How To Explain To Own Kids When DCK Leave?

[Unregistered]

I have had a daycare family since my son was an infant. Their two kids are getting older, one going to school this fall other one going to preschool so they are dropping daycare in August. These two kids have played with my son for his entire life. He loves them. How do I "break up" with this family?

My son is very emotional (in a good way) and gives everyone kisses before they leave each afternoon. Everynight before bed he asks who is coming to daycare tomorrow.

Start telling my son now so he is prepared?
Have a going to school party on their last day?

I have offered this family to do drop in care/occassional care so that my son can still see them but for financial reasons I don't think they are going to take me up on this offer unless I suggest doing it for free (which is not an option).

Anyone have good ideas? This whole thing concerns me with if my son will feel emtional damage b/c of this.

[Crazy8]

I understand your concern, but kids are pretty resiliant and I think your DS will be fine. I would start telling him about how the kids are going to school in Sept. and won't be coming anymore and a big "going to school" party is a great idea. Maybe you can meet them at a park on occassion, he can invite them to his birthday parties, etc. so he can still see them once in a while but honestly, from my own experience your son will be ok... I don't know how old he is but must be getting near school age himself if he's old enough to really miss these kids - and he will make friends and there will become a time where he barely remembers those daycare kids. My DS is 8 now, and grew up with 3 daycare boys who all left around age 4 and when I show him one boys pics on FB he really doesn't remember him - the other 2 he remembers but one we see at football and the other we've gotten together with a handful of times over the last few years.

[KEG123]

If you're on good terms with the family, try to arrange playdates on the weekends where you get together and let the kids play. Obviously not every weekend, but maybe once a month or at least for birthdays or something. I bet your son will miss his friends.

[Mom_of_two]

I think a party is a good idea. I make a special frame and have treats on kids' last day. Play dates (if interested in continuing more a personal relationship) and pics are good, too.

I think explaining is a good idea, but not making a big deal out of it. I find if I make it big, they think it is big. In reality it is a normal event they will have to deal with many times (getting attached to people then having to say good bye- friends, teaches each year, team mates) so this can be a positive learning experience! Also of course he will see that you are there to give lots of hugs and kisses as he goes through the normal sadness, if he does. Maybe he will surprise you! Good luck.

[nannyde]

What is your sons age and what age children do you have in your child care?

[meganlavonnesmommy]

I think the party idea is great!

We're a military family, and I do care for all military families. My kids are 5 and 9, and I've been doing care for 5 years. My oldest has had to move and say goodbye to friends 5 times in her 9 years. And they see daycare kids come and go constantly due to the military schedule of moving every 2-3 years.

It can be hard, and the older they get, the harder it is on them. We make sure to take lots of pictures, and they keep a photo book of their old friends. Maybe you can make a book for your son, and the child who is going to school. Put pictures of them and their friends in daycare and all the fun they have.

Kids tend to move on quickly, and their memories fade quickly. He will make new friends and bounce back quicker than you think.

[Unregistered]

My daughter was able to keep in touch with the daycare kids she cared about after they left, through school once they were all attending, and Facebook now! One of my daycare boys moved away at the end of Feb, and accidentally left a small toy pig here on his last day. Now every time the kids get the animal toys out, they all say they miss C... and ask when he's coming back and talk about their times with him. He is 3 - these are kids from 4-10 who miss him. This summer, a couple of my school-age girls who have moved on for different reasons are coming back part time just to play with the girl they like who's still here! (I've been wishing she had more friends, so I'd have more income!) These ARE important relationships the children make with each other, and I don't think all parents respect that aspect of their children's lives enough. The fact that OP is asking how to deal with this with her child shows that she does realize how important friendships are for kids. That said, it's true that kids adapt well, move on, learn about loss, all of the above. But nurture friendships as long as you can, as well as you can - in reality or in memory. Relationships of every sort are so important!

[Meeko]

I think the party idea is great!

We're a military family, and I do care for all military families. My kids are 5 and 9, and I've been doing care for 5 years. My oldest has had to move and say goodbye to friends 5 times in her 9 years. And they see daycare kids come and go constantly due to the military schedule of moving every 2-3 years.

It can be hard, and the older they get, the harder it is on them. We make sure to take lots of pictures, and they keep a photo book of their old friends. Maybe you can make a book for your son, and the child who is going to school. Put pictures of them and their friends in daycare and all the fun they have.

Kids tend to move on quickly, and their memories fade quickly. He will make new friends and bounce back quicker than you think.

Been there/done that too! I started doing day care on Altus AFB over 25 years ago. Still in touch with some of my first kids though. Our kids saw so many friends come and go over the years we were there. It can be hard on them.

[PitterPatter]

Sometimes my son has been happy to see kids leave but there have been a couple times he was sad. 1 time we were both very sad to see a brother and sister leave. My son was 5 at the time, maybe 6. He coped by seeing the kids in his same school and when we were at the park or a fair and we ran into them I would offer to have the kids hang out with us for a while so they could play together. I even offered to have them visit once in a while on a weekend. BUT that was actually a good family I didn't have many problems with. We still give hugs at the stores etc when we see them.

Maybe they can write letters. Look at pics? How old are the children and yours?

[Unregistered]

The kids leaving are 5 and 3 and my son is 2 1/2. Oldest boy has been with me since he turned 3 and little girl since she was 1. My son was an infant so these kids have been with him his whole little life. He is a very sensitive little guy too which is what makes me think it will be hard for him.

[nannyde]

The kids leaving are 5 and 3 and my son is 2 1/2. Oldest boy has been with me since he turned 3 and little girl since she was 1. My son was an infant so these kids have been with him his whole little life. He is a very sensitive little guy too which is what makes me think it will be hard for him.

How many and what age children remain in the day care after these guys leave?

[TBird]

I've had a couple of temporary kids and my own kids have the tendancy to get attached. Mine are old enough to explain that the DCK's come and go just like I'm a school teacher. As I'm explaining, I try not to "well up" when I think about them moving on.

[Unregistered]

The kids that will be left are two from before (family has been here 1.5 yrs) 3 and 1 yr old and two new ones starting when these kids leave.

[nannyde]

The kids that will be left are two from before (family has been here 1.5 yrs) 3 and 1 yr old and two new ones starting when these kids leave.

The good news is that he has two age mates!!!!!

It is hard on all of us when kids come and go. I have one going to Kindy after five years here and the tears started falling in FEBRUARY!!!!!! It's SO hard to have them move on even for the adults.

As long as you have been steadfast that he has had an equal relationship with the other two... ESPECIALLY the one year old... he should adapt really quickly.

My son was raised here with kids in the house for eleven years. He wasn't really a part of the day care when he was as young as your son but he did play with the kids whenever he was interested in what they were doing. He's able to play with any kid of any age... having multiple ages around makes them the best players... The YOUNGER kids are the best for them as they grow. Being the leader of the younger kids... the entertainER instead of the one who is entertained... is the NUMBER ONE way to end up with great playing adaptable kids.

After years of doing this I kinda came to the notion that the kids will follow the same process I go thru when kids leave. I try to mimic that as best I can.

I know I love up the little ones when the big ones leave. I start putting more and more of my heart into them... into their future... into their place within our iives. "I" need those relationships to shine when a kid who we adore moves on. I know another little bitty one will come in the big kids place and the whole cycle will begin again.

not to be corny but it reminds me of that little song

Ya gotta give a little
take a little
and let your poor heart break a little...
That's the story of
that's the glory of love