Screaming Child at Pickup

[Blackcat31]

I'm sorry, but I'm a parent, and have had almost that same situation, and can totally understand why the parent handled it that way. Kids do hold it in all day until they're with the people they're most comfortable with, so I wouldn't judge the parent so harshly. I'd be more harsh to judge if I saw the parent losing their cool and getting physical w/ a child who is only tired, and doing what kids that age do, trying to assert their independence. All kids are different, and without knowing the best way to deal with that child, since I'm not w/ that child all of the time, I can't say that the parent wasn't being as effective as possible given the circumstances. When my child gets like that, the last thing I'm going to do is just physically fight her into the carseat as it only makes it worse, and at that point, reasoning doesn't work since the child is not in control of their emotions. Maybe for some temperaments that would work, but I know that with my kid, it would only escalate things. Sometimes the best solution is just making sure the child is safe and not giving any re-enforcement until they can calm themselves down. I also wouldn't see punishment as something needed in this case, as I really see it as a healthy sign of intelligence that the child once to do what grownups do. If it was an issue w/ safety then I would teach them that if they want to open door themselves, that they need to hold someone's hand. I'd also take a close look at how often they are given choices and outlets to be independent during the day. Sometimes having to do what someone says all days long can be frustrating and only make meltdowns at the end of the day over trying to be independent worse.

There is a BIG difference between punishment and consequence.

Consequences based on individual behaviors ARE reinforcements for expected behavior.

Not being allowed play with or participate with "big kid" activities is reinforcement to the child that you have to behave a certain way in order to earn certain privileges.

Not being allowed to participate in those activities is NOT a punishment.

Having to do what someone says all day is simply part of life. I refuse to view that in a negative manner. EVERYONE has to follow rules...whether it's from your boss, your beliefs or ethical and moral restraints. Following rules is part of that. It might be hard and might be frustrating but it isn't going away so I would never excuse a child's negative behaviors based on that concept alone.

Physically kicking or hitting an adult is NOT asserting independence, it's 100% UNACCEPTABLE period and would NEVER be tolerated in my house. By ANYONE.

As a parent, I AM going to do what is necessary to get my child to comply.

Even if that means physically placing her in her car seat. I would NOT negotiate or try reasoning with a child.

Why? Because I am the parent.

[lovemykidstoo]

Queen and BC, exactly. I am in no way advocating that the mother hurt the child, but to sit there with arms folded and watch her scream and I mean scream in my yard for that length of time is extremely disrespectful to me and my neighbors in my opinion. This happens all the time at home apparently too. She will call me and tell me that they're going to be late because dcg is throwing a tantrum. Really? The thing is, she could have nipped this immediately when dcg got mad because she wasn't opening the door. The mother sat there and said okay then you can open the door while the girl is starting her tantrum. She said it multiple times for the dcg to go ahead and open it. The girl just kept throwing a fit and wouldnt' open the door then. The mother was practically begging her to open the door. Seriously? My kids had their moments, but never would I have stood there saying okay Susie go ahead and open the door, Susie you can open it, go ahead Susie blah blah blah. Take her by the hand, open the door and go home! I've had enough of it. She doesn't come back until tomorrow, we'll see how it goes.

[mamamanda]

Just my 2 cents, but I have a child who behaves similarly at pickup. One day he smacked his mother in the face and knocked her backward so she hit her head on the door frame. This is a 2 year old, mind you. She just smiled and said to be nice to mommy. Having seen him do this on several occasions I was a bit taken back b/c I wouldn't allow that with my children. Then dcb decided he was going to try the same thing on me one day and smacked me pretty hard. I obviously didn't do anything to hurt him in any way, but I looked him straight in the eyes, held his hand, and told him in my no nonsense voice that I would not tolerate that behavior and it better not happen again. So far it hasn't. That was over 2 months ago and I've seen him hit her several times since. I sometimes wish parents would set more boundaries with their children b/c in my experience they will behave in whatever way they're allowed to. And laying in the driveway, even at the side of a driveway, is not only inappropriate, but dangerous. If a parent can't get their 4 year old in the car, how will they manage a teenager? Just my thoughts.

[playground1]

Just my 2 cents, but I have a child who behaves similarly at pickup. One day he smacked his mother in the face and knocked her backward so she hit her head on the door frame. This is a 2 year old, mind you. She just smiled and said to be nice to mommy. Having seen him do this on several occasions I was a bit taken back b/c I wouldn't allow that with my children. Then dcb decided he was going to try the same thing on me one day and smacked me pretty hard. I obviously didn't do anything to hurt him in any way, but I looked him straight in the eyes, held his hand, and told him in my no nonsense voice that I would not tolerate that behavior and it better not happen again. So far it hasn't.

This is my absolute worst pet peeve. You are literally teaching your child how to abuse if you let this happen.

My general rule of thumb is that when mom comes she's in charge, but one time I'd just had enough and took a child straight out of mom's arms, took them in another room and said "we don't hit here, and you need to say sorry". He did.

I was also hit once, in the face, by one of favorite little dudes (he obviously though it funny), but I made it clear that it wasn't. I'm normally very physical with the kids, lots of hugs and stuff, and I just put him away from me and said "I don't want to play with you if you hurt me." He cried, but he didn't do it again.

[lovemykidstoo]

Just my 2 cents, but I have a child who behaves similarly at pickup. One day he smacked his mother in the face and knocked her backward so she hit her head on the door frame. This is a 2 year old, mind you. She just smiled and said to be nice to mommy. Having seen him do this on several occasions I was a bit taken back b/c I wouldn't allow that with my children. Then dcb decided he was going to try the same thing on me one day and smacked me pretty hard. I obviously didn't do anything to hurt him in any way, but I looked him straight in the eyes, held his hand, and told him in my no nonsense voice that I would not tolerate that behavior and it better not happen again. So far it hasn't. That was over 2 months ago and I've seen him hit her several times since. I sometimes wish parents would set more boundaries with their children b/c in my experience they will behave in whatever way they're allowed to. And laying in the driveway, even at the side of a driveway, is not only inappropriate, but dangerous. If a parent can't get their 4 year old in the car, how will they manage a teenager? Just my thoughts.

I have had kids do that to their parents also. They all had the sameresponse too. Johnny that isn't nice, don't do that. I have to say that again, y kids were not angels when they were little, but they never, not once hit me. Funny that when you told him that it wouldn't be tolerated he never did it again. They know that they can just push those parents. I call it the can't say no generation.