4 Month Old, Crying All Day

[mama26]

My son started day care 2 months ago. He is now 4 months old. I told the provider (which is only one of two licensed daycares in the area that will take a child younger than 12 months) that my son was colicky before we signed up. They said they had dealt with it before and it wouldn't be problem. The second week he was there, they were telling me that he cries all day. Mkay well he cries alot for us but not all day. Then the director proceeds to tell me that if it were her grandbaby, they would have her at the doctor for that much crying. Umm, we have taken him to the doctor. There is nothing wrong with him. They have said it's colic and you were informed of that when we enrolled him and we were told it wouldn't be a problem. We had a talk with her, the owner and the provider in his room. We came up with a plan. Things smoothed out for a while. He was getting good reports most days. His colic was clearing up at home and at daycare, everything was going fine.

Then this week he started getting bad reports everyday. We even had to go up there and soothe him one day this week because he was crying incessantly. As soon as I held him for about 15 minutes, he was fine and when I came to pick him up at the end of the day she said he was fussy on and off but he didn't have another inconsolable fit like he had before I came to soothe him. He's been a little clingy at home but I figured it had to do with having issues at daycare and he seems to be teething. He doesn't get held all day, he does fine with grandma and aunts and other people watching him. He fusses with them too but he eventually calms down and does fine.

I spoke to the owner and ask if maybe we need to find a new care situation for him or if they were fine to keep trying to find a way to make this work and their answer was "well there are only two daycares in town that take infants and the other one has no openings". Hmmm, not exactly the type of answer I was looking for...

So opinions, perspectives? Is it time to pull the plug on this situation and find a new one? Any ideas on what we can do to make the situation easier/better if it's not time to change?

[Cradle2crayons]

When you went to console him, did he seems colicky or gassy?? Or just needed soothing??

If colic and crying after feelings are an issue (if he cries for three hours and stops about an hour before the next feeding then it's likely a formula issue)..

If the above is happening, have you guys tried changing him to one of those gentle formulas or something like the gerber soothe formula?? My daughter was ver colicky and gassy and had reflux... Changing formula helped.

Maybe you should see if you can get on the waiting list with the other facility just in case but if you really think its a feeding issue, you could try changing formulas and using some of the OTC gas drops if that's okay with the pedi ??

[lolaland]

He doesn't get held all day, he does fine with grandma and aunts and other people watching him. He fusses with them too but he eventually calms down and does fine.

Is he in a daycare center? It seems to me he does better in a "one on one" situation and that is impossible to provide in a daycare center...

Did you looked for licensed home daycare providers in your area? They provide care for much smaller group of kids and that may improve your situation.

If even in a small group in a home daycare provider you face the same problem, I would suggest a nanny...

[lolaland]

A lot of sounds and emotions and energy goes around in a setting of a group of kids, no matter what ages. More kids, more energy and sounds and emotions. I find some kids react differently to a group setting. Some kids are stimulated by the group and flourish... others feel overwhelmed and behaved like your son. Kids will adapt at different speed/ages to the challenges of being in a group setting. I had babies loving the commotion of being with the group... I had toddlers falling apart and needing still a nanny's attention... (I was a home daycare provider for a group of 6 kids...)

[Greenplasticwateringcans]

My son started day care 2 months ago. He is now 4 months old. I told the provider (which is only one of two licensed daycares in the area that will take a child younger than 12 months) that my son was colicky before we signed up. They said they had dealt with it before and it wouldn't be problem. The second week he was there, they were telling me that he cries all day. Mkay well he cries alot for us but not all day. Then the director proceeds to tell me that if it were her grandbaby, they would have her at the doctor for that much crying. Umm, we have taken him to the doctor. There is nothing wrong with him. They have said it's colic and you were informed of that when we enrolled him and we were told it wouldn't be a problem. We had a talk with her, the owner and the provider in his room. We came up with a plan. Things smoothed out for a while. He was getting good reports most days. His colic was clearing up at home and at daycare, everything was going fine.

Then this week he started getting bad reports everyday. We even had to go up there and soothe him one day this week because he was crying incessantly. As soon as I held him for about 15 minutes, he was fine and when I came to pick him up at the end of the day she said he was fussy on and off but he didn't have another inconsolable fit like he had before I came to soothe him. He's been a little clingy at home but I figured it had to do with having issues at daycare and he seems to be teething. He doesn't get held all day, he does fine with grandma and aunts and other people watching him. He fusses with them too but he eventually calms down and does fine.
I spoke to the owner and ask if maybe we need to find a new care situation for him or if they were fine to keep trying to find a way to make this work and their answer was "well there are only two daycares in town that take infants and the other one has no openings". Hmmm, not exactly the type of answer I was looking for...
So opinions, perspectives? Is it time to pull the plug on this situation and find a new one? Any ideas on what we can do to make the situation easier/better if it's not time to change?

Do you not believe them when they tell you your baby was crying all day long? Children usually behave differently at daycare.

