What To Do When...

[MamaJ]

a nearly 5 year old boy throws a tantrum screaming and kicking and punching the floor??

Normally, I handle this by setting him in a corner or room and ignore until he is done....but it's when we have to leave and have to be somewhere that I'm at my wits end. Today I had plans to take everyone to library group, and wasn't going to cancel because he was throwing a fit and didn't want to go. I could have cancelled, and said to hell with it...but I didn't want to let the other kids down who I had promised we'd go. He has done this a few times also when I HAD to pick my son up from school...and can't be late.

I can't pick him up without really straining myself- he's a big kid. I try firmly telling him we are leaving, he has to get in the van...I try taking his arm and lifting him up to get him to stand...and he just fights me. Finally, out of frustration I raised my voice and yelled out his name firmly...which I think scared him because he kind of paused and looked at me with a shocked look- I've never yelled like that before. He got in the van after that...and when we were at the library I had him apologize and give me a hug before we went inside.

I just don't know how to better handle this when he does this? doesn't help when his mom/grandma/dad or whoever has him the night before keeps him up past midnight because "he wants to play".

I'm worried b/c his mom wants me to do before/after school care in the fall for him when he goes to Kindergarten...and I have a feeling he will do this about getting on the bus. I can't do that every morning with my own kids in tow.

[wdmmom]

So he's wanting to stay behind than join in the fun? That's unusual. Do you think he has a fear of vehicles or being in a moving vehicle? Does he do this with his parents?

The only suggestion I have is to tell him at drop off what the game plan is for the day. Maybe if he has the time to mentally prepare, the loading up and trip won't be so bad.

Good luck!

[familyschoolcare]

It is a power trip the child is trying to get you change your plans, or act like a crazy lady etc,

The only thing to do is stand your ground and let him know that you are not changing plans.

As far as getting on the bus in the fall talk to mom let her know about his behavior and let her know you will be willing to do it on a trail bases letting mom know that if he continues to act that way when the bus arrives that you will not be able to provide before school care as it will be to distributive for all the children in you care.

[MamaJ]

well, today his grandma dropped him off (also kicking and screaming) because he wanted to stay with her. So he was mad to begin with that he couldn't stay with Grandma today.

we've had many successful trips to the park, and other places...so he's not scared of cars. He just has these fits that seem to come out of nowhere...and I don't even see them coming (besides today, I knew he was not having a good day when she dropped him off).

[wdmmom]

Make sure he knows who's in charge because he's using these fits to run the show. Don't allow it. If he wants to act like an infant (not only would I charge more) but I'd give him his own area to throw his fit and not to disrupt the other kids. Perhaps he needs to hang out in the hallway, bathroom, sit on a stool away from the other kids, etc.

What time is he coming in in the morning? Would he benefit from making him lay down right when he gets there?

[MamaJ]

Make sure he knows who's in charge because he's using these fits to run the show. Don't allow it. If he wants to act like an infant (not only would I charge more) but I'd give him his own area to throw his fit and not to disrupt the other kids. Perhaps he needs to hang out in the hallway, bathroom, sit on a stool away from the other kids, etc.

What time is he coming in in the morning? Would he benefit from making him lay down right when he gets there?
Reply With Quote

I do this when we are at home. He goes into a separate area if I can't get him to calm down quickly. However, when we HAVE to leave to be somewhere by a certain time (library group, pick my son up from school, etc) and it's not an option to 'wait it out', and he's throwing these fits what do I do? He's too large for me to manhandle and wrestle into the car. Today, I resorted to yelling at him which got his attention enough to stop and come with me...but that sort of happened out of pure frustration on my end, and probably not the best way to deal with a DCK.

[Childminder]

Either walk away and ignore the tantrum or "SHOW" him how to have the tantrum. Tell him he isn't doing it right and start screaming, wailing, kicking, and just have yourself a good hissy fit. They are usually so surprised that they stop and never do it again.

[SandeeAR]

I'm not a big one to say term. However, if he is not minding you and is too big physically for you to handle, it is time to get rid of him before he hurts someone.

