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My 2.5yr old goes to a very small center. She's not doing well socially and I'm thinking of moving her to the on-site center at my work because of that and some other reasons, but we've just been holding off hoping that things would get better. The teacher that she's most attached to is on vacation so they've been letting her spend time in the 4 year old room with another teacher she likes. They told me today they're thinking of making it a permanent change because her language skills are more on par with the older kids. She is very verbal- she signed before she ever talked, talked very early, and as an only child is surrounded by adults most of the time so she has a very developed vocabulary and way of speaking. However, emotionally and physically, she just can't keep up with the 4 year olds. I'm afraid they're just making the change because otherwise she'd cry all day if she were to stay with her age group. If she's not in the older room, she's miserable and tells me daily that she doesn't like school and doesn't want to go. I'm getting frustrated and am wondering if the change to the center at my work would be better (it's very highly rated, good company, good reviews from co workers who use it- I just began this job a month ago), or if I just have a kid who's going to be unhappy no matter where I put her. I don't even know what my question is, I guess it's kind of a vent and request for opinions.
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to be honest, I dont agree with moving younger children up in to an older room. I don't care if the kid is 2 and can talk as well as a 6 year old, their maturity is not there or is there since of logical thinking. Younger kids are always so entertained by older kids, never the other way around.
I was moved up when I was younger from first grade to second grade. I hated my parents for it my whole school life.
Now as a preschool teacher, I see why it is important to not push children up.
I would explore your options and then make the decision to move your child or not, but make sure you are secure with your choice and then don't move them again until it's time to go to school. Preschool hoping never helps settle children in and it's like starting all over again from day one.
I hope you are able to find the best place for your child and that my two cents where some what helpful in making the right choice for your child. -
Is it possible to find a program that has a mixed age group? This way, she can spend time with both older children and those her own age, and she develop at HER pace. Gifted children often mature asynchronously, as you've noticed. They may be advanced intellectually, but behind or typical socially or physically. Meeting all their needs can be difficult. You want to make sure they are challenged.
My sister has 3 children that have all skipped grades successfully, but it was later, and the transition was always well-planned by both my sister and the teachers. For instance, my niece skipped 3rd grade, but since she spent 2nd grade in a 2nd AND 3rd grade mixed classroom, she moved with half her class. In that school, each year as the 2nd graders moved up to 3rd, the 3rd graders moved out and new 2nd graders came in, KWIM? So, the transition was an easy one.
Here is a wonderful website you might find helpful:
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I don't know your parents, DC, but you may have hated school either way, or maybe your parents were just "high pressure" types. You probably know by now that as parents, none of us "win" anyway!
I get what you're saying, but kids that are held back when they're ready for more, and denied it can have a hard time, too!
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I also would wonder if she would do better in a mixed room. I am a home provider and that is why I love the set up at my house. I have a nice mix of ages. If she is not happy there and you have a center at work I would probably give it a try. She may click with a couple of kids and they may be able to offer her a better environment. Generally, I do not like moving kids around but it doesn't sound like she is really attached to her providers there.
Let us know what you decide and how it works out.Comment
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You may want to take a look or talk to your doctor about Asperger's syndrome. I have a dd with this, and your child is very similar. It presents differently in girls than in boys. Some of the points:
1) Highly verbal: My dd spoke in full sentences by 10 months (in French) and was fluent in two languages as well as sign by 3. Today she speaks several languages with a variety of fluency.
2) Preferring the company of older children and/or adults. They do this because they are more able to pick up intellectually on the social and conversational aspects and imitate them from an adult, than from children their own age.
3) High level vocabulary and sentence structure. These kids use words you would not expect from a young child and use them correctly, though perhaps rudely if not checked, as they don't really understand/believe that others have feelings.
At four, she told a family friend that her joviality was only surpassed by her corpulence. The adult thought it was a complement..
As a side note, however, these kids do often become very empathetic and want to change/fix the world.
Getting her tested and checked would, if nothing else, give you a point A and help you find some answers about what will help her be more comfortable. It could be Asperger's or she may just be a gifted kid who is bored with the little ones. For the record, these kids often have amazing IQs as well. My dd measured over 200 at the age of two (testing limitations make this hard to really judge), and still tops 170 today.
Perhaps in an environment that is more family style, with some variety in ages, so she can choose to hang out with older kids if that is what she enjoys. From my own experience, I would also recommend allowing her to have a large variety of experiences as well, such as waterparks, science museums, nature walks, and lots of math manipulatives. You might be amazed at what she can really do.Comment
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You may want to take a look or talk to your doctor about Asperger's syndrome. I have a dd with this, and your child is very similar. It presents differently in girls than in boys. Some of the points:
1) Highly verbal: My dd spoke in full sentences by 10 months (in French) and was fluent in two languages as well as sign by 3. Today she speaks several languages with a variety of fluency.
