How Much Comfort Does A Newbie Toddler Need

[bunches]

i can agree with that, but the "right kind of caregivers" are hard to find in daycare centers. one reason being the turnover is HIGH and FAST and you have no say in who gets hired or fired. secondly, they have the ability to keep the maximum amount of children and pay the minimum amount to the caregivers whose only qualifications consist of a pulse and an 18th birthday - not an instinct to hold toddlers.

more individualized care can be found in family daycare or even moreso with a nanny, but it's hard to find a daycare home who is willing to be under surveillance so there's no way to count how many times a child is held. nannies typically don't mind, but of course they get paid 4-5 times as much.

keep us posted - i'd be interested to know if you're able to find a childcare center whose toddler teacher holds every child, never ignores them, and has a camera.

If you are a childcare provider, you should change your job - do it quickly too. Your comments show agression and stress - not joy - when you speak about childcare.

[nannyde]

If you are a childcare provider, you should change your job - do it quickly too. Your comments show agression and stress - not joy - when you speak about childcare.

Yeah Qual

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[QualiTcare]

Yeah Qual

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i actually can agree except i'd add the word "centers" to the end. not that i know anything about centers...

[Unregistered]

I feel for you but the reality is . . .

Hi there,

A couple of things to begin . . . I am the Mom of two boys 4 and 2. My mother has been a childcare provider for 23 years. She was actually a CPA (accountant) with a Masters degree in economics and dropped a very well paying profession to open a home based day care 18 years ago (when I was off to University, followed by my brother and sister) . She is truly one of those people that LOVE children.She has expanded her day care and has acquired staff over the years. I can truly say that anyone that goes to my mother's day care is very fortunate. So my point . . . .

My first child went to my Mom from 6 months to 20 months of age. He was very happy there and a perfect fit for day care in general. My second child did not fare as well. After, a month or so with my Mom (he was 6 months old) I decided to stay home and did so for 12 months. When I decided to return back to work last Jan we tried my Mom's again, thinking that now our son was older, had been there many, many times with myself and loved her daycare . . . but still day care was not for him. We decided to to get a Nanny and now he is happy as can be. It all came down to this - Some children (and PARENTS) are just not day care material, as they need one on one attention and my second child truly fit this bill. Even with his grandmother and brother there, he did not do well. A day care provider (3 or more) is limited as far as personal attention/holding goes whether we like this or not. Additionally, whether we like to admit this or not, it is human nature to have preferences and WE ALL HAVE THEM. Has the other boy been there longer? Is he family, extra cute or a friend's child? I know this is not fair and may be hard to hear but is very true. Think about yourself. This is one of the reasons that many parents will not have a provider that cares for her own children at the same time. No matter what or despite being the most loving type of provider her children will receive more attention and be treated favorably. Any parent who denies this is lying. Also, you can not force a provider to "love" your child. This bond develops over time (if you are lucky) and telling a provider to hold your child more will just make her resentful of this demand and your child will feel it! Children know and feel what is natural and what is not.

I think parents today are not well informed about what daycare versus Nanny/Babysitting is. They are not one in the same! Day cares will foster growth, social skills and independence. They are responsible for keeping your child safe, fed, changed, and engaged. If the parent is looking for love, comfort, personal attention, cuddling etc. they need to be at home or to hire a Nanny (or at least an at home day care with few children) Even the most loving/caring genuine providers will tell you the same thing. Parents have expectations of day cares that simply can not met due to the number of children cared for as a whole/keeping schedules. Perhaps your child (and yourself) would be a lot happier in a one on one situation . . . I know we were.

I hope you are not offended by my comments. Having both a day care child and a Nanny child . . . I wanted to share my experience and also convey that if you thought/were told your child in day care will be held a lot, conforted you were misled. Food for thought: the average toddler makes 5 requests per minute. You do the Math.

[Unregistered]

You need a Nanny. What you want from your day care center is not a guarentee but a perk that comes with time. You are telling the provider to hug and hold your child? Your child will feel that it is not genuine. Find a one a one situation. I would only want someone to hug my child if THEY GENUINELY WANTED TO HUG/HOLD him themselves.

