Biting @ Daycare

[jen]

OK...so there has been a lot of conversation about younger children who bite...what about a child that is nearly 4 years old? She has bitten on and off since, well since she had teeth!

Now, my daughter was a biter and I was able to resolve it pretty quickly...as for this child, to date, nothing has worked.

Any advice?

[Chickenhauler]

OK...so there has been a lot of conversation about younger children who bite...what about a child that is nearly 4 years old? She has bitten on and off since, well since she had teeth!

Now, my daughter was a biter and I was able to resolve it pretty quickly...as for this child, to date, nothing has worked.

Any advice?

I would classify that as being a mean, malicious violent little monster.

By the age of 4, kids know wrong from right, and what's acceptable and what's not.


This worked with our son.....but you can't do with a DC kid. He was about 3...climbed in my lap and bit me on the shoulder. I bit him back. He doesn't bite me anymore.

[jen]

I would classify that as being a mean, malicious violent little monster.

By the age of 4, kids know wrong from right, and what's acceptable and what's not.


This worked with our son.....but you can't do with a DC kid. He was about 3...climbed in my lap and bit me on the shoulder. I bit him back. He doesn't bite me anymore.

LOL! Sometimes one good bite deserves another!

Mom comes in and tells dck that since she bit, she will have to sit on the couch and watch TV...she can't play at all...and she has to throw out the puppy toy she got in her happy meal...yeah, not gonna work.

I suggested to Mom that she try what we've done with our dd when she hit another daycare child--she was 5 and knew better. I told her to wait in her room until after daycare was over. I went in to talk to her calmly about hitting and then I spanked her bare butt. (Just so you know, she had hit several times, knew right from wrong, and lived to tell the tale of being spanked--no permanment damage no matter what some critics will tell you.)

Guess what...Mom actually took my advice and I had the first peaceful day in weeks. Yay!

[Unregistered]

Kick them out!!

Our son has been bitten 3 times in the last 3 weeks by the same little monster at his day care. We are working with the Director to remedy the situation, but I am pushing hard for this child to be expelled. This has been an ongoing problem with this child per one of the teachers and I think it's time to stop protecting the attacker and start trying to protect the victims. You parents of habitual biters who whine about how it's not fair that your little angel be kicked out for biting are selfish, egotistical walking nightmares in your own right. It's no wonder your little brat likes to attack others. There should be consequences for bad behavior at any age, including being removed from a situation where you are the problem.

[StressedMom]

Biting/Spanking

Whomever said that they need to WATCH the kids/babies is right. If they are not watched, they can't be disciplined, and the biting will not stop. The biter should be set in time out and even though this is a pain it is something that has to be done AS SOON as the biting occurs! If there is no discipline after the action it will not stop and everyone else's kids will continue to suffer. The MAIN problem is they pay the people who watch our kids the same as what a McDonald's worker makes - NOTHING!!! Almost minimum wage. Therefore the people who watch our kids are under-appreciated, under-educated, and under-paid! Not a good situation.

Our country pays a basketball player millions of dollars while they pay the people who do the most important job in the world nothing. This simple fact makes me irate! I have been tempted plenty of times to actually pay my son's teacher under the table to make sure he is cared for the right way!!! I should not have to feel like this. The director needs to get a car that is not so expensive, and several other staff need to down-grade what they have in order to compensate the people who actually do the work! About spanking, we try No and of course that doesn't work, we try time-out and sometimes that doesn't seem to work to well either. We've spanked lightly on the bottom a few times and that always seems to make the behavior worse. For now we are sticking to time out because that makes the biggest impact on him, when he has to sit still and can't play. We only put him in time-out however for the amount of minutes/years so since he's 2 he has to stay there for 2 minutes. This is how it should go. Studies show that spanking actually does more harm than good so I too am glad that guy on here (Mister old school you know who you are) doesn't care for my kids!

[jen]

Whomever said that they need to WATCH the kids/babies is right. If they are not watched, they can't be disciplined, and the biting will not stop. The biter should be set in time out and even though this is a pain it is something that has to be done AS SOON as the biting occurs! If there is no discipline after the action it will not stop and everyone else's kids will continue to suffer. The MAIN problem is they pay the people who watch our kids the same as what a McDonald's worker makes - NOTHING!!! Almost minimum wage. Therefore the people who watch our kids are under-appreciated, under-educated, and under-paid! Not a good situation.

Our country pays a basketball player millions of dollars while they pay the people who do the most important job in the world nothing. This simple fact makes me irate! I have been tempted plenty of times to actually pay my son's teacher under the table to make sure he is cared for the right way!!! I should not have to feel like this. The director needs to get a car that is not so expensive, and several other staff need to down-grade what they have in order to compensate the people who actually do the work! About spanking, we try No and of course that doesn't work, we try time-out and sometimes that doesn't seem to work to well either. We've spanked lightly on the bottom a few times and that always seems to make the behavior worse. For now we are sticking to time out because that makes the biggest impact on him, when he has to sit still and can't play. We only put him in time-out however for the amount of minutes/years so since he's 2 he has to stay there for 2 minutes. This is how it should go. Studies show that spanking actually does more harm than good so I too am glad that guy on here (Mister old school you know who you are) doesn't care for my kids!

