Advise On An Update From The "Police" Post

[Registered user]

I am the OP of the "police" post from a few weeks ago. I have an odd update and I really would like to have some input on how to handle this. I have never had so much drama in my daycare until this 1 client and she never ceases to amaze me with her... drama! I just don't know what to do from this point so I am coming to you, the professionals who have been in this biz longer than I have.

Quick recap... As some of you may know I had to call the police a few weeks ago to have a client leave when she went berzerk 1 day, calling me a C**T as well as every other vulgar name, in front of my son and her 3 yr old and threatening my daycare etc. It was over a termination that was given 4 days prior and $10 late fee for being a day late paying me. Anyway She harrassed me by phone and text for the whole day into the evening even driving past the house repeatedly all day and night that the confrontation occurred. She was supposed to pick up her sons outfit from daycare the next day at noon but never showed and never called.

The update is I finally took the outfit to DCMs Mothers house because I want closure. I had seen DCMs Mother drive past my house a few times these past few weeks and she always waves and smiles so I thought it would be ok and not have an issue. So I take the outfit to her and she is happy to see me says DCB misses me so much and wants to "go back to school" (he calls my daycare his school) The DCMs Mother asked what happened and I told her briefly I wanted to change hours DCM said she couldn't do it so I offered to help find another provider and gave her 2 weeks notice and all was fine until she got a late fee for not paying on time. I went on to say DCM flipped over that and a late fee. The DCMs Mother was shocked. Aparantly DCM had been telling lies to anyone who will listen. (of course) The Mother also said DCM had gotten in with the wrong crowd and was doing drugs. I acted shocked but I thought Yep that'll do it, it's what I assumed anyway. The Mother goes on to say how DCM is back on track now and doing well and still doesnt have a provider after all these weeks she just sends DCB to dif friends and family everyday. She said she is supposed to meet with 2 providers today. She went on to say that the change in my hours wouln't have been a problem she could have picked DCB up earlier for her. I told her I was sorry it had to end that way but that DCM just snapped and I was done. ( I didnt tell her about the rant and name calling and threats she had done at my home in the street for all the neigbors to witness!) The Mother kept saying how DCB misses me and says he loves me. I told her I miss him too and give him a hug from me and I left.

Today I get a phone call from DCM!! The last I heard from her was her cursing me in many voicemails calling me every name in the book and threatening to have me shut down weeks ago! Now I let the call go to voicemail as I had been doing. She left a message saying " Sally this is Tammy, if u can, call me back please the number is 555-555-5555, I'm sorry!" WHAT???? OK I know she is bi-polar but WTH?

She has pulled an attitude quite a few times in the past year and always apologizes after the weekend. It's always on a weekend she has these issues and usually on payday hmmm! She has even said a couple times she wasn't bringing DCB back because she didn't want to hear bad things he did, etc. Then Monday morning she would show up and be cheery like nothing happened and say she was sorry she was just in a bad mood from work. So we would let it go, he would stay I would walk on eggshells until the next issue. This time I am done! I am not taking her back after what she has done to me and especially my child having to witness this and ask what the C word meant! My feeling now is just continue to ignore her but will that send her into another rage if she gets back "into something" or isn't really done with it. I just want to move on and not have to worry about anymore drama. I already made reports weeks ago to my licensor and CC&R who pays me and where she goes through to get her certificate for free care. I even checked back with my licensor last week and he said no reports have been made against me so I guess she has just been running her mouth locally to friends and family. I don't even care anymore really. I just want it done and over and they are NOT coming back!! But if I know her well, and I thought I did after more than a yr, she will call again and again. What would you do here? I just dont want an arguement and if she really wants to come back when I deny her she will go off. This happens when she doesnt get her way! Would u take the call or talk to her if she shows up?

[Kaddidle Care]

Do NOT let that nutcase bully you! Keep record of the texts and phone calls - do not answer them. If she shows up at your door tell her your business between each other is done. If she refuses to leave call the police and inquire about having a restraining order issued.