Clearly if they are telling you it's a problem then it's a problem. Even with knowing before hand your child has colic doesn't mean they knew he would be crying all day long.

Sounds like your child needs his own person for one on one.

Group care is much different from one on one care.

What did you want them to say or do?

In my opinion your expectations and your child's needs are too high for group care and you should look into getting a nanny.

[Blackcat31]

I agree with the others and think that group care may just not be the right fit.

Not all kids are cut out for daycare.

I also feel sorry for children placed in environments that aren't a good fit simply due to lack of child care facilities in the area

Makes for LOTS of poor fitting matches between families and childcares.

If I were you, I'd do whatever I could to find one on one arrangements for my baby's care.

[mama26]

ok to try and answer some questions...

Yes this is a facility. He is in a room with 5 other kids and one provider, similar to a home daycare in that respect. He is the youngest in the room. The oldest child is 18 months. The room is at capacity, in other words, unless a child leaves, they won't put any more in that room.

No one knew he would cry all day long. He doesn't do that at home. Fussy, yes. Could he probably be categorized as high maintenance? Probably. But he doesn't cry at home or with other caregivers as much as he does at daycare. He is the youngest of 6 children so he's very used to group care type things. I never had to put any of my older kids in daycare so young. This has been a learning experience for everyone.

Do I believe them? Well I have no reason to doubt them really. I know he's a fussy baby so I believe he's crying a lot. However, in two months of going to daycare, he's only been crying when I got there maybe 3 or 4 times? In fact he's been smiling and happy when I got there, before he even knew I was there, most of the time.

When I asked if they were willing to keep working on this or not, I was expected "Yes, let's keep working at this" or "No, I think maybe this center isn't a good match for him." not a basically you're stuck with us. Kind of statement.

There are no licensed home daycare providers in this area or I would have gone with that. The nearest one is 45 minutes out of town. There are 4 facilities in town and only two take infants. There are unlicensed family daycares in town but not only am I a bit leary on that, but I receive a stipend from work that helps cover daycare expenses but only if I use a licensed facility or daycare home.

I've been thinking I may need to go with a nanny and just pay for the costs myself but I wanted to make sure I wasn't overlooking something first. A good nanny in this area is going to be just as hard to find as a licensed home daycare I think.

I used to do home daycare myself years and years ago when my oldest son (now 15) was an infant/toddler and it's just been so long since I've had one young enough for daycare, I wanted some outside perspective.

ETA: We've been through the formula switching/bottle switching song and dance already. We don't really see the inconsolable colicky crying at home any more at all. And this week is the first time in a couple of weeks, since we had the sit down with the director, the owner and the caregiver to figure out how to handle this, that they've reported he was crying all day and inconsolable at times. He's been clingy at home but not inconsolable. I think it is just time to throw in the towel with this situation and find a new one.

[Heidi]

ok to try and answer some questions...

Yes this is a facility. He is in a room with 5 other kids and one provider, similar to a home daycare in that respect. He is the youngest in the room. The oldest child is 18 months. The room is at capacity, in other words, unless a child leaves, they won't put any more in that room.

No one knew he would cry all day long. He doesn't do that at home. Fussy, yes. Could he probably be categorized as high maintenance? Probably. But he doesn't cry at home or with other caregivers as much as he does at daycare. He is the youngest of 6 children so he's very used to group care type things. I never had to put any of my older kids in daycare so young. This has been a learning experience for everyone.

Do I believe them? Well I have no reason to doubt them really. I know he's a fussy baby so I believe he's crying a lot. However, in two months of going to daycare, he's only been crying when I got there maybe 3 or 4 times? In fact he's been smiling and happy when I got there, before he even knew I was there, most of the time.

When I asked if they were willing to keep working on this or not, I was expected "Yes, let's keep working at this" or "No, I think maybe this center isn't a good match for him." not a basically you're stuck with us. Kind of statement.

There are no licensed home daycare providers in this area or I would have gone with that. The nearest one is 45 minutes out of town. There are 4 facilities in town and only two take infants. There are unlicensed family daycares in town but not only am I a bit leary on that, but I receive a stipend from work that helps cover daycare expenses but only if I use a licensed facility or daycare home.

I've been thinking I may need to go with a nanny and just pay for the costs myself but I wanted to make sure I wasn't overlooking something first. A good nanny in this area is going to be just as hard to find as a licensed home daycare I think.

I used to do home daycare myself years and years ago when my oldest son (now 15) was an infant/toddler and it's just been so long since I've had one young enough for daycare, I wanted some outside perspective.

ETA: We've been through the formula switching/bottle switching song and dance already. We don't really see the inconsolable colicky crying at home any more at all. And this week is the first time in a couple of weeks, since we had the sit down with the director, the owner and the caregiver to figure out how to handle this, that they've reported he was crying all day and inconsolable at times. He's been clingy at home but not inconsolable. I think it is just time to throw in the towel with this situation and find a new one.

