Is There A Problem Here?

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

Hi,

Today I started caring for two children. One is almost 3 and I had almost no problems with him other than asking why? all day.

The other child I am worried about and pretty sure we will end up terming. He is 3 1/2 and gave me problems all day. He acted very differently in the interview and even last night when they brought diapers over as well as contract, and payment.

Out of a list of 10 animals he knew 1. He does not know the sounds animals make. He does not know his colors and does not know any vegetables or frutis. He will not listen to me telling him what to do. If he got sad he sad someone else did something to him although no one touched him. He told me his mom would "spank me" as well as "shoot me with a gun." He also later said he would "yell at me if I went to his house." BTW single parent home (dad). I do not know their situation at all and what has happened in the past with the parents. I asked when they interviewed if he had been in care before and he said when he was an infant. He said recently he had been bouncing around with maybe family members. I am starting to think they are covering something up. He also brought grandma along to interview to basically ask questions and answer my questions. I can now see there are developmental problems and he is way behind but I am wondering if he could be autistic or have aspergers or something I am really not familiar with. What do you think of this situation? Should I feel bad terming? I know that I can fill his spot and my other available one and be able to have a couple of girls instead. Thanks for any advice.

I have a 2 1/2 yr old and am worried for his safety and picking up things he doesn't need to know about.

Does anyone have any generic termination forms? TIA

[nannyde]

I could be wrong but it sounds like he's been on the receiving end of the daycare boot a few times.

Proceed with caution.

If you are willing to term then why not take him and the parent on. Tell them that today is the day that this guy is going to mind you and behave or he's out. If they know he's not capable of being anything but a terror they will just move on. If they are willing to work with you then you might stand a chance.... IF you are up to it.

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

Since I have my little one around as well I feel the best thing to do would be to term for his safety and other children's as well. That is what I was thinking as well (that they have bounced around daycares). After his behavior today and getting a call from the grandma rather than dad to see how he was doing I found it all rather suspcious. He also was bringing in 'street language' (that's what we'll call it) that I would never want my son to pick up. When I brought up his behavior today the dad didn't really say anything like he knew to expect that if him.

I don't like to give up on anything but when it comes to my son he comes first above all.

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

Oh btw he also asked about 50 times what the other little boys name I am caring is/was. He could never grasp it. He called him nathan and josh which aren't even close to what his name is. Other info. he's an only child and only has older girl cousins. All of the above reasons really make me think there's something wrong with him.

[safechner]

I doubt that he is an autistic. My daughter has PDDNOS on the Autism Spectrum. It would be something else but I would get him an evaluated if possible.

If I were you, I would try to work with him to get better behavior if you can. I have been working on my daughter's behavior for a long time when she was a little girl. She wasnt hurt any of my daycare kids for 10 years but she would hurt anyone in her classroom due to lack of communication. I don't blame on her because she needs to use sign language to communicate with someone who knows sign language.

[cheerfuldom]

This is just me but I have a great group here that I have worked a long time to get that way. I had one little kiddo come in recently and I termed within a day and a half. I go by my gut. Its either going to work or its not. It sounds like you want to term him but just feel bad. Thats not a good enough reason for me. I wouldn't let one kid come in an shake up our peaceful environment especially if I can find someone that is a better fit.

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

Wow! That is exactly how I feel! To top it off he had cold symptoms this afternoon. Do you give written notice or just verbal? Do you refund the days they weren't watched by you?

[countrymom]

I would do 2 weeks and see what goes on. Sometimes kids want to push all your buttons to see how far they can take you. As for not knowing things, he may be just doing that, trust me kids do this. The gma may also be a main caregiver too, there are so many dads who have custody of their kids and need support from their moms.

[AnneCordelia]

I have a 'two week clause' in my contract that allows any of us to term within the first two weeks with 24 hours notice. It also requires refunding any unused days that have been paid for, as well as the two week deposit that I require. After the 2 week period then any fees paid are mine upon immediate termination and not refunded. Does your contract cover refunding fees?

I would also lay down the law...talk to dad and boy at the same time (at 3.5 he can listen to your rules) and say that he will behave, he will use appropriate language, and he will listen to Miss *****. If not, this care is not appropriate.

The language thing really gets me! I have a good friend who taught her boy to call his boy bits a p*cker (rhymes with becker). Great....she thought it was hilarious until he started using the word at daycare. HE thought he was using an appropriate term but the two daycares he's been termed from don't and mom encouraged it. Boooo. Sorry for the tangent..****de language in small children is such a turn-off and really gives a visual for homelife, IMO.

[wdmmom]

His mouth is what blows my mind! Being exposed to that language/violence...not good!

I think you may have bitten off more than you can chew on this deal!

If you have a 2 week clause in your contract, now is the time you may want to take advantage of that!

I would monitor him today and tomorrow and if you don't see even an ounce of improvement, I would give notice.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Wow! That is exactly how I feel! To top it off he had cold symptoms this afternoon. Do you give written notice or just verbal? Do you refund the days they weren't watched by you?

No!!! No refunds of tuition or fees for any reason! If this isn't in your handbook, get it in there immediately! I agree, sounds nothing like autism, sounds like a child who has been allowed to run wild or been repeatedly bounced from other daycares. If you feel strongly about terming, and have other potential clients, I would go with your gut and term. DON'T feel bad! One "bad apple" can ruin your group cohesion and YOUR mental health.

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

I soooooo very thankful I do have a 2 week trial period in my contract. If I didn't I don't know what I'd do. Hes doing a little better today but the days just begun and i'd like to nip it in the booty and call it quits.

The grandma just called to justify the gun. She said he played with some over the weekend. I can also feel a little better, she said the father is off if work friday that will allow him to find alternate care.

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

No!!! No refunds of tuition or fees for any reason! If this isn't in your handbook, get it in there immediately! I agree, sounds nothing like autism, sounds like a child who has been allowed to run wild or been repeatedly bounced from other daycares. If you feel strongly about terming, and have other potential clients, I would go with your gut and term. DON'T feel bad! One "bad apple" can ruin your group cohesion and YOUR mental health.

Ive already cried 9 times between yesterday and today..maybe its hormones ! That's a good point I need to edit my handbook again.

I do not understand why grandmas is calling me daily :confused:

[wdmmom]

I don't disclose anything to anyone unless it's mom or dad. Grandma can pick up the child if she is on the pick-up consent form. If not, that's her tough luck.

I would tell her that you have privacy policies in place preventing you from disclosing information. I doubt you'll get her to stop calling to justify things but you don't have to give her any information.

With that in mind, I'd probably tell DCD today that you will provide care Wednesday and Thursday but you don't see DCB being a good fit for your program.

[Mom_of_two]

Not sure. I try to work with families and kids I feel are a good fit, so if it is apparent that one is not I won't work with them.

Kids say a lot of things, maybe from movies, hearing an adult friend etc, if I heard 'shoot me with a gun' referring to a parent I wouldn't be too alarmed without investigation. I have patted my daughters head before and had her yell' don't hit me!!!' . So you never know. From your description I didn't see you saying the child was violent, just made the verbal reference. While it is something to be aware of, much different that physically violent behavior. Can you talk to the mom? Being delayed developmentally imo is not a reason to term...maybe give it the 2 weeks and see what happens.

Not sure what he is saying, but I do think if 'street language' was a regular occurance that would bother me. Wouldn't want my kids picking it up either.