I Need Help With Difficult Child

[blessedmess8]

I let her know how proud I was with a high five and told her how awesome I think did. I am just gonna let her be for the most part because I don't want to add any pressure. I want her to feel its her decision and either way I will be here to help her.

Great idea! Hope it continues!

[Crystal]

glad it is improving.

I would say the whole thing is a control issue. She is experiencing alot of change in her young life and there are two things that she has the power to control....toileting and eating. Let her have the power. She needs it. It helps her cope with all that is changing.

[DJV]

I would be very careful about throwing around the "abuse" word with any parent whatsoever! It could so easily backfire and you could end up with the authorities on your doorstep.

As far as the potty training, I am in the exact same situation. I have a three year old boy, no potty training had ever been attempted, his parents split up last year and are both seeing someone else. I decided this summer that it was time for him to be using the toilet as his No. 2 was absolutely disgusting and the diapers were no longer able to contain it. The parents were of no help whatsoever, I tried everything. Finally one day I decided to give up, told the parents it was far too stressful for me, I had a talk with the little boy and told him that I wasn't going to fight with him about this anymore but until he started using the toilet for No. 2, he would not be able to play in the new playroom because when he poops he stinks it up so bad that everyone has to clear out. Fifteen minutes later he called me saying he had to go poop. He's been trained since. Weird what goes on in their little minds!!! Unfortunately his parents, particularly his mother, will send him to me in diapers because there is no clean underwear at home, so I went and bought some for him to use here. No wonder the kid was impossible to train, mixed messages do more damage than anything.

Now if someone could just help me with the other problems with this three year old!!!!

[SilverSabre25]

glad it is improving.

I would say the whole thing is a control issue. She is experiencing alot of change in her young life and there are two things that she has the power to control....toileting and eating. Let her have the power. She needs it. It helps her cope with all that is changing.

very well said!

[awestbrook713]

So she ended up having accidents the rest of the time here but she did let me change her once with no drama. She left in a dirty pull up bc she wouldn't let me change her a second time but due to flooding where I live right now mom came home early so I just told her that the pull up was dirty but that she had an awesome day and she left with two backyardigan stickers as award for her better day.

[harperluu]

I would first have her fully go back into diapers.

Secondly my mission would be that she mind me and come to the changing area... lay down... and have a diaper change when she needs one. THAT would be the ONLY thing I would do now.

She's not toilet trained. She's not "training". She needs to be put back completely into diapers and wait a few months and then start over fresh. If they want to train her at Head Start and home with pull ups that's on them.

At my house she would be fully in diapers and I would COMPLETELY stop putting her on the toilet unless she asked to go on it. I would NOT have discussions about ANYTHING but her laying down and getting her diaper changed when I tell her to without fighting.

This kid is sorting chaos. Get the chaos completely gone and re-establish a caring, nurturing, and even babying with her if that is what it takes.

I'm honestly a little suspicious that something isn't going on with her. The visciousness about moving her clothing/pullups that ultimately leads to her being naked from the waist down and being touched with wipes to clean... makes me hope and pray that someone in her life isn't acting inappropriately with her.

When you do change her do an assessment of her and let the mom know if there is an excoriation, rash, or if she starts doing any rubbing or shows sign of irritation. I would be on super red alert with her and document.

Mom, new boyfriend, moving in, fighting the changing of lower region clothing. Red flags flew all over for me, too. I'm a little jaded somtimes as my husband's a cop, but I agree with Nannyde's advice. I'd say getting this child to go potty at this point is a battle you will (and are) losing. Go back to minding as a behavioral goal for her for now.