And Why Can't My Son Play With His Sister?!!

[Christian Mother]

Do any of you take your older children with you to play? I had one dck today and my 2 kids...8yr son and 4 yrs old daughter. Needless to say..I got B***hed out by a old grandma who didn't want her granddaughter playing with my son who wanted to play with his little sister who was playing with her. If that makes any since. The play area is in side the mall and is big. The kids got there early and played with some of the older kids and where playing chase with out problems bc there weren't many kids in the area...but this grandmother singled my son out and made my son feel awful. He came back upset excluded from playing with his sister bc this little girl wanted her all to her self. I ashually had words with the daughter bc I didn't know who the parents where until the grandmother got involved to confirm she did in deed til her grandchild she couldn't play with my son. I told her she was wrong to tell him he couldn't play in the play area bc he was a bigger age child and for her to not allow him to play with his sister was very wrong...she called me crazy? What?!! I told her that I would never tell a child they couldn't play together specially if a sibling wanted to join in. I didn't understand her logic but I told her it was perfectly fine for her grandchild not to play with either of my children as I don't think it's right to be aloud to play with one and not both...ridiculous!!

[MarinaVanessa]

Well I think you did the right thing by not allowing either of your kids to play with the little girl then. However I don't think that I would have handled the problem with the little girl other than to ask why my son couldn't play with them and who her parent was. Otherwise I would have done exactly as you did. It makes no sense to me either if they are all playing well together.

[Christian Mother]

That ashually was what I was working at but the grandmother was sitting right behind me and interjected as I was asking her why she told my son he couldn't play with my daughter. The grandmother was pretty quick. Other wise trust me I would of been seeking her out but she found me instead. My daughter is a young 4 yr old and this little girl was 5 or might be older. I still believe in manners and to have a little girl yell and my son telling him he couldn't play with her nor his sister just rubbed me wrong I couldn't understand why so that is why I went to her. I ashually looked around for the parents but there where quite a few parents and grandparents there and she didn't one go back and forthwith to them. I took me about 3 to 5 min to make the desigion to go over there bc I kept telling him it was ok he could play with his sister and not to let any one tell him he couldn't it as after that 3rd time I was like ...this has got to stop. The funny thing about this is that I am a policeman at these play centers. I firmly believe in time outs for poor behavior specially at play areas. If the kids are playing to rough or don't have nice hands they or are not playing on the equipment properly they sit right be side me. I never have problems with my son. He is always my helper and a extra eye. I just couldn't believe this grandma singling him out. It was weird!!

[Michelle]

ok , so I take it you were at a play place?
Do you think race was a factor?

[MarinaVanessa]

Well in that case I agree with you. I guess I thought you tried working it out with the little girl only but I was mistaken. Bossy child, bossy grandmother... see the similarities?

[Christian Mother]

ok , so I take it you were at a play place?
Do you think race was a factor?

Yup, we where at the mall at one of those larger play area's. Big enough to run around and climb on things and slides..etc.

No, I don't think race was a factor..we're all Caucasian. You guys this really upsets me bc I teach my children that everyone is a loud to play no matter age, race, gender...you know...I just wouldn't want anyone left out.

Oh, this family was white too. She was pretty upset with me yelling in my face when I stood up to tell her that she was wrong to exclude my son from playing specially since he just wanted to continue playing with his sister. Maybe she was defending her grandchild and I understand that but i didn't see the logic of separating them. It just really burns me that this grandmother would ashually tell her grandchild to tell my son that he couldn't join even if his sister was playing. I was like then no one is playing together. It isn't right to exclude the children because of age or what. I just didn't get it...they ended up leaving before us bc my dck needed to go to the rest room by then I was still feeling awful for my son so we left after the restrooms.

[Christian Mother]

Well in that case I agree with you. I guess I thought you tried working it out with the little girl only but I was mistaken. Bossy child, bossy grandmother... see the similarities?

I don't think I even got a chance to even try working it out bc grandmother took over and started yelling and me that I was crazy after of course i told her she was wrong...what she was asking her grandchild to do was wrong. I ended up telling her then that neither of our kids wld play together...although that didn't stop the girls bc my daughter being 4 just continued playing and the other little girl I think was older...maybe 5 or close to 6 continued on. I didn't didn't know how to discuss with my daughter what just happened and why she couldn't continue to play. So when we got into the car and I was driving I explained it to her and kind of swapped her position and said how does she feel when her brothers friends tell her she's to young to play with them and pushes her away it makes her sad and she doesn't understand she just wants to join in. On the flip side. My son is older and does understand but the games those to where playing involved a few others when this girl came and then it was just her and my daughter. I kind of felt like she was def. being bossy...!!

[cheerfuldom]

sounds like the granddaughter told grandma to make the boy go away so the girls could play alone. then grandma does the granddaughters dirty work but obviously went way over the top.

[Christian Mother]

sounds like the granddaughter told grandma to make the boy go away so the girls could play alone. then grandma does the granddaughters dirty work but obviously went way over the top.

That could def. be it...instead of chase it became barbie...how you play that with out the dolls.. I just asked my son exactly what they where doing before she went to talk to her grandmother and he said they where playing tag...so wouldn't you know it...I think your right and she had grandma try and get involved.

[Kaddidle Care]

Grandma probably didn't approve of Tag in the play place and since boys can be rougher was concerned that tag may turn into shove and ouch.

