Do You Expect Your DCP to Listen to You?

[nannyde]

So there is a big controversary on the other board. I am a DCP. I feel I am hired by famlies to watch their children, and therefore I feel I should be doing as they ask me to do. If they want their baby to take naps from 10-12, I do so. If they want their baby to have juice, I give it to them. If they want their baby to have baby food, I make sure I give to them. If they want their toddler to have just 1% milk, I give that to them. So I'm curous, when you give your DCP instructions, do you expect them to follow through? Or do you think they have the right to decide what is best for YOUR child? Would you like it if yopu brought a bottle of aplle juice for your child and your DCP put it in her pantry with all the others and refused to give it to your child because SHE doesnt want to give juice in her home? Do you think it si fair that the DCP can make all the rules and you have to follow them regardless of what you feel is best for your child? Like naps? If you want your child to take a pm nap only, but the DCP wants to give your child a am & a pm nap at teh time that is most conveinant for HER, would you like that? I need some input from the "this side".

Thanks Ladies!

Legomom,

see what you offer in your service is to do what you are told. That's your service. Nobody is suggesting that what you offer isn't valuable. It is. There are parents out there who want to hire someone who will do what they tell them to do right when they tell them to do it.. without hesitation.. without equivocation.

That's what YOU do. That's YOUR service.

I don't offer that service. I do what "I" think is right and the only parents who hire me are the parents who agree with what "I" think is right. This limits me to only a certain group of parents.

Your service is MUCH more valuable than mine. There are way more clients out there who want their provider to do as they are told than there are clients who agree with what "I" think is the right.

If you can manage doing what you are told with mulitple children from multiple families then keep on doing what you are doing. It's all good.

Just because a parent believes something is BEST for their child doesn't mean that every business she comes into contact with should offer what she believes is best. If she believes that organic, grass fed, chemical free meat is the best for her children then she can't go to McDonalds and stomp her feet when they don't have a single thing on the menu that is best for her child. She just doesn't go to McDonalds. She doesn't spend a dime on McDonalds food.

What she needs to do is to look into restraunts and find the ones that only serve what she believes is the best for her child OR she can stay home and cook her childs meals insuring that the children get what she believes is best.

It's the same for day care. A parent needs to spend the time to find the child care that offers what she believes is best. It's okay that 99 out of a 100 don't offer what she believes is right. She's looking for the 1 in a hundred that does.

Your service is to insure parents that whatever they believe is best will be done because you believe they have the right to decide what you do. That's something that is VERY valuable so if it's working for you then keep on keeping on.

I choose to limit what I offer to only what "I" believe is best and am providing service only to the 1 in a 100 day care parents that can afford my services and agree that "I" know best. My service is only valuable to the select few that are able and willing to go with what "I" believe is best.

There are many providers that believe that parents know their baby best and they know what's best for their baby. If that is your belief then feel free to operate your business accordingly. It's a very popular current philosophy and should serve you well in your business. You will find legions of parents agreeing with this and taking you up on your doing what you are told.

[Jewels]

I am a provider, but just over a year ago, I was just a parent dropping my kid off at daycare, and I will speak from that point......
I interviewed with my daycare prior to choosing, them,,,,I knew when I interviewed, that there was no juice served, that she served this type of milk, that once they were old enough to go to one nap, she would push in that direction, during the nap times is when she would get her cleaning, done, and I wanted a clean environment for my son, so please put him to sleep and clean, and hes not in my care, so I would never expect her to go by what I said, I always expected her to on sleep to do what was best for my CHILD, not what was best for ME, I trusted that if he was miserable and tired, she would put him to sleep, If hes not, by all means, do whatever works for you its your house, And If I dont like that I could quit my job and stay home. Now that was after the age of 1, While my child was an infant, I did expect my directions for eating to be followed, until he was on all solids, But I think most daycare providers follow eating directions on babies, But c'mon on things they need, Not things they don't. As a provider now, I love listening to my parents, And making sure they know what I do with their children during the day, and what I'm feeding them, At the interviews my parents were all told I don't serve juice, I serve plenty of fresh fruit, And if they didn't like that and would rather it another way, They would have chosen somewhere else for their child. If I wanted someone to cater to my every want for my child, I would hire a nanny to come into my home, Or I would stay home with my child.

[melskids]

its all about balance and compromise. i try to work with all my families to the best of my ability. i listen to them, and take everything into consideration. i also have to keep in mind what works for me, and is going to keep me sane throughout the day. i can be very flexible with certain things, and others, not so much. i have 6 families, with 6 different parenting philosophies. some allow their kids to eat chocolate for breakfast. some are so strict, and the kids arent allowed to sit in the grass for fear their pants will get dirty. my families have to understand as well, that i may not be able to do everything the same way they do. 6 different ways of doing things 100% of the time will equal 1 burnt out provider!!!

you want your child to drink juice? not what i would choose, but ya know what? its not gonna kill them.

you dont want your child to nap for more than 1 hr? i won't like it, but eh, i'll get over it.

you dont want your childs clothes to get dirty? this is where i would expect the parent to compromise. i'm not going to not let the child play, learn and explore. however, i will make sure they are clean and changed before pickup.

you won't let me drive your child in my car? then you must find alternate care on field trip days.

you want me to spank your child when disiplining them? sorry- not gonna happen.

that is why as providers, we have policies, handbooks, and interviews. and why open honest discussions are crucial to the parent/provider relationship.

