don't have money to supply diapers because your helpers aren't paying attention.

They have $175 reasons per week to pay attention, as far as i'm concerned. Then, as if this wasn't enough a few times when I picked my baby up, his diaper was soiled when we got home. I certainly had a problem with this so I asked about the changing policy (especially since I got a report card everyday that claimed that he was being changed everyday. Of course, she said that they change at the times that the report card said they did. Okay, least she knows i'm paying attention right? So the straw that broke the camels back; I pick my grandson up on 3/23 and she tells me that he was very ornery that day, that he fell out everytime she told him no about something. I explained that I don't know where the falling out is coming from but that I had noticed it and I just tell him to get up off the floor and she should tell him too. She said she does and he listens. I didn't think anymore of it until bath time and I see these two red marks atop his right thigh. When I tried to touch it, he screamed and cried really weird. The next day, I asked her if he had fallen and hurt himself or anything and when she asked why, I told her about the marks...she assured me that nothing happened.

That was Thursday. So, Friday when I pick him up, we say our goodbye's, have a good weekend, see ya Monday kind stuff and I get home and much to my surprise there is a note in the bag that told me that "I think it's time for us to part ways. You seem to question everything that we do. We've done nothing but love and care for [my grandson] but you don't seem to think so". This lady never said anything to me about this before then. My mom told me to get a lawyer but I think I should just get the word out. What kind of daycare tells a mom that she asks too many questions when it comes to her child?

[wdmmom]

Most providers have a clause in their contract that says they can terminate care at any time for any reason. I don't see any lawyer getting involved...unless there is money owed back to you. Even then, you probably would be better off taking her to small claims court.

I'm not sure why a provider would be "offended" by questions. You are only a concerned guardian as every parent should be. You are entitled to that much. I honestly think I would have questioned the diapers. Many children ARE in fact allergic to certain brands of diapers and regardless of the helpers, if your child had diapers, they should be used. If they weren't, than I would be questioning why the provider is performing diaper changes herself!

As for the marks...you made them sound like they were severe. I am not crediting nor discrediting the provider, but children do get hurt...especially new walkers. If my child didn't have bumps and bruises, I would feel like they aren't participating with other children and activities. If these marks were out of the ordinary, I probably would have taken the child to the doctor to see if they were able to determine what type of marks they were. (A fall...possibly on a toy, someone hitting the child, etc.)

[cheerfuldom]

It doesn't sound like they necessarily did anything wrong in terminating provided notice was given per the contract. I refuse to take sides on this one because while you have an opinion on what questions were asked, etc. I am sure there is an equally reasonable response on her end. Unless she did something illegal or broke her own contract in some way (I am assuming you had a contract) the only option you have is to part ways and move on to another provider. I doubt you would want to continue forcing a relationship when for whatever reason, she is ready to move on. My only thought on the diapers is that how do you know baby didn't go in his diaper on the way home? You said it was only a few times. Unless it was about to fall off or clearly hadn't been changed for hours, then perhaps they were seeing your comments as more of complaints. There is nothing they can do to control when a child goes in their diaper. He really was too old to be in an excersaucer but depending on the weight limit, they might have felt that was a safe option for him while they got the kids ready to go at the end of the day. Now using someone else's diapers, yes that would be a problem. As for the marks, unless it was something really severe or alarming, it is just a part of kids growing up. Some kids are more rough and tumble than others. There is no way a provider can know exactly what happened to every kid at every moment.

[momatheart]

Well when all a parent/guardian does is question everything that the daycare does it does make one look at you like oh great here comes so n so what is she going to complain about now or what are WE NOT doing right now. So I don't blame them for wanting to part ways with you.

I do feel that the director or provider should have talked to you privately instead of putting a note in the bag.

[missnikki]

My thought on this one is that perhaps it was the WAY you were asking. I know if a parent had a concern, I would do my best to listen and help alleviate the concerns. If it is done in a condescending way, or more like complaining rather than asking, I would not let that get too far without straightening it out in person.

I am not saying that was what happened, but with limited info, it is something that comes to mind as...possible.

[cheerfuldom]

yes I agree with missnikki. Its important to remember that providers have a very long day with a demanding job. We are just human and we love a cheerful parent at the end of the day versus one that may seem to come in and immediately look for something to comment/complain on. There is a lot to be said about how parents approach their provider. I know I have been working with several families where I feel that push to go above and beyond for them. These are the parents that follow the rules, are respectful, address things in an appropriate way, are upbeat and thankful and appreciate what I do for their child on a daily basis. Everyone likes people like that.

[snowball]

Why is it okay for you to make a 'business decision' with the first provider but it is not okay for the second provider to do the same to you?

Does it really matter WHY she wanted to terminate care? The fact is she wanted to, so she did. There is no reason for you to feel defensive.

[cheerfuldom]

sorry to keep posting....the thread is really interesting to me. I also find it interesting that you terminated the previous employer for one issue (one closed day) but this new provider is not allowed the same in terminating for one issue (you supposedly questioning too much). Why is that not the same thing? What exactly does your mom think a lawyer would do? Unless there are other facts we are unaware of, such as the provider breaking a specific part of their contract, a lawyer will not get involved just because you are upset.

[Unregistered]

I'm curious as to why you would term over a closed day, but you didn't term over your concerns at the new place (it appears to me that you thought they weren't taking good care of your grandson..)

