Should I be Angry or What?

[Hunni Bee]

So today at the last pick-up, two minutes before closing, DCM (whose son is my class) came in and told the two year old teacher she needed to talk to her, and they walked out. When the teacher came back, she had a odd look on her face and was shaking her head...I figured it was something messed-up

What she asked was can the nearly four-year-old DCB be transferred back into the Two's class because was tired of him pooping on himself. He had both a wetting and BM accident yesterday, and the mom was upset.

Is that my fault? When dcb came to me in the winter, he was NOT potty-trained...despite her claims that he was. If he wasn't taken to the potty every 30 minutes (and I mean taken, not sent) he would wet himself. Of course he wore underwear. I had to RE-train him. I am the three/four year old teacher...kids dont even come to me unless they're potty-trained.

DCB will NOT poop in the potty...he just hides and poops on himself. Apparently this is his normal method of pooping at home. DCM said that she told me if he hides then he's probably pooping, and to catch him and "make" him use the toilet. But this happens about once every six weeks or so, so I usually don't even recognize thats what he's doing. He's a three year old boy...he hides and does silly stuff all day! Plus this time he did it while lying on his cot...he didn't even hide. I really don't see how I can stop him from doing that, or how putting him back with kids half his age will help. To me that's HER job.

I'm a little offended...especially since she chose not to discuss it with me.

Am I wrong?

[youretooloud]

I can't imagine wanting a four year old in the two's class....but, I guess some parents really want the baby to stay a baby for a long time.

I had a mom leave my daycare because I was letting her 16 month old feed himself, and sit at the kid's table. She wanted him spoon fed and sitting in a high chair. So, she found a chain daycare center that would allow him to be in the infant room. He was the only kid in the whole class who could walk.

[LittleD]

What will going to the 2 yr old class do for him? I don't get it. She wants him back in a diaper??

[cheerfuldom]

You didn't do anything wrong. We all know that we can't please every parent. If the director is okay with this, just let it go. He obviously isn't ready for the 4 year old class anyway so maybe starting over with potty training would be best.

[Hunni Bee]

What will going to the 2 yr old class do for him? I don't get it. She wants him back in a diaper??

I guess she feels he needs to be potty trained again. He really doesnt have that many wetting accidents...he just refused to use the potty for BM's. I think she just wants him to stay a baby for as long as possible.

[cheerfuldom]

Just let her. Don't waste your energy being upset or taking it personally. There are so many parents that baby their kids these days. It's easier to do that than to hold them to age appropriate expectations. It has nothing to do with you. Maybe she will come to her senses when he continues poo'ing in the 2 year old class. I hope she doesn't expect the teacher there to potty train him but again, not your problem. I am guessing perhaps your center does the potty training for the parents.

[Crystal]

He simply is not developmentally ready for toileting independently.

It's simple. Put him back in diapers until he is ready.

If he is socially ready, other than toileting, for the 4 year old group, keep him there. If he is not, and is more socially developed at the two year old stage, place him there.

When he is ready to use the toilet independently he will do it. And when he is ready, he will be fully trained within days - not months - and it will be alot less stressful for everyone involved.

[Sunshine44]

sounds to me like she thinks this other teacher will watch her child better and keep him from soiling himself.

[Hunni Bee]

sounds to me like she thinks this other teacher will watch her child better and keep him from soiling himself.

I guess she does. Especially because she didn't approach me about it. But as I said, he only does this maybe once a month, and I have caught him before and placed on the potty, and he just held it and pooped on himself later...

To me, its not an issue of whether I'm watching him enough. His fear/refusal to use the toilet for BM's is an issue she needs to work out on her end. I don't thing its up to me stand over him all day making sure he isn't hiding and soiling his clothes at almost four years old. I know this phrase gets worn out, but he isn't my only child by a long shot.

That said, him going back to the Two's class will not help him, but rather do the opposite...cause him to regress. What are you going to do if everyone else is wearing pull-ups and soiling themselves? I told her as much this morning when I came in and she was discussing it with the director.

She seemed to get my point.

[SandeeAR]

I had a child that the parents were trying, well sort of trying, to potty train. She would not ever tell me she needed to go. She was VERY smart in every other way. Mom was just taking her every 30 min or so. I wouldn't do that. She was almost 3 y/o and knew what she was doing.

They moved her to a 'Center' to be around kids her age. In other words, for the center to potty train her like they did her older sister. (they take them constantly all day).

She still wouldn't poop or tell them. She would hold it for days. Mom finally figured out the issue was she was lactose intolerant. She was getting constipated and it hurt to go. Once they fixed that, she started going poop in the potty.