A Conversation Is Coming With My Provider

[MarinaVanessa]

It is not acceptable to identify and label a child to the rest of the children and families. When behaviors that aren't acceptable happen they do need to be addressed between the two children in conflict but do not need to be addressed openly to the rest of the children, as in the entire thing explained to the the other kids and the whole point of the discussion be focused on what one child did and how one child is behaving etc.

A special reminder or lesson about the rules in the daycare and about being kind to our friends would have been enough but never identify why the lesson is being conducted or because of one child. And the offending child should never be shamed or humiliated.

The provider should not have identified the name of the child to the parent of the "victim" much less to all of the other families. This opens up the possibility of hostility and retaliation from a disgruntled parent of the "victim" towards the offending child or his/her family. That can be potentially dangerous.

If in fact the child was shamed in front of the children and labeled as a bully then that makes this scenario even worse. It could have been that your child knocked another child over intentionally and although that situation should be handled it doesn't make it right to further complicate the situation by further involving more people that have nothing to do with it and by creating an obviously already stressful situation for the offending child even more complicated and stressful. Yes, the issue needed to be addressed with both children but not in the same way that it was handled by the provider.

You are doing the right thing by looking for a provider elsewhere.

[Heidi]

I also don't understand in your first post when you say this:

"I've already written an email to the provider and we'll have a meeting early next week. This provider usually answers feedback with answers that her hands are tied due to regulations. I've already got some ideas on how to counter that, but I'd love to hear other suggestions."

She supposedly targeted a small child, singled out your individual family to all families enrolled, humiliated and demeaned your child and then forced multiple other children to drink out of another child's cup...... You then you say she admitted to all that. If that's the case then how could her response to your concern be that her hands are tied due to regulations? How so? - because regulations strictly prohibit all of those responses and behaviors. I don't understand how that explanation would even be relevant to the question or your concern at all.

I'm just stuck on why you have waited so long to address this. I don't understand why you'd ever send your child back if indeed your child's provider admitted to you that all this really happened. If I actually believed my child's daycare provider spoke to and treated her that way there is no way I would have ever left her in the providers care again.

I am confused about what you're hoping to accomplish by talking with her. How does a sit down change that what she did was insanely inappropriate and unacceptable?? Even if she apologized do you really trust this womans judgement if that's how she responded to a simple and very normal tiff between toddlers?

My guess there is a sense of disbelief that their provider did this and that op is looking for validation that this is NOT how things are normally handled by a competent provider.

[gew95001]

My guess there is a sense of disbelief that their provider did this and that op is looking for validation that this is NOT how things are normally handled by a competent provider.

Heidi - you hit that pretty close. It's hard to post this kind of thing because it's so much more complicated than is possible to write in even a couple of posts. We didn't find all of this out in one fell swoop. Information came in in trickles, some of it as late as yesterday afternoon. We also wondered if we were just overreacting. We didn't think so, but our grasp of the situation has gotten better, and now we definitely know we're not overreacting.

I understand Willow's comments - why would I bring my child back here? I made it very clear to the provider that this kind of singling out is not acceptable and it was not to happen again. The provider has agreed and agreed to meet to discuss it. I have no doubt that the provider will not do this again for the time being. The provider responds very differently to me than to my wife. Unfortunately, we're not in a position to just pull our kids out of daycare until we find another.

As for the "hands being tied due to regulations" - I meant that this is how she's responded to almost all feedback to her in the past. While I'm sure there are regulations forbidding this kind of thing, I have no idea where to find them - I simply don't know what the regulations say, so I'm trying to get ideas on how to respond to that kind of stance. I've contacted the Licensors, but have not heard back from them yet.

Willow asks another good question as to why I'm going to bother talking to her. We've already decided to remove our kids as soon as possible, but there are also the other kids to consider. We've known these kids for their entire lives, and I feel I have a responsibility to address the provider. I can't just email or call all the other parents (I don't have contact info for all of them), and honestly, if somebody called me with this I'd wonder what the other side of the story was. I think I have to either get the provider to understand the problem of what she's done and let the other parents know so they can make their own decision, or go to the state.

I'm sure I've left out some other key piece of information that will confuse somebody, so I apologize in advance.

[Blackcat31]

As for the "hands being tied due to regulations" - I meant that this is how she's responded to almost all feedback to her in the past. While I'm sure there are regulations forbidding this kind of thing, I have no idea where to find them - I simply don't know what the regulations say, so I'm trying to get ideas on how to respond to that kind of stance. I've contacted the Licensors, but have not heard back from them yet.

What state are you in?

A provider here maybe able to point you in the right direction for finding your provider's licensing requirements.

In my state, we are required to give parents info on where EXACTLY to find our liscensing rules and regulations.

[gew95001]

What state are you in?

A provider here maybe able to point you in the right direction for finding your provider's licensing requirements.

In my state, we are required to give parents info on where EXACTLY to find our liscensing rules and regulations.

I'm in Massachusetts. I've contacted the EEC, but could only leave messages. I'm waiting for them to call me back.

[Blackcat31]

I'm in Massachusetts. I've contacted the EEC, but could only leave messages. I'm waiting for them to call me back.