A two year old isn't going to "get" time-out...and NO ONE not matter how well paid can watch a kid constantly. Unless your center has the resources to dedicate one individual to keep constant eyes on your child alone, the kid is going to bite until you teach him otherwise. At two a BIG STRONG no, not a gentle but firm no, but a down right scary NO! And it may need to be followed by a spanking as opposed to a light pat on the butt.

PS: I have a degree in community psychology, have been doing daycare for 4 years, my oldest is 15, a straight A student, plays basketball, wants to be a doctor...and he's been spanked. Get it together before you raise a kid that doesn't have any friends and adults can't stand to see coming...

[mac60]

a two year old isn't going to "get" time-out...and no one not matter how well paid can watch a kid constantly. Unless your center has the resources to dedicate one individual to keep constant eyes on your child alone, the kid is going to bite until you teach him otherwise. At two a big strong no, not a gentle but firm no, but a down right scary no! And it may need to be followed by a spanking as opposed to a light pat on the butt.

Ps: I have a degree in community psychology, have been doing daycare for 4 years, my oldest is 15, a straight a student, plays basketball, wants to be a doctor...and he's been spanked. Get it together before you raise a kid that doesn't have any friends and adults can't stand to see coming...

amen to this! Glad i am not the only one that believes in true discipline.

[momofsix]

Amen to both of you! It is very easy now-a-days to see what has happened to the kids who KNOW that there is no painful consequences when they deliberately disobey. Here's a link to a NEW study, for those of you who raise your children based on studies, that shows that spanked children are better adjusted adults. Most of us don't really need a study to tell us that though.

http://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapids/index.ssf/2010/01/is_spanking_children_ok_calvin.html

[Carole's Daycare]

Actually.. I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENT.. "OH REALLY HE/SHE DOESN'T DO THAT AT HOME... bull, they do so, you just fail to see it"
My son is 2 1/2 yrs old and NOT ONCE has he bit at home!! It has been at Daycare every single time! He doesn't bite anyone in the household. NOT EVEN HIS TOYS!! HE ONLY BITES AT DAYCARE. From what you are saying, you make the parents of the children feel like it IS their fault! What are you saying we are bad parents!? Your comment has made me very upset. And by calling their parents to have them come get them ISN'T going to do anything! THat is just going to make matters worse, obv. you can't control, what makes you think parents can?! Do you not understand the child care providers are basically like a parent also to the children? They see you guys more sometimes than they see their own parents!!! I give my son 100% of my attention, and he DOESN'T do any of the stuff he does at daycare. That right there proves to me that he isn't well cared for at daycare. It really upsets me when I go to pick him up and they say "Oh he bit a child today so and so" it does upset me, because I do disicpline him at home. I do pay attention to him at home. Then you say this!? That all we do is fail to see it?!

Children rarely act exactly the same at home as they do in daycare- and parents often don't see the behavior because the child is at home with 1 or 2 parents and maybe a couple siblings- in his own kingdom with his own toys etc. That same wonderful child may be completely unable to deal with group dynamics. The king of the castle is one of a group of children all equal in a daycare. The toy is never his- it must be shared. The rules may be different than at home... All situations that create frustration in the child. None the daycares "fault". Teaching proper socialization skills takes time and is challenging for parents and daycare alike. Ultimately if a child is delayed in communication skills, easily frustrated/short fused the safety of the group may have to override and the biter may be let go. One way to have parents and providers work together on the subject is to have the parent enroll the child in a play group or put the child in a situation under the parents supervision where it hs to interact with other children and watch. If biting is how he reacts to kids at daycare- he may react the same at the Burger King playland. The child doesn't know how the parent feels about the behavior and no amount of talking about it after hours will have the same result as the swift intervention and discipline on the spot. Unfortunately sucess in curbing the behavior really depends on the cognitive ability of the child somewhat. Until it understands cause and effect, is developmentally at the stage to grasp empathy, all anyone can do is try to watch closely to watch for cues that may indicate an upcoming attack. For the biter, who already is socially incompetent, the negative reactions of his classmates that do not want to play with or be around him out of fear, exacerbates the frustration and limits the biters opportunity to learn positive social interactions. Sometimes a new setting with more individual attention and a renewed emphasis on naming emotions and emotional control can help.

[Michael]

But He’s an Angel at Home ?

Something else to consider - Auditory Processing Disorder.

https://www.daycare.com/story/angel.html

[Carole's Daycare]

Sensory processing disorders are rarely diagnosed. Good book- "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz, MA

[Unregistered]

Small world!!! Same thing "miraculously" worked for us.

