Do You Expect Your DCP to Listen to You?

[legomom922]

So there is a big controversary on the other board. I am a DCP. I feel I am hired by famlies to watch their children, and therefore I feel I should be doing as they ask me to do. If they want their baby to take naps from 10-12, I do so. If they want their baby to have juice, I give it to them. If they want their baby to have baby food, I make sure I give to them. If they want their toddler to have just 1% milk, I give that to them. So I'm curous, when you give your DCP instructions, do you expect them to follow through? Or do you think they have the right to decide what is best for YOUR child? Would you like it if yopu brought a bottle of aplle juice for your child and your DCP put it in her pantry with all the others and refused to give it to your child because SHE doesnt want to give juice in her home? Do you think it si fair that the DCP can make all the rules and you have to follow them regardless of what you feel is best for your child? Like naps? If you want your child to take a pm nap only, but the DCP wants to give your child a am & a pm nap at teh time that is most conveinant for HER, would you like that? I need some input from the "this side".

Thanks Ladies!

[ConcernedMotherof2]

To each her own, Legomom, but you seem to have a pretty strong opinion on this issue . Personally, I never expected anything crazy weird from a DCP, but I've heard of some people asking for some pretty strange things that really weren't necessary and definitely not worth the hassle (or downright impossible) in a daycare environment.

I think this mainly comes down to a communication issue. Parents need to understand that what they choose to do in their home doesn't always transfer into a daycare environment. For example, the dcp should be able to have the child on whatever nap schedule works best in her care environment. As a parent, my stance has always been that since my kids aren't in my care during the day, there are certain things that are just out of my control. I can ask questions, pop in or make suggestions so that I know what's going on with my kids, but the dcp's job is hard enough without me making any demands on her other than keeping the kids safe and usually happy.

On the juice issue...the provider could easily tell the parents that she doesn't serve juice in her home for whatever reason and the parents should be able to roll with that. Seriously--is juice really something a baby *really* needs anyway? I can almost understand a dcp just putting it away and not serving it to avoid an irrational conversation. Now, if a child has specific unique nutritional needs, I would think that the parents would communicate that with the provider and those instructions should most definitely be followed.

As a DCP, it's up to you how you run your business. I think it's wonderful that you are both willing and able to keep up with the demands of your dc parents. You must really enjoy your job and that's fantastic!

[DBug]

Legomom, do you really do naps at whatever time parents request them? Because if I tried that here, kids would be napping from 9 am straight through to 4 pm. I wouldn't be able to take the kids outside, go for walks, pick up at the bus stop if I needed to ... It just doesn't seem practical. I would think too, that a parent looking for care would understand that certain concessions need to be made when they choose any kind of group care. If they were looking for such specialized care, i would hope they would consider a nanny.

That said, small business is all about finding a niche market. If you've found a group of parents that are looking for specialized care in a group setting, and you're willing to provide that, you've put yourself in a very unique, and possibly very lucrative, position. Good job!

Btw, for the record, the can of apple juice that went straight to my pantry -- it got added to the daycare supply of juice. We have 50/50 at am snack everyday. I just didn't give the entire 2 liters to her child to drink all day.

[Unregistered]

To each her own, Legomom, but you seem to have a pretty strong opinion on this issue . Personally, I never expected anything crazy weird from a DCP, but I've heard of some people asking for some pretty strange things that really weren't necessary and definitely not worth the hassle (or downright impossible) in a daycare environment.

I think this mainly comes down to a communication issue. Parents need to understand that what they choose to do in their home doesn't always transfer into a daycare environment. For example, the dcp should be able to have the child on whatever nap schedule works best in her care environment. As a parent, my stance has always been that since my kids aren't in my care during the day, there are certain things that are just out of my control. I can ask questions, pop in or make suggestions so that I know what's going on with my kids, but the dcp's job is hard enough without me making any demands on her other than keeping the kids safe and usually happy.

On the juice issue...the provider could easily tell the parents that she doesn't serve juice in her home for whatever reason and the parents should be able to roll with that. Seriously--is juice really something a baby *really* needs anyway? I can almost understand a dcp just putting it away and not serving it to avoid an irrational conversation. Now, if a child has specific unique nutritional needs, I would think that the parents would communicate that with the provider and those instructions should most definitely be followed.

As a DCP, it's up to you how you run your business. I think it's wonderful that you are both willing and able to keep up with the demands of your dc parents. You must really enjoy your job and that's fantastic!

What she said!

