Biting @ Daycare

[RNmom]

frustrated mom

I am the mother of an a very sweet 18 month old that started biting shortly after starting daycare two months ago. Until then he had only been cared for by family or friends. He loves to play and cuddle, cries when we leave the room- I thought it was the perfect time for him to enter an environment with organized play while everyone stays in the same room! He started to bite his older sibs at home and quickly stopped doing so after stern words and a short “time out”. The day care director assures me that his biting is not out of anger, aggression or frustrated. I have addressed HALTS with her (common reasons for toddler to bite, including Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Teething, or Sleepy), adding a late snack-that he may or may not get. No new teeth and 4 hour naps rule out the other two. I have attached a pacifier to his shirt-which he never used before. I have even had an early prevention professional come in and assess him and the class. She claims the reason he bites seems to be related to his lack of communication-despite his use of sign language. Still he continues to bite, sometimes twice in one hour. Today I was told he was a “danger to the classroom”. It is becoming my belief that some settings just might not be a good fit for a particular child/personality. Maybe the “lonely” aspect of HALTS is not being addressed. And if these child care professionals are so frustrated with my child, are they really providing optimal care?

[Unregistered]

Unfortunatly that's the flaw of the daycare/working parent system. It's just not ideal. I have no doubt that most daycare providers do their best, but they still have to care for mutliple children at once which is hard for anyone. The truth is if you put your child into child care you're going to have to be prepared for these types of things to happen. If you're unhappy with the situation find a different one. Either pay top dollar for one with low ratios or stay home with your child.

[Mom of a Biter]

First off, I am going to say that my son has had the habit of biting, along with other undesirable aggressive behavior at daycare. This seems to have increased over the last year since he was transitioned over into a new classroom. Secondly I want to say that no, my son does not bite at home. He's a typical toddler with his mood swings and acts of frustration, but he doesn't dare to bite anyone at home.

Thirdly, please don't consider these small children bullies because they haven't yet learned how to effectively and properly deal with their frustration. Nothing is more frustrating than being the parent of a biter and not being able to do anything when the daycare providers don't seem to care one way or another.

I've had discussions with his teacher about his biting. I've given her some tips to try to help prevent his biting other children. His teacher puts him in time out and that's it. She's seen how I discipline him: time out, then I get down to his level and explain that biting hurts our friends and we don't like to hurt the people we care about. But the providers unfortunately don't have time to watch every child closely. That's understandable.

My son no longer bites other children. He's getting better at expressing his frustrations and we're moving him to another daycare where the ratio is better than 10:1.

At this stage, biting and aggressive behavior is something that our children eventually grow out of. The behavior has no bearing on parenting abilities, education level or development of the aggressive child.

And to answer an earlier mention of why the daycare wouldn't provide the name of the child that did the biting.. think of it this way

Your child bit another child
That child's parent found out it was your child that did it
The parent confronts you and questions your abilities as a parent
(add any other kind of scenario)
It's for the protection of the child (and the parent, IMO)

[MOM WHO HAD ENOUGH]

Here's What I Did ~ It Worked

my son was repeatedly bitten, hit, etc by a bigger child. i complained and got all the same responses and "lines". i finally told them they needed to give the other parents a heads up because i was going to file an assault charge against the child the next time he touched my child. (not that i would have) but would you believe it stopped instantly and completely?

hmmmmmm?

[MLB]

Just a Sticky situation

As a director I can say that this is always a sticky situation. We are not allowed to tell who bit either. This policy protects all families in the center. Kids do bite for several reasons so it is hard to have an iron clad policy. Dismissal is the last resort but sometimes necessary when looking out for a whole group. We can't make everyone happy we either have the biter's parents upset with us for not handling the situation or the one that got bit parents all upset about what we are going to do to fix it. It depends on why their biting, where, how hard, how frequent. Just because we have to occasionally disenroll children for biting does not mean we do not care about the kids or if we keep a biter that we are just in it for the finances. Hence, we are always in the middle of a sticky situation. Shadowing sounds great but is usually not reasonable in a group setting with ratios. There is no set answer for this problem but if your childcare has been reasonable then try to understand the decisions that they have to make. It is just a part of life and being vendictive and filling complaints and making threats is just silly and a waste of perfectly good energy that could be used to better your child's situation.

[Unregistered]

How should a teacher respond

Our toddler is being bitten by another baby in day care in his back and the bites are very bad and he has started kicking, biting and slapping me now also. I am more concerned about what the teacher does in this situation when he/he becomes aware of it. I am very worried that my son is taught that biting is not OK and that what happened to him is explained in a way he can understand - I do not want him to do the same thing to others as a reaction which is already the case. What are daycare teacher taught on this?

[lpurvis]

I removed my child from one center because my child was bitten 7 times in a course of a month and half after moving up to the toddler room. My ex-center seemed to take NO action, and gave no extra 'eyes' to watch the kid that was biting.
My dd has been in her new center for almost 2 weeks, we haven't had the FIRST bite or the first scratch, bruise, nothing. She was constantly bruised and scratched at the old place.

I think it all boils down to WATCHING the kids.

[Unregistered]

Crying mom!

So, my son use to bite alot, went to every doctor, shrink known to man. Finally, we got six months and no biting. As of last week, my son bit due to fighting over a toy at daycare. Well, my son is 4 and today he got suspended from school due to a child stating he bit him.
So, what is the best course of action and do they understand punishment and for how long? I am desperate and so tired of the tears.. any help would be great.

Crying Mom

[praetorian]

What should I do?

Well, this is my first post to the forums and I wish I didn't have to make it.

I am in a bit of a unique situation I think. My son (5) and daughter (16 months) are in a 5-star, NAEYC accredited learning center that is owned/run by the pharmaceutical company I work for. I DO have to pay for my children's care, but at a reduced rate since I am among the lowest paid employees of the company.