It's a done deal.

[sharlan]

I know, it's wrong to lie, but can you just text her and say your sorry, but have filled her son's position? Can you block her #?

I would not take this child back, no matter how much you love him, as long as you have to deal with his mother. If, and I say if, Grandma can do ALL of the drop offs and pick ups, MAYBE, but otherwise, NO, NO, NO!

[nannyde]

I wouldn't have delivered the clothes to the GMA and I wouldn't have discussed anything with her other than that you loved DCB and know that the Mom and he will do wonderfully in life.

You walked back into their world and participated in listening to the drama. Now you have hooked them back into your gig.

[e.j.]

My feeling now is just continue to ignore her but will that send her into another rage if she gets back "into something" or isn't really done with it. I just want to move on and not have to worry about anymore drama. .....But if I know her well, and I thought I did after more than a yr, she will call again and again. What would you do here? I just dont want an arguement and if she really wants to come back when I deny her she will go off. This happens when she doesnt get her way! Would u take the call or talk to her if she shows up?

From what you've written, she sounds very unstable. If ignoring her sends her into a rage, that's her problem - not yours. If you can block her calls, I would suggest you do it immediately. If you can't, I would not respond to her calls and if she shows up at your house, I wouldn't open the door. If, for some reason, you run into her and can't avoid her, I'd be civil but I would ask her to please stop contacting you. If all else fails, you might want to speak with the police to get their suggestions on how to stop contact from her.

[countrymom]

seriously, cut the ties, don't call her back, don't do anything with them. **** up any money owing and move on. Trust me you don't need drama. Just ignore them. And they are playing a guilt trip on you with the dcb who misses you much. Just let them go, far far away.

[Mike Lassiter]

The DCM's mother is foolish to believe her daughter is straightened out now. BS! She will continue this until she can't keep her job or anything else. Her child means nothing to her when she is on drugs. When you returned the clothes you were being guilt tripped about keeping the child likely because everyone that has been doing it since you stopped probably has also had a guilt trip too.
People on drugs will lie,steal,cheat and anything else to get a fix. They don't care about anybody or anything except what they want.
You should avoid her and let her use someone else. You should have picked up on her irrational behavior all the previous times and realized there was a problem (now she has you ****ed into her drama.)
I have saw this myself before. People acting totally out of character are likely on drugs. The child needs to be removed from his mother and she needs help.
Now, do you suppose this is why the ex-husband "suddenly" stopped giving her money. He was enabling her habit if she was spending the money for drugs instead of what she should have been. I would stop too if I was him; and if there was some way to get someone involved that would put her in rehap I would be doing that too. This behavior may be what broke up the marriage.

[Registered user]

I wouldn't have delivered the clothes to the GMA and I wouldn't have discussed anything with her other than that you loved DCB and know that the Mom and he will do wonderfully in life.

You walked back into their world and participated in listening to the drama. Now you have hooked them back into your gig.

I thought u would say that Nan! Thanks for the advise I really do appreicate it!

It took me so long to take them there because I didn't want any contact, I had asked the CC&R if I could just mail them like I think it was u actually who gave me that advise? Anyway she told me not to mail them. She said she can lie and say I put something else in the box. The office manager told me to call her and set up an appointment since she missed the 1st. (she missed it on purpose not my fault why should I kiss her butt) No way did I want her here and no way did I want another confrontation with her in front of my child! I didn't want to keep the clothes and be responsble for them or have her say something else later. I thought this was my best option.

As for me talking to the GMA she has always been so kind to me I couldnt just blow her off when she started talking more yet I didn't want to rehash the whole thing or point fingers that's why I didnt tell the whole story of the name calling and police etc. I live in a small town and have to shop where the GMA now switched jobs to so I would like to be able to smile and say hello when I purchase my items, be civil u know?

