Play Date - Am I Overreacting?

[KDC]

I have DCG, age 5 in Kindergarten (mornings). I do daycare for her before school and after school (for only an hour or so). I live in a cul-de-sac and have watched all my neighbors children since they were infants. All the parents know each other and hang out, all the kids have become good friends.

Neighbor agreed to get DCG off bus with his daughter and deliver DCG to my door. This is prearranged and is included in contract.

Issue: Parent's miscommunication! Often they don't tell me until the last minute that she will not be coming after school which results in tossed lunch), I've asked for a heads up, but apparently things just 'come up'. They've also neglected to tell me she was a pick up from school before leaving me and the neighbor to freak out when she isn't on bus.

Today's Issue: DCG tells neighbor that she's not supposed to come over to my house today, AND neighbor believes her. She doesn't arrive at my house and neighbor says, "DCG said she wasn't supposed to go over there today so she's at our house eating." Why he believed a 5 yr. old, who knows! So I said absolutely not, she's supposed to be here please send her over. She comes here and eats lunch. I get phone call from DCG's dad stating neighbor's daughter is coming to my house to get DCG for play date . I have 2 other kids around same age (they're all good friends) that aren't included and I would like to have the chance to set expectations as to why DCG gets to go on a play date and they don't, but as the father is on the phone to tell me of his 'plans' the doorbell rings. Ugh. So now I have two kids crying and 1 bragging about her cool play date without the 2 others. Thanks DC dad. And the best part, he was supposed to be home in 20 minutes, why couldn't he wait and take her himself? I think this is rude and putting me in an uncomfortable position. I signed up for day care, not play date director. Am I overreacting?

[Lilbutterflie]

I would definitely be frustrated, as you are.

About parent miscommunication- there is no excuse for not telling you or your neighbor that she had already been picked up from school. I would absolutely be panicked if DCG wasn't on the bus and I hadn't been alerted!! I would explain how panicked you and your neighbor were and think of some kind of appropriate penalty if it happens again (surely someone on this board has a good idea of what that could be!)

About the playdate mishap... you are in an odd position there. You could try explaining to DCD that the other kids got their feelings hurt when they weren't included in the playdate. Ask that if he arranges a playdate again, it needs to be on his own time, not yours.

[permanentvacation]

Short version...

Only you or your employees - not a neighbor should be tending to the daycare child. This includes getting the child off the bus and walking him/her to the daycare home. You have no control over what the neighbor does with the child, where the neighbor takes the child (neighbor could put the child in their car and drive all around town for all you know!) or where the neighbor gives the child permission to go such as to some other kid's house in the neighborhood.

None of your daycare children should ever leave your daycare home to play at another location. You are responsible for that child until his/her parents pick him/her up from daycare.

I think this arrangement you made with the neighbor is just asking for problems!

Long version...

I would have never made arrangements for another adult who is not the child's parent or my employee to get the child to me after school! You have no control over what that other adult does with the child. You have no control over where that adult takes the child. Since you already have other daycare children in your care when the other adult receives the child after school, you can't go looking for/hunting down the child and other adult if they don't show up at your house on time as expected.

My opinion - if you can't guarantee that you personally, can every day get the child from school or the bus stop, then you have no business offering to provide daycare services for the child. Some people allow the child to walk from the bus stop or school by themselves to the daycare. But what is the daycare provider supposed to do when the child doesn't show up on time?

If you have it in your contract that you are not responsible for the child until that child arrives at your daycare, then at least you have covered your butt if something happens to the child before arriving at your house or doesn't arrive at your house at all. But, I think it's putting the child in a dangerous situation. Like you have already experienced, the adult that is supposed to get the child after school and deliver them to you didn't do what they were supposed to do because the child told them not to! What if that adult decides they need to run to the store one day and takes the child to the store with them in their car? What if the other adult decides it's okay to let the child go to some other neighbor's to play? There are so many things that could go wrong with this arrangement.

I just think that if you are hired to be the caretaker of the child, then you and only people employed at your business should be the caretaker(s) of the child. If you have an employee, you would be more in control of what the employee does/doesn't do with the daycare child. But just a neighbor helping out, you really have no control over the neighbor.

[Solandia]

I don't do playdate coordination. I currently have a 5yo kindie, and live 2 doors down from his friends. I don't have non-daycare kids over during the daycare day, and I do not allow kids to go to friends houses while in my care. They are my responsibility until mom/dad come a take over. It has never been an issue, because I have never allowed it. It has nothing to do with hurting other kids feelings, and all about who keeping the little people I am responsible for under my care and no one else's.

Now, if we happen to be playing out front, and the neighbor kids are all playing out front with their parents' supervising....I'm good with that.

If the daycare child's parents want to have a playdate with another family, they can add that other parent as an authorized pickup person and sign the child out of my care completely, and can be picked up directly from playdate family.

[KDC]

I said I wouldn't care for child if I was responsible for picking up at bus stop. They really needed the help. I am ONLY responsible for when the child arrives (per contract). Parent calls and says to release child to neighbor (remember we're all friends and have all known each other for 5+ years) He's on the pick-up list. I'm just peeved at the spontaneity. I think this type of things needs to be prearranged and discussed prior to it happening.

[permanentvacation]

I forgot to add in my long version...

You should only release the child to the parents or someone who is listed on the parent's emergency contact list. This means that if dad wanted the child to be picked up by the neighbor to go to the neighbor's to play, the neighbor would have had to be listed on the emergency contact list as someone the parents have given permission for you to release the child to. Once the child has been released to either the parents or an emergency contact, the child is not to return that day - they have been picked up from daycare. Oh, and anyone that you release the daycare children to should be required to be over 18 years old. Also, you said dad called you and told you to let the child go to the neighbors. You have no proof of him giving you permission to let the child go to the neighbors. If anything happened to the child while he/she was over there, you could be held responsible.

As a licensed daycare provider in Maryland, if I released a child to a neighbor who was not on the contact list, I would lose my license!

[sharlan]

No, you are not overreacting. You need to put a stop to this immediately. Any and all playdates need to be prearranged at least one day in advance. No advance warning, no playdate on your time.

[Kaddidle Care]

Issue: Parent's miscommunication! Often they don't tell me until the last minute that she will not be coming after school which results in tossed lunch), I've asked for a heads up, but apparently things just 'come up'. They've also neglected to tell me she was a pick up from school before leaving me and the neighbor to freak out when she isn't on bus.

This is one of the reasons why I termed my first SA child. Cousins were arriving from out of state and the child was going home instead of my house. I was a wreck trying to find out where she was only to find that she was next door at her house with relatives.

While the parent did pay me for my time, the next time the child was at my house, looked out the window and saw her relatives were there and went storming out to the back door to go home. When I had to physically stop her from going, I called her mother and termed immediately. She was a very strong willed child that wouldn't take "no" for an answer.

If you are in charge of the child, only the people on her pick up sheet should be taking her from your home and only when the parent tells you so. The parents need a lesson from Miss Manners 101.