Maybe this would help http://www.mass.gov/edu/birth-grade-...care-policies/

[gew95001]

Maybe this would help http://www.mass.gov/edu/birth-grade-...care-policies/

Thank you. I found that earlier today, but I didn't see anything that applied to my situation. Nothing I could point to and say "that's the regulation". It could be that it's available somewhere, I just haven't found it yet.

[Blackcat31]

Thank you. I found that earlier today, but I didn't see anything that applied to my situation. Nothing I could point to and say "that's the regulation". It could be that it's available somewhere, I just haven't found it yet.

http://www.mass.gov/edu/birth-grade-12/early-education-and-care/licensing/family-large-and-small-group-and-school-age/licensing-requirements.html

Well if it helps the guildeline in this link for cargivers in your state say:

•Educators must provide guidance to children in a positive and consistent way based on an understanding of the individual needs and development of children.
•Educators must direct child guidance to the goal of maximizing the growth and development of children and protecting the group and the individuals within it.

I think what she did most definitely went against BOTH those policies

[Cat Herder]

Thank you. I found that earlier today, but I didn't see anything that applied to my situation. Nothing I could point to and say "that's the regulation". It could be that it's available somewhere, I just haven't found it yet.

Look at section P-EEC-09 (Complaints) AND Part 7.05 of the family childcare regulations.

Edit: BC, you were doing the same.... sorry.

[gew95001]

Thank you BlackCat31 and Cat Herder - that led me to exactly what I needed!

The following practices are strictly prohibited:
(a) spanking or other corporal punishment of children;
(b) subjecting children to cruel or severe punishment such as humiliation, verbal or physical abuse, neglect, or abusive treatment including any type of physical hitting inflicted in any manner upon the body, shaking, threats, or derogatory remarks;

I really wanted something to point to if she again fell back on regulations. I really appreciate it!

[bunnyslippers]

(8) The following practices are strictly prohibited:
(a) spanking or other corporal punishment of children;
(b) subjecting children to cruel or severe punishment such as humiliation, verbal or physical abuse, neglect, or abusive treatment including any type of physical hitting inflicted in any manner upon the body, shaking, threats, or derogatory remarks;
(c) depriving children of outdoor time, meals or snacks; force feeding children or otherwise making them eat against their will, or in any way using food as a consequence;
(d) disciplining a child for soiling, wetting, or not using the toilet; forcing a child to remain in soiled clothing or to remain on the toilet, or using any other unusual or excessive practices for toileting;
(e) confining a child to a swing, high chair, crib, playpen or any other piece of equipment for an extended period of time in lieu of supervision; and
(f) excessive time-out. Time-out may not exceed one minute for each year of the child's age and must take place within an educator’s view.

This section is pulled directly from the EEC website, under the family child care regulations. It is section 7.05, #8, A-F.

I am a MA licensed provider, certified preschool teacher, and certified elementary and special education teacher. Everything that she did in this situation is against regulations. I would suggest an immediate call to licensing. Please make sure you have the email with the explanation of the incident from the provider included in your complaint.

I would be shut down if a report like this was made about my child care. If you would like to send me a PM with your location, I may be able to give you some contact information about reputable centers/preschools in our state.

Email EEC. They list the licensors by area on the website. Sometimes it is easier to reach them that way. And, from personal experience, keep calling! Squeaky wheel gets the grease ~

[itlw8]

I would print out those emails and report this. It is wrong just plain wrong. Tell the person you talk to that you have her email stating that it is true. and forward it to them.

[gew95001]

So, the meeting with the provider is off. She sent an email to me this morning telling me that because of my email regarding her behavior she was ending service immediately. So not only will she not meet with us, she gave us less than 24 hours notice. We've got several appointments with other providers set up, and with some help from relatives we're not in dire straights, but I feel she's been highly unprofessional in all of this.

[Blackcat31]

So, the meeting with the provider is off. She sent an email to me this morning telling me that because of my email regarding her behavior she was ending service immediately. So not only will she not meet with us, she gave us less than 24 hours notice. We've got several appointments with other providers set up, and with some help from relatives we're not in dire straights, but I feel she's been highly unprofessional in all of this.

Sounds to me like she terminated because she KNEW you were right and her behavior was unexcusable. I definitely feel you should file a complaint so that this does not happen to others.

I really do hope you are able to find alternate care and good for you for being a parent who tries to communicate openly with your provider. Even if this one didn't take too kindly too it.

[gew95001]

Sounds to me like she terminated because she KNEW you were right and her behavior was unexcusable. I definitely feel you should file a complaint so that this does not happen to others.

I really do hope you are able to find alternate care and good for you for being a parent who tries to communicate openly with your provider. Even if this one didn't take too kindly too it.

I'll be filing a complaint tomorrow morning. I was hoping to talk to the provider and perhaps get her to understand how wrong what she was doing was - more so to help the parents who will still be there than us - we'd already decided to move our daughters elsewhere.

To all who responded: Thank you! I know you must regularly read posts and wonder what the other side of the story is - I'm not one for drama and I told everything as accurately as I could. I appreciate all the suggestions and help.