Need Encouragement...

[gkids09]

I have been at my daycare since I was 10 months old. Literally. My grandmother owned it, and opened because my sister was born (4 years older than I am). I got to come visit as much as I wanted, and stayed sometimes because I had to.

When I was 12, my grandmother let me start "working" although she couldn't count me as an employee (which I didn't know at the time). She paid me cash, and taught me everything I know. When I was 20, she called one Sunday night and told me she was planning on closing because she just couldn't do it anymore. I told her not to close and that I'd do my best to take over IF she could teach me everything she knows. She did.

Here I am almost 4 years later, and I'm stressing. I LOVE LOVE my daycare kids. I love teaching them, I love watching them grow, and I hate telling them goodbye when they go to kindergarten. But here lately, I am so burnt out I can't see straight. I have tried doing more fun things with the kids, I've tried taking a day off. I even went on a week long vacation in July. I don't know what to do.

I have three assistants, all of whom work part time. I'm here four days a week, except here lately it's been five. I find myself getting aggravated at the smallest, stupidest stuff. I find myself closing myself in my office and letting my assistants handle the kids for a while.

I have changed the way I'm teaching the kids this year, and I create a curriculum newsletter every week. I am wondering if the extra work has caused the burn-out, or if it's something else. I have no kids, but want to keep the daycare so that when they are little they can come too. I want to keep the family business going.

I had my assessment and missed the full 3 stars by .05 points, and the assessor lied through her teeth about STUPID stuff. Looking at our schedule proves that she lied. However, when I appealed it, they didn't change a thing. Instead of going through it again, I just took the 2 stars and shut up. I think it was after I got my assessment results that I started getting so UGH about everything...

Last year I got 3 stars, and it makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong now, even though I KNOW she lied and know I didn't do anything wrong.

I have a 21 month old who, to be totally honest, I cannot stand to be around. I know that sounds terrible, and I really do my very best not to let the child see that I am annoyed. It's the first kid I've EVER not liked, and like I said, I've been here FOREVER.

HELP. That's all I need. Help...Lots of it, apparently. I haven't told any of my family, including my husband, how I feel. I thought I'd start here...I just need encouragement, ideas to make me happier and more INTO what I'm doing like I used to be.... Thanks everybody...

[Meeko]

Oh bless you hon......sounds like you have a case of "stagnant". Your post sounds as if you really do want to continue in the child care field, but have become stuck in a rut.

First...get rid of the child you do not like too much. Don't feel bad...it's just chemistry. (I have a brother-in-law I want to knife just because he walks in the room. Can't explain it...I just don't like him!) Just let his mother know that this is not a good fit and move on and don't feel guilty.

Next, I would re-arrange the whole day care. Change it around to make it seem fresh and new and different.

Don't just lock yourself away in desperation when it gets too much. Actually SCHEDULE yourself some break time away from the hustle and bustle each day. You're the boss so take advantage of that! If you are able to leave during the day...do it. Take a lunch break and meet up with your hubby or a friend if your assistants can legally handle the day care.

It sounds as if your grandmother did a great job running her day care for years. Now it's yours and doesn't have to be run the same way she did it. Step back and revamp YOUR business to the way it works for YOU. I get the feeling you are trying to keep GRANDMA'S business going. It's not hers any more. It's yours. Do what you want!

[gkids09]

Thank you SO much...I would love to get rid of this kid, except he has an older brother that I LOVE. If I termed one, I'd lose both.

I have been contemplating moving things around, but I am so afraid to move what has always "worked" if you know what I mean?

I will definitely have to start taking my own time, no matter what. I really appreciate you taking the time to give me this advice. My licensor told me never to get burnt out because I was one of the best, and now here I am..... It's making me so upset!

I am going to sit down and figure out what I want to do, and not what I'm keeping just because it's always been that way. You're right, I have been trying to keep my grandmother's business going, and not really thinking about why I want out of it. I am going to focus on that, but keep the family style feel to it at the same time. THANK YOU. So much...

