Asking parents to calm a crying child before entering home?

[jenny31052]

Hello everyone,
I have this 4 years old that is over-babied by his Mom (long story...) and every morning cries for at least an hour at drop off - when they pull into the driveway, I can hear him scream from inside the house. I have other children that gets dropped off at 6am, and that go back to sleep until 7am (including one infant) - every morning the screaming child manage to wake everybody up, including by 2 years old who sleeping upstairs, with the door shut.

Should I ask the parent to calm him down before entering the home? I'm having lots of issues with this kid, and his Mom, and this crying fit is really getting on my nerves, especially when it is disrupting the morning peace, and routine of the other kids. It is not a simple separation anxiety episode. This kid, just whines/cries for hours, as loud as he can, asking to call Mom to come and get him...

[SilverSabre25]

How long has this been going on? It sounds like the child isn't happy with you (no offense, sometimes things just aren't a good fit) and perhaps termination is the best answer. Asking her to calm him, IMO, isn't fair, because it isn't likely to work and is most likely to result in bigger problems for all concerned.

[cheerfuldom]

She doesn't know how to calm him down otherwise it would be getting done already. You can't change her parenting style and after 4 years of babying him, she AND he cannot change by just one word from you. Sounds like you need to let him go if he is so distruptive. You could give a two week probabtion and see if mom can get it together but don't hold your breath.

[jenny31052]

He started 3 weeks ago full-time (prior he was an occasional drop-in) He is having hard time following a structured routine, and especially following rules, and taking "no" as an answer. He is not a bad kid, but I don't think he is used to be told what to do, or having consequences for inapropriate behavior. He shuts down every time he is re-directed, or if he can't have something. He refuses every meal, saying that he will eat when he goes home, but he asks for cookies all day long...

[Cat Herder]

Tried and true.

Put a star on the calendar for 30 days from today. This gives you a goal and a light at the end of the tunnel.

A "never ending problem" is soul crushing, IMHO.

Talk to mom to come up with a solution together knowing of the 30 day probation period.

Try everything you can think of together.

When you get to the date on the calendar, if there is no change, let him go.

Consider that a new environment may be what he (and Mom) needs.

(Example: by 4 most kids outgrow my daycare approved equipment and are bored silly since they cannot play on my kids "big equipment" per State regs They can see the trampoline, treehouse, river and zipline but cannot go on them. It is cruel IMHO so I ask them to go to the big center with awesome play equipment at that time. Sure I lose money, but the kids are happier. )

Sometimes they feed off their parents anxiety...when given a deadline most adults manage to get thing done remarkably well.

[littlemommy]

I'm having the same problem with a 2 year old boy. He's been here 6 months now and still throws a huge screaming fit when he comes. Mom now brings him with a doll and his blanket. He doesn't share, so when I try to put it in his bag after mom leaves he hits and kicks me. I'm going to shoot her a text today before she gets here saying blankets and toys need to be in his bag before walking in the door. I know she thinks it's doing him good having a comfort item, but it makes it harder when he screams more when I put it away.

[Cat Herder]

I'm having the same problem with a 2 year old boy. He's been here 6 months now and still throws a huge screaming fit when he comes. Mom now brings him with a doll and his blanket. He doesn't share, so when I try to put it in his bag after mom leaves he hits and kicks me. I'm going to shoot her a text today before she gets here saying blankets and toys need to be in his bag before walking in the door. I know she thinks it's doing him good having a comfort item, but it makes it harder when he screams more when I put it away.

I have them leave their personal comfort items in the car...not in my house.

Once they get here they have their own favorite comfort items (like at grandmas).

My current kids like BOO-BOO bunnies (rag doll type with long silk "rubbing" ears, for toddlers), Sleep sheeps (vibrates and plays music, for infants) and their own travel pillows/blankets once they turn 1 year old. (I wanted to buy those monster rag dolls but they are priced kindof high still www.uglydolls.com)

I buy these things upon enrollment. I also have their family photos up on the walls, printed off of their parents facebook pages..

Would that work for you?

[sharlan]

I had one of those. At 3 yo he used every 4 letter word at the top of his lungs every morning. After a complaint from a neighbor, I called the mom and told her if it didn't stop, I was going to slap the child's mouth in front of his parents, both did drop off. (No, I wouldn't have actually done it.)

The mom said that she understood, but it would make dad mad. I told her I didn't care, but I wanted it stopped. The next morning, he came in all smiles, never happened again. I have no idea what they changed.

Some mommies need the "working mommie syndrome" validation and need the child to play the game.

[Meeko]

I actually tell the parents to bring their screeching child in as fast as they can. I got tired of parents forgetting it was 6:30 AM and that their child was screaming at the top of their lungs at the crack of dawn and waking the entire neighborhood.

I'd rather deal with a screaming child than screaming neighbors.....

[littlemommy]

I have them leave their personal comfort items in the car...not in my house.

Once they get here they have their own favorite comfort items (like at grandmas).

My current kids like BOO-BOO bunnies (rag doll type with long silk "rubbing" ears, for toddlers), Sleep sheeps (vibrates and plays music, for infants) and their own travel pillows/blankets once they turn 1 year old. (I wanted to buy those monster rag dolls but they are priced kindof high still www.uglydolls.com)

I buy these things upon enrollment. I also have their family photos up on the walls, printed off of their parents facebook pages..

Would that work for you?

I talked to mom about it this morning. She understood, and said that she would have it in the bag. I told her that I don't allow outside toys because it creates jealousy and sharing issues, and makes the kids upset when I have to take it away. When he got here, she had just taken it away and put it in his bag. She said tomorrow she'll "forget" it at home, and that he'll be so sad without it.

The kid throws a fit regardless of if he has his doll or blanket, I think it'll be okay without them in his hands. She just started bringing the doll last week, so it's not like he's used to bringing it every day. I hope these screaming fits end soon!

[littlemommy]

I have a few other things I need (nap mats and an extra wide gate) so I'll be doing some shopping this weekend. I'm going to look for some stuffed animals for the kids.

[SandeeAR]

I have a few other things I need (nap mats and an extra wide gate) so I'll be doing some shopping this weekend. I'm going to look for some stuffed animals for the kids.

I got all the Clifford stuffed dogs at KOHL's last week for $5 each.

[jojosmommy]

Sounds like he has control issues. When he doesn't get his way he exhibits inappropriate behavior or shuts down (like when you say no to him). The food thing is a control issue for sure. If he doesnt eat with you all day then mom probably gives him cookies in the car. I would talk to her directly about it and if she can't get it together then you will have to term. He needs to function with the group when he arrives. I am not against a little one having separation issues but it sounds much deeper than that.