Strange Pick Ups

**Michael** · 09-14-2010, 10:08 AM

That does sound a bit odd. I hope a provider/mother here has some advice. I would almost consider moving this to the Provider section. I would also help if you registered. Some here won't answer posts unless you are a forum member.

**tenderhearts** · 09-14-2010, 10:22 AM

Those are very strange comments from your provider, that would bother me as well. I would never say anything like that to a child. As far as the pickups, I myself let the kids know that their parent will be here soon, depending on the child I will put their shoes on 5 min before pickup and have everything at the door. I assume parents don't want to sit and chat and need to get home for dinner ect and appreciate being quick (but not all parents are quick) but it makes it easier for me too, I need to get back to the other kids so quick pick up and drop offs is important to me. I would mention to her that you would like to have her ready when you get there because you have things to do in the evening. The comments I'm not sure, joking or not that would bother me as a parent so I'm not sure what I would do, I just know as a provider I would never say that.

**Unregistered** · 09-15-2010, 10:14 AM

That is pretty creepy.....

**MyAngels** · 09-15-2010, 10:26 AM

Have you talked to your provider about this? Does she have other children in her care? Does she do this with all of them, or just your child? As a child care provider myself I find this to be odd, at best. I normally prefer a quick pick up by parents at the end of the day.

**Crystal** · 09-15-2010, 01:37 PM

I find it odd, and I would discuss it with your provider. She may not realize it is making you uncomfortable. I prefer that my parents, even if it will hurt my feelings, are straightforward and honest with me about their feelings and expectations. How can I know if something bothers them if they don't tell me?

I'd let her know "You know, I absolutley LOVE that _________ enjoys it here so much, and I feel very comfortable dropping her off and knowing she is in good hands while I am away. But, I have a request. At the end of the day, I am in a bit of hurry to get home, prepare dinner and spend quality time with my families. I'd appreciate it if you could have _____ ready to leave at pick up time so that I can make it short and sweet, unless, of course, there is an important issue that you need to discuss with me"

As for the other comments, I say it's a bit late to bring it up, but if it happens again, stop her dead in her tracks and ask her " I realize that you may be joking, but, what makes you think it is appropriate to tell my daughter these types of things? I find it offensive and I'd appreciate it if you didn't do it again" If that puts her on the defensive, then she's the one with the issue and THEN you may need to find alternate care.

Best wishes

**momofboys** · 09-15-2010, 04:35 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered

Picking up my daughter from daycare is becoming a dreaded task. I will come to get her and she will be playing, so I sit and watch her for a few minutes and tell her it is time to go. After a few warnings I pick her up and head to the car. My provider doesnt say or do anything. I only expect her to say something like your moms here time to go. Or she will be riding a toy and instead of stopping, my provider will keep pushing her in it like I am not even there. Also she will hold her and makes faces and kiss her (yes cute I am glad she is great with her) BUT I am standing there with my arms out, I have to drive home make dinner ect. I can not visit for 1/2 hour everyday. I physically have to take her out of her arms. I know she loves her and is a great provider but its like she relishes in my frustration. When my daughter does not want to come and i have to pick her up my provider looks at me like I am so out of line or something. Like "ooohhh" she will say. I dont understand, I am not forceful.
A few months ago she made some comments that i will never forget. Such as when I came to pick her up, my daughter got excited to see me and provider said, "your not supposed to be happy when your mommy comes your supposed to cry." She said it in a joking manner but my daughter is 2, come on! Another time I came and she said, "thats not your mommy, thats your sister. I am your mommy." I almost lost it, I was so mad for days. Again maybe she was joking but to tell my 2 year old that I am not her mother???

You might say find another provider and I would except I love my daughter and I know she is happy where she is and I dont want to do that to her.

I really just had to get this off my chest!

The comments your provider makes are really odd. I would disregard them unless they continue & then maybe have a discussion. Totally inappropriate IMO!

Regarding your daughter not being ready I think you need to take the initiative to go. Simply say when you arrive it's time to go. . . I wonder why you are letting the provider call the shots? You are the parent, it's your job to get your child & go. I always try to have a child ready when the parent arrives but we don't simply wait around for the parent since we can't be sure of their arrival. We go about our day so usually when a parent arrives we are in the midst of doing something. I think it's your responsibility to just take hold of the situation & leave. Don't wait for the provider to do something, take action. Once a parent arrives at my home I will help their child get out the door & do things to encourage them to leave but ultimately I believe it's the parents' responsibility.

