Drawing The Line....

[tenderhearts]

Ok so back in my other post that I had with the difficulty I was having with my dcb who is 5? Mom and I talked about what we're going to do so that's what I've been doing, which is what I was pretty much doing before but she's also having a consequence for him at home if he's not behaving here, but now I'm trying to determine what is bad behaviour that would have me tell mom ok yes today wasn't a good day this is what happened. Today has been pretty good with him, but he's had a time out 2x now today, now if it was just his normal 5min timeout I obviously don't expect kids to be perfect so that would be good behaviour to me, but when I said time out he did his yelling but not calling me names just the mumbling yelling, kicking the floor when he got in there and reminded him the timeout doesn't start until he's done and that he gets 5 min each time he yells kicks, so basically he was go up both times to 30 min, but they were a few hours a part and in between he has been really good, and again I don't expect perfect behavious but since he knows not to talk back and yell and kick would you say that is unacceptable so that should be relayed that his behaviour wasn't good today? Or should it be like 3 times then it's "bad" behavior? I mean like I said I don't expect kids to be perfect but he doesn't just go in time out some times he does but that's what we're tyring to stop is the yelling, hitting, kicking, name calling when he's going in to time out. So usually before all this he hasn't had these in betweens, usually it's most of the day I'm battling with him, so today since he's been good in the in betweens it's nice. So what would others do in this situation, or should I just document what he's done and let her decide?
Thanks

[Chickenhauler]

This is my .02....

If my kid were having behavior problems that warranted him being removed from the group and put in kiddie jail (time out from the fun stuff), I would want to be made aware of it. It tells me that something isn't clicking inside his head, and we need to do some "remedial training" on behavior issues.

[tenderhearts]

thanks chickenhauler, well that's exactly why mom and I are doing what we're doing, he has attitude, temper issues so the timeouts go directly to the other room(I can see him from this room)but instead of the normal timeout spot then him throwing his fit then having him go to the other room we're just skipping that first part, then every time he, yells, kicks, screams at me hits the wall chair table whatever then he keeps getting 5 min added. I did call mom because I agree with you that she should know if he does that, but now since he's not perfect she's trying to decide what she should do at home or when its appropriate for her to have a consequence at home, after 3 episodes? I think if he yells talks back or any of the above it should be addressed because this boy is very smart and he knows if he's "getting" away with it and in his little head he could say I can do this 3 times before getting in trouble at home so it's something mom and I are trying to figure out, or actually mom, but she's trying to decide when I should tell her at what point, but his behaviour needs to be corrected and worked on.

[Unregistered]

thanks chickenhauler, well that's exactly why mom and I are doing what we're doing, he has attitude, temper issues so the timeouts go directly to the other room(I can see him from this room)but instead of the normal timeout spot then him throwing his fit then having him go to the other room we're just skipping that first part, then every time he, yells, kicks, screams at me hits the wall chair table whatever then he keeps getting 5 min added. I did call mom because I agree with you that she should know if he does that, but now since he's not perfect she's trying to decide what she should do at home or when its appropriate for her to have a consequence at home, after 3 episodes? I think if he yells talks back or any of the above it should be addressed because this boy is very smart and he knows if he's "getting" away with it and in his little head he could say I can do this 3 times before getting in trouble at home so it's something mom and I are trying to figure out, or actually mom, but she's trying to decide when I should tell her at what point, but his behaviour needs to be corrected and worked on.

Is it possiable he could have a problem? If he acts like this at home and in daycare and you and Mom do time outs ALL the time for his behavior and the behavior still occures then he could have a problem. I think Mom should take him to a pshychiatrist to get him an assesment done because when he starts school its gonna be even harder. He sounds just like my Son who is 6 and he has ADHD combined type inattentive/impulsive with ODD (Oppistional Defiant Disorder) PLEASE get the Mom to get her little boy some help you know has a provider this behavior is not normal for a 5 year old.

[MarinaVanessa]

I constantly take parenting classes and child development workshops and something that I learned about time out that seems pretty consistent is that time-outs don't work on every child and when they do the rule of thumb is one minute for each year. 5 years old=5 minutes max at a time. Otherwise it's like throwing fuel to the fire. Also time outs start from the time that they sit in the spot you assign and continue even though the child is screaming (I know, I thought the same thing). Doesn't make sense right? But I tried it and got better results. So if the child continues to kick and scream but is still in his time-out spot, let him kick and scream the entire 5 minutes. Once his time is up go to him and get to his eye level (don't show anger, frustration etc. be nice and act happy even if you are not) and ask him if he would like to join the other children now. Now, and this is important, before he gets out of time out talk to him about why he is in time out. Ask him why he was put there and tell him that each time he does (whatever negative action) he will be back in time out again. Then reassure him that he is a good boy and tell him you don't want to put him there and that it makes you sad etc. You don't want him to always feel like he's a bad kid or he'll just act up again. And finally give him a hug. Sometimes I'll say things like "Good, I'm glad that you're back because I missed you." while I give a hug. It's slow to start when I first tried it and believe me it was hard to fake a smile when all I wanted to do was throw a kid out but it did work for me on most cases. Again though, time-out will not work on all kids.