Personal Visitor at Daycare

[Unregistered]

What are your thoughts on this situation...

My daycare provider is friends with a past acquaintance of mine. This past acquaintance has issues with me because I had mentioned to her significant other that she was seeing someone else.
That being said I don't feel comfortable with this past acquaintance being around my daughter at daycare. As I was leaving after picking my daughter up today I noticed past acquaintances car at my daycare providers house. I'm not sure how to handle this or if it is even something I can have a concern with??

[Pammie]

I'm not sure how to handle this or if it is even something I can have a concern with??

Well you obviously CAN have a concern because you're asking for advice.

However, from a provider's perspective, she can have anyone visit her home that she wishes (providing that person isn't an escaped felon or registered sex offender). Bottom line is it's her home and her business - you are a client not her boss who would be able to dictate who she can have in her home during her business hours.

If you're not comfortable with this person at her home while your child is in her care, and you don't trust your provider to protect/provide your child with the highest quality of care regardless of who else is there, then you need to remove your child permanently and find other daycare arrangements.

[DWTC]

Thanks for responding Pammie!

I understand that I am not her boss, that's why I am trying to get an opinion from someone else. I trust my daycare provider, I just don't trust the visitor. If she has animosity towards me I don't want that to be reflected upon my child.

So basically since I am a "client" I can't bring this up to her because then I would pretty much have to look for another provider? I just had to switch daycare because of a trust situation. Maybe I am just being paranoid, but I don't want this to turn into a situation where I don't trust daycare provider anymore.

[JenNJ]

Does your provider know all this? Can't you just speak with your provider?

[DWTC]

Jenn,
I'm trying to decide if I should speak with her about it or not? She knows that this girl and I are not on speaking terms, so I guess I just assumed she wouldn't have her over when my daughter is at daycare. My daughter is only there 3 days a week, I would think that she could have her come over on a day my daughter isn't there...

I don't want to get into a conflict with provider, but I know that if I don't say something it might get worse. I don't know!!!!

[originalkat]

A Providers Prospective...

I always appreciate it when parents are upfront with me about concerns. I can't address them if I dont know about them. You should politely bring it up and discuss your concerns. Just see what she has to say about it. If she says that the visitor is always kind and speaks appropriately to all the children including your daughter and you wish to stay with the provider then trust her opinion and dont worry about it. If it is that much of a conern then you may have to look elsewhere for child care.

[Unregistered]

I always appreciate it when parents are upfront with me about concerns. I can't address them if I dont know about them. You should politely bring it up and discuss your concerns. Just see what she has to say about it. If she says that the visitor is always kind and speaks appropriately to all the children including your daughter and you wish to stay with the provider then trust her opinion and dont worry about it. If it is that much of a conern then you may have to look elsewhere for child care.

You're right, I would want someone to be upfront with me as well. I also wonder if she would have a concern with her children if the tables were turned. I guess that would be why it would be a good idea to talk with her about it.
Thanks!!

[MommyMuffin]

I completely disagree.
You should know who is around your children the entire day they are there, (during daycare hours it is a buisness!).
I would expect to be made aware if someone was coming to the house, why and if they have had a background check. Very hard to approch a provider about but if my child gets hurt, or molested or just plain feels uncomfortable around that person I feel personaly responsible as a parent and I am not there to make sure that doesnt happen so I would demand to know everytime.
I believe in rules and regulations. Parents-Children-Provider-Trust, key ingredients in the child care field and not notifying parents of visitors weakens the trust.

[MommyMuffin]

I mean agree!!

[DWTC]

See that's what I was thinking...it is a place of business!! I wouldnt be able to hang out with friends where I work. Even my boss doesn't hang out with friends at work.
It seems like it is a double standard with at home daycare...it is their business, so if they aren't running their business up to par...then who is there to let them know it isn't acceptable??

[momofboys]

See that's what I was thinking...it is a place of business!! I wouldnt be able to hang out with friends where I work. Even my boss doesn't hang out with friends at work.
It seems like it is a double standard with at home daycare...it is their business, so if they aren't running their business up to par...then who is there to let them know it isn't acceptable??

But if it is their business, whether in their home or not, it is up to them to call the shots. Typically the businessowner makes the rules, not the customer. Obviously you have to let the provider know you are concerned but as a customer you aren't their boss.

[DWTC]

But if it is their business, whether in their home or not, it is up to them to call the shots. Typically the businessowner makes the rules, not the customer. Obviously you have to let the provider know you are concerned but as a customer you aren't their boss.

I understand that I'm not her boss...I'm not trying to be her boss. I am the parent though, so you would think that you would want to make the parents happy as a customer. Hence the statement "The customer is always right" If you don't make your customers happy, then you won't have any customers.

[DWTC]

I'm just having a hard time juggling this in my head...I'm paying a daycare provider to watch my child, not hang out with friends? But if she chooses to have her personal friends over it's ok, because thats how she chooses to run a business?
If I were to choose to have friends at work to hang out...I would get fired.

[JenNJ]

Do you know why she was there? Dropping off a borrowed object? Just popped by to say hello? I doubt you know the reason for the visit. If you feel like a personal visitor is a reason to "fire" your provider, then go for it. But good luck finding a provider who never has a visitor in their home or lets YOU decide who is and isn't allowed in their home. My friends stop by at least once a week. I am certainly not "hanging out" with them and ignoring my job. They usually join us and lend a hand with the kids. I have a sign in sheet in my home. EVERYONE has to sign in and out -- even the man who checks the electric and gas meters. Also, my mother in law babysits my kids one night a week and she is often here when other kids are getting picked up at the end of the day. Should I make her wait outside so not to upset anyone? That is weird.

But as far as molestation and your child being hurt by a visiting adult -- that is just paranoia. I know you didn't mention those things, but I HIGHLY doubt your provider is inviting unsavory characters over to molest her daycare children. Again, your BOSS sets the rules at your place of business and no personal visitors is a rule. At your providers home, she is the boss. She sets the rules of the business, not you.

It also seems as if you are making WAY too big of a deal about this by replaying this and wondering about the situation instead of just speaking to the provider. It all comes down to trust. You clearly do not trust your provider and all the conversations in the world are not going to change that.

[momofboys]

I'm just having a hard time juggling this in my head...I'm paying a daycare provider to watch my child, not hang out with friends? But if she chooses to have her personal friends over it's ok, because thats how she chooses to run a business?
If I were to choose to have friends at work to hang out...I would get fired.

I see your point; however, I must ask if you have such little trust in your provider & that your provider is exposing your child to such "unruly" guests why are you still with said provider? That's the beauty of a home daycare, it is someone's home. Your provider chooses to work from home & that should not limit her ability to have a friend over. If you want a non-home environment where non-home-like activities take place thern go to a daycare center. But even there the kids will go on field trips & possibly have encounters with non-workers. Did your provider ever discuss playdates, etc with you prior to starting? I am very upfront that I do go on ocassional playdates with the kids in my care. I trust the people I am around during playdates & I am always watching the two kids in my care. I just see this as an issue of trust. Is your provider so untrustworthy that you don't think she has good judgment? I think you obviously do have some trust issues or you would not have left your past provider. Are you happy with the level of care your dd receives other than the visits from her friend? If I were you I would talk with the provider BUT keep in mind if you demand her to not see her friend that she may terminate your contract for care. If I was told something like that to me it would sound like you don't trust me or appreciate what I do. Maybe you have had a falling out with this other woman but is she a bad person/convicted felon, etc or just someone you don't get along with? There is a big difference.