Personal Visitor at Daycare

[DWTC]

I see your point; however, I must ask if you have such little trust in your provider & that your provider is exposing your child to such "unruly" guests why are you still with said provider? That's the beauty of a home daycare, it is someone's home. Your provider chooses to work from home & that should not limit her ability to have a friend over. If you want a non-home environment where non-home-like activities take place thern go to a daycare center. But even there the kids will go on field trips & possibly have encounters with non-workers. Did your provider ever discuss playdates, etc with you prior to starting? I am very upfront that I do go on ocassional playdates with the kids in my care. I trust the people I am around during playdates & I am always watching the two kids in my care. I just see this as an issue of trust. Is your provider so untrustworthy that you don't think she has good judgment? I think you obviously do have some trust issues or you would not have left your past provider. Are you happy with the level of care your dd receives other than the visits from her friend? If I were you I would talk with the provider BUT keep in mind if you demand her to not see her friend that she may terminate your contract for care. If I was told something like that to me it would sound like you don't trust me or appreciate what I do. Maybe you have had a falling out with this other woman but is she a bad person/convicted felon, etc or just someone you don't get along with? There is a big difference.

I wouldn't consider this as a play date because this other lady doesn't have any children...so it doesn't make sense to me that she would come "hang out" at a daycare. It is a trust issue, my daycare provider knows what happened at my previous daycare and she also knows what is going on with this other person...so I'm having a hard time that she would even bring this into the mix.

Anyways, I just talked with my dcp and let her know that if she was planning on having certain friend over again to let me know so I could get backup care for that day. This was the only way I felt I could have a say in the situation. This way I am not telling her to not have friends over, but at the same time I can take my daughter out of the situation. Obviously, if it happens a lot I will be looking for a different provider.

[nannyde]

I wouldn't consider this as a play date because this other lady doesn't have any children...so it doesn't make sense to me that she would come "hang out" at a daycare. It is a trust issue, my daycare provider knows what happened at my previous daycare and she also knows what is going on with this other person...so I'm having a hard time that she would even bring this into the mix.

Anyways, I just talked with my dcp and let her know that if she was planning on having certain friend over again to let me know so I could get backup care for that day. This was the only way I felt I could have a say in the situation. This way I am not telling her to not have friends over, but at the same time I can take my daughter out of the situation. Obviously, if it happens a lot I will be looking for a different provider.

I like your butterfly DW

Yeah I see this from both sides. When I come to that conclusion then the client comes first. As long as my kid isn't affected and the care of the other kids isn't affected... clients wishes first.

I don't have visitors during work because my kids act like little creeps when there is a stranger in the house.

I think you handled it by telling her that if the friend is to come over that you will find another day care for that day. That sends the message without being hateful or bossy about it. I like that.

Obviously if you have to do this with any regularity the arrangement won't work.

I have had a couple of day care parents that knew each other pre-day care and it did NOT work out. I didn't know they knew each other until well into the care of both kids. That put me in a bad spot because I didn't have any way to control it and eventually lost a client over it. The other left shortly so it was not good.

From the provider POV I can see where the stance would be: this is my home and I get to have whoever I want at my house. As long as they aren't left alone with the kids or provide any care to the kids it shouldn't be a problem. I don't do this because no matter WHO is around the kids they start acting like little devils so I just don't bring anyone into the play room... and that includes the parents.

So NO visitors at my house.

Hopefully she will abide by your wishes and it works out.

[DWTC]

I like your butterfly DW

Yeah I see this from both sides. When I come to that conclusion then the client comes first. As long as my kid isn't affected and the care of the other kids isn't affected... clients wishes first.

I don't have visitors during work because my kids act like little creeps when there is a stranger in the house.

I think you handled it by telling her that if the friend is to come over that you will find another day care for that day. That sends the message without being hateful or bossy about it. I like that.

Obviously if you have to do this with any regularity the arrangement won't work.

I have had a couple of day care parents that knew each other pre-day care and it did NOT work out. I didn't know they knew each other until well into the care of both kids. That put me in a bad spot because I didn't have any way to control it and eventually lost a client over it. The other left shortly so it was not good.

From the provider POV I can see where the stance would be: this is my home and I get to have whoever I want at my house. As long as they aren't left alone with the kids or provide any care to the kids it shouldn't be a problem. I don't do this because no matter WHO is around the kids they start acting like little devils so I just don't bring anyone into the play room... and that includes the parents.

So NO visitors at my house.

Hopefully she will abide by your wishes and it works out.

LOL, yep...my little seems to act like that when I am on the phone too!!

You know, I was struggling with this all weekend and was trying to come up with a solution for this. As it is more of a personal issue than a professional issue. I thought of this solution this morning as I was turning onto her street. I didn't want to seem bossy, but wanted to be able to be a parent at the same time!!

