Every Little Scrape...

[AnneCordelia]

I have a new family. DCB is 13mo. His dad dropped off on day2 and said, "I meant to ask you what this scrape is on his forehead? It didn't happen at our house." Stands there looking accusingly at me.

I said, "It actually looks like the heat rash on his forehead has blistered. Your wife told me about this rash at drop-off yesterday and that it was from his day in the sun with Grandma this weekend? I agree with her that it's just a heat rash, which is good or you'd need to keep him home for an undiagnosed rash."

DCD, "Oh yeah, I forgot that it's a heat rash." Drops subject sheepishly and leaves.

Today is day 4. DCM just e-mailed me. "DS has a red nose and it looks like he scraped it. Did you see him scrape his nose? Also, his nose is runny now and I'm wondering if you noticed. Please get back to me when u get the chance."

I didn't notice him scrape his nose. He was happy as a clam all day. I sent her this:
"Hi DCM,
I didn't notice if he scraped it...he certainly didn't cry at anytime today to tell me he'd been hurt. I'm in view of the children at all times (aside from naptime, when I can easily hear them) and didn't notice that he'd fallen or scraped his nose on anything in particular. But, I can't physically watch them all at every second so sometimes a bump or bruise might go unnoticed. He was happy as a clam all day.

I do have my A/C on, so maybe that is why the runny nose? I wiped it after nap as it was a bit runny then but it was clear, and not yellow/green, which is really common with all these babes. Maybe he's cutting a tooth?

Talk to you soon"

How do you handle this kind of situation? It seems they want me to discuss every little mark on his body even if it doesn't happen on my watch! I'm certainly not negligent and keep a close eye on the children and I feel that their tone (particularly the father as he was who I spoke with in person) is that they want to be able to blame me. I don't know why...their son is well cared for and cried to come back into my arms at pickup.

[cheerfuldom]

I mention things that I notice or that are significant. Everything else gets a vague response of "oh that happens sometimes with new walkers". I don't answer specific questions of all the scenarios of how it might have happened. That is opening it up to a slew of emails and daily accusations and discussions. Eventually they stop asking. I always say that I will let them know of any major bumps and bruises but that they need to understand that growing kids do have lots of little owies during the day. Once the kid busts his lip or something on THEIR watch, they will see how quickly these things happen. I am guessing they are first time parents?

[JenNJ]

I had a parent like this before. I had to flip it one them. I would notice a mark at diaper change and immediately call or email them. "DCP, I notice X has a mark on his thigh. I know it didn't happen here. What happened?" It works well.

[Michelle]

I had a parent like this before. I had to flip it one them. I would notice a mark at diaper change and immediately call or email them. "DCP, I notice X has a mark on his thigh. I know it didn't happen here. What happened?" It works well.

Love it!!!
::::::::

[Blackcat31]

I am very honest about this and tell parents that I believe that little srapes and similar things do happen. BOTH at home and at daycare. Kids are kids.

I then go into the whole speech about how I understand that they love their child more than anything and I understand their concern but if they cannot trust me to watch their child without wanting a breakdown of every red spot, scrape and/or mark on the child's body then I am not for them.

I do not mean to seem callous or uncaring just real. Things happen. If they need addressing or seem fishy (on either end) then yes, it needs to be mentioned, discussed and/or documented. But unless you seriously think I am not watching your child correctly or with enough caution...please don't waste my time or yours.

Open,honest and direct communication is the key to solving this dilemma.

[nannyde]

"Hi DCM,
I didn't notice if he scraped it...he certainly didn't cry at anytime today to tell me he'd been hurt. I'm in view of the children at all times (aside from naptime, when I can easily hear them) and didn't notice that he'd fallen or scraped his nose on anything in particular. But, I can't physically watch them all at every second so sometimes a bump or bruise might go unnoticed. He was happy as a clam all day.

