What Would You Suggest?

[mismatchedsocks]

I have a family with a little boy who is 10 months and a school ager who is 8. Mom and dad split this past week. Mom told me last week that she is afraid if dad picks up she will never see kids again. Dad usually picks up. I guess mom has told him that she hasnt brought them this week, so he hasnt shown up or called.

She said that she is afraid to bring kids to see him, since she filed a restraining order, and not sure what he will do. Then in the next breath asked if dad can come visit baby here but not take him.

Since this happened, I have found out ( thank the internet) that he was in prison for drugs and gun charges in another state. Got out right when mom got preggo. Not that this has much to do with my answer.... BUT...just some background for you.

My answer to mom Monday was, no not now. then left it at that. Today she emailed me asking me when he can. What should I say, or how?

Now, I know he can legally take the kids if he were to show up for them, and I dont allow parents to just come to play with the kids, they can come anytime, but be prepared to take the kids with you when you leave.

Why would she think this is a good idea, with a household full of kids, me and when/if he takes them, then what?

[sharlan]

There is nothing you can legally do to prevent the dad from taking the kids. If Mom has fears, she needs to go to court and get some sort of paperwork for you. She needs to set up supervised visitation.

If Mom wants Dad to visit the kids, he needs to do it on her time, not yours. No way would I get involved with this mess.

[JenNJ]

1. Tell her you need her to have a formal custody agreement filed with the state. Until then, you will release the children to both parents because that is the law.

2. Look at your contract NOW. Who signed the contract? If mom signed, good. If dad signed, cancel his contract and immediately resign one with ONLY mom.

3. If you are uncomfortable having this man come to your home, terminate the contract all together. I would not risk my safety, my family's safety, or my clients safety to make a few extra bucks.

And everyone take this as a lesson -- ALWAYS research potential clients FIRST. Before they even know your address, you should do a public records search.

[LittleD]

Totally agree wth pp! Just went through this situation myself, tho dad didn't have gun charges If she wants him to visit, she will have to make arrangements through mutual friends or family members of theirs. But if she's smart, she will have custody (or temp custody) papers in hand. You do not need the drama!!

[AnneCordelia]

It's easy. Did you show them your criminal check when they interviewed? I always show potential clients mine. When they want to come 'visit' on lunch hour or during the daycare day I say "As a courtesy to my clients, and for the safety of the children, I do not allow adults in my home during the daycare day that do not have a current, clean criminal check on file here. Also, to be fair to the children, when a parent comes to the house they bring their child home with them...it's just too hard to readjust the child twice in a one day. You will have to arrange parental visitation on your own time."

[mismatchedsocks]

His records are through florida, I am in wisconsin. Not sure how to check other records in other states. ??? how do you run a criminal check ?

Mom signed contract, and she filled out on one paper that he was the father. But he is allowed to get the kids if he ever came, that I know. He never comes into the house, form day one...he said he is not comfortable since he is all salty from his job, so he pulls up, I get the kids ready to go, open the door hand him baby and older child walks out.

Mom and I are in contact throughout the day and she knows how their day is, dad never says anything but thanks everyday. I was only uncomfortable with him, since i saw his florida record.

[daycare]

1. Tell her you need her to have a formal custody agreement filed with the state. Until then, you will release the children to both parents because that is the law.

2. Look at your contract NOW. Who signed the contract? If mom signed, good. If dad signed, cancel his contract and immediately resign one with ONLY mom.

3. If you are uncomfortable having this man come to your home, terminate the contract all together. I would not risk my safety, my family's safety, or my clients safety to make a few extra bucks.

And everyone take this as a lesson -- ALWAYS research potential clients FIRST. Before they even know your address, you should do a public records search.

I agree with this, but doing a background search won't always tell all. I can speak first hand from a very close experience.

For example did you know that 25% of registered sex offenders are not required to list their informaiton to the public on Megans Law? They are required to register as a sex offender with their county police dept. yearly, but they are not required to be listed on megans law and it is not public informaiton. Also, if a sex offender has conceived a child, they have every right to attend their school functions, drop off and pick up. Honestly, there really is no for sure way of knowing who you are dealing with. Unless you are able to afford to hire a private investigator you won't really have all the details...

I have learned to just follow the state rules and don't get in the middle of my clients problems. If they let their issues become mine then I ask them to leave. NO DRAMA

[mismatchedsocks]

It's easy. Did you show them your criminal check when they interviewed? I always show potential clients mine. When they want to come 'visit' on lunch hour or during the daycare day I say "As a courtesy to my clients, and for the safety of the children, I do not allow adults in my home during the daycare day that do not have a current, clean criminal check on file here. Also, to be fair to the children, when a parent comes to the house they bring their child home with them...it's just too hard to readjust the child twice in a one day. You will have to arrange parental visitation on your own time."

So all your daycare parents have a criminal check on file. Its a great idea, and I need to. How do you go about doing that? Thanks!

[laundrymom]

I would tell her, I'm sorry but I'm uncomfortable doing that. It pretty much puts me in the middle, it's unfair to ask me to. I hope you understand.

[learn-n-grow]

Sounds a bit messy. I wouldn't get involved. They need to work out visitation among themselves. That has nothing to do with you. And I agree with whoever said to tell mom to get a court order because you cannot stop him from picking kids up. Good luck with this situation.