[laundrymom]

I don't know if it's the right way but I would squat down look him right in the eye and say, I know you are mad, and I understand why. But you may NOT act this way. There is no reason for you to be mean to me. If you would like to do fun things then close your mouth, dry your tears, and stop the ugly behavior. Or you will stand beside me until you go home tonight. Then I would stand, turn and walk away. Give him a minute and if he is still pitching a fit, go back and say, James, I told you what would happen, you are staying beside me today. Grab his hand and walk him to wherever you need to be. Fit or not bad behavior gets nothing but misery at 5 he is too old for tantrums. Also a 5 year old who acts like a 2 yr old,... Gets 2 year old supervision and treatment. Complete with plastic silverware, baby toys, boring ones like rattles, stuffed animals, boring BABY toys. He is manipulating you. And I would be willing to bet that he figures out real fast ugly behavior gets no fun. Also for the record, don't stress over yelling.

[laundrymom]

And I would tell him in front of mom gma or whoever, wow, we are going to the library today and because of THIS FIT James will have to stay beside me and not have fun with his friends. If he acts up he will sit time out at the library, and be grounded for a week.

[e.j.]

I think it depends on the reason for the tantrum. I say this because of my own experience with my son, who had frequent meltdowns when he was younger. I didn't realize at the time that he was on the autism spectrum. Once he was diagnosed, (at age 10), I handled his tantrums very differently than I did before I knew he had a neurological condition that caused him to have tantrums. I also handled each tantrum differently, depending on the reason for the tantrum.

Does he seem to have trouble with transitions? If you don't do it already, as someone else suggested, let him know what the plans are for the day - what you'll be doing and when (in as much detail as possible) and how he's expected to behave. Then, give him countdown warnings: "Dcb, we'll be leaving in an hour. You can play for a bit now and I'll let you know as we get closer to the time we have to leave.", "Dcb, we'll be leaving in 45 minutes. We'll leave soon but you can still play for now.", "Dcb, we'll be leaving in 30 minutes. I'll need you to pick up your toys soon. I'll let you know when." , "Dcb, we'll be leaving in 15 minutes. It's time to finish up your game.", "Dcb, we'll be leaving in 10 minutes; it's time to put your toys away." and so on. I know it can be a pain to keep reminding but if it works, it's easier than dealing with a kid in full tantrum mode.

[sharlan]

I don't know if it's the right way but I would squat down look him right in the eye and say, I know you are mad, and I understand why. But you may NOT act this way. There is no reason for you to be mean to me. If you would like to do fun things then close your mouth, dry your tears, and stop the ugly behavior. Or you will stand beside me until you go home tonight. Then I would stand, turn and walk away. Give him a minute and if he is still pitching a fit, go back and say, James, I told you what would happen, you are staying beside me today. Grab his hand and walk him to wherever you need to be. Fit or not bad behavior gets nothing but misery at 5 he is too old for tantrums. Also a 5 year old who acts like a 2 yr old,... Gets 2 year old supervision and treatment. Complete with plastic silverware, baby toys, boring ones like rattles, stuffed animals, boring BABY toys. He is manipulating you. And I would be willing to bet that he figures out real fast ugly behavior gets no fun. Also for the record, don't stress over yelling.

I agree, but don't tell anyone in CA that. It was over emphasized in our licensing meeting that we "cannot do or say anything that will hurt their feelings".

[laundrymom]

I agree, but don't tell anyone in CA that. It was over emphasized in our licensing meeting that we "cannot do or say anything that will hurt their feelings".

Wow,... That's kind of an anti California commercial. Lol. Soooo glad I live in the Midwest. Lol

[Meeko]

I agree, but don't tell anyone in CA that. It was over emphasized in our licensing meeting that we "cannot do or say anything that will hurt their feelings".

Major eye roll Maddening, isn't it?!

[MamaJ]

I think it depends on the reason for the tantrum. I say this because of my own experience with my son, who had frequent meltdowns when he was younger. I didn't realize at the time that he was on the autism spectrum. Once he was diagnosed, (at age 10), I handled his tantrums very differently than I did before I knew he had a neurological condition that caused him to have tantrums. I also handled each tantrum differently, depending on the reason for the tantrum.

I have posted about this boy before...something is very "off" about him. I am not medically trained, but I do know he is not a normal 5 year old. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he was diagnosed with something down the line. His social skills are extremely lacking...his fine motor skills are terrible. He is smart and knows his letters, numbers, how to spell his name...but can't for the life of him hold a crayon correctly, or put on his own socks. Without knowing what exactly is wrong with him, or how to best deal with him, I think giving a LOT of warnings about what is coming next might really help...so I will try that.

how did you handle your son's tantrums when you had to get out the door and be somewhere on time? I hope he has a good teacher next year who will step up and talk to his mom about these things. it's quite obvious that something is wrong- although mom seems completly oblivious.