PSA: Be Careful What You Say...Even Here

[Mrs.Ky]

I am a registered user, but I've signed out to hopefully maintain my privacy.

I just got done meeting with someone from Children's Services. There have been allegations brought against me, and they didn't come from a vindictive parent. They came from here. How do I know? Because she told me what the allegations were, and most of them were things that I have only ever talked about here.

Someone, I don't know who and I probably never will and I frankly don't care, decided that they don't like me and dug through my old posts looking for stupid things I've said or done, then managed to figure out where I live as well as my real name, and contacted the local Children's services.

After discussing the allegations and meeting with the investigator, she said preliminarily that she's pretty sure nothing will come of it, that the claims are completely unsubstantiated. I had nothing to hide. I told her the entire truth of every single thing. The only thing that this is doing is causing disruption to my day and the days of my daycare families as each of them has to sit down and speak with the investigator as well.

So. Be careful what you say. Be careful what you post. Be careful what you vent, especially if it might be controversial. Someone on here, whether it's a lurker, a frequent poster, or someone who's completely unregistered, might someday decide for whatever reason to go back and use it against you. Someone you've never met, who's never met you, who only knows what they can read on the Internet, who only knows what you've said, and might not have the whole story--couldn't possibly have the whole story, because they don't know you.

I'm not sure any longer that this is such a supportive environment; I'm not sure this is a safe place to vent my frustrations. I am feeling the loss of the support acutely, as I have very much appreciated it. I don't know yet if I'm going to keep posting under my registered name or not. I haven't decided.

That's awful I dont know why some people have nothing better to do then mess with other peoples lives honestly Im new here and it makes me wanna leave this forum.

[nannyde]

I'm confused.

If the child service worker read your posts on here and they saw in the posts something that they believed was evidence that you were not meeting minimum standards or was a danger to the safety of the children then why in the world wouldn't they just SHOW you the posts.... your written words that showed you weren't compliant or were doing something that could be neglectful or dangerous?

What would be the point of coming to your house to discuss your words and not bring up your words? If you are convinced that the words you used on this site is what sparked their investigation then why not ask specifically to see the words? Why guess about it. Just ask them.

[nannyde]

On another note, we just a note last month that being on the computer would be considered a lack of supervision during daycare hours, even if you were updating your daycare's facebook.

I would guess that any future accident investigations will include dumping our computers to find out what and when we are online.

I won't allow anyone to tell me when I can't be on the internet. I've had the internet for 13 years and I haven't had a single injury in my career. Being on the internet makes me a better provider plain and simple. Being on a daycare board makes me a better provider. I CAN be on the internet and safely watch children and learn my trade. The internet is my best source for learning the business and learning how to care for kids. I would never want to go back to the days when I had to order books and attend classes to learn my trade.

Being on the internet boards isn't any different than talking to a co-worker while you are at work doing your job. It doesn't challenge the safety of the kids in any way. It doesn't take away from the kids in any way.

We can't tell providers that they can care for multi level aged group kids doing the multi tasking needed to manage all aspects of their care and then turn around and say that being on the internet at the same time is dangerous to the kids. That would be like saying you can't have two kids because the second kid is dangerous to the safety of the first kid. We can either multi task or we can't. They can't pick the internet and say that's the one thing you can't multitask while you are caring for kids. You can cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, answer phones, do paperwork, host a DHS inspection, do parent communication, advertising etc... while you are caring for kids but you can't be on the net?

I would love to see some correlation between the safety of children and providers internet use. I'm not buying it. I think we are all grown ups and we can safely fit in internet usage while we are caring for kids. With laptops and wireless internet it is frankly VERY easy to do. It's silly to think there is something about computer use that inherently makes supervision and good care impossible. It' silly

[kendallina]

I guess it would depend on what you posted, we all are mandated reporters.

I doubt any of the providers in jail for hurting kids ever expected it to be them, either...

I bet they would have loved for someone to have stepped in when they were getting close to that ledge (like that post from Shane reminds me of)?

Maybe just take it as a learning experience?

I changed my username as well a while back since I initially registered with my daycare name, duh.

It is all a learning process...but not worth leaving over. Just cooperate and it should go well if everything is on the up and up

Just because they said it came from here does not mean it came from a provider....they could be telling you what the other person told them to, YKWIM?

I know for a fact that all of my parents come here, too....

Well said.

[SandeeAR]

So does changing you name, change it on the past posts?

[jen]

I won't allow anyone to tell me when I can't be on the internet. I've had the internet for 13 years and I haven't had a single injury in my career. Being on the internet makes me a better provider plain and simple. Being on a daycare board makes me a better provider. I CAN be on the internet and safely watch children and learn my trade. The internet is my best source for learning the business and learning how to care for kids. I would never want to go back to the days when I had to order books and attend classes to learn my trade.