[godiva83]

It sounds to me that your little ones care being terminated was the best that could happen for all parties! It is obvious in your post you and the provider were not a great match. I agree with you in that another child's diaper should not have been used- but we are only human and mistakes can be made! She should have offered a better reason - but really in the end it is a diaper and the child did not get a reaction thank goodness. I would be concerned about the marks and you have a right to ask where or how your child got them.
Anyway, take this as a blessing in disguise and move on maybe you will both learn from this experience

[missnikki]

MODS,
Should we be leaving the name of the 'offending' provider's program out there? If I'm wrong, nevermind.

[JenNJ]

Sounds like a bad match. But honestly based on your post it sounds like you are a hard client to please (left BC of one snow day). Chalk it up to personalities not meshing and move on.

Slandering her business is not a smart move. She could easily sue you and use this post as evidence.

[Unregistered]

Depends on your contract

Unfortunately, in regard to your leaving because of them being closed during a snow storm, that's very common amongst providers in snow areas. At least my provider only closes if the schools are closed. You have a legit complaint about the closing if your contract didn't address it. There doesn't have to be a state of emergency to be closed, unless it otherwise stated that in your contract. Closings are a big thing - especially if you get disciplined at work if you can't come in. In your case, I would highly recommend getting a backup babysitter, like your mom or someone else like a neighbor whose a stay at home mom. I have backup just in case.

I'm sorry that your grandson was terminated. I strongly feel you were unjustly terminated. You had every right to question and complain about the wrong diapers - you control the decisions for your child, not the daycare. You are the customer. That's something that providers need to remember. If they are down playing something like that and it happened several times, I would never trust that they are providing adequate care to the child - I have a feeling that the reason they're getting the diaper wrong is because they don't know who the child is because of floater teachers/substitutes so they're using whatever they want. And every good daycare would have done a thorough search of the child to determine why the child kept falling down rather than berating you for it. The child injured himself at that daycare - you should bring the child to the doctor to be sure a bone isn't broken, etc. At around a year old, it's pretty common to fall down. And sorry, but it's unacceptable that the daycare kept him in an exersaucer even after you complained about it at pickup. How hard would it have been to hold him during pickup or have another child in there. He was way too old for an exersaucer - even the instructions read that you shouldn't use it once the child can stand up on their own and walk - for safety reasons.

We were terminated for similar reasons. Because of the way our contract and parent handbook was worded, there was nothing we could do about it per state licensing. I suggest that you check your contract and parent handbook carefully to see if they violated anything and then report them to licensing if they were required to have a conference with you before terminating you per your contract or parent handbook - this will be public record on them. Also, do not be ashamed of spreading the word - just be sure to have that note with you everywhere you go and show people - that way the daycare won't try to sue you for libel or slander because you are stating the facts. I would also post reviews on daycare review sites typing in exactly what the note read and the questions you had for the daycare. Definately spread the word - it is bad business to terminate any customer for asking questions and without a conference. If this is a chain, call their regional manager or president and file a complaint.

You have every right to question anything and everything they do - any daycare that terminates for your asking questions shouldn't be in business to begin with. As long as you were being respectful, not yelling or screaming at them, you should be able to ask anything you want as many times you want without being termed for it. You are better off without that daycare. I am a firm believer that there should be licensing regulations for wrongful termination to better protect families.

[Unregistered]

Just a thought for the OP

OP, it sounds like you expect a lot from your grandchild's provider, as anyone would. The difference is in your tone. If you approach most providers in the manner that you did, then I think that you would be surprised at how many providers would give you a letter of termination. Besides, what makes what you did to the first provider any different than what the second provider did to you.

Mods, I hope that you can take the name of the second daycare out of the OP's post. It seems pretty unfair to the second daycare.

[jen2651]

I know that I am new here and maybe should be posting as unregistered, but I agree with everyone here...

To the unregistered poster...yes, we are employed by you. At the same time, we are running our business the way we see fit. I am not saying what the provider did was justified, but if it is in their contract that they have the ability to term, then that is their right (pending they followed their contract). Just as you have the right to not be happy with the service they were providing and term.

It is no different than when you take your car to a mechanic. Everyone has 'their' guy and they love him. Yes, he is providing a service to you, but he has his rules too...and doesn't have to deal with you as a customer if he feels he doesn't want to.

I do think it would have been more professional to have had a personal discussion regarding the termination.

I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I worked full time and just recently have began my daycare. Both ends are difficult for a multitude of reasons. I do however believe that I am rather sensitive to both sides due to my experience. It is hard to leave your children in someone else's care, just as it is difficult to care for someone else's child at times. It is difficult when questions are/seemed to be asked in an accusatory manor (not saying that is what the OP was doing). But I just need to remind myself that working full time, commuting, taking care of my family, my home, my life, and finally me, was the most difficult job I have ever done. And, due to the inability of myself to balance all those items listed above was the deciding factor to my choosing to stay home. So, maybe I'm naive, but I do grant the parents a little bit of slack for perhaps being short tempered at the end of the day...all I wanted to do was hurry up and get home to spend an extremely limited amount of time with my family. I know personally if there was an issue to discuss, I always tried to broach it in the morning when I was (hopefully) in a better mood!