Uh Oh! She's Definitely Crying For Me...

[Michelle]

Experienced parents or grandparents know that this is a good thing!
Baby is very bonded to you and they know she's not being neglected.
Maybe tell them a story about a previous parent that this happened with and how the baby grew up just fine. Tell them that they are not the only one. This usually makes them feel better if they here about another family going through it.

[nannyde]

Here's what I do:

I tell them that pretty much every kid I have ever had does this.
Pretty much all of them do this at this very age.
If your child wasn't doing this... honestly... I'd start to worry about their development. I've only had a couple that didn't do it and they both ended up being "slow" if ya know what I'm sayin.

Be THANKFUL you have a normal one and know that soon enough the same child will shun me upon arrival and bolt out of my arms into yours at departure ... not giving me a second look.

It's all in the timing and right now it's MY time. I have to tell you that I dig it and am not in any big hurry for it to be your time Please don't blow my gig by being anonyed or offended by it. :::::: There's precious little pure joy in this hard profession and this is one of em... so let me have my time and wait your turn...

[TBird]

Here's what I do:

I tell them that pretty much every kid I have ever had does this.
Pretty much all of them do this at this very age.
If your child wasn't doing this... honestly... I'd start to worry about their development. I've only had a couple that didn't do it and they both ended up being "slow" if ya know what I'm sayin.

Be THANKFUL you have a normal one and know that soon enough the same child will shun me upon arrival and bolt out of my arms into yours at departure ... not giving me a second look.

It's all in the timing and right now it's MY time. I have to tell you that I dig it and am not in any big hurry for it to be your time Please don't blow my gig by being anonyed or offended by it. :::::: There's precious little pure joy in this hard profession and this is one of em... so let me have my time and wait your turn...

LOOOOOOOOVE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!! ::::::::::::

[MarinaVanessa]

There are a lot of good responses here. Lot's of great ideas. I'm wondering if you are somehow catering to her needs a little too much kwim. I don't mean to say that you're not doing a great job or anything, on the contrary, I think that if she responds this way to you that you are probably a wonderful provider.

I did notice though that each time you referenced her being picked up that "as soon as I hand her over", "so I could launch her into daddy's arms". Even at during drop offs you mention that "she's more than happy to jump into my arms" and "she's glad to be in my arms". Is she in your arms alot in DC and maybe likes that and isn't held so much at home? If not and you only pick her up during pick-ups and drop-offs maybe you can have her on the floor playing and have DCM or DCD be the ones to pick her up off of the floor? If you are outside during drop-offs or pick-ups maybe you can do the same?

I'm only suggesting this because I had a situation like this. This was before my own baby and I didn't realize that I was holding DCB so much. It's hard for me to NOT want to hold a baby all day. He also would cry for me and such so instead of having DCM put him in my arms at drop-off I would sit on the floor and she would put him down near me to play with toys and then she would leave. Pick-ups were the same. I knew she was coming and would sit down with him but not hold him and when she arrived she would be the one to pick him up. I also overexaggerated how happy I was to see her. I would clap and smile a HUGE smile and say "Mommy's here!" "Yay". If other DC kids were here I'd say "Look! It's DCB's Mommy!" I saw an improvement within just a couple of days and didn't last longer than the rest of that week.

In either case, try not to take it personal. Obviously you're doing a good job.

[TBird]

There are a lot of good responses here. Lot's of great ideas. I'm wondering if you are somehow catering to her needs a little too much kwim. I don't mean to say that you're not doing a great job or anything, on the contrary, I think that if she responds this way to you that you are probably a wonderful provider.

I did notice though that each time you referenced her being picked up that "as soon as I hand her over", "so I could launch her into daddy's arms". Even at during drop offs you mention that "she's more than happy to jump into my arms" and "she's glad to be in my arms". Is she in your arms alot in DC and maybe likes that and isn't held so much at home? If not and you only pick her up during pick-ups and drop-offs maybe you can have her on the floor playing and have DCM or DCD be the ones to pick her up off of the floor? If you are outside during drop-offs or pick-ups maybe you can do the same?

I'm only suggesting this because I had a situation like this. This was before my own baby and I didn't realize that I was holding DCB so much. It's hard for me to NOT want to hold a baby all day. He also would cry for me and such so instead of having DCM put him in my arms at drop-off I would sit on the floor and she would put him down near me to play with toys and then she would leave. Pick-ups were the same. I knew she was coming and would sit down with him but not hold him and when she arrived she would be the one to pick him up. I also overexaggerated how happy I was to see her. I would clap and smile a HUGE smile and say "Mommy's here!" "Yay". If other DC kids were here I'd say "Look! It's DCB's Mommy!" I saw an improvement within just a couple of days and didn't last longer than the rest of that week.

In either case, try not to take it personal. Obviously you're doing a good job.