Being on the internet boards isn't any different than talking to a co-worker while you are at work doing your job. It doesn't challenge the safety of the kids in any way. It doesn't take away from the kids in any way.

We can't tell providers that they can care for multi level aged group kids doing the multi tasking needed to manage all aspects of their care and then turn around and say that being on the internet at the same time is dangerous to the kids. That would be like saying you can't have two kids because the second kid is dangerous to the safety of the first kid. We can either multi task or we can't. They can't pick the internet and say that's the one thing you can't multitask while you are caring for kids. You can cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, answer phones, do paperwork, host a DHS inspection, do parent communication, advertising etc... while you are caring for kids but you can't be on the net?

I would love to see some correlation between the safety of children and providers internet use. I'm not buying it. I think we are all grown ups and we can safely fit in internet usage while we are caring for kids. With laptops and wireless internet it is frankly VERY easy to do. It's silly to think there is something about computer use that inherently makes supervision and good care impossible. It' silly

I completely agree with you...but that is the new thing (in my area) that they are focusing on. What I have noticed over the last nine, almost ten years of doing daycare is that licensing gets all hung up on one particular thing and make that a priority (read: witch hunt) It is very easy to pick up on what the new problem of the month is, because it will be the focus of our newsletter, they will start offering several classes on it, and when you have licensing visits, they will seek "it" out, whatever "it" may be at that time.

[Abigail]

So does changing you name, change it on the past posts?

Yes, all your information stays with your new name. It's not JUST typing though that can track you down. For those who use personal pictures--like me--as the avatar is another way to track someone down and link accounts. I think it's sad that this happened for the OP, but what does PSA mean? LOL

I'm always careful about what I say and try my best not to regret it so I'm always in the clear. It's basic internet safety. A few weeks ago I spent over an hour trying to google myself and found things online (posts from 10 years ago, I was in middle school then!) and I didn't want my screen name on them any longer....shows how long I've had my personal email address! I googled the sites and contacted them and told them to remove it. It did help, they didn't remove anything, but changed the author to anonymous. I recommend every one google their "First Name Last Name", Name and City, State, and E-mail addresses to see what they find. It's interesting! Typing in your email usually finds the interesting stuff even though you don't link you name, it's still you.

[Michael]

Ok finally got home from Santa Barbara. This is going to be long but needed. Welcome to the internet and the new age of everyone meeting everyone.

First, if I change your username it changes on ALL your previous posts. I can NOT delete posts/threads. I WILL remove an email or web address if asked. If you need to review your posts, use the search function or click on your username and look for the statistics label. In it you will see "find all posts" and “find all threads". You can see all the threads/posts for as long as you've been a member. I pity those that have over 500 posts.

I also want to let you know that most of this is not needed. ANYONE can search GOOGLE/YAHOO/BING and find a "word". You just don't need to be a forum member to have even Members Only section searched. Ever go to The New York Times and find that you can't read the whole article unless you are a member? Just copy the article title and do a GOOGLE search for it. You will find the whole article without being a NYT member.

The NSA (http://www.nsa.gov) monitors and stores ALL electronic transmissions. And I mean ALL the world’s data be it mobile/web/telco. Facebook is no different than any other member based site. You must be careful what you say and what you show. Even bloggers get sued these days.

Tempered words and using phrases "In My Opinion" can save you lots of time and money.

You can be straight forward here in your words since there is no way for someone to know who you are unless you post your website or daycare name on this site. Then it is fairly easy for someone to find you. Most will not bother but there are those that have nothing better to do. The truth will always come out and most of these forum terrorists (in my opinion) are taking something out of context or imagining something other than what was intended. Anyone can start trouble and that is the world we now live in.

Don't immobilize yourselves, keep reaching outward. You can PM me if you need further assistance.

[jen]

the more I think about it, its weird. think about it, they had to get your name, your number, where you live (esp. since I'm assuming your are in the states) find out which cas to contact and keep all your posts. It has to be someone near you, someone who is very very jealous.

You know, I don't really wouldn't be too hard...people often post on here where they are from or post their website. Once you know someone's name, or a variation of it, you simply have to go to the licesning website and match up your information.

I think, and I could be wrong, but what I gleaned from her post was that Child Services came out based on allegations. The content of which were items posted on here. I don't "think" that the licensing agent told her where they came from or if she had seen the posts.

What happened on the other site was a provider commented that she called her dck some sort of nickname, I don't remember what, I don't think it was horrible...someone on that board called her licensor and told them that the provider was calling her daycare kids names. Licensing, at least here, will ALWAYS pay you a visit if there is ANY kind of complaint.

