First Time Mom Daycare Jitters

**GretasLittleFriends** · 07-10-2009, 06:03 PM

In my opinion, you chose a corporate daycare you're going to receive a corporate heart. Not all, but a lot of classroom teachers are there at the business because it's a job. I've had my daughter in both in-home daycares and daycare centers. I never liked the daycare centers in comparison to the in-home daycares. In the homes she was treated like family, showered with love and hugs and kisses, as were ALL of the children. In the one center she was in they propped her bottles, when she was older the other center she was in they always picked her up and dropped her off late to school.

Children need love and comfort growing up and if you're forced to be away from them while you work you need to make sure that their emotional as well as social needs are met as best as possible. Like I've read on this forum before parents have instincts for a reason.

**mac60** · 07-10-2009, 07:45 PM

I agree, that is one of the biggest differences of centers and home providers. Home providers open their homes to other families, they get hugs, kisses and love. The become an extended part of the providers family in a sense.

I will say though, that my own children were in a center for about 3 years, and the ladies there were wonderful and caring. It was a very nice place. Caring, loving, and my kids loved it. Then, we had to move the kids to our town because my son started school. That place was so cold and uncaring and chaotic. I hated it, and eventually pulled them and put them in a home daycare, where the situation wasn't much better. That is when I became a provider and have a great home program.

Can you better explain just what it is you have seen/feel, that you don't like? As for the day to day things being typical and not special, please explain what you mean. You need to remember that providers, especially in centers, have to be very careful in their actions towards other children....such as hugs, etc. (At least it is my understanding that they need to).

When I think of a person being a provider, whether it is a center or home daycare and think of what their responsibilities are, to me there are some that take priority, like safety, meals, tending to the various needs of each child throughout the day, giving a hug, telling them good night at nap, planning activities for them, doing a preschool program. I don't feel it is my job to entertain them all day. There is only one of me and 5 or 6 of them.

If you could better explain what you mean, maybe we can help you more.

**Unregistered** · 07-11-2009, 07:49 AM

Is there any way you can observe without them knowing, like a window in the hall? When I had my daughter in a center there was a closed circuit camera that parents could watch in the main office and there were also windows we could peak into.

From my own POV, I don't act the same way with the children when there parents are here. I'm a big goon with the kids and I'm afraid their parents might think I'm a bit of a lunatic if they saw me the way I really am with their children.
I'm a shy person and have a hard time being myself in front of people I'm not 100% comfortable with. You know all that silly stuff you do with your own child but probably not with an audience?
I can't even read stories the same way when parents are watching. I guess it's part of the reason I think working with grown-ups is over rated.

Maybe if you were to ask some leading questions or maybe just spend some extra time in the room, make the providers a little more comfortable with your presence. The feed back you are getting is what is required and quite honestly it's all that some parents want. Hang around a little more, ask some questions about what your daughter has done all day, share some concerns, ask for some advice, I guess just open the door and then see what your gut tells you. It's kind of rough when your child can't tell you what's going on, but you need to trust your feelings.

**tymaboy** · 07-11-2009, 10:37 AM

When my son was young he had been in both a center & home child care. He was much happier when he went to a home child care but when he got to be around 3 I found that a center was better for him.

**Unregistered** · 07-11-2009, 12:19 PM

Not to be rude.....

but most of these posters who reply will obviously say home daycare is better since most are all home daycare providers. In MY opinion, daycare is better. Granted there isn't one on one attention. I know that. However there are many other pluses to daycares that home providers tend to forget. One being that centers NEVER close because one teacher is out sick or one needs a vacation. Now I can hear home providers now saying that they too get sick yadda yadda yadda. Yes we all know that you are one person and you cant do it all. However SOME not ALL but SOME providers just completely shut down without the use of the substitute. In daycares there is no worries about that.

Sorry but in today's society, thats all that parents think about. That is convenience. Oh and cost.

JMHO

**GretasLittleFriends** · 07-11-2009, 02:02 PM

While I believe that you may be right about most of us being in-home providers that may or may not make a difference on our opinions. Sure I'm going to say that my in-home daycare is better than a daycare center when it comes to one-on-one attention and love given, only because that's the experience I've had when my kids were in centers.

However, you mentioned convenience... Sure we may get sick from time to time or want a vacation too I won't deny that... How many centers are flexible on payments, scheduling, and unpredictable circumstances? Not many from what I've seen.

