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Am I being mean??
I have an 11 month old crier that I posted about previously. He has some medical issues we are working through and things are getting better, but... He absolutely freaks out every time I leave the room!! I have a large room devoted to the daycare with glass doors that separate it from the dining/kitchen area. I understand that separation anxiety happens and have dealt with it, but 90% of the time when I leave the room it is just to the kitchen to prepare a meal, clean something, or grab something and bring it back to the daycare room. DCB can see me through the doors and yet he still screams bloody murder EVERY time! He will be playing, as happy as can be, paying me no mind, but if he hears the door (even if I'm gone for 30 seconds) he is bawling. I refuse to hip him every time I leave. Is that mean? I just feel like the crying will never stop if I give in every time. It's so weird because he's always been here, so it isn't that he's adjusting to a new place/provider. And HE CAN SEE ME! Which makes me think he is just spoiled to being carried at home, not so much that it is separation anxietry. I'm hoping if I don't give in, he'll eventually calm down, but so far that strategy isn't working. I know trust = autonomy, but I feel lke after having him his whole life, I've built the trust! Should I just cart him around every time I leave the room or stick to my guns?
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You are not being mean at all. You have to get him used to not being held every time he cries. I've had babies like this before too. Less holding made them get a little better... But if mom & dad are holding him ALL the time at home, it might not get better very soon.
One of my boys was like this and the mom & I worked together on fixing it here & at home. She said he was doing it to her at home as well --- the whole separation anxiety thing really can wear you out. So we both practiced not picking him up every time he cried or whined (here & at his home with mom & dad) to be held and he did get better. So maybe talk to the parents about it. Or if it doesnt get better, you might think of terminating care. I've had to do that before too. It ****s to do it - but your sanity and the other kid's sanity is more important sometimes.
Good luck. I hope he gets over that phase soon!!
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He's only been on the new formula since Wednesday so it's kind of early to tell. Today would only be the begining of the fourth day you have had him since he switched?Comment
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Thanks. I've actually talked to Mom and Dad about the possibility of terminating. They took him to the Dr and we're discovering some major food allergy issues. Formula switch and taking him off most foods has helped some, but he is still crying A LOT! Hate to term him, but you are right, my sanity (and the other kids') may depend on it.You are not being mean at all. You have to get him used to not being held every time he cries. I've had babies like this before too. Less holding made them get a little better... But if mom & dad are holding him ALL the time at home, it might not get better very soon.
One of my boys was like this and the mom & I worked together on fixing it here & at home. She said he was doing it to her at home as well --- the whole separation anxiety thing really can wear you out. So we both practiced not picking him up every time he cried or whined (here & at his home with mom & dad) to be held and he did get better. So maybe talk to the parents about it. Or if it doesnt get better, you might think of terminating care. I've had to do that before too. It ****s to do it - but your sanity and the other kid's sanity is more important sometimes.
Good luck. I hope he gets over that phase soon!!
he goes Back to the Dr today and I'm willing to help them work through this, but I think I'll have to put a time limIt on it. I'm thinking he may just be the kind of kid who needs one on one care.
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Yes, that I've had him. The diarrhea went away. The first day was great, but once we introduced food back in he started getting fussy again. I'm afraid there is really something wrong with his bowels. Mom was supposed to take stool samples but told me today that a relative told her since the diarrhea went away, he didn't need it done, so she didn't. (Grrrrrrrrr) So, we shall see what happens at today's appointment, but my feelings are this: If they cant be bothered to take stool samples to try to figure this out, then why should I stress MYSELF out? As much as I love him, he is THEIR child.
And, I think a lot of the crying has to do with the fact that he doesn't sleep well and is just generally sleepy ALL the time!Comment
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I haven't followed your whole story so this may be irrelevant,
but, if he is only crying now when you leave the room - that may not be related to the prior health related issues.
Perhaps, if he was in constant pain due to bowel or stomach issues and it is now better it could be fear (?) he may think his intestinal pain may strike at any time and need you close as a protector- this could be way, way off just a thought. IMO I would carry him from time to time when you can, console him and reassure him you will not be long or far, can you remain speaking to him when you leave the room- hearing your voice may help with separation anxiety.