**Jewels** · 09-15-2010, 06:21 PM

I know how your feeling, Those comments are completly out of line!!! I will say when I had my son in daycare before starting a daycare of my own after my daughter, I had a really tough time sometimes with pickup and drop off, I would get really frustrated at some things, I knew my son loved daycare, and I knew she loved him, but sometimes I thought she loved him to much, and it made me jealous and frustrated, I always felt like she relished in the fact that sometimes he didnt want to go home, I felt like she enjoyed it, and it would piss me off, and if she would have ever said anything like "shes not your mother I'm your mother, joking or not, I would have gone mad! I would honestly still bring it up to her, I really would, I do not think it is to late, This is a frustration you will not get over until you bring it up, My old daycare once told me, my son and her took a nap together, And It bugged me so much, I never let my son sleep in my bed, and i didn't want someone else doing that, Thats not cool, or fair, and made me very jealous, But I didn't say anything, but eventually when I got upset at so many things, and had to say stuff, I brought that up to, and right away she said, she didn't nap with him, she napped at the same time, So it was a misunderstanding, But I got it off my chest and I felt so much better, But I was not the right type of mother to be dropping my kid at daycare, I was meant to be home, So I say bring it up to her, its hard to get the courage, but you'll feel so much better, I think you guys need a sit down discussion, It sounds like she loves your daughter, and your daughter is happy, but this will keep bugging you. ask her if you guys could talk about some things, And just tell her, that you didnt want to make a big deal out of a few things, but their really bothering you, and you have to talk about them, Tell her about the comments, and say they just really hurt your feelings, and you thought they were disrespectful to her as a mother, its already hard for you to leave your baby everyday, and that just makes it worse, and then you just want pick up times to go easier....talk to her!!!

**DanceMom** · 09-16-2010, 06:53 AM

My only comment is that I wish you were one of my parents - pick up your child and be on your way...I love my job, but 10+ hours a day is very long..the faster you get your kids and get out the happier I am

Personally , I help get the kids out the door " Get your shoes on, come on you have to go home now, lets go, get your coat on, see you in the morning" etc etc. But I also expect the parents to get their kids out of here..I am busy with the other children and don't really have time to sit and help get a child out the door.

I would just talk to your provider - Communication !!

**Chickenhauler** · 09-23-2010, 12:00 AM

Originally posted by Heather

I would just talk to your provider - Communication !!

Right there is the key to it all.

**AmandasFCC** · 09-23-2010, 07:17 AM

Regarding the pick ups - I personally don't usher the kids out the door. I know SOME parents like to stand and chat longer than others and I don't want them to feel like I'm rushing them out the door. That said, when Mom or Dad arrives I always say to the kid, "Look who's here!" Other than that I don't really do a whole lot to get them gone unless it's clear the kid isn't listening to the parents, then I'll take the toy away (nicely of course) and gently guide them toward the parent.

But those comments she was making are completely inappropriate and I would definitely speak to her about it.

**Unregistered** · 09-25-2010, 07:55 AM

Honestly, speaking from the point of a daycare provider myself, your post gave me the creeps. Reminds me of that movie - The Hand that Rocks the Cradle. I always have the children ready for the parents arrival - I try to make it an easy, quick transition. I enjoy the children and have come to love them all, BUT, I would never, ever speak to a toddler the way your provider has. It's confusing for the child and cruel to you. It's feeding any guilt or anxiety that every parent has when forced to leave a child to someone else's care. You MUST feel that you trust your caregiver completely... or how else can you get through the day.

If you have no other complaints and really want to give her a second chance, then speak to her immediately. Be stern about it and warn her that she should never speak that way in front of your child... EVER. If she thinks it's just you being silly, then tell her to come here and check out these responses. I don't want to scare you but if she does this in front of you, just imagine what she might be saying when you are not there. This is not normal behavior. I think you're mommy radar is on high alert and for a good reason.

**ConcernedMotherof2** · 09-29-2010, 07:21 AM

I have had a provider who acted in much the same manner and I have to agree that it's completely out of line. She sounds like the type who will tell you that she is the one raising your child. I agree with the other posters here who have suggested having a talk with her. Meanwhile, you may want to start looking for a replacement. I know you love your dd and you know she's happy there, but it's our job to do what's best for our children. She could be happy someplace else, without the creepy comments and behavior.

**QualiTcare** · 10-02-2010, 10:04 PM

Originally posted by janarae

The comments your provider makes are really odd. I would disregard them unless they continue & then maybe have a discussion. Totally inappropriate IMO!

Regarding your daughter not being ready I think you need to take the initiative to go. Simply say when you arrive it's time to go. . . I wonder why you are letting the provider call the shots? You are the parent, it's your job to get your child & go. I always try to have a child ready when the parent arrives but we don't simply wait around for the parent since we can't be sure of their arrival. We go about our day so usually when a parent arrives we are in the midst of doing something. I think it's your responsibility to just take hold of the situation & leave. Don't wait for the provider to do something, take action. Once a parent arrives at my home I will help their child get out the door & do things to encourage them to leave but ultimately I believe it's the parents' responsibility.

i agree with this.

i don't see why you watch her for a few minutes and wait for the provider to tell her it's time to go. if she's happy to see you and runs to you - that's when you pick her up, say goodbye to the provider, and grab her stuff. maybe since you stay for a few minutes and watch her, the provider has gotten the impression that you want to hang out and aren't in a hurry - which is why she keeps playing with her - and maybe why she thinks it's okay to make the jokes. the thing about being her sister and not her mommy is weird though. the whole thing seems odd to me.

**Candyland** · 12-03-2010, 10:32 PM

I would talk with your day cay provider privately and tell her that you really need her to work with you. When you are there to get your daughter, she needs to help make the transition of going home easier for all.
Say it with a smile and look her in the eye.

Strange Pick Ups

Strange Pick Ups

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