Parents forget that the same laws of behavior exhist inside the classroom as out, as well as the same recourses. My son was bullied by a child twice his size for months, but everytime I called I was blown off. So I did the same thing...told them the might ought to give the boy's parents a call, because next time my child was touched I'd be there with the sheriff's deputy to have the child taken into custody and be pressing a grocery list of charges on him. OVERNIGHT!!!!!! the bullying stopped.

my son was repeatedly bitten, hit, etc by a bigger child. i complained and got all the same responses and "lines". i finally told them they needed to give the other parents a heads up because i was going to file an assault charge against the child the next time he touched my child. (not that i would have) but would you believe it stopped instantly and completely?

hmmmmmm?

[MarinaVanessa]

Biting allowed? I know it happens but to do nothing?!

That's right, let them have their fit... it's okayyy. Don't make them do ANYTHING they don't want to do... it's all child led... They tell us that preschoolers shouldn't be taught fundamentals, like letters and numbers (they'll learn that soon and easy enough in K.) and they aren't ready for that kind of structure, it's too hard for them.... Then we wonder, why are there so many aggressive children, no manners, no values? It's because the parents aren't with their children enough and teachers aren't allowed to teach. That's why.
...I refuse to be conformed by their low standards and low expectations of children.

I applaud you for your comment. I am a child care provider in a home setting and I am concerned. I live in California and my own child has been in Pre-school since she was three and immediately they teach the littles how to spell their names, addresses, patterning, alphabet, shapes, numbers, counting, rules and manners etc. The "fundamentals". This is in our public schools so I am not sure then why they are not taught where you are.

If our school system would not teach my own little any of these things I would be furious!! As for the biting issue: They should change their policies! For myself I know biting happens but if and when it does I immediately take action. I keep notes, call my licensor to report it, then call the parents of both children and explain what happened. I talk about it so that they understand that this cannot happen in my daycare. If it continues to happen I repeat the steps above, have a meeting with the offending child's parents and make a plan of action. If is still continues to happen I let the child go. It's that simple. I would rather lose one child rather than risk losing all of my other littles because of one child's behavior.

I agree that most children’s issues are due to the fact that the parent does not interact enough with their own child but not all children act the same at home than they do in my daycare. That being said however, my littles usually act like angels until their parents arrive to pick them up. My child never went through the terrible two's because I although I spoke to her in a soft and soothing voice I never used "baby talk". No goo-goo gaga for me. "Good morning Isis. How are you this morning? Are you a happy baby today? Yes you are. I am going to dress you now. This is your sock. It goes on your feet." etc. I also taught her and myself simple sign language with flashcards. If at one she couldn't communicate with me through words she used her hands and she has ALWAYS known that hurting herself, others and things are never allowed (she's 5 now).

Try this: Just like was said before, daycares don't want to lose clients. Talk to other parents and try to get them on board. Get a few WRITTEN concerns and complaints that state you are all thinking of looking for another daycare because you FEAR the SAFETY OF YOUR CHILD due to their NEGLIGENCE in addressing the situation appropriately. Then ask them what they are going to do about it. If you still see no results have a meeting with their director and again address your concerns. If you are not happy with the response let the director know that you are upset and are filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. It is so simple to do you can do it online. Chances are they don't want the negative review. Calling the licensing board may also help you if you file a formal complaint but you should leave that as a last resort. It may start an investigation and sometimes if they find something wrong they get a violation and a fine but if they find it to be really serious they could get shut-down.

I would like to know what course of action you decided to take and how it worked out for you. Please keep us posted and good luck.

[Unregistered]

Horrible!

I would classify that as being a mean, malicious violent little monster.

By the age of 4, kids know wrong from right, and what's acceptable and what's not.


This worked with our son.....but you can't do with a DC kid. He was about 3...climbed in my lap and bit me on the shoulder. I bit him back. He doesn't bite me anymore.

What a horrible thing to say! No child is a "malicious violent little monster" I am a parent of a biter, and my child has also been bitten! I have bitten him back, spanked him, popped him in the mouth, ect. Children handle situations and act differently throughout stages, and I think it is crazy for someone like you, who is a spouse of of DC worker, (and by the way, this does not make you are one too!) to say things like that. I believe you are the "mean" one here and have no right to judge a child you do not even know. I believe parents who get on here need help and are looking for advice and don't need closed minded people with nothing better to do but to get one here and start judging them. Hope your son doesn't pick up that behavior from you!

[Carole's Daycare]

FYI for the parents threatening assault charges on the preschool/toddler biter- cant/wont happen ... Most states have a minimum age to charge even juveniles with assault. A 2 or 3 yr old biter doesn't go to juvie- so the threat is not valid. The child does need intervention, whether in the form of strict discipline/loss of priveledges, (or if a parent chooses to spank their child if they bit someone), assistance in communication and learning emotional control, etc. More direct supervision etc.... intervention when the child is frustrated, before they bite. I know where I live the sheriff's dept would NOT even show up- they would say its a "civil" matter, to deal with the daycare or move your child.