Age Appropriate - Mixing Ages

[Melissa]

Good morning. I'm not sure where to go with this question so I thought I would start here. My 14 month old is at a center style daycare. He is still in the infant room. They do not have the room set up to separate the older and younger babies. My son is not one of the older babies in the room and can walk. He has started pushing on the younger babies trying to get them to play with him, is why I would think he is doing it. The teachers in the room put him at the table where they eat at a form of discipline. It seems like this is getting more frequent and yesterday they actually wrote on his report he had to be at the table a lot and he hated it. Is this a proper thing to do instead of redirecting him with an activity or different area or what not? He is starting to not want to sit at the table at home for meals now. I am not sure if this is a result of what daycare is doing or what. Any help would be appreciated!

Thank you

[melskids]

i am an in home daycare where ages are mixed, but in my opinion, 14 months old is way too early for "time outs" and they are basically using a form of restraint, which wouldnt fly with regulations here.

they are disciplining him for something he is doing that is developmentally appropriate for his age. redirection would be much more appropriate. again, just my opinion.

they are strapping him in a seat because its easier for them.

i did work at a center for awhile once, (in the infant room) so i do understand how busy it can be.

they did have two seperate infant rooms. once they could walk, they were moved into the "waddler" room.

i would ask to speak to the director, and tell her your concerns.

[Solandia]

A "time out" for a 14mo is inappropriate. Which is what they are doing.

Hitting is also not appropriate, it doesn't matter the reason. They need to model appropriate behavior. "we use words to say 'hi, can I play?" and "hands are for waving hi & bye, playing with toys" "hands are not for hitting".

Redirection doesn't work for a determined 14mo in this situation. He wants attention, redirection is a form of attention. (Cool, I hit, then I get a cool different toy to play with picked out with love by my caretaker. Awesome!)

Also, a 14mo generally does not understand a time out as a direct consequence of his own actions. By the time they get him in the timeout spot, he doesn't even remember what he was doing to get there. Fail.

I deal with hitting (biting,pushing, etc) with this age by sternly saying "not nice!", picking up the hitter/biter facing away from me, setting them down an arms length away, turning my back to them. Then loving on the one hit/pushed/bit for like a minute tops. THEN, and only if the hitter was not accosting someone else, is when I pick him up and play. No attention given as a direct result of hitting. Bueno.

[melskids]

A "time out" for a 14mo is inappropriate. Which is what they are doing.

Hitting is also not appropriate, it doesn't matter the reason. They need to model appropriate behavior. "we use words to say 'hi, can I play?" and "hands are for waving hi & bye, playing with toys" "hands are not for hitting".

Redirection doesn't work for a determined 14mo in this situation. He wants attention, redirection is a form of attention. (Cool, I hit, then I get a cool different toy to play with picked out with love by my caretaker. Awesome!)

Also, a 14mo generally does not understand a time out as a direct consequence of his own actions. By the time they get him in the timeout spot, he doesn't even remember what he was doing to get there. Fail.

I deal with hitting (biting,pushing, etc) with this age by sternly saying "not nice!", picking up the hitter/biter facing away from me, setting them down an arms length away, turning my back to them. Then loving on the one hit/pushed/bit for like a minute tops. THEN, and only if the hitter was not accosting someone else, is when I pick him up and play. No attention given as a direct result of hitting. Bueno.

you're right. hitting is never appropriate. what i meant was, they are disciplining him innappropriately for what is a normal 14 month old behavior.

and i handle hitting and biting the same as you, and then redirect them to go somewhere else.

the whole point is, they are not taking the time to teach appropriate behaviors, rather, they are taking the easiest way out for them.

IMO, they are punishing, and not disciplining.

[nannyde]

Good morning. I'm not sure where to go with this question so I thought I would start here. My 14 month old is at a center style daycare. He is still in the infant room. They do not have the room set up to separate the older and younger babies. My son is not one of the older babies in the room and can walk. He has started pushing on the younger babies trying to get them to play with him, is why I would think he is doing it. The teachers in the room put him at the table where they eat at a form of discipline. It seems like this is getting more frequent and yesterday they actually wrote on his report he had to be at the table a lot and he hated it. Is this a proper thing to do instead of redirecting him with an activity or different area or what not? He is starting to not want to sit at the table at home for meals now. I am not sure if this is a result of what daycare is doing or what. Any help would be appreciated!

Thank you

I don't think his pushing on the babies is because he wants to play with them. My guess is he's starting to get physical with the other kids and the staff have no other way to separate him but to put him at the table.