2) Preferring the company of older children and/or adults. They do this because they are more able to pick up intellectually on the social and conversational aspects and imitate them from an adult, than from children their own age.
3) High level vocabulary and sentence structure. These kids use words you would not expect from a young child and use them correctly, though perhaps rudely if not checked, as they don't really understand/believe that others have feelings.
At four, she told a family friend that her joviality was only surpassed by her corpulence. The adult thought it was a complement.. As a side note, however, these kids do often become very empathetic and want to change/fix the world.
Getting her tested and checked would, if nothing else, give you a point A and help you find some answers about what will help her be more comfortable. It could be Asperger's or she may just be a gifted kid who is bored with the little ones. For the record, these kids often have amazing IQs as well. My dd measured over 200 at the age of two (testing limitations make this hard to really judge), and still tops 170 today.
Perhaps in an environment that is more family style, with some variety in ages, so she can choose to hang out with older kids if that is what she enjoys. From my own experience, I would also recommend allowing her to have a large variety of experiences as well, such as waterparks, science museums, nature walks, and lots of math manipulatives. You might be amazed at what she can really do.
I was thinking along these same lines but was happy someone else mentioned it first! I don't want to be the dc provider who always jumps to mention Asperger's whenever I hear a parent describe their "highly intellignet, very verbal but struggling socially" child but I guess it is the first thing that comes to mind for me based on my own life experience.
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I know. I hate to be "that person" but it is so very different in girls, that it is often very hard to diagnose. I also don't think the medical community is very on target with this idea. Girls often cover the social problems in exactly the way this child seems to be doing, by hanging out with adults and older kids. I was thinking along these same lines but was happy someone else mentioned it first! I don't want to be the dc provider who always jumps to mention Asperger's whenever I hear a parent describe their "highly intellignet, very verbal but struggling socially" child but I guess it is the first thing that comes to mind for me based on my own life experience.Comment
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I totally understand what you're saying. My son was diagnosed with AS and there's no doubt in my mind that my husband has it, too. My dd was tested and found to have some learning disabilities but not Asperger's. My gut tells me, though, that she does have a mild version of it. Although she's very feminine and not a tomboy, she has never been able to relate to girls her own age and has always tended to hang out more with guy friends or older adults.Comment
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What State are you in? If a center did this here in Iowa they would have to staff the room at a one to six ratio for her instead of a one to 12 ratio in the four year old room. This would mean the staff caring for her would have SIX less kids. That would mean a 1200 dollar per week loss of income for that room. That wouldn't happen. They wouldn't appease one child to get the income to loose the income of six.Comment
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The "a" word has always been whispered in our house. Her father has a very mild form and we've kept a close eye on her. I was actually looking at her the other day and thought we must in the clear because she's so verbal and smart. Now I'm anxious. She has a lot of other weird little things- not even sure what to call them. We have a lot of trouble when the seasons change. She hates to go from long to short sleeves and we spent quite a while having to get her used to it. She is very picky about her clothing. She refuses to wear pants and will only wear skirts with tights. She went through a biting phase with no known antecedents, and we looked at sensory issues, but her teachers and doctors told me it was developmental. She also has a ton of issues with sleep and I know that can be part of the disorder. Ugh. It might even be more reason to move her to the center at my work. I work for an agency that supports individuals with intellectual disabilities. I work on the adult residential side. The center supports children with and without specials needs and if she needed support, all specialists are on site.
As far as ratios, I don't know anything about that. I know in the 2 year old room I was told there wouldn't be more than 6 kids. I don't know a lot about the 4 year old room. We only had a passing conversation where the director told me she was doing so well with the kids and teacher she was thinking of keeping her in there. I told her I wasn't sure and came home to talk to my husband about it. I called to check on her yesterday and she was in the 4 year old room, but they told me they had taken a few other of the older kids because they were low attendance because of the holidays. He grandpa picked her up.Comment
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forgot to say, we're in PAComment
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I would absolutely get her tested. However, girls often receive a PDD-NOS diagnosis rather than true Asperger's because it presents so differently. Regardless of diagnosis, I would look into how to deal with gifted kids and the sensory issues.
All of those are issues my dd has as well. She is very sensitive to smells and clothing. Less of the mouthing things, but that also can be sensory. Typically these kids have senses that are VERY high (even light touch can hurt, or they might not be able to "forget" clothes like we do) or they have very LOW senses (might need very deep touch to feel anything.)
Outgrowing or changing seasons can be a major challenge, as these kids do not like to wear anything "different." Just buying a new pair of shoes or a coat can be an adventure.Comment
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