I believe in the 'cold turkey' approach for many things, but if an 11 month old has been in distress recently or is in distress, I believe you should cut him some slack.Comment
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Sorry I hadn't seen your previous posts about his tummy problems. I guess thats a whole other ball game. Poor guy. I hope they figure out whats wrong with him so that he can be a happy baby and easier to care for at the same time!
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None of those things help. And, I've even tried putting him in the high chair when I'm cooking, cleaning, etc with toys.. It is SO weird!! I can see cutting him slack! I just can't imagine him freaking out when I step out for literally a few seconds. For instance: I was just feeding him in the high chair. I moved out from in front of him to get something for another child and he began screaming and is inconsolable now. Refuses to eat any more. ???? I can't tell you how many times I've sat in a rocker with him for literally 2 hours b/c he's so sleepy he can't function, his eyes will roll back, then pop open. I'm a big cuddler, so he gets lots of that from me! Its like he feels like if I'm not in the daycare room, he should be on my hip. Its not about being able to see/hear me! And I just can't hold him while I cook!! You may be right; that it has something to do with being in pain. None of it makes sense or adds up to me!! Its just something I've never dealt with!!! Maybe he does just need more time...Comment
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I guess it is just hard for me to understand how tummy issues relate directly to him screaming when I leave the room, when he is totally content and playing. And, even if it is, do I just carry him around?? I'm so frustrated! Aahhhhh!Comment
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Talk to the parents get the honest truth on what he is like at home ( or try to)
If you are at your wits end, you will have to let him go for his, yours and all the kids in your cares well being.
Can you put him to bed, when he is tired? Sure you won't have a nice routine but he is only 11 months and sounds like he needs to sleep on demand. Let him CIO if needed and it is something his patents and you are okay with. A well rested child can make the world of differenceComment
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I let him sleep when he will! He took a 30 min nap this am. He acted like he was going to fall asleep in his high chair, so I am rocking him now and his eyes are open. (Alll red rimmed like he hasn't slept In days!) He just won't sleep. Parents and I are working on it and me being open about how I feel has allowed Mom to open up about their struggles at home. Like I said, nothing makes sense. He acts exhausted, but won't sleep. I alwaays let my infants sleep when they are tired. I even set up a crib in a different room for his am naps to make sure noises weren't waking him! His first day back after the formula change, he slept 2.5 hours in the am and another 2 in the afternoon and was a happy boy! I was so hopeful! But, then he's kind of gone back to a lot of the old issues since then. Not crying as much, but not sleeping, reallly. So, when nothing else works, and he won't go to sleep, letting ihim cry when I leave the room seems to be my only option. (And he doesn't do that in the afternoon, by-the-way!!! ?????) I really do think I am going to take NannyDe's advice from a previous thread and give the parents a time frame. I'm willing to work with them, but this is all so over my head! And, I'm not inexperienced.Comment
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I'm curious if they went back to their old formula over the long weekend? I once had a family who watered down their child's formula because lack of money- and I constantly was worried because this little girl was not thriving- they fessed up and I laid into them
I feel for you- I had a screamer/ crier when I first opened he screamed for the first 4 months and I kept saying I had to let him go, but I challenged myself to get to the bottom of it and I put him through 'baby boot camp' sounds worse then it is I just didn't pick him up all the time, I praised, praised for good and independent behavior I had structure and routine now this boy is my best DCK
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Oh, goodness! I would hope not, but I guess you never know. The new formula IS expensive, but this family is fairly well off. IMHO, I just really think his little body is having trouble digesting food of any kind. Your post is reassuring, although, I've already dealt with the screaming for 4 months! I don't want to quit on him, but...I'm curious if they went back to their old formula over the long weekend? I once had a family who watered down their child's formula because lack of money- and I constantly was worried because this little girl was not thriving- they fessed up and I laid into them
I feel for you- I had a screamer/ crier when I first opened he screamed for the first 4 months and I kept saying I had to let him go, but I challenged myself to get to the bottom of it and I put him through 'baby boot camp' sounds worse then it is I just didn't pick him up all the time, I praised, praised for good and independent behavior I had structure and routine now this boy is my best DCKComment
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Hmmmm. I just tried putting him in his play-pen with some toys (not in view of the door) while I helped with potty time with the older ones. He still fussed here and there but none of the screaming and wailing. And eventually was content! Maybe NOT seeing me helps?Comment
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