Angry And Not Sure What To Do

[awestbrook713]

First off the parent I am having trouble with use to be my babysitter, she was paid on time and in full every week. She has two daughters, one who is quite a handful since she is messing in her pants at least twice a day on a good day. The mom and dad in this situation recently seperated. Dad pays on time and is very appreciative of the service I am providing, mom is rude, inconsiderate, and is late paying me every week and rarely pays me the full amount. My dilemma is I feel bad punishing dad for moms bad behavior but I am not running a charity this is my income and I'm not charging an arm and a leg to begin with. I am probably one of the cheapest if not the cheapest around. Please give me some advise, oh also mom is my neighbor so its not like I can just term and she is gonna be out of my life. Oh and they agreed on splitting cost 50/50 so I am only getting half my pay most of the time and not getting paid from her until a week or more later.

[countrymom]

well, I would tell mom that she either pays the right amount or she can't bring them. You need to get tough now or she is going to keep taking advantage of you. Also, start counting the money infront of her, don't worry about her being a nieghbour, you did nothing wrong and others will see it. I had one like this too, who owed me money so I sent my dh to go and collect and she told everyone how we threatened to beat her up.... well, because I live in a small town, everyone knew she was lying because she pulled this stunt with her landlord who lived next door to her.

[Cat Herder]

Have an after hours conference with Dad.

Tell him he has two options:

1. Termination
2. Taking over the contract.

YOU should not have to accept payment for one family from two sources.

One family, one ADULT responsible for financial issues.

This applies to married couples, too, since about half of them land right here. Preventative financial planning is a must these days.

Dad pays and then collects (or deducts from child support/alimony) his money from the woman he CHOSE to have children with.

Don't allow their life decisions to become your problems.

Good luck, hun.

[GotKids]

I would sit both parents down and if that were not possible I would I speak to them as soon as possible. Express your understanding for this being a difficult situation but in order to hold their child's spot each week you need your payment in full. Offer no leeway or allow excuses for this. Explain that if FULL payment is not received at time of drop off Monday they will have to find alternative care. Let them know this a policy for all parents and even though you have history with these ones you can not make exceptions.

[TBird]

have an after hours conference with dad.

Tell him he has two options:

1. Termination
2. Taking over the contract.

You should not have to accept payment for one family from two sources.

One family, one adult responsible for financial issues.

This applies to married couples, too, since about half of them land right here. Preventative financial planning is a must these days.

Dad pays and then collects (or deducts from child support/alimony) his money from the woman he chose to have children with. :sunny:

Don't allow their life decisions to become your problems.

Good luck, hun.

amen sista!!!

[awestbrook713]

Thank you for the responses. I was debating on whether pulling dad aside and having a talk would be an ok thing. I know with the parents being split its a tricky situation and I think there is some tension there lately. I really like the idea of being paid by one and the other one paying the other their half. I get paid and leaves me out of the middle. That was actually how they had originally started paying me but for some reason something changed. When dad comes tonight I'm going to give him a heads up and let him know what the deal is and what is at stake at this point, also mom said she will pay me wednesday for last week so she either has the money or she is going to have company for the day because care will be discontinued or termed until payment. No more of this giggling school girl crap oh I forgot, do unto others as your want done to yourself.

[cheerfuldom]

don't give on this. since that mom was a previous provider, she knows good and well what she is doing to you.

[Cat Herder]

Thank you for the responses. I was debating on whether pulling dad aside and having a talk would be an ok thing. I know with the parents being split its a tricky situation and I think there is some tension there lately. I really like the idea of being paid by one and the other one paying the other their half. I get paid and leaves me out of the middle. That was actually how they had originally started paying me but for some reason something changed. When dad comes tonight I'm going to give him a heads up and let him know what the deal is and what is at stake at this point, also mom said she will pay me wednesday for last week so she either has the money or she is going to have company for the day because care will be discontinued or termed until payment. No more of this giggling school girl crap oh I forgot, do unto others as your want done to yourself.

You can tell him, verbally, that you have to think of YOUR marriage.

Tell him that if you are not able to pay your bills and are stressed out all the time that your marriage will suffer.

Tell him you have to put your husbands needs first... DCD will most likely appreciate that.. I know the one's I have explained it to, together as a couple at the initial interview, always did.

I say tell him verbally for a reason.

IMHO, you should keep contracts short and to the point without emotion or personal information. If it would embarrass you being read aloud in open court...don't put it in there )

[PitterPatter]

First off the parent I am having trouble with use to be my babysitter, she was paid on time and in full every week. She has two daughters, one who is quite a handful since she is messing in her pants at least twice a day on a good day. The mom and dad in this situation recently seperated. Dad pays on time and is very appreciative of the service I am providing, mom is rude, inconsiderate, and is late paying me every week and rarely pays me the full amount. My dilemma is I feel bad punishing dad for moms bad behavior but I am not running a charity this is my income and I'm not charging an arm and a leg to begin with. I am probably one of the cheapest if not the cheapest around. Please give me some advise, oh also mom is my neighbor so its not like I can just term and she is gonna be out of my life. Oh and they agreed on splitting cost 50/50 so I am only getting half my pay most of the time and not getting paid from her until a week or more later.

