Feeling Discriminated Against! I Need Help :(

[LynnaJ]

Okay. I've never done this before. Technology hates me. But I'm desperate. My son is one year old. He has been in cloth diapers since he was two months. Since then, I have never once bought disposable diapers for him. I just started a new job as a teacher's aide in a daycare center and the owner has point blank refused to allow my child to wear cloth diapers. Says he has to have disposable because in a daycare center 'reusable diapers are not sanctioned by DHS law'. Now, I didn't argue. I went out, spent money I really didn't have a provided the disposables. However, I've been working off and on in childcare since the very day I turned eighteen. And never once in the many centers I have worked in, taken training courses in, and even had children I was responsible for in, have I been told that cloth diapers were illegal and/or outright not accepted.

Now, I have read rules and regulations for centers on the diapering thing and it says nothing about it not being accepted at ANY center. I was beginning to think maybe I was wrong, and that it's 2011, maybe things changed. But things have gotten worse. And I mean horribly worse. My son is on special formula for his weight and nuitrion issues. They have told me he can't have it because he's a year old and they aren't allowed to give him anything but whole milk--which I have to provide, of course, they only serve skim milk. My son is also allergic to soy. And I've made it clear that he cannot be fed anything containing soy. They continue to do so. Once is a mistake, but three days in row??? My son is suffering! The only reason I do not pull him out is because I'm a single mother. I'm providing for the both of us and my youngest, middle school age brother. I'm trying my best to keep this job, but with the way things are being handled with my son---forget the religious discrimination and sexual harrassment from a MALE employee---I don't even know if I should anymore!! I need help! Am I wrong? Are cloth diapers not acceptable in childcare centers anymore? Is it that they just forget to check the ingrredients? Is it true they aren't allowed to prepare my son's doctor administered for for formula? Someone help!

[Michael]

Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum! I've upgraded your status. You can post freely now.

For which state? Your IP show you are in Tennessee. Is that correct? I can't imagine that if you have a doctor's note stating that your son can't have skim milk that a provider can't have an alternative. My first thought would be to look at your state's guidelines and call your state's childcare licensing agency. Maybe some of the other members will chime in.

[Kaddidle Care]

I would be more concerned about the blatent disregard for the child's allergies (soy) than the diapers. Please find another job and then report them.

You mention "sexual harrassment from a MALE employee" - this is a serious accusation. That needs to stop immediately. If it's just teasing flirts, it's no big deal - just tell the person they are making you uncomfortable and to stop it. If it is hands on contact you have lawsuit material. Again, the person needs to be confronted and anything that is making you uncomfortable needs to stop. It's unprofessional to say the least.

I stopped going to a Dentist because I witnessed him giving his employees shoulder rubs, etc. He couldn't keep his hands off them - it totally skeeved me out.

[LynnaJ]

The issueof sexual harassment at my work.

When I said sexual harrassment, I meant that I don't go a single day without him touching my rear end, or my chest with the excuse of wiping crumbs off my shirt or the like. Or taking my pony tail in hand and pulling. And I don't mean just a little tug. I mean hard enough back to pop the joints in my neck. I've dealt with that at two other different jobs in the past. So it isn't something new to me, but back then I wasn't responsible for two minors. I can't just pick up and leave without having another job to replace this one. Not when I have bills due in just a matter of a couple weeks. I really wish I could. But I'm on my own. And my son is always groggy now. For the past week I've had to give him his medicine for his food allergy. The medicine makes him so drowsy and groggy, he can't hardly do anything. So he just sits and cries, rubs his eyes and fights falling asleep. He absolutely loathes falling asleep in his class.

[Meyou]

When I said sexual harrassment, I meant that I don't go a single day without him touching my rear end, or my chest with the excuse of wiping crumbs off my shirt or the like. Or taking my pony tail in hand and pulling. And I don't mean just a little tug. I mean hard enough back to pop the joints in my neck. I've dealt with that at two other different jobs in the past. So it isn't something new to me, but back then I wasn't responsible for two minors. I can't just pick up and leave without having another job to replace this one. Not when I have bills due in just a matter of a couple weeks. I really wish I could. But I'm on my own. And my son is always groggy now. For the past week I've had to give him his medicine for his food allergy. The medicine makes him so drowsy and groggy, he can't hardly do anything. So he just sits and cries, rubs his eyes and fights falling asleep. He absolutely loathes falling asleep in his class.

You should call the police and file charges for that type of behavior. I'm sorry but WHY are you not looking for another job where you are safe and respected??? You have serious problems with your child's care and you're being sexually and physically assaulted at work.