[Blackcat31]

Why not give your environment a face lift? Sometimes a new coat of paint and some new decor will really make things seem new and fun again. Try a new color that is completely the opposite of what it is now. Rotate your toys and make new areas, change your books out and mix up your activites and menus to things you've never tried before.

I've been in this business long enough to have had to do this a few times and after each face lift, I feel rejuvinated and excited all over again about my job and business.

[cheerfuldom]

Change anything thats annoying you and then see how you feel about the job. You know, if you really don't have a long term passion for this job, there is no reason to stay tied to it forever. Just because it worked for grandma doesn't mean it has to work for you. I am sure she would understand.

[Cat Herder]

Burnout

This is an article from my training. It is something I read a couple times year as a reminder. Maybe it can help you too? We ALL go through it. You are not alone.

PROVIDER BURNOUT

In a study conducted at the University of Maryland, by Susan Walker, PhD, in-home family daycare providers were proven to be particularly prone to personal stress. The factors that they stated contributed to this were: long hours (average of 60 hours a week), low pay (an average of $15,000 a year), and the low value of their job to the public despite the huge need for care. All of these factors deem daycare providers at high risk for burnout.

There are three stages of burnout:

1. Stress Arousal Stage Persistent irritability and anxiety
Bruxism and/or Insomnia
Occasional forgetfulness and/or inability to concentrate
2. Stress Resistance Stage Absenteeism or tardiness for work
Tired and fatigued for no reason
Procrastination and indecision
Social withdrawal with cynicism
Resentful, indifferent, defiant
Increased use of coffee, alcohol, tobacco, etc.
3. Severe Exhaustion Stage Chronic sadness or depression
Chronic mental and physical fatigue
Chronic stress related illnesses (headache, stomach ache, bowel problems, etc.)

So how do you know if you or a loved one is suffering from burnout?
Here are the early warning signs.

Chronic fatigue - exhaustion, tiredness, a sense of being physically run down
Anger at those making demands
Self-criticism for putting up with the demands
Cynicism, negativity, and irritability
A sense of being besieged
Exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things
Frequent headaches and gastrointestinal disturbance
Weight loss or gain
Sleeplessness and depression
Shortness of breath
Suspiciousness
Feelings of helplessness
Increased degree of risk taking
Isolation, withdrawal, self-destructive thoughts

What do you do if you are suffering from burnout?

Take a break!!! Get a massage, meditate, hide, stare at a wall...get away!
Ask for love ones to lighten the load and help with your responsibilities.
Simplify your life. What can you take out?
Relax and nurture yourself.
Seek professional help if it gets severe.
Reduce your stress!!!

STRESS
Know thy enemy...

Studies has proven that in-home daycare providers are more prone to stress than the average bear.
Yet there are little or no resources to daycare providers for reducing and managing stress.
Why is this? We can only suppose that everyone is too stressed out to do anything about it!

In a study of providers in Maryland:
37% of providers rated themselves as experiencing very high
or somewhat high levels of stress in the past month
54.5% had effects on health behaviors
51.7% enjoy their job less than typical population
35% report feeling bad physically
33.6% experienced strong moods

WHAT IS STRESS?

Stress is the excitement, feeling of anxiety and/or physical tension that occurs when
demands placed on an individual exceed his or her ability to cope.

We need stress in many ways. It helps us to survive, it is our fight or flight response.
It helps us to cross the street, move out of the way when something is thrown at us, be frightened
when somebody yells “boo”. We want to stay out of the way of danger so our body physically
responds to surprises so we don’t kill ourselves and we fear things.

Stress response: When challenged, the body undergoes a progressive series of responses that are first triggered by an external stimulus termed the stressor. The more prolonged and accelerating reactions produce an intense and severe disruption called strain. All of this moves the body away from homeostasis, the maintenance of equilibrium of the internal body functions in response to external changes.

