Question From An Employee Of Mine...

[gkids09]

She raises her grandson, who is in 5th grade this year. Her son (the grandson's dad) lives with them, but doesn't seem to have much to do with the family matters...She has mentioned that he comes home from work in the afternoons and goes straight to his own bedroom and closes the door for the night.

He doesn't live there freely, she gets part of his paycheck, but she is still basically raising his son. The mother isn't in the picture, and has been in prison 95% of the kid's life. From what I have seen of him, he's a very sweet kid, but sort of immature.

She told me this morning when we were outside with the kids that she needs help getting her grandson to play on his own. She said he just hangs on her allllllll the time, to the point of her getting upset and fussing at him. It's not that she doesn't pay attention to him, they go on trips and do things together all the time. She said this weekend they went to see her daughter (his aunt) and get him some school clothes, and the grandson just stood around and stared at his grandmother so much that his aunt asked her why he did that.

What she wants to know is, how can she get him to entertain himself without constantly needing her by his side? She doesn't want to yell at him or make him upset because she seems like she doesn't want to be with him. It's not that at all; She just wants some time alone too.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[cheerfuldom]

what about enrolling him in some extra curriculars? sounds like he has major social anxiety. i would also recommend therapy of some sort. that fact that both parents have essentially abandoned him leaves him very fragile.

[sharlan]

I'm guessing he has some abandonment issues. Both parents have abandoned him and he's afraid that Grandma will too. She needs to haved a short and sweet talk with Dad and tell him to start acting like a father.

[gkids09]

I have suggested getting him signed up for some sort of sport..He was here a few days this summer, and is AWESOME at baseball.. And when I told him how great he was, his face lit up, and he was SO proud of himself!!

He has lots of friends at school, I've been told, and loves to go to school. I had one other school ager this summer, and he's only going to 2nd grade, but they seemed to be on the same wavelength...

I am going to suggest sports again...I would almost be willing to pay for him to do it if they can't afford it. He'd be REALLY good at it. Of course, baseball is over now, and I'm not sure what sports you play in the fall??

[Country Kids]

I have suggested getting him signed up for some sort of sport..He was here a few days this summer, and is AWESOME at baseball.. And when I told him how great he was, his face lit up, and he was SO proud of himself!!

He has lots of friends at school, I've been told, and loves to go to school. I had one other school ager this summer, and he's only going to 2nd grade, but they seemed to be on the same wavelength...

I am going to suggest sports again...I would almost be willing to pay for him to do it if they can't afford it. He'd be REALLY good at it. Of course, baseball is over now, and I'm not sure what sports you play in the fall??

For fall sports there is usually football and soccer for boys. Some towns have swim teams for all ages all year round. Possibly a skate team (roller skating) or a hockey team?

[countrymom]

what about enrolling him in some extra curriculars? sounds like he has major social anxiety. i would also recommend therapy of some sort. that fact that both parents have essentially abandoned him leaves him very fragile.

this is what i was going to suggest. But she needs activities where she leaves him there, she's not aloud to stay. I do this with my kids (I've got some clingons) its so good for them.

[countrymom]

fall sport
ice skating
swimming
broomball
cubs (boy scouts that acually would be the best)

[MG&Lsmom]

Some places have Fall Baseball, but maybe not for a kid who's just starting out. We have a couple of sports places that have clinics and classes in any sport all year round.

[SandeeAR]

Check into Boys and Girls Club. They usually have fall basketball and is free or very low priced.

[AfterSchoolMom]

Martial Arts? Tae Kwon Do is great for physical activity and teaching self confidence, respect, etc.

[kidkair]

I don't think extra curricular activities are going to help this kid all that much. OP said the kid hangs on gma ALL the time and I'm assuming he does fine in school. I would suggest that gma get some puzzles to have the kid work on. She can sit down and start the puzzle with the kid and then get up saying "You stay here and keep going. I'll be back soon." Then she can leave and return in just a minute or so and keep expanding the amount of time she's gone for. Eventually she will be able to have someone show up at the door and remind the kid that he can go work on the puzzle and she'll help him when the person is gone. I have done this with little kids to help them learn to play without me.

The trick is get them interested in something and the leave letting them know you'll be right back and that they should continue what they are doing.

With older kids they need bigger projects to do like large puzzles, an art project, reading, writing, jumping rope so many times, setting up obstacle courses, making a menu for dinner along with a shopping list. The kid needs to do chores too and is old enough to do quite a lot. Everything she chooses for him to do should be supervised at first to make sure he knows/learns how and then slowly let go to do it alone.

My dad (stay at home parent) had an "I'm bored list" if we were hanging around wanting to be entertained he walk to the kitchen and start reading the chores on the list "vacuuming, washing windows, scrubbing tub, cleaning out the refrigerator, sweeping basement" and we had the choice to do one or find something else to do on our own.