Confused and disappointed

[michael555]

About a year ago our daycare provider told us our daughter was having some minor mis-behaviors. She told us to work with her with certain strategies at home to correct the behavior and so we did.

Time passed, and it was our understanding as parents that the mis-behaviors had stopped since we never heard any other problems for a long time. Sometime I would even ask my daycare provider about her behavior on random days to which she would answer in most cases that she had been okay for that day.

2 weeks ago, our daycare provider told another parent that our daughter was having "serious behavioral issues" (mainly taking away toys from other children for she enjoyed being chased by them afterwards) This other parent is a relative of us and so she told us about the comments. We immediately contacted our provider to ask what was the problem and then responded she wouldn't want to talk about it over the phone and that she would schedule an appointment with us to discuss the matter after her vacations.

Vacations passed, and today (sunday right before our daughter is supposed to go back to daycare on monday) she sent us an email containing a termination of contract letter that doesn't specify any reasons for such termination.

Is this daycare provider accountable in any way? We are honestly clueless on her reasons for terminating the contract and the lack of communication is baffling. Even if the other parent is a relative, we were not too happy about the disclosure of information on our daughter as well, but we let it pass. We are wondering if there is something we can do.

Obviously our main concern is our daughter but so far her biggest misbehavior to our knowledge has been the taking away the toy to be chased, which i wouldn't consider as "very serious" and at home we truly think she behaves reasonably well for a 3 year old, with of course the occasional tantrum every other day.

Our second concern is that we not only feel very disappointed with our provider but also upset at the fact that there was no communication on her part. We never really got to talk together about the problem.

Any advice is appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

[Josiegirl]

Is it in your contract to give a 2 week notice? And did she? Did you have to pay the vacation time? If so, it sounds like she was just hanging on until she got the vacation pay.
What she did is unethical at best. She should never have discussed your child's behavior with another parent, relative or not. And then to not even discuss it with you???
IMO, she owes you an explanation and maybe even money back, depending on your contract. But, whether or not you get either one is highly unlikely. Sounds like she's not a completely honest and communicative dcprovider.
I'm sorry you've gone through this. I'm sure your dd is wonderful at home; a different environment and caregiver can always brings out different characteristics within a child. I have that happen here a lot; attention factors into it a lot and so does sharing space/toys, etc. But to not have your provider be open about it makes it impossible to work with them.

[Thriftylady]

It really depends on your contract. Your provider was wrong for discussing your daughter with another person. I would have brought that up to her as soon as I heard about it. I would go ahead and move on and find another provider and take with you what you have learned.

[Blackcat31]

About a year ago our daycare provider told us our daughter was having some minor mis-behaviors. She told us to work with her with certain strategies at home to correct the behavior and so we did.

Time passed, and it was our understanding as parents that the mis-behaviors had stopped since we never heard any other problems for a long time. Sometime I would even ask my daycare provider about her behavior on random days to which she would answer in most cases that she had been okay for that day.

You said "sometimes" I would even ask my provider..."

How often is sometimes? In a years time I would think that you would have a lot. ESPECIALLY if the provider wasn't offering up reports or follow through in regards to your child's behaviors. I don't know but that statement almost feels like an after thought.

I am thinking the provider never mentioned anything else so you (neither parent) asked since she didn't bring it up. That may not be the case but the tone of your post suggest that you were passive about this as you waited for the provider to give updates verses being actively concerned.

Did you (both parents and provider) talk about follow through or progress in regards to the behavior strategies that the provider suggested?

Did you initiate conversation about the progress you had at home with these strategies?

Perhaps if you did not, provider assumed you weren't working on it or weren't having any success....

Again, without knowing both sides of the story I just feel like a year's time to randomly ask a few times and now being blindsided by this termination is a big leap.

There seems to be a lot of the story missing in between although I can't say for sure. Again, I am privy to only one side of the story.

2 weeks ago, our daycare provider told another parent that our daughter was having "serious behavioral issues" (mainly taking away toys from other children for she enjoyed being chased by them afterwards) This other parent is a relative of us and so she told us about the comments. We immediately contacted our provider to ask what was the problem and then responded she wouldn't want to talk about it over the phone and that she would schedule an appointment with us to discuss the matter after her vacations.

For two whole weeks, the provider refused to discuss this? She wanted to wait until after vacation? That is odd of her...

If I were the parent, I would definitely have pushed the issue and asked about the behaviors and the discussion that supposedly took place between your relative and the provider about your child.

Did the relative ask specifically? What prompted the provider to confide this information to the relative in the first place?

Was the relatives child involved in some of your child's behaviors?

Vacations passed, and today (sunday right before our daughter is supposed to go back to daycare on monday) she sent us an email containing a termination of contract letter that doesn't specify any reasons for such termination.

Is this daycare provider accountable in any way? We are honestly clueless on her reasons for terminating the contract and the lack of communication is baffling. Even if the other parent is a relative, we were not too happy about the disclosure of information on our daughter as well, but we let it pass. We are wondering if there is something we can do.

I am confused.... something you can do? Like force the provider to continue taking your child into care? Or retaliation against the provider for such short notice of termination?

If the breach of confidentiality was alarming enough to want to "do something" about it, I certainly wouldn't have continued bringing my child there for an additional two weeks after finding out UNLESS the breach of confidentiality happened on the last day of services before the provider went on vacation. Which if that is the case, I guess as a parent....I'd have issues still with the breach of confidentiality and maybe started searching for new care arrangements.

Obviously our main concern is our daughter but so far her biggest misbehavior to our knowledge has been the taking away the toy to be chased, which i wouldn't consider as "very serious" and at home we truly think she behaves reasonably well for a 3 year old, with of course the occasional tantrum every other day.

Our second concern is that we not only feel very disappointed with our provider but also upset at the fact that there was no communication on her part. We never really got to talk together about the problem.

Any advice is appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

I think there was a major lack of communication here too but I don't feel it was 100% on the provider's side. You as parents also have a responsibility to communicate. It's a two way street and just because your provider wasn't giving daily updates, doesn't mean you couldn't have asked daily yourself rather than simply assume things are okay since the provider didn't bring it up.

Also, by law she really isn't required to give a reason for termination (unless her contract says she will provide one) and although that may bot be considered good practice or professional by some, it is within her rights to do.

I think at this point, there isn't much you can do other than find alternate care arrangements and make a point to have better communication both FROM the provider and on YOUR (the parent) part.

I am sorry this happened to you and I'm sorry there doesn't seem to be a reason.

I do feel there is some missing parts to the story but that's water under the bridge now so I would take this experience and learn from it moving forward.

Good luck in your search for a new care program!

[Leigh]

There's no advice I can offer except to find a new provider. Your provider has broken no laws.

It's very possible that after 2 weeks away from your child, with time to think about it, your provider just decided yesterday to terminate.

I once worked in a high stress sales job. My boss was my stressor. I was very successful, so quitting never crossed my mind. One day, the owner visited our office and told me that I hadn't taken a vacation in 3 years (my boss wouldn't allow us to take vacation because we were "too busy"), and ordered me off work for 2 weeks. That final day of vacation, I broke down in tears. I realized that I had been so happy being away from the office, and that I didn't like who I had become. I went in that Sunday and packed up my office, then went home and wrote my resignation letter. I wonder if the same thing happened to your provider.

Ultimately, your provider either couldn't handle working with your child or you any longer. It happens. Not everyone "meshes". There may be no one thing that led to this, and I suggest that you don't take it personally. The only thing left to do is to move on.