I think time away is approprate for a fourteen month old. I think they need to have confined time after they do the smaller acts of aggression so they learn that being physical means separation.

I do NOT agree with redirection. Redirection is a huge reward to kids. The only time I reccomend redirection is if you are dealing with something medical or hurting to the child like shots or having stitches put in. THAT'S the time to get their mind going in another direction.

The staffs inability to confine him and separate him is one of the main reasons we have so much violence in our preschoolers today. I'm NOT saying YOUR child is violent. PLEASE don't think I'm saying that.

I'm saying that pushing is a root behavior that happens BEFORE the harder more hurtful acts of aggression come like hitting and biting. I don't have any of that in my day care at all because I stop it at the root and they have close direct physical supervision at all times.

We have play yards for separation when the child is escalating. The play yards are filled with awesome age appropriate toys. When they are this young and need to settle we can put them in their OWN play yard by themselves and let them entertain themselves with cool toys. It's not a punishment.. it's a time away for them to settle down and an opportunity to begin again once they are lower energy and group ready.

[cheerfuldom]

You can talk to the lead teacher again and the director. Find out what their discipline policy is, what they have tried, state your concerns for meal times. State regulations vary. There are very few options for many preschools and daycares these days. It is possible that this is one of the only options left to the school to address the issue while still staying within their regulations. It really doesn't matter what we all do and what we suggest, you have to address it with your particular daycare. It also doesn't matter why your little one is pushing. The fact is that he IS pushing and someone could get hurt. It is also possible that the ratio is too high in his class and the teachers are overwhelmed with the kids and this is what they resort too. You need to hash out all your concerns and then decide if you can live with their response or would prefer another daycare.

My experience is that kids push when they are bored, testing limits, aggressive or physical by nature. No matter what happens with his daycare, it's your job to keep watching out for these tendencies and not make an excuse for his behavior. He can learn at 14 months that pushing is not acceptable and he will need you to help teach him that. I am not saying you are doing anything wrong right now, just saying to remember that this whole situation started by his actions and he should be held accountable in some way for it. If you move to another daycare, make sure you let the new provider know what his current challenges are and what form of discipline you feel comfortable with.

[Cat Herder]

IMHO, The playroom is suffering from a poor design. The employees are set up for frustration and failure.

They are coping the only way they can...by isolating your son, in the only available equipment, to keep the smaller/weaker kids safe. (what he is doing is exactly what I'd expect under those circumstances Unfortunately, it will progess if not nipped now. Aggression is a learned behavior born from frustration.)

Other Infants, Wobblers (walkers +12 months) and Toddlers should not be able to get their hands on infants to begin with. EVER.

Walkers should have plenty of floor space to explore, awesome toys to keep them creatively occupied AWAY from infants and visual supervision.

[mismatchedsocks]

Non walkers, and walkers should be seperate, even in a home setting with mixed ages. If not able to be seperated, then a teacher SHOULD be by the non walkers at all times keeping them safe. Your 14 month old is wrong for hitting, and seperating is great, if it gets results. Its not working, so they need to come up with another plan to get your child to understand we do not hit anyone, even to play with.

I am a home center and have had newborns up to age 12 at the same time. If babies were having floor time, tummy time or in the "open" at all I was there, making sure the older kids who are walking, playing, running, etc do not come near them. I CANNOT imagine at a group center there is much room in that room for seperation.

What age do they move them up to next room?!

[Unregistered]

You cannot always redirect a 14 mth old. If I have a out of control child, trantrum, ect. they will be in a chair until they settle down and can behave, or they will be in a pnp for the safey of the other children and so the group can resume their normal day. They learn very quickly that negative behavior does not get rewarded. A chair they cannot get out of is best imo.

Your center is doing the appropriate thing, but he is too old to be with infants and he should be seperated.

[iheartkids]

I worked in a center where at first the infant room was 6 wks- 18 months (with the average amount of 20 kids!). THAT was crazy and I remember A LOT of aggressive behaviour from the older ones. Then it changed to where they moved up at A YEAR. Which I believe is TOO young to go to the toddler room. Is he the only one that is older? I would definitly bring it up to the director and push for them to make some sort of changes. Even as simple as putting up some sort of barrier between the young babies and older babies. I had to do that in my own setting when my older babies were being aggressive. I put up one of those play yards down the middle of the room and the young ones played on one side and the older ones played on the other. It relieved a lot of frustration on my part! Now that they are all past that stage they happily all play together again. A GOOD CENTER will take your concern about him not liking the dinner table now into consideration and change their form of discipline!