I don't know about where you are, but in my neck of the woods it costs more to send your kids to a center than it does to most in-home daycares. I experienced that when I worked an lived in Oregon too. I payed close to $6/hr for my kindergartner to go to daycare. Had issues with them, ended up finding an in-home care and it was 1/2 that. Plus she was never late to school after that either. When my infant son was born for the in-home daycare it was $4.25/hr as opposed to the $6 I was paying for the kindergartner at the center.

I'll stick to what I said in my first response... People have instincts for a reason. If something feels "not right" it could well be because something is "not right." Like Mac60 said, some examples may help a little better.

EmilyA for clarification, you said the caregivers were more like babysitters than teachers, and your daughter is 3 1/2 mos old, I'm wondering what you're expectations for them are. What did the pamphlet/contract say for the classroom expectations/descriptions of your daughters age group? If they're not abiding by what they advertised then I would definitely bring it up to the teachers.

**Unregistered** · 07-11-2009, 03:54 PM

Don't forget.....

In response to the scheduling, centers you can bring your children anytime you want. The centers that I have seen and/or used, do not have a contract like home providers do. No, the more "corporate" daycares aren't flexible with other situations. I agree with that. However if you go to a small town daycare, which is in my case, it tends to be more personable and will work with you. Just have to really check them out whether its thru the net or word of mouth. Also of course your own gut feeling!

[QUOTE=GretasLittleFriends;12890]
However, you mentioned convenience... Sure we may get sick from time to time or want a vacation too I won't deny that... How many centers are flexible on payments, scheduling, and unpredictable circumstances? Not many from what I've seen.

**mac60** · 07-12-2009, 05:17 AM

I live in a small town, under 9000, and the 2 centers here have much more stringent contracts/guidelines than I do. So while that may be the case in some instances, it is not in most. As I have checked on other daycares...home and centers, local and onlineand I have found that almost ALL have some type of contracts/guidelines to follow. So in my opinion, to go to a center without contracts/guidelines, I would be very leary of. Just not good business practice.

**EmilyA** · 07-13-2009, 11:21 AM

First Time mom Day care Jitters

Thank you to all who've responded to my daycare jitters. Some of you asked for more examples, and when I think about it, they seem fairly petty, but never the less -- 1) Most of the time, I do not receive comments about how her day was (which is available to be written at the bottom of the daily sheet); I've asked specifically for this; 2) In the evening, usually there is a different person watching the group of babies. I understand they consolidate rooms/numbers, but it bugs me that there's always s new person 3) We don't hear a friendly "good morning or hello" to either me or my daughter in the AM or PM; 4) the room is not "up beat" (in my opinion) -- no music playing, no laughing going on; They did an art project the other day with the babies and I didn't even know they did it.

One of you wrote, that perhaps the providers are shy and don't act "silly" in front of adults -- good point. Someone else said, that legally hugging and such may be frowned on -- good point, not sure what their policy is. Someone else asked me what my expectations are for a 3.5 mo old -- I would like her to be in a happy environment where "fun and joy" is noticable; Not something that I have to search for. I would like for her to be exposed to books and music during the day; Even though she is a baby, I believe she has many capabilities and every bit of exposure helps. I would also love for me to be there every minute of the day (but I can't

) so as much communication that is possible back to me is appreciated. Such as: Isabella had a good day; she was active and smiley in the morning and took a long afternoon nap; she played with Ella today on their tummies.

Over the weekend, I had more time to contimplate things. I plan on continuing to use the center. I will however be on the search for someplace (either in-home or another center) that can offer me the things I feel we're missing. I've decided I need to drop in each week to see how she's doing and get to know more about the providers in her room. I will also have another appt with the Director in the future to share my thoughts and wishes.

Thanks for your help/advice.

**mac60** · 07-13-2009, 01:17 PM

Thank you for aswering our questions. I guess one of the big pluses of home daycare is that you are one on one with the provider, and your child has the opportunity to form a bond with her also. There isn't a big turnover in employees for a job that doesn't pay well or have the best of hours, and it is hard work. There are lot of pluses for home daycares, there are disadvantages also, the biggest which would be if the provider is sick, takes a vacation, or has an emergency, then the parents have to find back up. But, I can say for myself, in the last 2 years I have not been closed any days except for scheduled days as vacation. And in the past 4 years, I have had to close only for my stepdads funeral. So I am an extremely dependable provider.