My daughter has become the repeated victim of biting. In the last 2-3 months she has been bitten 7 times. At least 3 of the bites were by the same child, although some of the other bites were from different children. I have spoken to the director of the daycare and she has confirmed that there are several children in the class who are in a biting stage. I understand that it could just as easily hae been my daughter biting other children and that there is very little that can be done to stop the biting, but it is still VERY frustrating. Each bite had left bruises and scrapes, although none of them, luckily, have broken the skin. In EVERY case the reports have stated that the bite was completely unprevoked. The director explained the centers policy to me which amounts to watching the biter when there are extra teachers to put in the room, which is seldom to never.

After the last incident, the center hired an outside counselor to come in for a "bag lunch workshop" for the parents to help them learn thing to do at home to try andchange the biters behavior patterns. The workshop was on Monday and I found out today that not a single parent of any of the biter children came to the workshop. being that this is a company owned daycare, every one of the parent/employees could have easily gotten off work for the workshop.

It seems to me that the parents of the biters don't care about my daughter (and other kids in the class) being bitten over and over again. The daycare is aparently going to do NOTHING else at this time.

Because of the discounted rate, and my wife and my work start times, I can't pull my kids out and put them in a different center, besides which I don't think that my children should have to leave.

Any thoughts/comments/advise would be appreciated.

Thanks

[mac60]

I know some are not going to like my comments, but, I am from the old school. I feel that if a child bites, especially a child that is 2 years old and up and should understand NO, they deserve to be punished, and I don't mean a time out, I mean a spanking. Haven't parents noticed lately how children act these days. It is because there are no consequences for their bad behavior, and I am sorry, but a time out in the corner for a few minutes is not punishment. Yes, I believe in punishment/consequences for bad behavior. At some point a child will learn, bite someone get spanked. It is amazing how our society the past 15 years has become oblivious to bad behavior out of children. And then when you have the government stepping in and telling parents how they can discipline their children, it is rediculous. Until parents once again own the right to discipline their children for poor behavior, it is going to continue to get worse. And right now it is bad enough.

[Unregistered]

I have read this entire thread, thank you for your thoughts. I come from a different perspective. I'm a lead teacher in a room with a child who bites. She is almost 18 months old and has been biting for 6 months now. She bites several times a day, some children getting bitten 3+ times in one day, let alone a week. Other parents are upset, obviously and rightfully so. We are staying at ratio (1 staff to 4 kids) and no matter how much we watch her, she still bites someone. Just the turn of a head is all it takes. She will do it just after nap time, just after eating, when standing next to someone, will walk across the room to find someone to bite, rarely is it over a toy (which is one we do understand), there is no real pattern to her behavior, other than her biting. We've tried the 'no' technique, time out, talking to her, keeping her away from other kids (but then she goes looking for a child to bite), we've given her her pacifier which did work but now she takes it out to bite a child-same with her 'blankie'. What else can a teacher honestly do? I can't watch just her, I have other children in the room as well. I don't want to isolate her, it's not fair for her either. Oh, another catch-the biggest catch of all...she's the director's daughter. Definitely open to ideas!!!

[Peggy]

The biggest catch of all...she's the director's daughter!

That is an interesting part of the story. I wonder if she knows her mom is the boss. Maybe she feels she deserves more respect. Why not awarding her the "princess of the day crown" for a day and see if she still bites in that period. Could tell a lot by it IMO.

[Unregistered]

My child has a biting issue as well.

I echo many of your thoughts and concerns. Everyone, please read the book "No Biting" by Gretchen Kinnell. I think you will find it very helpful. My son has been expelled from three daycares. He started biting at 10 months old and is now 25 months old. (Interesting note: my sone only bites at daycare and usually only his peers as a result of a conflict) Biting does happen, and it is unfortunately an expected behavior. The formentioned book is directed to daycare providers, but as a parent of a child with a biting issue, I found it very helpful. I am a very concerned parent and I have done everything to the best of my knowlege regarding my son's biting, but the answers are not as easy as some of you think. I wish everyone on this thread the best. I could writ a book of my own regarding my experience. Whether you are a parent of a child that has been bitten, a parent of a child that is biting, or a child care provider, we all have a responsibility to helping this behavior cease. Good luck to all!

[Unregistered]

My biters have to spend the day at my side! I also have a 3 strikes your out policy! My children are 5 and 15 years old now and when they bit me, i bit them back. And hey guess what, they never, ever did it again! I to agree that they should be punished and not with a time out, but not by me, by there parents! However, if I'm bit by a daycare child, parents will be called and they will have to find other care no notice, no nothing, just take your children and leave! To me it is about respect and children must learn that early in life. And for the parents out there that just stick there head in the sand and say "Oh really he/she doesn't do that at home.........bull, they do so, you just fail to see it!

[Unregistered]

Biting

It depends on the child-and yes the staffing needs to step up and be alert more. No age is acceptable to biting, but it is up to the staff to take action to all ages. I have been a preschool teacher for 18 yrs. A child who is 1-3 uses biting for "feelings-" some are teething, while this is a source of "touch-" however a older 3 yr old does know that biting hurts and will use it out of anger-to redirect any age is the best-the biter needs to be monitored more-and if I were you, honestly-I'd tell the "director" that if something isn't done YES you are filing a report-if your child is the one being bite-are you getting accident reports this is happening? What time? What was the child doing? Etc-all accidents in center-base or in-home should be documented for the safety of the one getting bite, the biter, and the center. BITING is serious-and can be stopped. Hope I pushed you to be more aggressive-your child's safety IS your responsibiliy-STEP UP- :-) I'm behind you.