[Childminder]

My home, my rules. They signed the contract agreeing to my menu, nap, schedule, etc..... Will I bend my rules? Sometimes, if reasonable, but rarely. I have been doing this for 40+ years and when you have 7 people (6 parents + me)dictating schedules, food, etc...ain't gonna work. As they say... too many chiefs....! Oh, don't forget licensing rules and food program regulations, they have their say so too! You will be on the forum b@$#* about how burnt out you are:: in no time, but as been said, "to each her own".

[Lucy]

What Legomom isn't saying is that the posting on the other board was about an 11 month old child for whom the mom sent ONLY apple juice and no formula for the entire day.

[MyAngels]

My home, my rules. They signed the contract agreeing to my menu, nap, schedule, etc..... Will I bend my rules? Sometimes, if reasonable, but rarely. I have been doing this for 40+ years and when you have 7 people (6 parents + me)dictating schedules, food, etc...ain't gonna work. As they say... too many chiefs....! Oh, don't forget licensing rules and food program regulations, they have their say so too! You will be on the forum b@$#* about how burnt out you are:: in no time, but as been said, "to each her own".

Ditto - as a DCP myself.

Prior to starting my business (many years ago) my first two kids were in daycare, and I took the time to find a provider who had very similar ideas as far as the care of my children as my own, and had confidence in my own judgment to allow her to run her business as she saw fit on a day-to-day basis. I never tried to dictate her schedule or policies to her, and was very happy with the result - i.e. great care and a wonderful relationship between she and I.

[Crystal]

This is a parent forum and the OP was directed to parents. PLease stay on topic and keep the conversation/debate about the 11 month old in the providers forum.

Thank you.

[Aya477]

Legomom--I imagine you will get more provider responses than ones from parents who have not been and are not currently a dcp.

I have not been and currently not a dcp. I do see your point in that parents should have the right to call the shots on their own parenting choices. I don't think you are meaning that the issue of juice during the day (from the earlier thread) is the only scenario you are speaking of for when a parent's wishes should reign supreme.

I have had my son at 4 different centers. Until my child was on all solid foods, I dictated what he was fed, how much, what time, etc. Until he was 1I dictated when his naps should be. These items were in a written plan maintained by the daycare and signed off by myself or my husband AND the classroom teacher. The written plans were updated as *WE* made changes to my son's eating habits and sleep patterns. When my son was older and eating all solid foods I could only keep him from eating items that he has an allergy to, religious belief against eating, or some health issue that prevents him from eating it. The state regs mandate that the center serve him "X" amount of veggie, bread, meat, fruit, and liquid per day. Whether he eats it or not is a different story but by state regs, they have to serve it to him and offer him seconds on anything that he asks for. By the way, my son's current center (which has received the highest rating that an NC center can achieve and is NAEYC accredited) serves juice 2x's/week. There are parents who do not want their children to be served juice but the center is required to offer the child atleast 4oz of whatever it is and have the parent's written permission to replace the 2nd serving with water for those do not want their child to consume any additional. To me, I think that is an example of the center helping to accomodate the parents in their wishes on what their child should have.

I have no control over what time my son naps. It has been a time set by the daycare since he was probably 2ish and for us it hasn't been an issue. The state regs mandate that all children have 2 hour rest time. It does not mean that they are required to sleep and the centers by law cannot force a child to lie on a mat/cot or punish them for not sleeping.

In terms of how I want my child disciplined, treated, spoken to, etc...YES, I will raise issue and ask for any correction if something were to go wrong or not in line with how we want our child treated. Unfortunately, he has had teachers where I did not agree with the comments they made at/around children, behavior, interactions, and at what point/matters they choose to discipline on and did not hesitate to pull him from the program and find alternate care. I think of it as a business *AND* parenting decision. Because I choose center based care vs home care, I choose a program based on their overall philosophy and cannot predict that there will be a teacher that does not uphold the philosophy that the center is selling or who I do not like their interactions with the children. So in those aspects, I will reign supreme or I will remove my child. It's not a threat to the center. It is that I am the parent and I choose what I think is best for my child and our family. If I choose somewhere that doesn't work out--then it doesn't work out and there are no hard feelings in the end. (so long as my child has not been injured or abused)

There is no black and white to parenting. There is no decree that each individual must follow to raise a healthy, productive and upstanding member of society. Every parent does what they want to whether it be haphazardly, or because that's how they were raised, or because they've read 100 parenting books/articles and formulated their own style. I've said it on here before, communication and respect between providers and parents is a MUST to have a successful relationship. So with that, I dare my son's daycare to ridicule how we parent. That will be the end of our relationship.