I am wondering, what happens when you walk into the room in the morning with your daughter and you say hello to them. Do they say hello back to you? Do you ask them how her day was? Will they answer you? In my home daycare, for the first few months of getting a newborn, I write down how much they ate, when, and dirty diapers. Once they get on table food, I no longer do this. In my experiences, I started out years ago writing down what everyone had for breakfast, lunch, dirty diapers, etc. What I found, was the papers in the bags still 5 days later and the parents never even read them. So, I quit doing them. It was costing me ink on my printer and paper and it wasn't serving the purpose as parents were not taking the time to read them.

The center should be answering any questions you ask at pickup, and they should acknowledge your arrival. That is just good respectable customer service. Good luck to you with this.

**Unregistered** · 01-08-2011, 01:47 PM

home day care vs center care

I keep seeing posts of home day care providers bashing centers. It's not all true. I have worked in 3 different centers, the first two were not the best, did not encourage cuddling, etc. This one I love. I work mostly in the toddler room, but have subbed in the baby room, when I first started babies get read to, they paint, get cuddled, and hugged and kissed. In fact in a previous newsletter our director demanded that any baby getting a bottle be held. Even though state ratio is 1:4, she keeps it at 1:3 for up through 10 months. Even in my room the ages are 13 months to 22 months, depending on the child, kids get kissed and snuggled and loved. We look at the parents as an extension of our family. Are there problems sometimes, sure nobodies perfect. However quit bashing centers please, just like home daycares, nannies, and any other form of child care there is no perfection.

**Unregistered** · 01-10-2011, 01:48 PM

This is a tricky one. I'm speaking solely from experience here. I'm not a provider but have experience from a customer standpoint. From my experience, bringing up any concerns causes the provider to treat the child differently regardless of how it's said or who it's said to (teacher versus director or provider). I've even read posts in the provider section from providers on this website that have said the same thing. In my experience, the only way your comments will be taken professionally is if you have multiple children in care (hence paying them more money) or are a teacher in the local school system (reputation and referrals). Every parent friend of mine has concerns about their provider and tells me they are afraid to say anything because they're afraid the provider will treat their child/children differently. For infants, it's critical that they are held, played with, etc. It's a proven medical fact that affection neglected babies grow up with social problems (research european orphanage documentaries on this) - part of it is failure to thrive. In my experience, I've learned to trust my instincts - if it doesn't feel right, it's not - pull your child and find another provider. The things you are asking for have been standard at the places we've used over the years. For those basics to not be provided to you are unacceptable - you shouldn't have to ask to begin with. As for not being friendly with you and not saying hi - run - I've had experience with that and the teachers eventually treated the kids and me horribly and basically didn't interact at all with the kids during the day, leaving them in bouncers or swings all day. Every good teacher I know has been an extrovert and interacts and plays all day long with the children. If I could do it all over again, I would recommend an in home until age 3 and then a formal preschool program after that.

**Unregistered** · 01-10-2011, 06:42 PM

Tough call...

I'm a home daycare provider but I've also worked at 3 different centers. My daughter has been enrolled in daycare centers and she has been enrolled at a home daycare in the past. What I can say is that I personally preferred the home daycare for my daughter because I felt like the centers that she attended were not a good fit for her. Not because they were bad but because my daughter really enjoyed smaller groups and more affection. I think that centers can have classes that are a little bit too large to have the cozy feeling that a home daycare can provide. However a drawback for home daycare is that they usuallly don't have the resources to have all of the toys, books, supplies and amazing playgrounds like a center probably has. Sometimes centers are also better fits for older kids because of the number of different playmates that they'll have. As far as a 3.5 month old baby is concerned, a home daycare might have what you're looking for. We have limitations (at least in my state) of how many children under the age of 18 months that we can have and that helps to assure that babies get all sorts of love and affection. I'm not saying that babies aren't loved at centers, I just know how hard it is to manage feeding, diaper changing, putting them down for naps, and then repeating it all with a different little baby. I don't think that it would hurt if you were to go to the director and respectfully and tactfully relay your concerns. It's your baby and you deserve to make sure that your baby gets the care that she needs. Not just the feeding, diapering and napping, but the hugs and snuggles that really help them feel secure.

**momatheart** · 01-11-2011, 05:20 PM

I work in a small center. We do not take infants. However, I had my son in a daycare center when he was in kindergarten and NEVER AGAIN. The Center I work in IS NOT COLD at all. However, the center my son was in was. I never saw love given to those babies. If I were you I would put a baby in a home daycare! This is my opinion. I just feel a home daycare is what a baby needs if mom can't be home with baby.

First Time Mom Daycare Jitters

First Time Mom Daycare Jitters

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