I do have my A/C on, so maybe that is why the runny nose? I wiped it after nap as it was a bit runny then but it was clear, and not yellow/green, which is really common with all these babes. Maybe he's cutting a tooth?

Talk to you soon"

How do you handle this kind of situation?

You have to be really carefull with this type of parent to NOT feed the machine.

She is wanting the attention for her and her child. She's telling you that she is paying you so she gets the level of service to the point where you need to explain a new walkers minor scratches and something as little as a little runny nose.

Your answer was like fuel to her. Just the length of it says to her "I get to get some SERIOUS big time special special for something teeny tiny".

So next time text back: No didn't notice scrape. Nose tiny drip

Give little when little is brought up. Give big when something big happens.

[TBird]

Aw heck naw!!! To me that's harassment and "egg shells" that I don't need. If your kid can't get bumped or scraped, wrap him/her in bubble wrap and keep 'em HOME.

I'm like Nannyde...don't feed the machine. Do meticulous daily health checks at the door (required by my state) so they're not blaming you for stuff that happened at home and be short & stoic about anything that you know is NONSENSE. If they keep it up be blunt and tell them that they can go elsewhere...believe me when I tell you, parents like this can ruin your whole day. I've only had one or two like that in my day and BOTH of them got their walking papers!!!

[AnneCordelia]

Thank you for the advice. I've never had a parent like this before (granted I've only ever had 8 daycare families). I will keep my answers short and to the point from here on out so as to not feed the fire.

And, honestly, asking about a small runny nose? I wiped it once today and I ALWAYS wipe runny noses. How can I keep up with that. LOL.

[cheerfuldom]

Thank you for the advice. I've never had a parent like this before (granted I've only ever had 8 daycare families). I will keep my answers short and to the point from here on out so as to not feed the fire.

And, honestly, asking about a small runny nose? I wiped it once today and I ALWAYS wipe runny noses. How can I keep up with that. LOL.

you can't keep up with it, thats the point. She is either A. wanting a lot of attention or B. finding comfort in pointing out what you can't or won't do, it makes her feel better to point out that you are not noticing everything that mommy does

[AnneCordelia]

So today DCM picks up and asks if he pooped today. I told her that he pooped twice...once this morning and once when he got up from nap.

She e-mailed me just now and said, "His bottom is red. Did you not change him right away when he pooped?"

He pooped during nap. He's only pooped once a day while he's here and he'd already done it before nap so I didn't expect another. He might have sat in it for a few minutes...from when he woke up from his sleep until I got him out of bed 10 minutes later. I could hear him in there talking but he wasn't complaining. It looked a little pink but wasn't rashy or blistered or anything. Just a little pink.

What should I say to her?

[Blackcat31]

So today DCM picks up and asks if he pooped today. I told her that he pooped twice...once this morning and once when he got up from nap.

She e-mailed me just now and said, "His bottom is red. Did you not change him right away when he pooped?"

He pooped during nap. He's only pooped once a day while he's here and he'd already done it before nap so I didn't expect another. He might have sat in it for a few minutes...from when he woke up from his sleep until I got him out of bed 10 minutes later. I could hear him in there talking but he wasn't complaining. It looked a little pink but wasn't rashy or blistered or anything. Just a little pink.

What should I say to her?

Boy, she sounds like she isn't really going to be please with anything you tell her. She has some unrealistic expectations and if at all possible, could you simply have a discussion with her about how it is really not fair to you for her to question every little thing you do? or don't do? She really needs to be able to build that trust relationship with you if you are going to care for her child.

It would really hurt my feelings or at least make me think twice about wanting to continue providing services to her if a parent continually questioned me about all these little things you have mentioned. IMHO, I think you need to level with her and tell her you will do your absolute best to provide top quality loving and safe care for her child but she is going to have to back off a little bit so you two can continue to work together in caring for her child.

[SilverSabre25]

I would just say, "I changed him as soon as he got up from nap." And that's all the information you really need to give her.