Just reading your first sentence, 1 provider and 6 children under 2 is just too many kids for one person, too much chaos, and that alone may be making it tough on everyone.

I don't know the laws in your state, but here our ratios for under 2 are one caregiver to 4 children, and there is a limit of 8 children to a class (or FCC). At one point, they contemplated changing it to 3:1, but it would have driven the cost of daycare for infants and toddler way up.

Now I can read the rest of your answer....

[lolaland]

But he doesn't cry at home or with other caregivers as much as he does at daycare. He is the youngest of 6 children so he's very used to group care type things. I never had to put any of my older kids in daycare so young. This has been a learning experience for everyone.

I miss understood your question in your first post. I though you were a young mother wondering why her child would cry all day in the daycare center but not at home.

Now with your second post I see you're an experienced former daycare provider, mother of 6 kids, that is facing some tension with the daycare center staff and wondering if she should leave or stay.

First of all, about the quote above... you surely know already that there is NO COMPARISON between a baby being in a group of 5 other babies and being the baby in a family of 6 kids where the oldest can be already 15 years old. The environment is too much different to compare!

Second – If you feel there is a tension between you, your child's needs and this daycare center staff... you have to move on to another solution. This is my personal opinion as a mother too!! I would never place my child in a center/home/nanny that would make me think they do not want to deal with my child's challenges.... If that's the vibe you are getting from these meetings with the daycare center, look for another place.

Good luck

[Blackcat31]

Some other threads that may be helpful

https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=infant+-+crying

[SilverSabre25]

admittedly I haven't read all the other answers, but here are some suggestions, to address the colic at least:
try gas drops
try changing diet (are you breastfeeding or is he getting formula?)--dairy is the number one culprit, followed by wheat and soy for problems. Really, food allergies/intolerances can have subtle signals and it's not outside the realm of possibility.

I'm EXTREMELY well versed in food allergies and firmly believe that colic has a cause, just not one that's been discovered. Often food allergies is a culprit (acid/gassy/hurting tummy from eating something that doesn't agree)

Another possiblity if it's not food allergies is migraines. Sounds weird, but there are some new studies coming out that suggest that colic (some colic) *may* be caused by babies having migraines. I have no idea how you would address migraines in babies, but it's something to think about.

I believe in my heart that babies cry when they need something, and the "colic" is a need that's not being met--not your fault! But something to consider.

[cheerfuldom]

I think you already have your answer OP. The providers are telling you that your son is unhappy. It doesnt matter what you are seeing for the few minutes you are there to pickup. THEY are saying that he cries, A LOT. It doesn't matter what he does at home. Either you think they are lying (in which case you need to leave) or you believe that your son is struggling at daycare and there doesnt seem to be anything more to try there (in which case you should leave). Start looking for a nanny.

[melilley]

I agree with what everyone else has said. And I'd like to add, that speaking from experience, (I just left working in a center setting for 14 years) having one caregiver for six babies is very hard. It's hard to believe that that is the ratio! In MI it's 1:4 and that's still a lot! If your child likes to be held a lot, I can honestly say that they probably aren't holding him as much as he wants. It's not really the caregivers fault either. By the time you feed and change one baby, it's time for the next baby to be fed and changed and when you have 6 babies, that's a lot of time where the caregiver can't give one on one attention.

On that note, I have 6 children in my home childcare with just me and have 2 babies-one my own. The baby that isn't mine is almost 9 months old and also cries a lot. If I hold him, he is fine, but I can't do that all day and sometimes I unfortunately have to let him cry, but I try my best not to. "Wearing" him is not an option as I have 5 others to take care of and he's too heavy for me to be carrying around. I couldn't imagine having to take care of 6 babies on my own!

[youretooloud]

Many (or most) home daycare settings keep kids of different ages, and in a home setting, he would likely be the only baby. The other kids might be toddlers or preschoolers, but he'd be the only one who needs that level of care.

It's possible that the daycare center is just overstimulating him, and he might need a different environment. If you were to look for other care, keep in mind that you would have to give notice to this other center, so, it might be good to start looking right now.

I have had fussy kids. Parents call it "colic", but there's usually something else. Colic is often the fallback, when it could be lack of sleep, or allergies, or tummy aches, or acid, or...maybe he's just high maintenance, and wants to be carried all day. There is nothing wrong with a baby who needs to be carried most of the time.

But, I'll be honest, it's hard to bond and fall madly in love with a Baby who cries all day. Sometimes, you WANT to, but you feel so exhausted from him or her, that it's harder. I've had a rare few that would cry the second they saw me...and I'd dread walking into their line of vision, because they would suddenly remember they weren't being held. So, perhaps, the providers are having a hard time bonding with him, and he obviously can sense it.

I've seen perfectly happy babies, just melt into Mommy's arms when mommy comes...so, I know for an unhappy baby, it must be super stressful.