I filed a report regarding a dcd. MONTHS later, dcd called licensing and made a ridiculous accusation (he was mad about how court was working out for him as a result of my "interference.") Licensing was well aware of the situation, but they still showed up at my door. We chatted, she left and marked my file "did not occur." I asked her then what would happen if he continued to make complaints, as I really enjoyed the kids, loved the Mom, and he was mostly out of the picture so I didn't want to terminate. She said that they MUST physically come out and investigage every complaint.

[Blackcat31]

Licensing, at least here, will ALWAYS pay you a visit if there is ANY kind of complaint.

She said that they MUST physically come out and investigage every complaint.

Licensing is the same way here......a stranger from 6 towns over can call and randomly make an anonymous complaint and licensing will grace me with their physical presence every time. I have no worries and feel they are welcome to come on over anytime they would like. It is all part of the "You get the good with the bad".

[jen]

Licensing is the same way here......a stranger from 6 towns over can call and randomly make an anonymous complaint and licensing will grace me with their physical presence every time. I have no worries and feel they are welcome to come on over anytime they would like. It is all part of the "You get the good with the bad".

Thats how I feel about it as well. I had a horrible experience with one of my first drop in visits; the woman was a nightmare! She walked in my house, was rude and disrespectful--basically I felt like I had less rights than a criminal! You can't even walk in unannouced at a felon's home, but mine was OK? Oh, and hubby came home and she TOTALLY changed her tune and was a sweet as pie!

I've had her once since then and she was fine, I don't know, bad day I guess. The other drop-in chick is great. Quick and friendly!

[dEHmom]

This was totally taken out of context, and proof of how people misconstrue everything!

If you go and read the actual posts, you will see, that she did not leave the child at the top of the stairs for 90 minutes unattended. The child had control issues, and she was doing her rule as a provider to help the child learn to do things on her own. I'm editing this, because at the time I didn't realize the age of the dcg, but I still know that the child was safe, and she was sitting in distance of the dcg so she could watch her closely.

As well as the other posts on there.

GET A LIFE!

The quote I put on there, is not showing, because it was deleted. It was the one where some unregistered user attacked the original poster and linked it to her user name before all this mess.

[kendallina]

I know people are very upset that someone has anonymously 'outed' the OP and turned her into licensing. I have never had a problem with OP and have actually agreed with her on many many many of her posts, although not the ones indicated.

But, when you actually go back and read her original posts, don't you find them concerning?? I mean, the one about naptime, I didn't see what was wrong with that. She said she would just lay them back down and give 'the stare'. I give the stare on a daily basis... She did say that she needs a break, but, of course you need a break when you're working 12 plus hours a day.

However, in her other posts, I have to agree that there are red flags. I know OP must be fuming right now with all of this discussion, but I hope this is taken as a huge learning opportunity and she's able to sit back and look at her behavior mentioned in these posts. She even says in so many of those posts that she felt bad for doing these things. Please please please learn from this and take time to reflect on this. I can't be the only one who feels this way...

[countrymom]

the op in the original post is NOT THE SAME op in post #40. Its someone doing more harm.

[dEHmom]

I know people are very upset that someone has anonymously 'outed' the OP and turned her into licensing. I have never had a problem with OP and have actually agreed with her on many many many of her posts, although not the ones indicated.

But, when you actually go back and read her original posts, don't you find them concerning?? I mean, the one about naptime, I didn't see what was wrong with that. She said she would just lay them back down and give 'the stare'. I give the stare on a daily basis... She did say that she needs a break, but, of course you need a break when you're working 12 plus hours a day.

However, in her other posts, I have to agree that there are red flags. I know OP must be fuming right now with all of this discussion, but I hope this is taken as a huge learning opportunity and she's able to sit back and look at her behavior mentioned in these posts. She even says in so many of those posts that she felt bad for doing these things. Please please please learn from this and take time to reflect on this. I can't be the only one who feels this way...

Yes Kendallina, I agree. There are several points when reading it now that I see red flags, and op definitely needs some time to recoup maybe taking some vacation time?

BUT I have to say, should this never have come up, most of us would not have even realized the red flags. I think as a parent of young ones, I realize that all kids differ. And some kids it's always a battle. My 2 year old has always been difficult. He mastered stairs at 1 yrs old (just crawling), he was the kid climbing on counters and getting in the tops of cupboards, he is the one who made hubby have to screw dressors to the walls. He was also my 3rd child and I dealt with nothing of the sort with my first 2. I was not doing daycare at the time so don't flame me about that! and I mean, sometimes we make mistakes, and the truth is, we must LEARN from our mistakes.

I feel that alot of times, on this site especially, the things we say, sometimes come out completely different. They are misread, mistyped, the emotion, the contexts all taken wrong by readers.

And I am definitely upset that whoever the unregistered was who decided to post the threads and expose the op was a donkey, and I can't wait until kharma comes for you!