Why..........

[Meeko]

Sad article. While parents should be involved and vigilant...articles like this are just written to raise paranoia and make waves.

If a parent is THAT uncomfortable with their day care situation...to the point that they have to spy....they need to hire a nanny and put a nanny-cam in every room and watch it 24/7. A group setting is not for their child. It is hard for parents to understand that their child is NOT more important than any of the other kids in care.

The part about showing up at all different hours to "keep the provider on her toes" is just plain rude. We have schedules and plans to make. Meals to prepare...and we need to know how many we need to prepare FOR!! I bet the same paranoid parent would be upset if they showed up to find the provider had gone to the park etc.

And do these parents realize how hard it is on their kids to drop them off at day care, then show up again...only in essence to tell the child "just kidding! I'm not here to take you home with me!" and walk off again, leaving an upset child for the provider to contend with (and often at nap time when they wake everyone else up...ggrrr!) It's honestly sadistic in my mind. So I agree with the providers who say come any time...but take your child with you when you leave.

And then, once again, we come back to the issue of adults being around children who are not theirs. Most of you know how I feel on this subject and what I was faced with a while back. If you don't, then look up my past threads and see why I will NEVER allow parents to hang out at the day care.

Can you imagine the chaos if every parent decided to hang out at day care at any time of the day as much as they pleased? I am not running a social club. I have a job to do and I can't do it if I am babysitting parents.

I carry liability insurance. But I shudder to think what would have happened if "sex offender dad" (see my other posts) had managed to touch one of my other day care girls and her parents had sued me. I WELCOMED the guy into my home! I thought I was following guidelines!

Never, ever again. There will always be articles out there like this. There will always be parents who spend their entire time at work in panic mode because a shock-jock author tells them their kid is in mortal danger if they don't spy on their provider.

I just try and weed out those kind of people and enjoy a partnership with parents who trust me and know that I share in their concern for their little one.

I just don't have the time or the inclination to deal with Mr. and Mrs Paranoid.

[nannyde]

You can bet that caregivers are on their best behavior during parent tours.

Yes this is an issue that goes both ways. Parents are on their best behavior and so are providers. Providers can't tell from the interview whether the parent is going to come on time, pick up on time, dope their kid with fever reducing medicine before day care and bring them with a known illness, bounce a check, bring fleas or headlice into the building, abuse the kid before day care and bring us a kid that has been harmed.... etc. etc.

We can't tell if today is the day that we are going to allow in a parent that will end up putting us at risk, taking away everything we have worked our whole lives for, or ruining our career in one single day.

That risk goes both ways.


If you really want to know what’s going on during typical working hours, you’ll have to show up at random times of the day. Since you don’t want to day care director to think that you don’t trust her or her staff, you’ll need to come up with a good excuse for your visits. My favorite is saying that you forgot to pack your son’s lunch.

And when you lie to your provider about your intent she will know you are lying to her. She's heard that excuse a hundred times before with the same facial expression, same diversion of the eyes, same body language. So when you say that... thinking you are the first one to ever be so clever... remember that provider will see thru your ruse because you are the hundredth person to come up with those words and you look identical to the ones who lied before you.


Even if you’re feeling stretched thin, make it a point to become friendly with the other families at the day care center. First, this allows you to be in on the gossip and you could discover that other parents have a legitimate gripe.

And be cautious about how you would possibly KNOW if a gripe was legitimate or not since you are very new to the parenting game and even newer to the group care game. What one parent considers a legitimate gripe may actually be the result of the poor behavior of the other parent.

If you think there is power in numbers... that teaming up with other parents will advance your will.. think twice. If you make someone else's business your business we won't do business with you any more.


My daughter’s first school went so far as to shift kids between rooms during the day so no one knew how many kids were ever present.

You perceived it as a way to make sure no one knew how many kids were ever present but it may have actually been a way to maintain ratios and keep staffing (the biggest expense in a center) down to keep your fees down.

[Unregistered]

I agree with article

Reading the article I would say, overall, I have to agree with it. Any parent's #1 priority should be to ensure the person caring for their child is capable of doing so. However, it sounds like it is directed much more towards centers as opposed to in-homes.

I can to a degree understand the sneaking to spy. Would you rather have a parent tell you "I came at 2p today instead of my regular 5p pickup time to check up on you and see how you interact/react because I'm nervous leaving the apple of my eye with you" ? While I think we would (deep down) all perhaps appreciate the honesty we would initially feel hurt because the parent doesn't trust us. This could cause a lot of unneeded conflict while parent is getting over their personal problems (fear, guilt, etc) of leaving little Johnny at daycare.

Most people have that radar/red-flag judgment, though some people don't or don't realize what it is and don't listen to it. For those people I think these steps are particularly important.

I have a dcm right now that I don't think trusts me 100%, but it's her first child, and really she doesn't seem to trust anyone, including her own mom. I'm ok with that because I know that she only wants whats best for her child and is making sure her child is well taken care of when she can't be there to do it herself. Sometimes (but only sometimes) I wish parents were more like her. Other times I'm thankful they're not. ::

I regularly changed my drop off and pick up times on purpose and witnessed improper things that I promptly brought to the director's attention.

I've showed up unannounced and the director already called the classroom teacher on the phone to warn her before I'd gotten there. I still wonder what she was covering up that time. One daycare center didn't allow unannounced visits during the day which violated state regulations. I found out why they didn't allow it. They were lying to parents about the curiculum they were offering - they were only doing a small fraction of what was being printed off and given to parents as weekly curriculums. I made it a point of showing up several times unannounced anyway and found this out - every time they didn't do the curriculum that was posted that day.

Daycares might chaulk it up as gossip, but I've been able to verify everything that came my way via gossip. You'd be surprised how good older kids memories are. I just love that innocent honesty. And it helped me avoid many conflicts over the years and avoid certain daycares.

Published licensing rules are a great thing. I caught several things at a newly opened center we attended. The center chose to term us, not because of my child, but because I asked too many questions. Have that one in writing! I should frame it! Love it! Verbally, the director claimed that they were just fine and I had no right to question them ever because other parents didn't. Well, everything I brought up got caught by licensing, so I guess they weren't doing things the legal way after all.