Problems With My Own Child...Nannyde Anyone?

[daycare]

My son who is 3, will be 4 in sept. All of a sudden is having some major tantrum issues.
He has been a great little guy up until this tantrum/anger problem has started.

Lately, every time he seems to get frustrated, he will take his hand hit his leg and start to whine. Then it will go on to kicking or hitting anything within his reach. It will end by throwing himself on the floor with nonstop kicking of the arms and legs with lots of verbal sounds.

He has been doing this a lot. He does it when he is alone, for example he was building a train the other day on top of some chairs...(he's very creative) well of course the tracks keep falling down. He is playing alone btw.
All of a sudden, I hear him doing this tantrum.
He also does it any time he is given a possible NO.

I have tried to ignore him 100% when he does it. If others are around, I will say nothing, pick him up and take him to his room and close his bedroom door. Well on Saturday, he threw a tantrum and I picked him up took him to his room and he contd it there for about 45 minutes.

The DCP all have noticed it and of course have said something. I really need to find a way to get this under control and I have tried everything I know.

Please PLEASE please give me some of your ideas of how you deal with your own child when and if they do this.....

BTW. my son is also the youngest in my family by several years. So he is very spoiled by his older bro/sis ages 13 and 15. I also am trying to get them to not entertain his tantrums..... That is almost harder than having to stop the 3 year old....

HELP!!!!

[NiNi.R.]

I've had the same problems with my daughter. She is a very spirited, independent, strong willed little girl. She was in between 2 and 3 when it started. She would throw tremendous tantrums. Follow me around kicking and screaming. I would try everything, ignore her, timeouts...nothing would work. Then one night when I was putting her to bed I was laying there with her and we started talking. Somehow we got on the subject of the tantrum she had had earlier that day and I told her how sad it made me when she reacted in such an ugly way and that if she was angry she needed to come get me and we could figure out together how to make it better. I repeated several times how happy mommy would be if she would come tell me when she was upset and why she was mad. The next day she did so much better and slowly her reactions became more appropriate to the situation.

Her behavior has improved tremendously in the last year. She has her moments but I chalk them up to her being 3.5 year old normal fits. I never give in to a fit and still discipline her in the moment and remind her on how the appropriate way to act is. If there is a tantrum during the day i always make sure that we always talk about it later during our "bed time talk" again. Our bed time chats have now became tradition.... seems to be when she is the most open minded and takes it all in. Not to mention she gets some one on one time and has my undivided attention.

I hope this helps. I know how exhausting it can be to parent such a spirited child

[daycare]

I've had the same problems with my daughter. She is a very spirited, independent, strong willed little girl. She was in between 2 and 3 when it started. She would throw tremendous tantrums. Follow me around kicking and screaming. I would try everything, ignore her, timeouts...nothing would work. Then one night when I was putting her to bed I was laying there with her and we started talking. Somehow we got on the subject of the tantrum she had had earlier that day and I told her how sad it made me when she reacted in such an ugly way and that if she was angry she needed to come get me and we could figure out together how to make it better. I repeated several times how happy mommy would be if she would come tell me when she was upset and why she was mad. The next day she did so much better and slowly her reactions became more appropriate to the situation.

Her behavior has improved tremendously in the last year. She has her moments but I chalk them up to her being 3.5 year old normal fits. I never give in to a fit and still discipline her in the moment and remind her on how the appropriate way to act is. If there is a tantrum during the day i always make sure that we always talk about it later during our "bed time talk" again. Our bed time chats have now became tradition.... seems to be when she is the most open minded and takes it all in. Not to mention she gets some one on one time and has my undivided attention.

I hope this helps. I know how exhausting it can be to parent such a spirited child

THANKS so much for getting back to me... I am sure you know how hard it is when parents are looking at you like "what the heck" when they see your child acting that way. They then start to blame all of their childs bad behavior issues on your child and so on.

Thanks for sharing with me what works for you and your daughter. I have tried telling him how sad I feel when he gets that way. I have also tried to hold him and tell him I know you are feeling very angry right now, how can I help you. I ask him to please use your words when you are feeling angry so I can help you, but it has not worked..

I am going to try the bed time talk tonight and for as long as it is necessary. He and I talk about our whole day at bed time. like you said its quiet and he has my undivided attention...

thanks again, I will let you know how it goes......keep your fingers corssed for me.

[Country Kids]

Daycare,

Could he be feeding off of the stress you have had lately? I mean you were stressed the weekend of his bday, then stressed because the same family wanted their children to stay later, etc. Could he be just so stressed himself but of course he isn't going to know how to handle it so he hits. Maybe talk to him about those things and see how he reacts. I know when I'm stressed my kids seem to react more or if they are stressed about something with the daycare my stress level goes off the radar because there is usually nothing I can do about it.

[daycare]

Daycare,

Could he be feeding off of the stress you have had lately? I mean you were stressed the weekend of his bday, then stressed because the same family wanted their children to stay later, etc. Could he be just so stressed himself but of course he isn't going to know how to handle it so he hits. Maybe talk to him about those things and see how he reacts. I know when I'm stressed my kids seem to react more or if they are stressed about something with the daycare my stress level goes off the radar because there is usually nothing I can do about it.

great point, however, I am not one to really hold stress or freak out over much. It takes a lot to stress me out. I make it a habit every day to do yoga and workout to release my stresses, oh and come here too.

This behavior has been going on for almost a full month now and has been getting worse not better....

I know from the inside its hard for me to tell if I am stressing out and effecting anyone with it.....But outsiders around me might be able to tell me differently.... I'll have to ask my husband and son....
thanks for responding.

[nannyde]

You can call me daycare. Just p.m. me your number and an afternoon we can talk during nap. I'll be able to tell more if I know more about it.

This sounds a LOT like frustration energy which CAN be quelled at this age with very specific techniques of tone... eye contact... body language... short/exact words and an offering to start over again that is TIMED right.