Nothing Nothing Nothing Works

[daycare]

So every Thursday we go to story hour at the library and then to the park next to it. Today one of my kids who always has behavior issues was acting up before leaving. I decided that my problem child was NOT going to go with us, which I have NEVER done before. I left him with my husband.

I was really shocked that the child could care less about not being able to go. Today’s story hour was extra special because they were showing a movie and putting on a puppet show. I text the mom and informed her that her child would NOT be going with us because of not listening and behavior, but she never text me back. My rule is kids that don't listen, don't get to have any fun.
So we leave, and I come back and the child that stayed is just sitting there staring into outer space. I called him for lunch and he continued to give me issues. He did not care that he missed out on the special trip at all.
I have NO clue what to do with this child. Nothing works. He is 4.5 years old and is an only child. He has been with me for almost 1.5 years. He was kicked out of every other childcare he was in prior to me and I have had my fair share of days that I thought I would term.
So here’s the thing. He will be leaving in the fall for kinder...But I feel like I just can't take one more day of this. I know I have to find a way, as I am not going to term the kid with only a few weeks left. Can someone PLEASE give me some ideas of what I can do?? My hands are tied, mom knows he has major issues but refuses to do anything about it. Every parent in my DC always asks me if the child is ADHD, but I tell them I am not at liberty to discuss that with them, but I could not agree more!!

HELP....I’m gonna pull my hair out........

[Abigail]

I'm sorry. At least it is only a few weeks left. Does your DH have to watch this boy often? Has this boy ever been seen for ADHD or anything else? I would have a meeting with the mom and discuss your concerns as that is acceptable and her K teacher will tell her the same thing if she doesn't believe you. Besides, she might not like it if you stand up and say "Hey, I have some concerns I would like to talk to you about" and she might say "Hey, I don't want X attending your care anymore" and leave. LOL Just a thought, but at least you told your concern and I'm happy you're doing your last few weeks til K starts.

Will he go to b/a care with you then? If he does, raise your rates for b/a care now! ::

[daycare]

I've done the whole conference thing with mom last year. It was then I was told he was kicked out of 11 dc and the father has severe ADHD.
Mom won't get him tested and does not help in any way.

No way Jose on the B/A school! I'm nuts but I'm not crazy!!

I was almost to tears today with the bad behavior and what's worse is that it becomes contagious amongst the group. It's like a virus.

Since summer started this kids behavior has gotten worse and I'm about to flip my lid!
Iiieeeee

[countrymom]

seriously, get rid of him. You only have a couple of weeks left with him and then his gone, just do it now. I had a boy except he was 10 and it was the same thing, I had to get rid of him, I just couldn't deal with him anymore. Funny thing is, is no one wants to watch him and the school has issues with him too but mom blames everyone but herself for the problem.

[cheerfuldom]

I think you should term him and enjoy your summer. If the mom has been thru 12 daycares, she won't care about finding a 13th other than the inconvenience it will cause for her.

[Abigail]

Well, since the mom is refusing to seek professional advice from a dr for her child's possibility of ADHD as well, isn't that something you could say he needs to be seen for due to increased unacceptable behavior?

[Kaddidle Care]

Do you have a local Childcare Resource Organization? I recently attended a class and we were told there was a way of anonymously alerting that a child may need testing. They will contact the parents themselves. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who advised them but he will be out of your care by the time it happens.

It really sounds like the child needs to be tested and it's for his educational, mental and social welfare. Being kicked out of 11 Daycares is alarming to say the least.

Knowing the Dad has severe ADHD and the child being kicked out of 11 daycares is a HUGE red flag. I consider it borderline neglect that she's doing nothing about it. What a horrible disservice to her child.

[wdmmom]

Tell the DCM that if she isn't going to get him evaluated or if she doesn't have any suggestions to get through the summer, you have no other choice but to terminate.

Explain to her that it wouldn't be fair to keep him behind every week because of attitude/behavior. I would recommend separating him from the rest of the group whenever possible.

Either deal for another 6 weeks or term...those are your only options.

Personally...I think I'd opt to be done and take it easy the rest of the summer!

[dEHmom]

I've done the whole conference thing with mom last year. It was then I was told he was kicked out of 11 dc and the father has severe ADHD.
Mom won't get him tested and does not help in any way.

No way Jose on the B/A school! I'm nuts but I'm not crazy!!

I was almost to tears today with the bad behavior and what's worse is that it becomes contagious amongst the group. It's like a virus.

Since summer started this kids behavior has gotten worse and I'm about to flip my lid!
Iiieeeee

ok, I have to say this...

first off, if dad has severe adhd it is very likely that dcb has it too.

But much that same as with anything, I can respect a moms right to not want their son clinically diagnosed. There are ways to receive the help he may need, which she should look into, without having her son permanently branded with a condition like that. I know moms with kids who are border line autism, but will not get a clinical diagnoses. Some are lucky to get doctors who will say they are not going to do the diagnosis because it is so borderline but here are resources for you.

I know I wouldn't want my children having to go through that. My dh has ADD and im sure his dad and his grandpa do too. But no one has been diagnosed. My DH's add is in the processing of information??? Like if he is sitting in a classroom listening to the teacher talk, what is said, and what he takes out of what is said are 2 different things. Does that make sense?

Having ADHD, ADD, Autism, or several other conditions, although they shouldn't, do affect your entire life. Forever on, when the child goes to school, work, etc, it will bring him down. It's better to allow them to be treated equally (unless it is severe and they require a lot of intervention or such), so they don't always have the excuse, or the inability to succeed due to the stigmas attached to the diagnosis.