Hmmmmmm...great thoughts and advice here!!! To answer your questions, this baby is an explorer. I don't feel the need to hold her much because she's not a crier (which is probably why her dad is so hurt when she cries for me). On the floor with toys most of the day, naps in the crib, plays in the exersaucer, rides in the stroller....HATES the car seat though. I make sure my 13 year old doesn't hold her too much either.

At drop-off, mom takes her out of the car seat so she can love on her for a second....that's what I mean about launching herself into my arms. You're probably right about being on the floor but my daycare is upstairs and mom has to take off pretty quickly. At pick-up I just have to buckle down and put her in the car seat before dad gets here. I feel bad doing that because she hates the thing and I don't want him to feel like I've had her in there for longer than necessary. BUT....in this case, it may be in order.

You have a good point...you have me thinking about making it policy that parents come to the daycare to drop-off and not drop-off in the foyer. Hmmmmmmm....

[Sunshine44]

If she 'hates' her carseat so much, maybe that is why she is crying.

[Crystal]

I agree with Jen....it's a transition thing.....keep being supportive, give her time and she will adjust.

[cyerob]

I think you should set limitations. Being too attached to your DC kids is fun but also hurtful.

[Squirrel]

I don't think you should put her in the car seat for dad. In my opinion the car seat should stay in the car not my house. You said she doesn't like the car seat and daddy coming is linked to immediately being put in the car seat. Maybe she'd enjoy a little cuddle time to the car and be a bit more excited daddy is there. I also would put her on the floor when you know daddy is on his way and move out of arms reach of her and stand up when daddy comes in. Daddy should be the one to reach out to her and soothe her at that point in time. If daddy was coming in and carrying her to the car before buckling her up and she was still screaming at pick up after a week, I would meet him at the door with her all ready(not in car seat though that should still be in car) and do a very quick transfer and save all discussions for drop off or phone later in the evening.

[SandeeAR]

I can see a parent as they enter the drive. So, babies are in my arms for Mom or Dad at the door. Anybody that can walk is on the floor. Usually all three are at the full storm door looking out hollering for whichever parent is coming in.

I let the parent get the excitement of the kiddo seeing them come to get them.

[laundrymom]

I'd tell mom, of course she loves it here, she has so many things and people that entertain her. Lol and gesture to the kids & toys. They all have each other to keep them busy, but she rarely just cuddles with me, I think she knows I'm the path to her friends. Most the kids here go thru it. Then smile & move on to a different thing. Don't make a deal of it with them and it won't be. However truthfully, if mom & dad have an issue because their child is happy, content, safe and loved at your place, that's really their own issue. Not yours, would they rather you not do your job as wonderfully? Their insecurities should have no impact on your performance. Smile!!! You are doing a great job!!!!!

[justgettingstarted]

yes sad but true!!! everyone has the choice!!

No, actually, everyone does NOT have the choice. If I don't work we don't make our mortgage payment or eat! I cried almost every night for the first two weeks when I HAD to put my son in daycare. No one plans to have the economy tank, both parent's salaries cut, and their home value plummet by over $100,000. These comments seriously make me mad and I think you should apologize for implying that I chose to have another woman raise my child like its as simple as choosing my outfit for the day.

[justgettingstarted]

Sorry to OP for hijacking the post. It sounds like you're doing a great job. It is a little sad that when I pick up my son now (he's been at daycare about two months now) he doesn't always come running but I'm happy that he's having a good time there and seem to be very comfortable. I think this is something every parent just has to deal with.

[Mom_of_two]

I agree that everyone does NOT have the choice. I think a lot of us probably don't have the choice. We are just able to work from home.

Anyway. Interesting. Never had this problem, I can't imagine! I love my babies and families, and they know who is who. I would maybe address it with the parents, not have it be the elephant in the room. This phase will pass! Keep us posted!

[laundrymom]

No, actually, everyone does NOT have the choice. If I don't work we don't make our mortgage payment or eat! I cried almost every night for the first two weeks when I HAD to put my son in daycare. No one plans to have the economy tank, both parent's salaries cut by 10%, and their home value to plummet by over $100,000. These comments seriously make me mad and I think you should apologize for implying that I chose to have another woman raise their child like its as simple as choosing your outfit for the day.

Actually it "IS" a choice. If you choose to have children you get to choose how to afford them. You can choose to work opposite shifts than your partner, barter services for childcare, join a childcare co-op, rely on friends, family. You chose to have kids, noone " has" to. Your salary only dropped by 10%? you are lucky, ours dropped over 40%. Your home value dropped $100000? Wow, mine dropped $30000( and that was almost half what I financed)
The choices I made 20-25 years ago are impacting my life today. Did I know then how things would be now? No,... But were they still MY CHOICES? yes. Every decision you make is a choice. And we all must live with them. I chose to put 40% down on my home 20 years ago, I chose to have four children, now I must choose how to pay my bills. I might not like the options but I still have to CHOOSE one. Everyone does. Noone said it was easy. But the choices we all made in the past limit out options in the present. They are still options and choices we all make. Good or bad, easy or hard, it's all choice.