[Cat Herder]

Hi there,

A couple of things to begin . . . I am the Mom of two boys 4 and 2. My mother has been a childcare provider for 23 years. She was actually a CPA (accountant) with a Masters degree in economics and dropped a very well paying profession to open a home based day care 18 years ago (when I was off to University, followed by my brother and sister) . She is truly one of those people that LOVE children.She has expanded her day care and has acquired staff over the years. I can truly say that anyone that goes to my mother's day care is very fortunate. So my point . . . .

My first child went to my Mom from 6 months to 20 months of age. He was very happy there and a perfect fit for day care in general. My second child did not fare as well. After, a month or so with my Mom (he was 6 months old) I decided to stay home and did so for 12 months. When I decided to return back to work last Jan we tried my Mom's again, thinking that now our son was older, had been there many, many times with myself and loved her daycare . . . but still day care was not for him. We decided to to get a Nanny and now he is happy as can be. It all came down to this - Some children (and PARENTS) are just not day care material, as they need one on one attention and my second child truly fit this bill. Even with his grandmother and brother there, he did not do well. A day care provider (3 or more) is limited as far as personal attention/holding goes whether we like this or not. Additionally, whether we like to admit this or not, it is human nature to have preferences and WE ALL HAVE THEM. Has the other boy been there longer? Is he family, extra cute or a friend's child? I know this is not fair and may be hard to hear but is very true. Think about yourself. This is one of the reasons that many parents will not have a provider that cares for her own children at the same time. No matter what or despite being the most loving type of provider her children will receive more attention and be treated favorably. Any parent who denies this is lying. Also, you can not force a provider to "love" your child. This bond develops over time (if you are lucky) and telling a provider to hold your child more will just make her resentful of this demand and your child will feel it! Children know and feel what is natural and what is not.

I think parents today are not well informed about what daycare versus Nanny/Babysitting is. They are not one in the same! Day cares will foster growth, social skills and independence. They are responsible for keeping your child safe, fed, changed, and engaged. If the parent is looking for love, comfort, personal attention, cuddling etc. they need to be at home or to hire a Nanny (or at least an at home day care with few children) Even the most loving/caring genuine providers will tell you the same thing. Parents have expectations of day cares that simply can not met due to the number of children cared for as a whole/keeping schedules. Perhaps your child (and yourself) would be a lot happier in a one on one situation . . . I know we were.

I hope you are not offended by my comments. Having both a day care child and a Nanny child . . . I wanted to share my experience and also convey that if you thought/were told your child in day care will be held a lot, conforted you were misled. Food for thought: the average toddler makes 5 requests per minute. You do the Math.

You rock and I think you would be my favorite parent...

[Unregistered]

I appreciate that "you rock" statement.

I just don't think enough parents are informed.

We choose having a Nanny and paying over 2000.00 per month over FREE CARE because that is what our child needed. Yes, we have to sacrifice but having kids means making sacrifices. The parents who bargain hunt for child care and drive two brand new SUVs, I just don't get.
What is more important?

[Blackcat31]

I appreciate that "you rock" statement.

I just don't think enough parents are informed.

We choose having a Nanny and paying over 2000.00 per month over FREE CARE because that is what our child needed. Yes, we have to sacrifice but having kids means making sacrifices. The parents who bargain hunt for child care and drive two brand new SUVs, I just don't get.
What is more important?

You are definately a wise parent! Maybe you should do seminars for educating parents?!? LOL!
Seriously, because I have two of those SUV driving parents in my care right now and I get grief from them every day because their little one hasn't learned to tie his shoes yet and the other parent complains that I am not teaching her child to use the potty yet (kid is 3.5) and she thinks I should have started the process awhile ago...umm, who's kid is it again?!?!

Nice post...well said.

[bunches]

I read about self-righteous parents and this thread proves that point. I specially did not expect it from the ones providing childcare services. There is a reason why parents need to put their children to daycare, and every parent decides for themselves how much sacrifice they need to put in.

I appreciate all the well-meaning advice from this thread, I did get a few. But 'sacrifice' being mentioned throws me off.

