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The head teacher in my daughter's daycare room is always just a little rude and snarky to me. I don't want to make it into a bigger deal than it is, especially b/c I don't want my daughter to suffer, but I am sick of it! It gets my day off to a bad start every single time I have to interact with this moron. I have tried being super nice, ignoring her, doing what she seems to want, nothing works. Any tips? Thanks.
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Welcome to the forum. We are a little slow during the night so check back in the morning. -
Have you asked her? "Miss T, did I do something to upset you? You seem angry with me?" use a sincere tone, and put the onus on her. Or you could go to admin and let them know.
Obviously care options vary greatly in their quality. This could be one center where the pay is crud and the responsibilities are too much. She may very well be there because they need a warm body to maintain ratios.
At the end of the day, if I wasn't comfortable with my care provider, I would start searching for one I was happier with.
Early childhood is too short to have an unhappy caregiver, IMO.
Good luck!Comment
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I agree with this. But I will also say that some people have personalities that come across like that. I may speak to her about it, but if I kept feeling that way I would look for other care. And at the point I gave notice, I would tell the director exactly why. Is it a big chain center or a small locally owned one? Sometimes the big chain ones are very interested in a warm body room.Comment
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Are you respectful and polite towards her? Calling her a moron (even while venting) isn't very parent or adult like.
I am assuming you are unhappy with her tone/attitude, not her as a person so I'm not understanding the need for name-calling. :confused:
Does your child like her? Is your child happy and excited to attend? Does the teacher talk to your child rudely?
I don't know.... we just had a thread about this and as a provider and a parent, I don't think liking each other is a requirement for good care.
I have a few parents that I don't particularly like but I am still respectful and polite towards them. I am sure it goes both ways. I had a provider when my kids were young that I didn't particularly care for but my kids loved her so that was what mattered most to me....my kids' happiness while in care.
I don't know I guess if you feel you can't get past it and it sets the tone for your day, then you'll need to speak with the director or you'll need to start searching for new care arrangements.Comment
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What does she do and/or say that is rude and snarky? Could you just be interpreting it that way?Comment
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Just going by your post + your chosen forum name
, is it possible you may come off as a bit of a diva? Maybe condescending?
It is possible she is simply reflecting what you are putting forth to her :confused:- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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~How long are you there for in the mornings dropping her off?
(starry_sassy quote)"I have tried being super nice, ignoring her, doing what she seems to want, nothing works"(end quote)
~It just seems like a lot of interaction for what should usually be a quick drop-off.
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To everyone who responded: thank you for your input. The daycare is not a big chain. I would say it's a medium-sized nonprofit. I am not looking to switch my daughter b/c I think the daycare as a whole is good and my daughter is comfortable there. There are also not too many other options that would work near me. I think the teacher is good at her job and is not rude to my child. It is her tone that bothers me mostly, although sometimes she is definitely rude to me (everyone has a bad day sometimes, I get it). I try to keep it as professional and polite as possible with her, and I usually spend about 15 or 20 minutes dropping off in the morning so my daughter can "ease in". I think maybe some of the issue is that a couple of months ago I had to ask the teacher (I think I did it in a nice way) to pretty much back off. When we first started at the daycare I was still figuring out the whole mom thing and now I need everyone's help less. The teacher likes to offer advice and opinions, but I think a lot of what she says is wrong or just not helpful. I appreciate that she cares, but I feel like I can take care of my daughter my way. So maybe she's mad that I'm not wanting her advice? I do try to get over it, but I hate leaving my daughter and then the added tension really makes it worse . . .Comment
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Oh, yeah. I agree that liking each other is not required for good care. But I am very careful to be respectful of her, especially b/c I want her to be nice to my daughter. I don't feel that she is respectful of me in many ways. I have thought about talking to the director but I fear making the situation worse. I especially am worried about her taking it out on my daughter, so I'm in a position where I feel pretty stuck.Comment
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I'm guessing that the 15-20 minutes of hanging out is the problem. Believe me, as a parent, I GET IT! It's so hard not to want to comfort your child when they don't want to separate from you! It breaks my heart to do it. However, as a provider, I can tell you that ALL of the kids stop acting sad when their parents leave-some the moment the door closes behind their parent, some wait until the car is out of the driveway, but it's QUICK that they get over it, and they move on to having fun right away. It's nearly always manipulation-they're trying to get you to stay with them, and that is perfectly normal. Drop offs should be as quick as possible. I'm talking 60 seconds MAX. The longer you stay to reassure your child, they more you reinforce that Mom leaving is scary or sad or not the right thing. Kids need to see that their parents are confident in their decisions.