BUT... she didn't have to be nasty about it nor does she have the right to exclude anyone from play. If she didn't like it she should have taken her delicate flower out of that place.

You were dealing with a control freak.

Hugs to your boy for getting his feelings hurt.

[Christian Mother]

Grandma probably didn't approve of Tag in the play place and since boys can be rougher was concerned that tag may turn into shove and ouch.

BUT... she didn't have to be nasty about it nor does she have the right to exclude anyone from play. If she didn't like it she should have taken her delicate flower out of that place.

You were dealing with a control freak.

Hugs to your boy for getting his feelings hurt.

Thanks Kaddidle for that!!
I guess i am just baffled about the whole thing...I should of asked these questions to my son a long time ago bc they I would have all the facts and not be questioning my parent skills but my son said that while they where playing chase the little girl was called to her grandmother who singled my son out and said he is to big and rough to be playing and i don't want you to continue playing that game. She asked if she could still play with my daughter and she yes. The thing is that the kids pretty quickly stopped the chase game and moved on to other things the 2 other boys went some where else and then this little girl and my daughter and other girls went to go play and when my son when over to ask what they where playing the little girl said she could not play with him. I ashually caught her telling him that so I followed my son over to her and asked her why and then the grandmother got involved. I just don't understand why my son couldn't make the decision for himself whether he wanted to play or not. This grandmother made it for him and he didn't even know what they where playing. That makes me mad...

[sharlan]

Is there an age limit at your mall play place? I believe ours states 6 on the sign.

I can understand the grandmother not wanting her granddaughter to play tag with an 8 yo boy. Boys and bigger, stronger, and rougher, just by nature. Tag can turn into a rough game, with someone getting hurt very quickly.

IF she didn't want her granddaughter to play tag with your son, she should have called her granddaughter over and told HER that she did not want HER to play tag with the boys. End of discussion.

She had no right to tell your son that he couldn't play. If she didn't want her granddaughter to play with the other kids, it was her obligation to take HER child out.

(Having just come from the mall, I feel all children should be banned. I had one boy run over my foot, stepping on it. Another boy tripped me when he ran in front of me. A third ran into me with a stroller.)

(JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE MALL.)

[Christian Mother]

Is there an age limit at your mall play place? I believe ours states 6 on the sign.

I can understand the grandmother not wanting her granddaughter to play tag with an 8 yo boy. Boys and bigger, stronger, and rougher, just by nature. Tag can turn into a rough game, with someone getting hurt very quickly.

IF she didn't want her granddaughter to play tag with your son, she should have called her granddaughter over and told HER that she did not want HER to play tag with the boys. End of discussion.

She had no right to tell your son that he couldn't play. If she didn't want her granddaughter to play with the other kids, it was her obligation to take HER child out.

(Having just come from the mall, I feel all children should be banned. I had one boy run over my foot, stepping on it. Another boy tripped me when he ran in front of me. A third ran into me with a stroller.)

(JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE MALL.)

That is def. one place i don't like to go...it involves spending $$ I don't have...!!

That's how I felt about it. It's one thing to stop a child from interacting in a game that you feel is to rough but then when the game stops and a new one begins a lot less rough and there is a child excluded for what ever reason...whether it's bc of age. That to me is wrong. My son didn't want to play with this girl he was playing with his sister. They had been playing a game together and then when it switched he wanted to find out what they would be playing now only to be told right off he wasn't allowed. That got me HOT. I can understand wanting to intervene and stop rough play bc I do that for a living.....but it just shocked me how this lady just yelled at me for wanting to know what the heck was her reasoning for not including him. Just surprising...!! You know there isn't an age limit to this particular one. At least I haven't seen a sign up to state it. We are in AZ so I am not sure maybe some one from AZ can correct me on that...I am just not sure. Otherwise of course I'd point blank tell my son sorry your going to have to bring your game boy and play bc your not able to play at the play area. If he was made aware upfront it wouldn't make a big deal but there are all age groups of kids that go in. He is at the young age of 8. He is already getting to that point that he doesn't enjoy playing there bc it's geared more for younger kids but he is also there as a extra pair of eyes and also to play with the dck. I've never had a complaint before bc he's just sooo good with the kids and with me.

[sharlan]

I have a tendency to always play devil's advocate. That's why I asked the questions.

It sounds like grandma has an attitude that she needs to get over. I also understand that, because my grandkids have two grandpas with attitudes, lucky me.

[Christian Mother]

I have a tendency to always play devil's advocate. That's why I asked the questions.

It sounds like grandma has an attitude that she needs to get over. I also understand that, because my grandkids have two grandpas with attitudes, lucky me.

There good questions to ask. I do to and like to look at everything from every angle. I am not one of those people that shelter or stick up for there kids...well unless they didn't cause the problem...I am very strict with my kids. I can tell you that the chasing wasn't the full blown run...it was 5 or 6 kids with my son joining in bc he was asked a few times to help me out with my dck...it didn't last very long. I had to ask my son later what the heck happened bc I needed to understand this lady as she wasn't being very clear on why she was upset. Although I would be upset if a parent came up to my child and that parent seem very happy. I was frustrated that I witnessed what this child was doing and you know what that grandparent ashually sat right next to me and didn't say a word. Until I spoke with her gc and then she got into my face and started yelling at me. I yelled right back at her. The "Respect your Elders" went right out the door..!!