I am a new parent, my child is new to out-of-home childcare. I don't have all the answers (no one here does) that is why I am looking and experiencing. In the end, I may discover I need a nanny after all.

Having said that, I guess I cannot find comfort from a thread that is dominated by childcare providers. I get more defensive, judgemental responses instead of honest-to-goodness parent-to-parent caring feedback.

[Cat Herder]

We do care, we are parents and we are telling you the truth.

Sorry it is not what you want to hear.

[bunches]

I also wanted to add that I didn't expect my child to be held ALL THE TIME.

He was never held AT ALL in this daycare and he is NEW to daycare - he's been there for 3 weeks of his life.

[bunches]

We do care, we are parents and we are telling you the truth.

Sorry it is not what you want to hear.

You are telling me your opinion, which may not necessarily be the truth for me.

[bunches]

Ok guys, I obviously have a different agenda here. I was looking for COMFORT - not answers since I will find that for myself.

Advice is good, but then that puts pressure on you not to cross the line of judgement.

Forget about it, me and my son has moved on, but thanks for the attention.

[Blackcat31]

My son is 17 months old, he started going to a daycare facility 2 weeks ago. He had always been home with the granparents. It was very stressful for him being in a daycare. I can see him in a video from work and I see that the teacher does not hold him at all. On the third day I called and explained that being new in the environment, he needs a little bit of comfort and understanding. That day, he was held a lot because I complained. But after that day, teacher was back to her old ways - paying no attention to my son who kept following him begging for attention.

Is it too much to ask to give him some embrace now and then since he needs to feel safe in this new environment? What breaks my heart is when I see the teacher cuddling another child (who happens to be his favorite) while my son is watching wondering when his turn will be - which never came. After cuddling the other boy, the teacher ignores my child. It broke my heart when I saw my child carrying a book running after the teacher because he wants to be read a book - the teacher ignoring him.

I do not want to complain again since that will just make the teacher resentful. I am tempted to just look for another daycare. Is this wise considering it will be another adjustment for my son? But then again, he will be in the company of a teacher who does not care about him for a long time.

I do NOT mean any disrespect but if you were looking for comfort and not answers then why didn't you say that? I see two questions in your original post and I think most of the poster's on here have answered those honestly and realistically. If anyone on this forum made you feel like we were being unsupportive I am sure it was not intentional.

YOU asked a question (well, 2 questions) and they were answered by a multitude of posters from all sorts of different environments. I think you got a good amount of differing opinions that should help you in deciding what is best for your child but if you only wanted comfort then by all means you should have said so...we can be a very comforting group.

But we are not mind readers and it is extremely difficult to "guess" what a poster is looking for when all we see are words. Words that have no tone or emotion to them because they are just words. We do not know you, nor do you know any of us so I apologize again if you feel you didnt get what you were looking for. Best of luck to you (and your son) in whatever it is you are looking for.

[bunches]

I do NOT mean any disrespect but if you were looking for comfort and not answers then why didn't you say that? I see two questions in your original post and I think most of the poster's on here have answered those honestly and realistically. If anyone on this forum made you feel like we were being unsupportive I am sure it was not intentional.

YOU asked a question (well, 2 questions) and they were answered by a multitude of posters from all sorts of different environments. I think you got a good amount of differing opinions that should help you in deciding what is best for your child but if you only wanted comfort then by all means you should have said so...we can be a very comforting group.

But we are not mind readers and it is extremely difficult to "guess" what a poster is looking for when all we see are words. Words that have no tone or emotion to them because they are just words. We do not know you, nor do you know any of us so I apologize again if you feel you didnt get what you were looking for. Best of luck to you (and your son) in whatever it is you are looking for.

It's interesting you paid attention to my 2 questions - but did it really sink in that my son was NEWBIE to a daycare facility and that I was not looking for constant holding for my son but a few hugs in the beginning to make him feel safe?

Take off your provider hat and read through the thread 'realistically' and tell me that there is no judgment here.

It's true, I did get well-meaning feedback and I don't want to take that away from them. I guess I'm clueless - I should expect that every thread may have this but it is also obvious to me that I am in the wrong community group.