[ConcernedMotherof2]

I agree with you

What blows my mind is how I have seen DCP's treat parents of the kids they watch, judging them, asking friends about their financial situations, etc. It seems that everyone has something to complain about, like no one meets their standards or expectations. Seems most have the I'm the boss and its my way kind of attitude, and I am not that way at all! I work with the parents as much as I possibly can, and seems I am finding out I am unique! I even have it in my contracts, that I will keep their child on the schedule that they are most comfortable with and used to for the benefit of the child not my benefit! I want my parents to be as comfortable with me as possible and want them to really feel that their child feels right at home, with no disruption to their day or schedule. I may run a business, but I run my buisness with the "human connection". The relationship is a 2 way street, and there has to be give and take, and great communication. As a parent myself, I never used DC, and knowing what I know now, I am glad I didn't and I hope my kids never have to use them either. Nothing can ever replace the childs "home" or mother, or routine, and I try to come as close to those things as possible!

I came to this site when I was looking for a new dc and wound up engrossed in conversations. I, too, was floored when I read what some of the providers here were saying about parents. I fought it for a while, sticking up for my side as much as possible, then I left for a good long while because it just got too sickening. I understand the need to vent and try to maintain an open mind, but the negativity toward parents is a bit overwhelming at times. Unfortunately, even on "this side," you're going to get more comments from providers than parents.

Back to the topic (don't yell at me Crystal, I'm keeping on topic )... It really sounds like you care a lot about your dc kids and that's so great It also sounds like everyone here (even if they don't agree with you) is impressed by your ability to provide the service that you do. Don't underestimate the value of those providers who's opinions differ from yours, though. It is because of strict providers who held fast to their schedules and routines that I've become the parent that I am now and I'm sure I'm not alone in that. When my kids were babies, I really had no idea what I was doing. I loved them and never neglected or mistreated them, but I was the type of new mommy who would never put the baby down. I'm sure you all know the type. I was obsessed with all the little things like matching up original nipples to bottles after they were washed and making sure not a speck of dirt got on either of my children. None of that is bad... just not practical when you've got two kids and a full time job and a house to keep clean. Strict, but loving providers over the years have been the people who have taught me how to handle everything without going insane.

And I'll say it again To each her own.

[Crystal]

Very well said melskids.....exactly the way it should be.

[SilverSabre25]

I finally got an idea of what I wanted to say on this topic--it's not a dictatorship on either side. I view the parent/provider relationship as a partnership--where both of you work together to find what works best for all three parties--the parent, the provider, and the child. Parents see and know things that we providers don't, and we providers see and know things that the parents don't. The fact is, we are with the children for most of their waking hours, in many cases. We are feeding them, playing with them, and putting them down for their naps. We may be the first to catch that something is seeming "off"--he didn't go down as easily as usual today, or she didn't want to finish her milk, which is totally out of character. We let the parents know, and in return expect the parents to let us know that she was up five times during the night or that he didn't want to wake up this morning.

The provider has several other children in the house--napping one child alone in a completely silent room (as opposed to with the other kids with the white noise on to drown out noise from the non-nappers) is probably not going to be practical. Having a child napping at completely different times from everyone else, may not be practical. Letting the child go to sleep with a blanket, a pacifier, a sippy of water...sure, those are easy to accommodate.

Dietary restrictions (for any reason), diaper change frequency (within reason...family who only wanted the kid changed twice a day and the family who wanted the kid changed every half hour...not kidding!), those are parental requests that are *probably* going to be workable--but again, the provider has a routine that the parents need to be happy with.

The point is, it's a partnership. The parents don't (or shouldn't) dictate how the provider runs her day (unless it's a nanny) and the provider doesn't get to dictate how the parent parents. Neither one gets to dictate something that's not in the child's best interest. Parents need to be able to trust their provider to make sound decisions, and providers need to trust that the parents know their child and do their best to accommodate *reasonable* requests.

[melskids]

I finally got an idea of what I wanted to say on this topic--it's not a dictatorship on either side. I view the parent/provider relationship as a partnership--where both of you work together to find what works best for all three parties--the parent, the provider, and the child. Parents see and know things that we providers don't, and we providers see and know things that the parents don't. The fact is, we are with the children for most of their waking hours, in many cases. We are feeding them, playing with them, and putting them down for their naps. We may be the first to catch that something is seeming "off"--he didn't go down as easily as usual today, or she didn't want to finish her milk, which is totally out of character. We let the parents know, and in return expect the parents to let us know that she was up five times during the night or that he didn't want to wake up this morning.