I was visting with my Mother this evening and DCMs uncle happens to know her neighbors. He stopped by their house and saw me. He asked if I talked to DCM and I said no but she did call and apologize in voicemail and that was nice. (pfft least she could do really!) He said "yeah she apologized because she is running out of people who will watch her kid" I said "oh sorry to hear that she can find a good provider through CC&R". He said she tried that too. I just said "oh" He stood there looking at me so I added "I hope she finds a great provider soon" and dropped it so he too let it go. I know DCB can be a handful even have fits of rage so I wonder if that's the problem. I will just have to wonder because now that the clothing is returned I am done except for the hello, have a good day, etc comments to the rest of her family.

Thank u to everyone who gave advise here! It is greatly appreciated!

[Unregistered]

ok so mom is a self medicating bi-polar

and you knew this, but didn't yet understand what it meant. And her support network is lame, her doctors aren't managing her meds well, and her kid is picking up her patterns.

They need more or different help, but if I were in your shoes, I would take the kid back and work CLOSELY with their caseworker to give this kid a good, solid, consistent environment. She is going to be all over the place, she should have coverage who will help her stay balanced, you need to recognize what is illness and what is not and her whole family needs to be ready to step in for kiddo, but he knows you and you are part of her community.

Talk to GM.

I've had some Bi-polar friends. They'll break your heart.

[nannyde]

They need more or different help, but if I were in your shoes, I would take the kid back and work CLOSELY with their caseworker to give this kid a good, solid, consistent environment.

Bad advice.

[Christian Mother]

and you knew this, but didn't yet understand what it meant. And her support network is lame, her doctors aren't managing her meds well, and her kid is picking up her patterns.

They need more or different help, but if I were in your shoes, I would take the kid back and work CLOSELY with their caseworker to give this kid a good, solid, consistent environment. She is going to be all over the place, she should have coverage who will help her stay balanced, you need to recognize what is illness and what is not and her whole family needs to be ready to step in for kiddo, but he knows you and you are part of her community.

Talk to GM.

I've had some Bi-polar friends. They'll break your heart.

Absolutely Not!! I have friends also who are bi-polar or OCD. But it is my choice on how I associate with them. These friends take there condition seriously and take there medication seriously. They recognize that they need help. This lady the op doesn't know this lady well at all and it's best not to get close to her. She is unstable. It's hard bc there's a child involved and everyone wants to do whats best but the op isn't a parent or friends...she provides services and if it affects her family directly in a negative way she has the choice to step away from it. It's not her responsibility in anyway. She made the right choice.

[Registered user]

and you knew this, but didn't yet understand what it meant. And her support network is lame, her doctors aren't managing her meds well, and her kid is picking up her patterns.

They need more or different help, but if I were in your shoes, I would take the kid back and work CLOSELY with their caseworker to give this kid a good, solid, consistent environment. She is going to be all over the place, she should have coverage who will help her stay balanced, you need to recognize what is illness and what is not and her whole family needs to be ready to step in for kiddo, but he knows you and you are part of her community.

Talk to GM.

I've had some Bi-polar friends. They'll break your heart.

OP here. As always I am thankful for ALL input that's why I am here asking for help. I do have to say though DCM is not self medicating. She was given meds by a doctor and chooses to do 'illegal drugs' on top or instead whatever the case my be. I have bent over backwards for her and walked on eggshells to avoid her moods. I have literally been a shoulder for her to cry on then a verbal punching bag when she's in a mood. I do feel bad for the child but I am not a superhero. I have updated the CC&R and the childcare section of DHHS where my licence is through. Let them step in. My young child had to witness her rage and verbal abuse degrading his own Mother. THAT is what broke the camels back! No one who treats me that bad and in front of my child will be forgiven and permitted to do it again. What would that teach my child if I allowed her back? It had been building with her mood swings I just never thought it would be that bad!

I too have other friends even a family member with bi-polar and they are not like this. Mood swings yes but never so abusive. This clients problem is she is spoiled and if she doesn't get what she wants watch out.

