Losing a Daycare Child

[sassysue]

Hello! I am new here but I thought someone could help me get over feeling so upset over the loss of a daycare child.Short story... I had him in my care for 4 years.(since birth) During this time his mother and father divorced and the mother starting making some really poor choices.After about a year of documenting the situation I was forced to contact CPS,at which time his mother pulled him from care.I am so sad about the situation I know what I did was the correct thing,and that I have no regrets there.I just am so sad about the sudden loss.Not even a goodbye.I'm sure he's(the child) just as confused about situayion as I am. I just wish people would understand how important we are in their child's life before they just rip them from your care.Any advice about how to not feel so glum? Thank you in advance for all your help

[Blackcat31]

Been there. More times than I want to remember. I do not have much advice b/c there is not much you can do except know that you put the child's needs before your own (by calling cps when necessary) and that was great! Time will make it better, but you don't forget. I would love for the parents to know how important it is to have one consistant caregiver, but I have been doing this for 17 years and every so often I will get a kid under 2 or so who has been in multiple child cares. I think feeling bad and seeing this type of stuff comes with the territory. Sorry I didn't help much, but just know that you are not alone.

[Live and Learn]

In six years I have never had to report a parent. What a bummer.

You asked advice on how to not feel so glum....go give each of your other dc kiddies extra hugs and kisses today and every day until the pain starts to ease up. I am sorry for your loss but especially for the loss that this lil guy is probably feeling too.

[DCMomOf3]

I have never had to report a child either. I am so sorry that this child is in an unstable place and if it was bad enough to call, I am worried about him, espeically if you are no longer there to provide him the stability and love you gave.

I would do as Live & Learn says, give your current kids lots of love and hugs, if you are religious you can pray for the little one that he is happy and healthy and taken care of. Also, take time for yourself this weekend, calming time, so you can recenter.

You sound like a wonderful provider and he was so lucky to have you for as long as he did.

[Michael]

Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum sassysue!

[DCMom]

That's tough. Most people don't understand just how attached we get to these kids.

I've never had to report a parent, but a few years ago I had a really nasty divorce situation. Psycho dcm pulled 3.5 yo with allegations of abuse by ME to the dcd (no report ever filed) to put him in a center near he boyfriends house (where she was living). He left here as normal on Thursday evening and never came back. That was really difficult for me AND the other kids ~ no goodbyes, no celebration cupcakes, no photo board ~ something we do on everyone's last day.

You eventually get over it I guess; just remember that you had the best interest of the child in mind and what his parent(s) chose to do after that you had no control over it. He was lucky to have you in his life

[kidkair]

Reporting one of my clients was one of the hardest things for me to do but she's gotten the help she needed. She never learned I reported her and completely blames someone else with hatred in her voice. Hearing her complain that so and so reported her and her being so very mad about it was increadibly hard because she was essential saying that stuff about me. I kept her as a client and would change the subject to lighter more happy things to deal with it. Still crying into my pillow after work was common for a bit.

I've lost a couple kids suddenly and without goodbyes. I balled up the emotions the first time and put up lots of walls mentally against it but the walls broke and I was flooded with emotion. The following times I took time to assure myself I did what I could and what I did will help those children in their future lives even if they don't remember me.

You had the kid for 4 years and that kid is not likely to forget you. You instilled a lot of good in the kid and that will be with him his entire life. Celebrate that you were able to do so much and that you now also provided his family with a means to get help. You have done everything you could!