The provider has several other children in the house--napping one child alone in a completely silent room (as opposed to with the other kids with the white noise on to drown out noise from the non-nappers) is probably not going to be practical. Having a child napping at completely different times from everyone else, may not be practical. Letting the child go to sleep with a blanket, a pacifier, a sippy of water...sure, those are easy to accommodate.

Dietary restrictions (for any reason), diaper change frequency (within reason...family who only wanted the kid changed twice a day and the family who wanted the kid changed every half hour...not kidding!), those are parental requests that are *probably* going to be workable--but again, the provider has a routine that the parents need to be happy with.

The point is, it's a partnership. The parents don't (or shouldn't) dictate how the provider runs her day (unless it's a nanny) and the provider doesn't get to dictate how the parent parents. Neither one gets to dictate something that's not in the child's best interest. Parents need to be able to trust their provider to make sound decisions, and providers need to trust that the parents know their child and do their best to accommodate *reasonable* requests.

EXACTLY. that's what i wanted to say....you said it MUCH better.

[tymaboy]

Well said SilverSabre25!

[QualiTcare]

I finally got an idea of what I wanted to say on this topic--it's not a dictatorship on either side. I view the parent/provider relationship as a partnership--where both of you work together to find what works best for all three parties--the parent, the provider, and the child. Parents see and know things that we providers don't, and we providers see and know things that the parents don't. The fact is, we are with the children for most of their waking hours, in many cases. We are feeding them, playing with them, and putting them down for their naps. We may be the first to catch that something is seeming "off"--he didn't go down as easily as usual today, or she didn't want to finish her milk, which is totally out of character. We let the parents know, and in return expect the parents to let us know that she was up five times during the night or that he didn't want to wake up this morning.

The provider has several other children in the house--napping one child alone in a completely silent room (as opposed to with the other kids with the white noise on to drown out noise from the non-nappers) is probably not going to be practical. Having a child napping at completely different times from everyone else, may not be practical. Letting the child go to sleep with a blanket, a pacifier, a sippy of water...sure, those are easy to accommodate.

Dietary restrictions (for any reason), diaper change frequency (within reason...family who only wanted the kid changed twice a day and the family who wanted the kid changed every half hour...not kidding!), those are parental requests that are *probably* going to be workable--but again, the provider has a routine that the parents need to be happy with.

The point is, it's a partnership. The parents don't (or shouldn't) dictate how the provider runs her day (unless it's a nanny) and the provider doesn't get to dictate how the parent parents. Neither one gets to dictate something that's not in the child's best interest. Parents need to be able to trust their provider to make sound decisions, and providers need to trust that the parents know their child and do their best to accommodate *reasonable* requests.

i agree. i no longer keep children, but when i did, my "selling point" was that i worked with the child's schedule instead of making them work with mine. that meant the CHILD'S schedule - not what the parents demanded their schedule to be or what i wanted it to be. i had great parents who understood that though. if one day a child's diaper was changed 3 times - it wasn't questioned. if it was changed 10 times - it wasn't questioned. if they napped for 1 hour one day, 3 hours the next, and not at all the next - that's just how it was. they slept when they slept. i changed them when they needed it. they ate when they were hungry. if it was too cold out, we didn't go. if it was too hot, we got in the water. i washed their clothes if they were dirty. i gave them baths if they needed one. i really never had any complaints from the parents by operating that way. i think i did the same thing any parent would do. if my own kids played outside, so did their kids. if my kids got cake, so did their kids. if their kids were sleeping, i made mine go away and be quiet. if mine were sleeping, i took their kids away from them so mine wouldn't be bothered. i had kids not take a nap when they were with me because they went to sleep at 7:00 at home and woke up at 8am. on the other hand, i'd have kids take a 3 hour nap and then wake up at home at 5am. the parents never complained because they knew i TRIED to make it to where their kids would sleep well for them at home. if they didn't, oh well. just like if they didn't sleep for me, oh well.

[Unregistered]

yes, DCP should follow parent's instructions

I expect my DCP to follow my instructions, as long as they comply with State licensing. I'm no expert in State licensing, so I rely on DCP to explain it to me if my requests go against it. I don't want to risk my DCP getting into trouble. On the other end, there are cases where I feel the DCP hides behind licensing where licensing could be called for clarification. For example, my son doesn't nap and never has. He's almost 5 and I've requested that licensing be called to advise on where I could provide a doctor note or parent note to request no nap. DCP refuses to do so, saying it wouldn't be fair to rest of class. Licensing requires 30 minute rest time, but daycare requires they stay on cot for 30 minutes plus 15 minutes of puzzle time, so 45 minutes every day minimum. He's miserable and no other daycare agrees with this practice. They say let him have 30 minute rest and then let him get up and do quiet activities but my DCP refuses, citing fairness. I expect my DCP to follow my instructions regarding everything - now whether or not it's followed, I can't guarantee. I can also say that I used to have my DCP give food and naps on our requested schedule. DCP complained so much about it and worked on us for months to switch to what was convenient for her. Don't know if my relenting permanently effected his being able to nap since he was only napped on the group schedule, not his own, even though it's licensing to feed and nap according to baby's schedule. Ideally, I want them to follow my instructions.