[Heidi]

You need to DOCUMENT each incident immediately. Date the page, and put down in your own words what has happened so far with the harassment. Date, time, and exactly what he did, and what you said in response.

On a seperate page, document what has occured regarding your son's care.

Is there a legal hotline in your state for low income people? I know some of our bigger cities here in WI have a legal action, where attorneys volunteer their time.

Do you get any state assistance? If so, is there a social worker that you deal with? Perhaps she can give you advice. Probably wishful thinking on my part....

I would definately look for another job. Obviously, you would not give any details in your interviews. You could simply say "THe place I am working at right now is not a good fit for my son, I'll leave it at that". I assume you would be looking for another place where you can work AND your son can attend, as well.

Once you document everything, you can call the licensing agency and document all this, but the s*** will definately hit the fan then. Obviously, they will know who is making the accusations.

Please be careful. The harrasment thing can SO be turned on you. It's going to be your word against his. Personally, I think the next time he touches you in any way I would VERY LOUDLY say "***, as I have told you before KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!!!! If it's a daycare rule for the kids, use the kid's version "xx, WE KEEP OUR HANDs AND FEET ON OUR OWN BODIES HERE!" or, whatever words you usually use for the children.

[Unregistered]

Hey Buddy, KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!

Just what PPO said. Make sure you have eye contact and that everyone in the room can hear you say it. There is no reason he needs to be touching you!!!

[Unregistered]

So your being tounched and sexually harrased, and your child is not being treated the way he should, and ignoring his allergies.....this all seems so far fetched, I'm not sure what advice your looking for, quit and file complaints, or keep working there and keeping your son there and put up with it(not the smart choice), because once you start flinging complaints everywhere(which you should), it will be way to uncomfortable to continue working there.

[LynnaJ]

I'm looking...

I am looking for another job, but so far I've got nothing. I informed the owner of what he was doing and she just scoffed at me. Of course, I can understand considering her own relationship with the man. She just didn't believe he could ever cheat on her and told me I was lying. It doesn't help my case any when the other teachers tell the owners that I'm not doing my job. When the case is that I'm doing mine and covering their rear ends when they leave their class rooms unattended with a dozen children running wild with no supervision. I don't know how to make this job work. I'm worried about my baby's allergy getting worse than it already is. If he goes into anaphylactic shock, there's nothing I can give him to help before either I get him to the doctor or an ambulance arrives. I can't afford to quit, but I don't want to risk the treatment of my son getting worse just because his teacher doesn't like me. I'm at a loss.

[cheerfuldom]

Regardless of what the states say about cloth diapers, daycares do have the right to disallow them at a particular facility. These are privately owned businesses and as long as they are following the state requirements, they don't HAVE to do allow anything above that. You need to figure out a way to move your son from this daycare. There has to be way. It just takes one time for him to have a severe food reaction so you can't take that chance. Good luck to you.

Unfortunately, even if you document this sexual harrassment, its up to you to file any sort of charges. You can also file complaints against the daycare. Neither of those options are going to change your current daycare situation though, and judging from the directors attitude, you son will get get out of daycare in some way or another.

[daycare]

I am looking for another job, but so far I've got nothing. I informed the owner of what he was doing and she just scoffed at me. Of course, I can understand considering her own relationship with the man. She just didn't believe he could ever cheat on her and told me I was lying. It doesn't help my case any when the other teachers tell the owners that I'm not doing my job. When the case is that I'm doing mine and covering their rear ends when they leave their class rooms unattended with a dozen children running wild with no supervision. I don't know how to make this job work. I'm worried about my baby's allergy getting worse than it already is. If he goes into anaphylactic shock, there's nothing I can give him to help before either I get him to the doctor or an ambulance arrives. I can't afford to quit, but I don't want to risk the treatment of my son getting worse just because his teacher doesn't like me. I'm at a loss.

sorry....I am just going to be blunt...

you say you are worried about your child going to to shock, but you can't afford t quit your job?

OMG woman, wake up....,

Why would you continue to put your childs life at risk every day? YOu can afford to quit anything that could take the life or forever jeopardize the life of your child, sorry to me this is just nonsense to keep going back to this day after day...

I would walk now, and file a law suit.... the longer you stay the less chance of wining your lawsuit you have. Because the law is also going to want to know why you continued to keep your child in danger and they are going to question your ability to make good judgement with your child.

I don't mean to sound rude, I guess I am just shocked that you would continue to put not only yourself in this situation, but your child too..