WHAT CAUSES STRESS?

Psychological causes
Life changes--events, circumstances or perceptions
Overload--too much to do, not enough time to do it
Insufficient resources--not enough money or time
Frustration--lack of happiness or fulfillment
Trauma or loss--death of a close friend or relative

External causes
Occupation
Environmental strain (noise, temperature, etc.)
Substance abuse (alcohol/drugs)
Nutritional excesses (caffeine, sugar)
Nutritional deficiencies (vitamins or nutrients)

Personality causes
Self-perception
Anxious reactivity, hypervigilance, worry
Need for control,
Time urgency
Anger or hostility

Major sources of stress in daycare include:

conflicts with parents
role conflict
not being able to balance work and family
fairness in housework
feeling overloaded
not having enough time for family activities
not enough time with family
not enough money
conflict with their own family
not having enough children in their daycare

Other things that effect our stress:

Poor resource management: Time and money are precious and limited resources. Wasting either of these creates serious tension and stress. Unwillingness to delegate or let go of control also increases stress.

Personal relationships: Romance and love are exciting eustress experiences while conflict, jealousy and resentment are common distresses when a relationship breaks down.

Self-perception: Low self-esteem and self-confidence together with the absence of feeling connected or empowered, can all precipitate stress reactions. Taken to excess (self-confidence) these can lead to egoism and ****iness which will cause different stress reactions.

Beliefs and attitudes: Family scripts like "A penny saved is a penny earned," "A job worth doing is worth doing well" can cause undue stress and force the person to live up to an unrealistic image.

WHAT ARE POSSIBLE EFFECTS OF STRESS ON THE BODY?

muscle tightness and tension
decreased immunity, increased sickness
aches/pains in back and neck
fatigue and lack of energy
headaches, migraines
digestive problems
depression and/or anxiety
decreased ability of movement
accelerated aging
These can lead to: high blood pressure; restricted movement;
ulcers; heart attack; cancer; stroke; etc.

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT OUR STRESS?

Simplify your life
Avoid over-commitment and over-responsibility
Learn how to say "NO".
Delegate your duties, have others help you.
Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep
Relax and breathe
Take some time for you everyday

REDUCING STRESS

"It's not what happens to you in life that matters,
it's how you react to what happens to you that counts."

4 areas that you can reduce stress in your daycare business:

1. Daycare environment-
How is your daycare set up? Is it cluttered? Are toys and activities easily accessible? Is it bright and cheery or dark and dreary? What colors are the basic colors of the room? Does the area provide space to relax or is it constantly high energy? Did you know that you can use color and scents to induce different moods and tones in your house?

2. Business Practices-
Do your parents drive you crazy? Do they know what is expected of them? Do you have policies in place? Do you act like a professional? Did you know that you can train your parents how to treat you and your business? How do you find the balance between giving the parents what they want and keeping your sanity? Do you run your daycare like a business or like a babysitting service? Do you have preschool programs? What can you do to enhance your services to the family that you can have fun with?

3. Children-
Do the children know what is expected of them? Are you consistent with discipline or is it something you have to continue to revisit? Do children have a balance of relaxing and stimulating activities? Is there enough transition time between activities? Is there enough variety of toys and activities for each child's interests? Do you have engaging activities such as music, exercise or stretching, yoga, dancing, that keeps the children interested and allow them to use fine and gross motor control?

4. Your self-
Do you take enough time for you? (HA!--we all say) Do you think you DESERVE time for yourself? Do you know how to nurture your body, mind, and spirit? Do you exercise some everyday besides lifting kids on and off the diaper changing table? Do you have a hobby that you have been dying to take up? Is your attitude positive? Can you learn how to make some time for yourself everyday? Are you too serious or do you laugh things off easily? Do you over-commit yourself? Do you ask others for help? Do you take time off?

[Cat Herder]

See above..