[DWTC]

As a parent...I changed my schedule to that of the daycare providers. I understand that the daycare provider could have up to 8 kiddos and it is easier for me to change the schedule of my one child.
When my dd was on whole milk after she turned one, I would bring a gallon of whole milk each week to provide to her. I did this because my daycare provider never bought whole milk. Once I switched her to 2%, which is what my daycare provider bought for the rest of the kids; then I didn't bring whole milk anymore. I think it all depends on the situation. Other parents need to realize that you as a provider can't accommodate for every little thing for every child.

[legomom922]

What blows my mind is how I have seen DCP's treat parents of the kids they watch, judging them, asking friends about their financial situations, etc. It seems that everyone has something to complain about, like no one meets their standards or expectations. Seems most have the I'm the boss and its my way kind of attitude, and I am not that way at all! I work with the parents as much as I possibly can, and seems I am finding out I am unique! I even have it in my contracts, that I will keep their child on the schedule that they are most comfortable with and used to for the benefit of the child not my benefit! I want my parents to be as comfortable with me as possible and want them to really feel that their child feels right at home, with no disruption to their day or schedule. I may run a business, but I run my buisness with the "human connection". The relationship is a 2 way street, and there has to be give and take, and great communication. As a parent myself, I never used DC, and knowing what I know now, I am glad I didn't and I hope my kids never have to use them either. Nothing can ever replace the childs "home" or mother, or routine, and I try to come as close to those things as possible!

[Lucy]

To tell you the truth, I run my daycare to suit the children as well. I do take your point about some Providers being too stringent in their policies. Napping is one area where I have differed with some posters in the past. I run my program as if my nieces & nephews came over for the day to play with my kids. Oh, we eat nutritious foods and use any and all opportunities to learn things. We go outside to play, and if they need a nap, they get one. We do all that - just not at regimented times.

That being said, I think you are getting way too worked up about the juice posting. I think that if a mom of an 11 month old baby expected her daughter to drink only juice for the 10 hours or so that she was with me, and not have any formula, I would question the mom myself. Not because I'm bossy or set in my tyrannical ways, but just because I think a baby needs formula for health reasons. I'm not saying I would refuse to do what the mom asked, but I would certainly question it respectfully. Can we please drop it now?

[Crystal]

To tell you the truth, I run my daycare to suit the children as well. I do take your point about some Providers being too stringent in their policies. Napping is one area where I have differed with some posters in the past. I run my program as if my nieces & nephews came over for the day to play with my kids. Oh, we eat nutritious foods and use any and all opportunities to learn things. We go outside to play, and if they need a nap, they get one. We do all that - just not at regimented times.

That being said, I think you are getting way too worked up about the juice posting. I think that if a mom of an 11 month old baby expected her daughter to drink only juice for the 10 hours or so that she was with me, and not have any formula, I would question the mom myself. Not because I'm bossy or set in my tyrannical ways, but just because I think a baby needs formula for health reasons. I'm not saying I would refuse to do what the mom asked, but I would certainly question it respectfully. Can we please drop it now?

Yes, you can drop it now. As was previously requested, please keep the discussion/debate about the 11 month old in the provider forum, in the appropriate thread.

[Lucy]

Yes, you can drop it now. As was previously requested, please keep the discussion/debate about the 11 month old in the provider forum, in the appropriate thread.

Thank you!

[DanceMom]

I also do what the parent requests to an extent. If it throws off my whole schedule that I have with the other 7 kids here...I will work with the parent to come up with a solution. I have a parent that wants her 12 month old to participate in school time. Well school time is from 9-10. Her son is napping at that time..so her and I worked together to come up with a solution for a different nap time and I pushed my school time up by 1/2 hour.

There are certain things I think you can do for the parent...but there are also things you have to let the parent know that is just might not work that way. And we are right - it is OUR BUSINESS. We work hard on figuring out a schedule for ALL - what works for ALL to ensure a smooth day/week FOR ALL. This is all told to the parent AT THE TIME OF THE INTERVIEW. SO, a parent will know your rules etc before they even make a decision to enroll in your daycare. If your rules do not work for them..then by all means keep searching for another daycare...it wont bother me because I guarantee I will have that spot filled with someone that IS comfortable with how I run MY business.

I personally would not feed a child juice if the parent asked me too..even if they brought the juice BECAUSE...all of the other kids will be crying and whining and wondering why THEY dont get juice...You can feed your child juice at home. Here it is either milk or water. Pediatricians do not recommend juice, the food program doesnt recommend juice. The dck will be just fine drinking water.

Thankfully ALL of my families have adapted to our schedule here..their weekend naps and meals mimick my naps and meals so Monday they arent all off and have to get back into routine.