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Hello all. I have just discovered this forum and have gained alot of insight. I was wondering if anyone could help me with advice on a situation with my child's daycare. He has been enrolled for 2 months. There is a teacher there who he is petrified of. He was moved out of her class on the first day and put into an older classroom. I was told he was moved out because he was upset with another boy who was crying in the class. I was also told that if he worked out in his new class, he would be kept there. Every morning when he is dropped off by my mother-in-law, he cries when he sees this teacher. I have a feeling that something happened and the school is not telling me. My son is a very active boy and in his terrible two's. I think he was more then she could handle and that is why they moved him out. My family is urging me to talk to the school and find out why he is so terrified of this teacher. I just do not know how to approach the subject with my director. Overall, I am happy with the school and all it has to offer. It is just unfortunate that this one teacher makes mornings really rough for my child. Any recs on how to bring it up to the director? I am certain she knows what is going on because she is very close with this teacher. I just do not know how to approach the subject. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
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While you could be right it is just as likely that your child is afraid if her for no other reason than because your child is 2. Children are scared of silly things sometimes just because it is new to them. I've seen children scream bloody murder if their bare skin touched grass, I've seen children be afraid of other daycare parents at drop off or pick up even though I know for certain the parent has never had any significant interaction with them. I don't know how your center works but in a lot of centers classrooms are combined at certain times during the day so even though your child is not in her class he may be with her at times. Talk to the director if it will put your mind at ease but its likely that she will have no idea why your child is upset. -
I would also recommend taking him yourself to see this first hand before possibly causing problems for this teacher and her family.
It seems they are trying to work with you but really, YOU need to witness and try to solve this yourself before passing judgement.- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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Hello all. Thanks for the advice. I do plan to talk to the director. I just do not know how to approach the subject with her without coming across as a defensive parent.Comment
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This thread remonded me of an infant (13 months) that I had that was scared of people with brown shoulder to ear length hair. Nobody knew what was going on as this child was not really exposed to a whole lot of people with hair this length. He was fine when he started (at 9 months) then his pick-up times changed to closer to the end of the day (when all other kids were picked up) and then he would scream and scurry over to me in a panick and claw up my legs.
It took us a week to figure out that he was only doing this when 2 DCP's arrived. A DCD and a DCM with hair almost to their shoulders , both had dark brown hair. DCD started arriving in a hat and although DCB was still a little cautious (or confused) he stopped panicking. DCM ended up picking him up 30 minutes earlier before either DCP's arrived to pick their kids up and DCB didn't do it again unless they were out in public. He eventually grew out of that stage but into a fear of hats which turned into a fear of mustaches. Go figure. He's fine now (age 4) but it was an odd fear for a child to have.
In another instance I had a child that I met during an interview that simply did not like me. She wouldn't come near me and would shake and hide. Her parent's thought it was odd as I had never met them before. We tried DC for a week but it never got better and I felt horrible for her so I simply told them that it would not work out and gave them the number to another provider. The little girl thrived at the other DC and I did see her again and she outgrew her "fear" of me.
Maybe your child has a fear similar to this?
If you feel like something else altogether happened then go ahead and speak to the director. I'm not sure what I would say in this case but why not just try and tell her your feelings and thoughts about this. Be honest and open-minded and ask her to do the same. What would YOU like to be done in this situation? Would you like the director to question the teacher? Would you like to have a sit-down with the teacher? Would you like to observe the teacher in her element (in her room) with and without your child present? In other words, have a plan of what your goal is. Don't just walk in and expect the director to offer a plan or solution. Approach her with a plan or a goal or a suggestion and be open to negotiation. Some requests may not be possible due to regulations, policies, availability etc but if your requests are reasonable there should be no reason why the director wouldn't be able to accomodate.
Good luck.Comment
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I'm thinking it might just be one of those toddler things, too. I would just ask the director if she's noticed it too, and if she has any ideas to help your son.
I have 2:
Spend a little time at the daycare, you WITH your son, and help him acclimate to this teacher. If you can get there at the end of the day, maybe, and just stay for 15 minutes and hang out. Be friendly to the teacher, model that you are not afraid of her, but don't push your son.
Or, if you would rather just try the opposite approach, maybe Grandma could just bring him a little later in the morning, once the classes have split up?Comment
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Definitely bring it up. As a parent (I'm not a provider) I try not to overreact, especially if my concerns are based just on my daughter's version/reaction to things (2-3 year olds are not the best communicators) but if something is really concerning me I always ask. Just keep your tone light and non-accusatory. Approach it as if you're concerned/curious about his reaction and that you want the director's help and experience in resolving it. Don't go in there guns blazing pre-convinced in your mind that the teacher has done something to your child.
If it makes you feel better, my daughter was terrified of my husband's stepfather for about 2 years. He had never been alone with her or even had much interaction at all with her when she started freaking out any time he entered the room. We all puzzled about it as he'd never raised his voice, played with her roughly or other engaged in any other benevolent but potentially frightening activities. She's 3yo now and while she's a bit shy around him, she's not scared anymore. We never figured out what upset her - whether it was his facial hair, his voice (he talks somewhat loudly and a lot) or maybe he entered a room too quickly one time and startled her.Comment
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I suggest taking him yourself to see if he's actually "terrified" or is just having separation anxiety. Perhaps Grandma is misreading it.
Also, all providers have had this happen. Grandma unconsciously wants their grandbaby to cry when she leaves. Instead of a happy, cheery "Have fun!", they dilly dally waiting for the child to cry and cling to her.Comment
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I had a three year old at my old center who suddenly became "terrified" of me. She went to Head Start and she would come to me in the afternoon. This child would wet herself (while saying "Imma pee on myself if I have to go!), throw up and cling to the wall.
Preceding this, she had gone home and told her mother I slapped her
, screamed at her, etc. I had firmly told her to stop talking and playing during naptime, but that's all. At first, my boss assured the parent that it hadn't happened but as time when on and the child's reaction to me became more and more extreme....they began to get concerned and I began to receive disciplinary action, including a temporary demotion.
We began to figure out that most of the reports of this child reacting this way, came from a particular staff member who happened to work at both the Head Start and the center. She claimed the child would beg, "Are you going to be there?? Please don't make me go!!" And that she was also having conversations with this child's mother and other staff members about me.
When this staff member was let go, the "terror" went away as quickly as it came. I began to get hugs, pictures drawn, smiles from the child daily. I will always believe this woman built on the slapping story and influenced this child because there had started to be jealous comments from her about my position, pay, etc.
I say all this to say...please look into this more. Im sure it looked to this mother like her child was legitimately afraid of me.Comment
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