Frustrated

[sthompson]

I am at a loss of what to do. My two children ages 4 and 2 attend a daycare. I am constantly getting calls on my job about my son who is 4 not listening or following instructions. His teacher and the director have told me that they don't know what to do with him. I have tried my best to give them ideas and I am very consistant about discipline but I cannot keep leaving my job to go do their job. I do not know what to do because now they are calling me about my daughter who is 2. She is being defiant and she is also biting others. Any advice would be very helpful. Thanks!

[Guest]

hope this helps

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Sadly, I understand. My youngest son had issues at daycare, esp. with listening and following directions. Luckily for me, the day care owner was very intuitive and she notified me and asked for my permission to call in her friends at the bd. of ed. in the area where we lived. Long story short, my son was exp.'ing sensory overload, he has asperbergers. So my situation was a call or cry for help. I am not implying anything about your son, just trying to broaden the spectrum of options. As far as your daughter is concerned, if you google "age of defiance" you will come across a lot of interesting articles that may be of some assistance for you. Another issue that doesn't bode well with me is, if your daughter is 2 years old and being defiant, why is it such a problem for them to deal with. Its not called "terrible two's" for nothing
The providers should be very well versed in dealing with this stage of development.
Good luck to ya.

[Unregistered]

I have a house full of two year olds and if i called their parents everytime they didn't listen i wouldn't have a job to do! I can understand the bitting cause there are so many other situations that could arise from the bitting but just cause the children are not listening? I think i would have to question the providers skills.

[lilbiddapopcorn]

?

A few months ago I did drop in care for 2 boys, ages 4 & 3 because the preschool they were in did the same thing to their mom. And yes, they were a little more work than the children I was used to because they didn't listen as well, but they're 4 and 3...I don't expect perfection from 4 & 3 year olds! Like the above post says, if I called parents every time their kids didn't listen they'd be getting calls all day long!

[Unregistered]

Im sorry to hear that

i am sorry to hear that! i worked for a center Chesterbrook Academy, and that happened to me with my 3 yr old. He is a wild child, like any normal 3 yr old, and his teachers and boss didnt know what to do with him. I finally witnessed his teacher abusing him, reported it to DCFS and my boss and the end result, my 3 yr old got kicked out and i got fired. Teachers now of days dont have patients for children and daycares are starting to be careless on who they are hiring. I loved teaching, i worked with toddlers and since a teacher couldnt control my child we are both sitting at home miserable my son every day cries because he cant go back to the "big boy room". Sad how teachers treat other peoples children! I am sorry to hear you have to get those phone calls every day!

[seashell]

I think it's time to find a new daycare. It doesn't sound like this center has the patience or knowledge to deal with your children. Maybe it's not the kids, maybe it's the staff.

[mac60]

I think you should sit down and talk with the provider. She should not be calling you when the child misbehaves unless it is an extreme situation. You need to come to agreement a consequence for the behavior while at dc. Should the child have to spend a majority of his day in time out for a couple days, maybe that is just what this child needs to change the behavior. I have a very trying just turned 2 yr old. I wouldn't at this point say the provider can't handle the child, some children are very trying, and as a privider at home or a center, they are so very limited in what can be done for bad behavior. Sit down and talk with them.

[mac60]

I would like to add: And I am not defending the dc, because I don't know what the situation is:

But as providers, whether home or in a center, our hands are so tied as to discipline of children. We simply are not allowed to really discipline a child, from what I understand, some states have now forbid time outs. I think this is a major problem and a big reason why the young children of today are becoming such a handful. I have a sister who works in the grade 2 and 3 at our school. She says the children are so out of control these days. Parents and those who think that consequences for bad behavior is wrong, need to really step back and look at what this type of ignorance is doing to our children and society.

[Unregistered]

I am a daycare provider and would NEVER do this to a parent. I have had a couple of kids that have been a "handful" but would never call at work. I have had meetings with the parents at pick up about behavior but think its just wrong to bother parents at work unless its an emergency. In my opinion, you should find other daycare arrangements.

[ConcernedMotherof2]

exhausting

Having to remove your child from one daycare and find another suitable alternative can be as exhausting (or more so) than what's already going on with your current provider. I've had situations where I was called constantly about my children's behavior and I've had situations where the dc flat out refused to call me at work for ANYTHING. Happy medium here? I always tell the new daycare when I first start my children there that they can call me ANYTIME there is a problem, as my children are my first priority... but your situation does sound quite excessive (some employers don't understand and that sort of thing could easily jeopardize your job).

I agree that it is best to sit down and discuss the issue with those providing care. If there can be consistency at dc and home on discipline, then maybe your child will learn quicker.

When my son started having behavioral problems at daycare and the teachers were at their wits end with him (as happens from time to time in the life of most children), I created a system of discipline when he got home based on the report I got from the dc staff. Depending on the severity of his behavior, he may have loss of tv time/video games or extra chores. (I started this when he was 5 and it's been very effective) Ultimately, every child needs to learn to behave while at dc, since eventually they will be in school and expected to behave there.

I wish you the best of luck in our situation.

[mac60]

So wondering, how did thinigs work out. Hopefully you were able to talk with the director and work out discipline procedures. Moving the child from daycare to daycare will not solve the problem.

[Unregistered]

You can't call the parent.....

every time he/she misbehaves. However there is a fine line. The original poster didn't go into to much detail. However when I was Assistant Director (also Pre-K teacher) I had this boy whose mother we were CONSTINALTY calling everyday. He was totally out of control. This however would include physical abuse on his part to both the staff and the other children. I would be spat at, kicked, punched, hit, had pea gravel thrown at me, you name it and this child did it. He was only 4 years old. Then he started to do it to the other children. I had NO control over this child nor my class.

As I said this child's mother would be called everyday. "Oh he didn't sleep well" "Oh he forgot his vitamin this morning" Oh he spent the night with Grandma" excuse after excuse. Finally I broke down in tears to the director and I told her I couldn't take it anymore. She called the mother up and told him he was being terminated. She was stunned. It was one thing to have the abuse towards us but now since it was to the other children. She picked him up and right away she called state on us as a "wrongful dismission" Naturally they found no violations.

Long story short, while I agree that no a parent shouldn't be called everyday, it also depends on the behavior and the extreme of it.

[Former Teacher]

Repost Being Logged In You can't call a parent.....

every time he/she misbehaves. However there is a fine line. The original poster didn't go into to much detail. However when I was Assistant Director (also Pre-K teacher) I had this boy whose mother we were CONSTINALTY calling everyday. He was totally out of control. This however would include physical abuse on his part to both the staff and the other children. I would be spat at, kicked, punched, hit, had pea gravel thrown at me, you name it and this child did it. He was only 4 years old. Then he started to do it to the other children. I had NO control over this child nor my class.

As I said this child's mother would be called everyday. "Oh he didn't sleep well" "Oh he forgot his vitamin this morning" Oh he spent the night with Grandma" excuse after excuse. Finally I broke down in tears to the director and I told her I couldn't take it anymore. She called the mother up and told him he was being terminated. She was stunned. It was one thing to have the abuse towards us but now since it was director to the other children. She picked him up and right away she called state on us as a "wrongful dismission" Naturally they found no violations.

Long story short, while I agree that no a parent shouldn't be called everyday, it also depends on the behavior and the extreme of it.