What Would You Do? Handling A Complaint w/Day Care Teacher

[Unregistered]

So, I brought my 2 year old into daycare the other day and her regular teacher said 'hey sexy' to her and then commented on her showing her legs, since she was wearing shorts. This teacher is usually great with my daughter, and I hadn't ever heard her say anything like that before. It made me uncomfortable and really think about it for a while, because part of me figured she didn't mean anything by it, and probably just let it slip out as a joke, but the other part of me definitely needed to make it clear that it wasn't language I would use w/ a child, even in jest. As I didn't want to address it in front of the children, I called and spoke to her directly after I got home and just said something along the lines of "hey, I know you may not have meant it, but it made me a bit uncomfortable when you said 'hey sexy' this morning".. The teacher said she didn't mean it like that, and apologized, but now is barely looking at me and is not her usual talkative friendly self to me. This happened on friday (it's now monday). She usually has a lot to say and now it's almost bare minimum... I'm just curious how others would have handled, and how to interpret this new coldness (is she upset that I had enough respect for her to come and talk to her face? Is she embarrassed?)

Thanks!

[playground1]

As a mom, that would make me feel weird too. You handled it just fine. The teacher is probably just not sure how to deal with it. It's part of any job, you have to learn how to accept criticism. Let her deal with it.

[Play Care]

As a mom, that would make me feel weird too. You handled it just fine. The teacher is probably just not sure how to deal with it. It's part of any job, you have to learn how to accept criticism. Let her deal with it.

Hopefully she realizes she was inappropriate (because she was!) Is she young? I ask because I do think younger people have spent so much time watching tv, etc where those kinds of words/ expressions are used to be "funny" and often they don't realize they are not appropriate for the working environment.

[Heidi]

So....I call one of my dcg's "lovey", and have since she was a wee one. One day, I accidentally called dcb "lover". Whoops! I caught myself right away, and said to dad (who was standing there) "hey, that doesn't really work with boys, does it? Means something entirely different". DCB is a toddler, so at least he didn't catch it.

If she still seems a little "off" by tomorrow, I'd just let the teacher know that she's a great teacher, you're over it; and you hope she is, too.

[Unregistered]

I know I would feel awkward and a bit upset with myself if I went and upset a daycare parent by doing something rather silly and inappropriate. She might need a day or two, as she may be wondering if you are now displeased or questioning the care she gives. If still an issue, then maybe a simple note saying that you want her to know you appreciate all she does. Hopefully it blows over.

I would have felt the need to bring it to her attention too. I think you handled it as nicely as you could.

[Unregistered]

She probably thinks you are upset or angry with her.

[cheerfuldom]

She is probably just being hesitant and cautious in order to avoid another phone call. I would give it a few days and just be your friendly normal self. After that, I would just make a quick comment that you really enjoy having her as your daughters teacher and you are over Fridays situation and hope that everyone can just move on so she doesnt feel uncomfortable anymore.

[Little Buttons]

As a mom, that would make me feel weird too. You handled it just fine. The teacher is probably just not sure how to deal with it. It's part of any job, you have to learn how to accept criticism. Let her deal with it.

[saved4always]

She is probably just embarrassed and is not sure if you are upset with her. Especially if she is younger. If you just act normal and friendly, she will probably get comfortable again in a day or two. You were right to let her know that using the word "sexy" to a child is inappropriate. She probably did not mean anything by it and it is true that the younger generation (boy, do I sound old...!) has been exposed to more than I was through tv, music, etc. so they have a broader idea of what is "appropriate". Sometimes we need to let them know when they are not being professional.

[SillyGrl]

It sounds like she's embarrassed. I think you did the right thing by bringing it to her attention. I like the pp's responses that if the coolness continues, to just mention that you're not mad, and that you recognize how great she is with your dd.

[Unregistered]

Thanks all! Yesterday, I basically engaged her directly, while I was laughing about something at pickup so she would kinda get out of her own head and make eye contact and see that I wasn't treating her any differently. Things seem warmer now, like she's not trying to avoid me or anything

[NightOwl]

I'm definitely going to be the odd man out, but I called all of my own children "sexy" in a joking way when they were wearing a new outfit or something particularly cute. I would say "Oohhhhhhh sexy!" I basically stopped doing this around 3ish years old because I didn't want them saying it to friends, but I saw nothing wrong with it. Apparently, I was wrong. Lol. I'm 37, so my first was born when I was 21. I guess that would've made me in the younger generation someone referenced.

Despite that, you handled it perfectly. She was probably afraid that you were angry or she was probably embarrassed. She may even have been afraid that you would approach management about it. I'm sure things will be back to normal after a few days.

[KidGrind]

So, I brought my 2 year old into daycare the other day and her regular teacher said 'hey sexy' to her and then commented on her showing her legs, since she was wearing shorts. This teacher is usually great with my daughter, and I hadn't ever heard her say anything like that before. It made me uncomfortable and really think about it for a while, because part of me figured she didn't mean anything by it, and probably just let it slip out as a joke, but the other part of me definitely needed to make it clear that it wasn't language I would use w/ a child, even in jest. As I didn't want to address it in front of the children, I called and spoke to her directly after I got home and just said something along the lines of "hey, I know you may not have meant it, but it made me a bit uncomfortable when you said 'hey sexy' this morning".. The teacher said she didn't mean it like that, and apologized, but now is barely looking at me and is not her usual talkative friendly self to me. This happened on friday (it's now monday). She usually has a lot to say and now it's almost bare minimum... I'm just curious how others would have handled, and how to interpret this new coldness (is she upset that I had enough respect for her to come and talk to her face? Is she embarrassed?)

Thanks!

The shortness in my opinion COULD BE her attempt not to slip up again. You speaking to her directly was awesome and respectful. In my professional and personal life if someone approaches me stating I made them uncomfortable, offended, hurt, angry, etc. I refrain from communicating outside of the mandatory communication. I am not mad. I just don’t want the situation to happen again. So I remove unnecessary conversation from the equation.

I’m glad things are warming up between the two of you.

[nannyde]

I have cousins who use that phrase with the littles. I cringe every time I hear that.

She didn't know before but now she does. I've said things in joking that didn't come out like I planned and had to apologize. Every body does it.

Take her a treat one morning. Make her a little bag of special chocolates and write her a note saying we thank you for the care of our kid. Put smiley faces on it and maybe a little gift card or a coffee cup.

The only thing I don't know is if she feels you could have told her and not her boss. Maybe she thinks it could have been solved between the two of you. Parents in centers usually tell the staff care concerns but behavior concerns go to the director.