I wanted to be very cautious because the last time I brought up a concern at my last daycare...dcp ended up yelling and swearing at me, while I was holding my child. I walked out that morning with my child and did not return!! I didn't want that to happen again. Of course that time it was more of a business concern as she was leaving the daycare children in care with her 16 yr old daughter. I didn't think that was good!

[DWTC]

Do you know why she was there? Dropping off a borrowed object? Just popped by to say hello? I doubt you know the reason for the visit. If you feel like a personal visitor is a reason to "fire" your provider, then go for it. But good luck finding a provider who never has a visitor in their home or lets YOU decide who is and isn't allowed in their home. My friends stop by at least once a week. I am certainly not "hanging out" with them and ignoring my job. They usually join us and lend a hand with the kids. I have a sign in sheet in my home. EVERYONE has to sign in and out -- even the man who checks the electric and gas meters. Also, my mother in law babysits my kids one night a week and she is often here when other kids are getting picked up at the end of the day. Should I make her wait outside so not to upset anyone? That is weird.

But as far as molestation and your child being hurt by a visiting adult -- that is just paranoia. I know you didn't mention those things, but I HIGHLY doubt your provider is inviting unsavory characters over to molest her daycare children. Again, your BOSS sets the rules at your place of business and no personal visitors is a rule. At your providers home, she is the boss. She sets the rules of the business, not you.

It also seems as if you are making WAY too big of a deal about this by replaying this and wondering about the situation instead of just speaking to the provider. It all comes down to trust. You clearly do not trust your provider and all the conversations in the world are not going to change that.

I brought this up on a daycare forum to see if others could help me figure out a way to bring up my concern with my dcp without "firing" her. I wanted to be able to hear the views of other daycare providers. I never mentioned her being molested, just that I don't feel comfortable with this person being around my child. And once again I would like to mention I wasn't trying to be her boss, just a parent. I was trying to get my thinking straight about it before I spoke with her...and I spoke with her the next time I dropped my daughter off with her. I didn't want to talk to her about it over the phone. That's why I waited to speak with her about it, not to replay it.

[MommyMuffin]

I was not assuming that you were talking about molestation, I was simply listing reasons for concern. I think to not be aware of the dangers children face would be ignorant.

[DWTC]

I was not assuming that you were talking about molestation, I was simply listing reasons for concern. I think to not be aware of the dangers children face would be ignorant.

I know you weren't!! I agreed with your post, I was just responding to a previous post about paranoia.

I will always be worried when it comes to my child...the world is a crazy place. Especially right now when she isn't able to communicate with me fully!!

[Crystal]

DWTC:

I agree with you that your provider should not be entertaining guests during business hours. Just as with any other profession, there are standards that we should follow. Having guests over to visit during business hours DOES take away from the time your provider is interacting with and supervising the children. It also reeks of unprofessionalism. Just because she is self-employed and "the boss" does not give her the right to say "it's my business, I'll do what I like" when she is caring for your child. She's self- employed, but she is serving clients - you work WITH your clients, not AGAINST your clients. Also, in most states, there are regs requiring that any adult that regularly visits the home must have a background check.

That being said, if I were you I WOULD have an issue with this occurring. Your provider was well aware of the situation between you and the "visitor". She should have certainly, out of respect and common courtesy, told the guest to visit at another time. She completely failed to even consider how you would feel about your child being around this person....she should be considering her business and the potential for losing a valuable client before considering that she may hurt her friends feelings if she asked her to visit at another time. Unless it was a drop in emergency, she should not be hanging around the dch.

Now, before I get blasted by some providers for saying she should not have guests, and accused of probably lying because I MUST have guests over during hours.....I DO NOT EVER invite a friend or family member over during business hours. I also DO NOT EVER have phone conversations during business hours, unless it's an emergency. There have been times when grandma or grandpa has dropped by unnanounced and they get a cordial hello and my husband will walk out front with them, talk to them for a few minutes, then see them on their way. But, I can honestly say that in 13 years of business I have not even one time had a friend over to "hang out" My primary focus during business hours is on the children. Period.

You have every right to be upset, and I probably would have addressed it with the provider in a little less frinedly way, considering she knew the history between you and her guest.

[DWTC]

DWTC:

I agree with you that your provider should not be entertaining guests during business hours. Just as with any other profession, there are standards that we should follow. Having guests over to visit during business hours DOES take away from the time your provider is interacting with and supervising the children. It also reeks of unprofessionalism. Just because she is self-employed and "the boss" does not give her the right to say "it's my business, I'll do what I like" when she is caring for your child. She's self- employed, but she is serving clients - you work WITH your clients, not AGAINST your clients. Also, in most states, there are regs requiring that any adult that regularly visits the home must have a background check.