I got another call today and it was longer pleading with me to please call her so she could explain and apologize. Then she went on to say she had a lot of problems and didnt mean it. So right there it's starting the 'poor me' again. I am just ignoring the calls and if she comes to my home I will not open the door. I just hope she doesnt come when the children and I are out in the yard playing!

Thanks again everyone!

[Michael]

OP here. As always I am thankful for ALL input that's why I am here asking for help. I do have to say though DCM is not self medicating. She was given meds by a doctor and chooses to do 'illegal drugs' on top or instead whatever the case my be. I have bent over backwards for her and walked on eggshells to avoid her moods. I have literally been a shoulder for her to cry on then a verbal punching bag when she's in a mood. I do feel bad for the child but I am not a superhero. I have updated the CC&R and the childcare section of DHHS where my licence is through. Let them step in. My young child had to witness her rage and verbal abuse degrading his own Mother. THAT is what broke the camels back! No one who treats me that bad and in front of my child will be forgiven and permitted to do it again. What would that teach my child if I allowed her back? It had been building with her mood swings I just never thought it would be that bad!

I too have other friends even a family member with bi-polar and they are not like this. Mood swings yes but never so abusive. This clients problem is she is spoiled and if she doesn't get what she wants watch out.

I got another call today and it was longer pleading with me to please call her so she could explain and apologize. Then she went on to say she had a lot of problems and didnt mean it. So right there it's starting the 'poor me' again. I am just ignoring the calls and if she comes to my home I will not open the door. I just hope she doesnt come when the children and I are out in the yard playing!

Thanks again everyone!

I think a member earlier had mentioned a restraining order. While I don't know if this person could be violent it may be warranted if she keeps harassing you. Once you have the order you should always file a police report if she in any way breaches it. Sooner or later she will get herself in a rough spot with the law and stop bothering you.

[QualiTcare]

my take on it (without knowing about the previous threads) is that she is a young mom with a mouth (and ONLY a mouth) like a sailor. meaning: she gets mad, flies off the handle, and runs her mouth...but wouldn't actually DO anything.

i know i was young, stupid, and had balls of steel. i did things when i was young that people who know me now would never believe. i busted out my daughter's grandfather's window in his house with my fist when i was drunk once because my daughter's dad shut the window in my face while i was talking to him. i had glass all over my hand - it ****ed.

i've been with my husband (not my daughter's father) for 7+ years and the first year we were together we got into a fight and i told his mom who was taking up for him that she needed to mind her own business because she couldn't keep a husband herself and the only reason she had her kid (my husband) was to try to keep his drunk dad from running around, getting drunk, and cheating on her and it still didn't work cus she just ended up being a single mom and she did a crappy job. i used a bunch of foul language while saying it. let's see...what else have i done...

oh, i told my daughter's grandfather that his son (my daughter's dad) hated his guts and he was a deadbeat who left his kids waiting for him at the window while he was out "freaking" crack wh*res" THEN, i told my daughter's grandmother (her dad's mom) that she took up for her son (who didn't pay child support) because she was part african american (she's mixed w cherokee and african american) and african american women thought it was normal to let guys shoot off in them and then ditch them and just bc she thought it was normal didn't mean that i did and i was getting child support. that was in response to her talking about how i was "lucky" that i could get child support.

anyhow, i'm not bi-polar. i have no mental issues. i didn't do drugs (but i did drink, obviously). i was just YOUNG and had a mouth. i went on to be a kindergarten and first grade teacher. now i'm a nurse intern, soon to be R.N. and amazingly i get along great with my husband's mom, my ex's dad, AND my ex (even tho he's still a piece of crap). none of them held a grudge against me because THEY all did the same crazy, psycho crap when they were young.

you're probably doing her a favor by not taking her back as a client. then again, maybe you'd be doing her a favor if you did take her back. young people do STUPID things and the only way they learn is from their mistakes. i know from experiene. only YOU know the right decision to make and whatever decision you make will benefit her even if it hurts her in the meantime.