Please get out..

[LittleD]

Oh Lynna, this is so horribly wrong! Have you talked to your boss about this employees disgusting behavior? You need to, and I would seriously consider filing charges against this creep!! It would even help your case if you have a witness (or video surveillance) to go to your boss with, and telling your boss that if the guy keeps doing it you WILL press charges. Who wants a daycare where an employee SEXUALLY ASSAULTS people? I bet this guy knows you can't/won't be able to find another job right away. And what do you want to bet he has/is doing this to other women?
As for the fact they won't let him have his formula, can't you pre-mix the bottles, so they just have to give the bottles?

[Heidi]

http://www.tennlegalaid.com/

Here is a website for legal aid in Tennessee.

[LynnaJ]

sorry....I am just going to be blunt...

you say you are worried about your child going to to shock, but you can't afford t quit your job?

OMG woman, wake up....,

Why would you continue to put your childs life at risk every day? YOu can afford to quit anything that could take the life or forever jeopardize the life of your child, sorry to me this is just nonsense to keep going back to this day after day...

I would walk now, and file a law suit.... the longer you stay the less chance of wining your lawsuit you have. Because the law is also going to want to know why you continued to keep your child in danger and they are going to question your ability to make good judgement with your child.

I don't mean to sound rude, I guess I am just shocked that you would continue to put not only yourself in this situation, but your child too..

Please get out..

I know. I understand where you're coming from with all of this. But guess what? I went in today to talk to my boss. I had told her and she didn't believe me. There are three other teachers that would jump at the chance to discredit me on anything I say. So it would only be me taking food out of my kids' mouths to file charges, get a lawyer and all that. I'm already struggling enough with having to pay my son's childcare tuition, (150/week) my brother's Fun Company tuition, (another hundred what all a week) two hundred and eighty dollars A WEEK for rent on a two bedroom, not including utilities, (200 all in all) phone bill, (50) my son's formula, food, and now diapers and baby wipes. And remember, I'm on my own. I don't have parents. My father is a useless drunk homeless guy who is now in jail. (again) My mother is MIA. I don't have grandparents and the aunts and uncles I do have want nothing to do with me because of my mother and my son's father? I can't even count on him to come see his son once a week no matter how many times he says he wants to see him. I got an idea from one of the parents actually and I think I might follow thru with it. As long as my boss doesn't veto the idea. But I am planning to start packing his own meals from home. In a center that provides meals, am I allowed to do that sorta thing? I hope I made some sense. And I hope I didn't appear to be whining. I'm not actively trying to and I do apologize if I have come across in such a way.

[daycare]

I know. I understand where you're coming from with all of this. But guess what? I went in today to talk to my boss. I had told her and she didn't believe me. There are three other teachers that would jump at the chance to discredit me on anything I say. So it would only be me taking food out of my kids' mouths to file charges, get a lawyer and all that. I'm already struggling enough with having to pay my son's childcare tuition, (150/week) my brother's Fun Company tuition, (another hundred what all a week) two hundred and eighty dollars A WEEK for rent on a two bedroom, not including utilities, (200 all in all) phone bill, (50) my son's formula, food, and now diapers and baby wipes. And remember, I'm on my own. I don't have parents. My father is a useless drunk homeless guy who is now in jail. (again) My mother is MIA. I don't have grandparents and the aunts and uncles I do have want nothing to do with me because of my mother and my son's father? I can't even count on him to come see his son once a week no matter how many times he says he wants to see him. I got an idea from one of the parents actually and I think I might follow thru with it. As long as my boss doesn't veto the idea. But I am planning to start packing his own meals from home. In a center that provides meals, am I allowed to do that sorta thing? I hope I made some sense. And I hope I didn't appear to be whining. I'm not actively trying to and I do apologize if I have come across in such a way.

please never feel you have to apologies for how you feel. I don't live in your shoes and for me it's easy to say walk out of your job.

I am very sorry that you don't have a lot of family support, I can really understand this, as I live very very far away from my ALL of my family.

I really hope that you and your child are safe. Please remember that you are the voice for your child and that it's you who has to make the right decisions to make things happen for the best.

Try hard not to focus on what you don't have and focus on the present and where you are going....As they say, life is not about where you have been, but where you are going that really matters.

Know there are support groups out there that can help you, in more ways than you probably are aware... Maybe try and see if there are places out there that can help you and your child...

Chin up, I know that when we can keep our heads held high, that we can see the light better and good things will always come....

Best of luck to you and your little one...