That being said, if I were you I WOULD have an issue with this occurring. Your provider was well aware of the situation between you and the "visitor". She should have certainly, out of respect and common courtesy, told the guest to visit at another time. She completely failed to even consider how you would feel about your child being around this person....she should be considering her business and the potential for losing a valuable client before considering that she may hurt her friends feelings if she asked her to visit at another time. Unless it was a drop in emergency, she should not be hanging around the dch.

Now, before I get blasted by some providers for saying she should not have guests, and accused of probably lying because I MUST have guests over during hours.....I DO NOT EVER invite a friend or family member over during business hours. I also DO NOT EVER have phone conversations during business hours, unless it's an emergency. There have been times when grandma or grandpa has dropped by unnanounced and they get a cordial hello and my husband will walk out front with them, talk to them for a few minutes, then see them on their way. But, I can honestly say that in 13 years of business I have not even one time had a friend over to "hang out" My primary focus during business hours is on the children. Period.

You have every right to be upset, and I probably would have addressed it with the provider in a little less frinedly way, considering she knew the history between you and her guest.

Thank you!!!

When I talked to her about it this morning, I felt that she was very professional about it. I actually doubt she will have her over again while my child is there. I think she does value having me as a client...but I guess we will see.

[Crystal]

Thank you!!!

When I talked to her about it this morning, I felt that she was very professional about it. I actually doubt she will have her over again while my child is there. I think she does value having me as a client...but I guess we will see.

That's good. I hope it stays that way. Good luck to you

[momofboys]

Thank you!!!

When I talked to her about it this morning, I felt that she was very professional about it. I actually doubt she will have her over again while my child is there. I think she does value having me as a client...but I guess we will see.

I'm glad it worked out for you! It sounds like your provider took your concerns seriously & was willing to work w/you about this situation.

I do want to mention though that I have ocassional playdates with a friend of mine who has 2 children close to the ages of the kids I care for (I only have 3 kids here during the day). the parents of my kids are happy I do so because it gives their kids more of an opportunity to interact with others. I guess I am a little saddened that because I do this that it is perceived as being unprofessional. The other parent & I only sit & play with the kids. It's not like we go into the other room, drink coffee & leave the kids to fend for themselves. Just thought I'd offer my POV on this. Not everyone who has playdates ignores the children.

[Crystal]

I think playdates are okay.... especially when you only have 2 dck AND the visitor has CHILDREN. I personally wouldn't do it, as my dck and own cildren have each other to play with. But it is different than an adult without children just hanging out.

[DWTC]

I'm glad it worked out for you! It sounds like your provider took your concerns seriously & was willing to work w/you about this situation.

I do want to mention though that I have ocassional playdates with a friend of mine who has 2 children close to the ages of the kids I care for (I only have 3 kids here during the day). the parents of my kids are happy I do so because it gives their kids more of an opportunity to interact with others. I guess I am a little saddened that because I do this that it is perceived as being unprofessional. The other parent & I only sit & play with the kids. It's not like we go into the other room, drink coffee & leave the kids to fend for themselves. Just thought I'd offer my POV on this. Not everyone who has playdates ignores the children.

I think playdates are great, and it gives the kids an opportunity to socialize with other kids that aren't around all the time. I wouldn't think that was unprofessional, it is in a way business related. Kids...playing...socializing...so on...

[nannyde]

Now, before I get blasted by some providers for saying she should not have guests, and accused of probably lying because I MUST have guests over during hours.....I DO NOT EVER invite a friend or family member over during business hours. I also DO NOT EVER have phone conversations during business hours, unless it's an emergency. .

It doesn't really matter if you have guests over or have phone calls. It's something you can control and decide on a day to day basis. It's really not consequential to the care of the kids. Surely they are capable of self entertaining and surely you are able to supervise them properly with or without a visitor or while you are on the phone.

You may choose as a part of your business plan to avoid both but that is your choice and you have control over it to keep that plan or change it today.

That's VERY different than making a fantastical claim or lie that you are able to tell during an interview process whether or not a parent is going to spend their personal time off with their kid. It's very different when you claim your parents keep their kids with them on their personal time and then follow it with an example of a parent who takes nearly five full weeks of me time a year while her kid is in your care.

Saying you don't have visitors or phone calls isn't any different than saying you have yellow wall paper. It doesn't affect the chidlren in ANY way and you control it.

[Crystal]

Dear lord...in case you haven't noticed, I have begun addressing my posts directly to the OP, as I don't want anything to do with you. Leave me ALONE!

[nannyde]

Dear lord...in case you haven't noticed, I have begun addressing my posts directly to the OP, as I don't want anything to do with you. Leave me ALONE!

Oh I've noticed. I also noticed you referred to the previous thread "Now, before I get blasted by some providers for saying she should not have guests, and accused of probably lying because I MUST have guests over during hours.....

I'm responding to THAT part of the post where YOU brought it up.