[Mrs.Ky]

So every Thursday we go to story hour at the library and then to the park next to it. Today one of my kids who always has behavior issues was acting up before leaving. I decided that my problem child was NOT going to go with us, which I have NEVER done before. I left him with my husband.

I was really shocked that the child could care less about not being able to go. Today’s story hour was extra special because they were showing a movie and putting on a puppet show. I text the mom and informed her that her child would NOT be going with us because of not listening and behavior, but she never text me back. My rule is kids that don't listen, don't get to have any fun.
So we leave, and I come back and the child that stayed is just sitting there staring into outer space. I called him for lunch and he continued to give me issues. He did not care that he missed out on the special trip at all.
I have NO clue what to do with this child. Nothing works. He is 4.5 years old and is an only child. He has been with me for almost 1.5 years. He was kicked out of every other childcare he was in prior to me and I have had my fair share of days that I thought I would term.
So here’s the thing. He will be leaving in the fall for kinder...But I feel like I just can't take one more day of this. I know I have to find a way, as I am not going to term the kid with only a few weeks left. Can someone PLEASE give me some ideas of what I can do?? My hands are tied, mom knows he has major issues but refuses to do anything about it. Every parent in my DC always asks me if the child is ADHD, but I tell them I am not at liberty to discuss that with them, but I could not agree more!!

HELP....I’m gonna pull my hair out........

It's gonna come back to bite Mom in the butt with her not wanting to do anything she WILL have to pick her child up from school everyday due to behavior issues the school WILL tell her to get the child evaluated. I feel bad for the boy as Im sure he feels out of control inside and NEEDS help if he does have a problem. I know first hand what the RIGHT meds and the RIGHT behavioral therpay can do for a special needs child as my Son is ADHD. I commend you for not getting rid of this little Boy as I know your struggles all to well I hope he gets the help he needs when he starts school.

[Blackcat31]

Tell the DCM that if she isn't going to get him evaluated or if she doesn't have any suggestions to get through the summer, you have no other choice but to terminate.
Explain to her that it wouldn't be fair to keep him behind every week because of attitude/behavior. I would recommend separating him from the rest of the group whenever possible.

Either deal for another 6 weeks or term...those are your only options.

Personally...I think I'd opt to be done and take it easy the rest of the summer!

I completely agree with wdmmom!! I also do not understand why just because you only have a few weeks left with him that that makes it your responsibility to deal with him? Why the loyalty toward this mom or child if they aren't doing anything to help? I personaly don't care if it is one hour or one month or one year, if the kid is that out of control then he needs to be his parents responsibilty.

I am all for working with parents as a team but as snarky as this sounds, you seem to be a one man team here....:confused:

[MarinaVanessa]

Wow, so sad that DCM won't get him evaluated. That will just make things harder on DCB in the long run if he does have ADHD or something else ... especially when he goes to school. Poor teacher. I don't know how things in your area work but my daughter was having behavior issues in pre-school and they recommended her be evaluated. What I didn't like during the discussion was that the school psychologist straight out told me harshly that if I refused (which I wasn't about to refuse) and it turned out that she did in fact have ADD, ADHD or something else that it was neglect . That I was refusing to provide a help to my child and that it was my responsibility as a parent to provide for her needs . I can see why they would be harsh and say it the way they did, lots of people are in denial and think that they can avoid the problem by ignoring it and other people are just lazy and not willing to put in the work. In the end my daughter did a few evaluations and follow ups and it was only a behavior issue and impulse control which I had classes for and she did a few sessions of counseling which helped.

Is there any way that you could talk to her one last time and just be sincere and honest. "Listen, I know DCB will be leaving here soon and I know that having him move from DC to DC so many times is very difficult for you but you should realize that by getting him evaluated you would be one step closer to finding out what is wrong and making his life and your life better. Things are not getting better here at DC, only worse, and it upsets me that he doesn't get to be a happy kid like should be and is instead always in trouble. I really feel that you should have him evaluated, the sooner the better, because they will not allow his behavior in school. They will simply call you to have him picked up. I know how difficult that will be for you because of your work. I found this information for you (give her a phone number to call or website address where she can get free or low cost evaluations) and I really hope that you call. I recently found out that if a child has some sort of special need and that a parent doesn't provide him/her with adequate services it can be considered negleftull. I'm worried that if you don't find him help now, you might run into trouble when he starts school."

See what she says and if she looks like she has no interest in what you are saying and you don't want to deal with it these last couple of weeks then you can just say "Okay, I didn't want to upset you. Unfortunately because you are unwilling to help find a solution and he is very disruptive in daycare ... which is affecting the other children ... I am going to have to give you a notice of termination." and have two copies of the notice ready, hand one to her and have her sign the other and keep it. Good luck with whatever your decision is.

[youretooloud]

We only have three weeks left before some of the schools go back. How much time do you actually have left with him?

If it were under a month, I'd keep him. But, I wouldn't worry about his problems... only how he behaves at your house. If they never get him help, I wouldn't care.

Kindergarten teachers wait until October for a change in student's bad behavior. They all tell me "If it hasn't improved 100% by Halloween, it's never going to change". That's when the school will typically step in. (except our schools.. they just continue to pander to the parents until something bad happens)

Personally, if you need the income, and you kinda like him. I'd stick it out til August. But, if you can easily do without the income, and you feel like you don't even like this child, I'd let them find a more permanent situation that he can continue in when school starts. This might be a good time for them to get him settled in his new daycare for the school year. He can meet his new classmates and have a new friend when he starts kindergarten.