Been there done that and I am sorry for you!! This is exactyly why I enter into a contract with 1 person. I had the whole baby mama drama, baby daddy will pay, no baby mama's turn. I finally had to say someone pays or the child does not attend daycare. The contract was with DCM but the dad didn't pay support because he didn't want her wasting it on herself . So he was to pay every other week, until he needed the money. I finally said it is up to DCM to collect from him since it is she I contracted with. If she arrived and there was no pay the child could not stay. I refuse to play the middle man. I would see about entering into contract with DCD since he seems to be the responsible one. Let him collect the DCMs portion. Sorry this is my best advise. Either that or term which I know you don't want to do. Good luck to you I feel for ya!

[awestbrook713]

I do have a contract which both have signed and it states friday is pay day unless another agreement has been agreed upon (nothing else has been agreed upon. I will talk to dad tonight and post on here to let you guys know what happens and I am going to let him know that if mom doesn't pay me wednesday that the kids will not be watched so he has a heads up as to what may happen. Wish me luck.

[awestbrook713]

Okay so I spoke to dad and told him what had been going on. He didn't have much to say, not that I expected him to. Theres not much he could say, he told me he would pay for it all if it came down to it.
The mom is out tonight with her new boyfriend most likely spending the money she owes me and I am steaming, dad made sure I knew she is living it up in the bar scene, which I already knew since my sister is a bartender. It really is a shame her priorities are so screwed up at the moment.
I have one more question, the mom had me fill out all this paper work to have the state pay for her child care but for some reason now she doesn't want to turn it in. Can anyone think of a reason why she wouldn't want her care paid for if shes having so much trouble paying me now?

[MG&Lsmom]

Okay so I spoke to dad and told him what had been going on. He didn't have much to say, not that I expected him to. Theres not much he could say, he told me he would pay for it all if it came down to it.
The mom is out tonight with her new boyfriend most likely spending the money she owes me and I am steaming, dad made sure I knew she is living it up in the bar scene, which I already knew since my sister is a bartender. It really is a shame her priorities are so screwed up at the moment.
I have one more question, the mom had me fill out all this paper work to have the state pay for her child care but for some reason now she doesn't want to turn it in. Can anyone think of a reason why she wouldn't want her care paid for if shes having so much trouble paying me now?

She may have other benefits she's getting and by applying for daycare vouchers she could be in jeopardy of losing those too. I have a DCM where this is the case. Baby daddy lives with her but on paper lives elsewhere. So she has been collecting an insane amount of food stamps, cash assistance, rent subsidy, free State health insurance, etc. If she were to apply for a daycare voucher she would have to show how she's been able to pay me for the past 9 months on 15-20 hours of a minimum wage job. She stands to lose all her benefits if the State finds out he lives with her and makes a decent salary. Also, if on her own salary she qualifies for all that assistance, Ex hubby will have to pay her less child support to "take care of her child".

[awestbrook713]

So its wednesday, mom dropped off girls and I am waiting patiently for her to pay me, she puts $30 on my kitchen counter. Better then nothing but still not even half. So I ask her if we could talk for a minute on the porch, not infront of the kids because I didn't know how she is gonna handle what I am about to tell her. I told her I couldn't help but feel I am getting taken advantage of, I understand people have money problems and I am a very understanding person, paydays are fridays unless worked out differently, I have bills I need to pay to and this is my income, If we can't improve on this I will have no other choice but to terminate care. She just shook her head and said yes I know and told me she is going to be turning in the paper work to help pay for daycare. I hope I didn't go to easy on her and that she knows I am serious, I am keeping a log of issues with parents so I have proof I tried working with them, is this a good idea? Dad just called to check on what happened because he is concerned about where his girls would be today.

[Cat Herder]

Keep the log in case it backfires and you need it to show your inspector....but PLEASE consider making one adult responsible.

This is their issue, not yours.

How much time has this issue taken from your family and friends already??

If you are thinking/stressing about it all the time you can't enjoy their company; and they can't enjoy yours.

It will feel like a HUGE weight off your shoulders.

[awestbrook713]

I agree, and I have discussed that with dad who seemed reluctantly onboard. If mom continues to pull what she is and doesn't send in the paper work like she said then I will give dad the option of taking over the contract. As I was told the other day I need to grow a pair and handle this situation, I am capable of watching the kids but handling disobediant parents in a business situation I'm not so good at yet, I'm taking all of this as a learning experiance.