You can actually help your child by making drop off fast. Talk about it on the way there, on the walk up to the door. Mom's going to take you to Miss A, and then she's going to go to work for a bit. When I'm done, I'll come right back to pick you up, just like I always do!
I think the rudeness is MUCH less about her not liking you, and probably more of her being afraid to tell you that it's time for you to leave and let her do her job of caring for your child while your child is with her. She's probably afraid of seeming rude by saying that it's time for you to leave, but I would place a BIG bet on that being the reason that you're feeling a coldness from her.Comment
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Think you hit the nail on the head. Protracted drop offs are hard on everyone.
Plus, caregivers are NOT going to be mean to a kiddo just because they may have an issue with the parent. This drives me a little nuts. Most of us get into this profession because we love kiddos and would never, ever think of treating a child in a harmful way.Comment
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~Oh I definitely agree with all the above, and think that Leigh gave you, starry_sassy, some excellent advice that you should heed. I'd bet everything on the fact that the 15-20 minute drop-off is indeed the problem, and I am surprised that they have said nothing to you about it yet. It may be that the teacher is wanting to tell you to drop-off quickly, but does not want to come off as rude or bossy so is offering "advice", tips on how to make drop-off less painful for everyone, instead; and when that isn't working, the tension that it is causing her is unintentionally showing on her face and in her tone...I mean, I don't know, just guessing and reading between the lines:confused:.
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Bingo. Once I read that you were staying 15-20 minutes my eyes nearly popped out of my head.
That's INCREDIBLY long and I would be asking you to assist me with various tasks if you were here that long. If you need extra snuggles or time for your child to adjust then you really need to do that at home or in the car before coming into their classroom. I'm surprised the other children in there haven't asked, "Why is so-and-so's mom always standing there?" if they're verbal. Mine do that when a new parent takes 5 whole minutes. If they're non-verbal toddlers then they're likely wondering about it.
The parents here come in, have their child put their backpack and shoes away, holds their towel while they wash their hands/helps them wash their hands, gives a kiss/hug and sends them on their way. If they're crying then I take their hand and guide them on in and snap a photo to text to their parent 30 seconds later of them smiling and having fun with their buddies. I've never known a child that needs 15-20 minutes to ease in. If anything, a long drop off makes the transition much harder on them.Comment
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This is the proverbial nail on the head.
She tried to offer advice (was it relating to drop off by any chance?) and you disregarded that.
I run a home daycare and NEVER would allow a parent to prolong a child's drop off for 20 minutes. A quick hug, kiss and telling them you will be back after (snack, rest, outside, whatever) is ALL that your child needs. A prolonged drop off actually reinforces your child's anxiety and confirms to her that 1) she needs you to calm 2) you aren't confident in her ability to separate independently which IS a GREAT ECE skill and 3) you aren't trusting of her caregivers.
Most providers have degrees and years of experience. Most parents are brand new parents with no formal childhood education or experience. She most likely isn't trying to be rude, but you are unintentionally being rude to her.
I think you got started off on the wrong foot. *I* would go back in Monday morning and say "You know what Miss daycare teacher, I tried my way and drop offs aren't going so well. Can you tell me what you have seen work best?"
and I BET you would get a VERY different morning welcome.Comment
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