Potential DCB Was "Removed from Abusive Home"

[ritah]

Hi all, I am new here and to providing child care. It looks like this is a great place where everyone is very helpful and willing to share information! I received a call from a potential new daycare family and have a question I would appreciate some input on...

The woman that called said she is the grandmother of a little boy that will be two in Nov. She explained that she and her husband have had custody of him for the past 6 months because he was '"removed from an abusive home." This raises some red flags for me that I need to clarify with her...specifically, are there any emotional/behavioral issues with the child because of the abuse, how do I know that the grandparents are his legal guardians, and what is the situation with the parents (i.e. do I need to worry about them showing up at my home expecting to pick up their son, causing drama, etc.). Have any of you experienced something similar to this? How did you handle it and what other clarifications/questions should I ask?

Thanks everyone!

[Michael]

Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum! I've upgraded your status. You can post freely now.

[youretooloud]

I had one boy who was removed from a severe neglect home. His infant brother died in the care of his parents, and when police arrived, they found that J was severely malnourished. His father worked, but between paying rent, and buying drugs, they didn't have money left over for food... which is apparently no big deal when you are an addict, but unfortunately the kids still like to eat. Go figure.

Anyway.. he had only very minor issues. His body was very very small, but his head and stomach were huge. So, he had a very hard time walking without falling.

He would stand at gates and doorways and rock from side to side. He'd go find a gate, just so he could rock... it was his only way of calming down.

He took his food, and other kid's food, then walked away from the table with it. So, I had to put him in a high chair with is meals, even though he was over two years old.

[sharlan]

Ask to see the custody papers.

[JeanneMI]

I did foster care for a few years, all the kids were removed from bad homes for one reason or another. I found most of the little ones to be sweet, craving some loving attention and structure. I had one little boy who went to bed worrying if there would be breakfast the next day. I also had a little girl who would end up sleeping under her bed because she never had a bed before. I would have kept any of them forever, I probably got too attached.

However, I did have one little boy who had been raised pretty much on the street. He had never bonded with anyone, and was angry and abusive to the other kids. He was only two!! But it doesn't sound like this would be the case for you, if the grandparents have always been in his life, loving him.

My best advice would be to definitely talk to the grandparents about any possible issues, and then use a trial period. Good luck!

[familyschoolcare]

Ask to see the custody papers.

YES, DO THIS ....
Do not know if it is the same everywhere But here I can not deny someone their child if I know they are the parent or they ca prove they are the parent (IE bring in a birth certificate) ...

Unless I have a court order regardless to what I am told about why mom and/or dad can not pick the child up.

[PitterPatter]

Hi all, I am new here and to providing child care. It looks like this is a great place where everyone is very helpful and willing to share information! I received a call from a potential new daycare family and have a question I would appreciate some input on...

The woman that called said she is the grandmother of a little boy that will be two in Nov. She explained that she and her husband have had custody of him for the past 6 months because he was '"removed from an abusive home." This raises some red flags for me that I need to clarify with her...specifically, are there any emotional/behavioral issues with the child because of the abuse, how do I know that the grandparents are his legal guardians, and what is the situation with the parents (i.e. do I need to worry about them showing up at my home expecting to pick up their son, causing drama, etc.). Have any of you experienced something similar to this? How did you handle it and what other clarifications/questions should I ask?

Thanks everyone!

Hi welcome to the forum! Everyone here is so helpful you will love it here and find yourself with a new addiction!

As for the little one I would ask to see the custody arrangment or something from the court. Not sure how that's done but here I know I must allow access if there is not a court order preventing a parent from visitation and such. I would make a copy for your records and make sure Gran enters into a binding contract with you.

As for little ones behavior I would have a couple visits before anything is final. See how they act. I find that abused kids are sometimes actually easier as they are gratful for any attention/food/toys etc. Good luck to you I hope it works out for everyone!

[Oneluckymom]

OMG....I think my heart wouldn't be able to handle seeing children like the ones some of you described. I would probably go to bed thinking about them everynight! Such sad stories! I just don't know how people can do these things to children.

[blessedmess8]

I've dealt with these situations in a center setting, but never a home. Definitely get more info! These kinds of kids can be the most rewarding, but also sometimes the most challenging. Get as many details as possible and evaluate the situation to determine if you think it is something you can handle all by yourself!(If you are a home provider)

[ritah]

I had one boy who was removed from a severe neglect home. His infant brother died in the care of his parents, and when police arrived, they found that J was severely malnourished. His father worked, but between paying rent, and buying drugs, they didn't have money left over for food... which is apparently no big deal when you are an addict, but unfortunately the kids still like to eat. Go figure.

Anyway.. he had only very minor issues. His body was very very small, but his head and stomach were huge. So, he had a very hard time walking without falling.

He would stand at gates and doorways and rock from side to side. He'd go find a gate, just so he could rock... it was his only way of calming down.

He took his food, and other kid's food, then walked away from the table with it. So, I had to put him in a high chair with is meals, even though he was over two years old.

That is SO sad!!

[ritah]

Thanks to everyone who has replied! These stories make me want to cry!

If this potential family wants to go any further in this process, I am definitely going to ask to see and make a copy of the custody paperwork, in addition to doing a trial period.