Definitely Need To Borrow A Backbone...

[gkids09]

for my EMPLOYEES. I am really upset/disappointed today..To the point of almost being sick.

My longest, sweetest, best employee has retired. She was there for over 10 years, first with my grandmother, then with me. She is FABULOUS. Seriously.

Anyway, on her last day, she ended up having to leave early for a family emergency, and I came in for her (I am off one day a week MOST weeks, but usually drop in just in case I am needed). My newest employee was there with her, and since I was so close to being there, I told the retiring lady to go ahead and leave and I'd be there before they could blink. (I know, looking back I should never have left the new one with 10 kids alone, but hindsight is 20/20, right?)

I walked in not five minutes after she had left. It was a DISASTER. The kids had gotten the balls out of the basket they KNOW is only to take outside, and were THROWING them in the house. I'm talking, official sized football and soccer ball, wiffle balls, foam balls, etc etc etc...And the new girl (who I might add has worked in child care for several years, and was even a live in nanny for 5 years)? Just sitting there LETTING THEM.

The television (which I HATE HATE HATE using for the kids) was BLARING, sounding much like a movie theater in volume. The kids were TERRIBLE. I immediately started walking around, and took the balls from all the kids. I said, loudly enough for her to hear "We do NOT play with balls in the house. You all know that." I then walked over, picked up the remote, and turned the television down to a SEMI-tolerable volume. I guess since I hate it so much, mute is my favorite volume, but that's beside the point.

Anyway, she had already laid the youngest, an 18 month old, down for his nap because he was fussy. That's great, I do that all the time, no big deal! Have a 2.5 year old who is potty training, in pull ups. I took her to potty immediately. Her pull up was SOAKED. Has nobody even acknowledged her today?! I wondered, but didn't say anything because she does sometimes have accidents like that and fills up her pull up quickly...So I got her a clean one, she peed, blah blah blah..

I got all the kids to potty and go take a nap. Took AGES to make them go to sleep because they had been allowed to be so flipping wild just minutes earlier. FINALLY they all went to sleep (everyone sleeps at my daycare. I'd never force them to sleep, but they do all have to lay there).

Woke up, ate snack at 4pm, changed 18 month old's diaper. HE STILL HAD THE DIAPER ON HE CAME IN. Needless to say, I was MADDDDDDD. I didn't mention it, because I honestly didn't know what to say, and I hate confrontation.

Walked back through, took the 2.5 year old to the potty, let her go back to play, and was cleaning up from snack. Turned my back for two seconds while the kids were in the playroom with semi-new worker, and when I turn back around, 2.5 year old is DRAWING ON THE CARPET WITH A MARKER. Not only that, but she was sitting beside new employee!!!!

I grabbed the marker and told her no more, that we don't draw on the carpet or anything else with the marker except the dry erase board. (She understood, because she walked over to the board and said "here, right?")

Anyway, point is, I don't know what to do/say/feel. When this girl is on, she is ON. Great, wonderful, awesome with the kids, but when she doesn't want to do something, she dang well doesn't want to do it!!

I am about sick. Is this how it is every time I'm off??! I apologized to the poor 18 month old about his diaper, even though he didn't understand!

I just need a backbone. I need to know how to approach this without sounding like a witch. I don't want to make anyone mad and quit, because Lord knows I NEED the help, and it's seriously impossible to find around here. Believe me, I've tried.

Help, please. And please, no criticizing my daycare or my abilities. Things have NEVER been this way, and WILL NOT happen again. I am here for and asking for support, not criticism. Thanks...

[sharlan]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

I understand the anger and frustration. You need to sit down and have a 1 to 1 with her.

Maybe the retired lady and come and shadow her for a few days, proper training...

[Cat Herder]

Oh, hun....that would be awful!!

I have never had an assistant but have had employees.

Is there the slightest chance that since "the boss" is in the room that she is waiting to be led?

That maybe she is afraid of sounding too stern with the kids or is an anxious ball of nerves when you are around? Think Mr. Bean....

Maybe you could start having her fill out a diaper change form for each kid daily to ensure she knows how often you expect changes?

I was horrified to learn that a provider did not change diapers until they were full, not just wet. She was horrified that I wasted so many diapers that filled up our landfills and gave our kids and grand kids cancer...

It was just differring viewpoints and not that she was lazy/uneducated as I assumed, IYKWIM?

She turned out to be a great provider once she knew her job expectations VERY CLEARLY. Maybe start there??

[SilverSabre25]

I would definitely have a good one on one conversation with your assistant, make sure she CLEARLY knows what the job expectations are (change diapers every 2 hours unless poopy in between, take the potty trainer to the potty every hours and change pull-up if wet, etc) and the house rules are (some people don't have a problem with balls in the house), and, if I were you, I would start dropping by unannounced on your days off and at random times, just to check.

Consider security cameras, too...just in case. You can get them that you can check up on remotely via the internet.

[gkids09]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

I understand the anger and frustration. You need to sit down and have a 1 to 1 with her.

Maybe the retired lady and come and shadow her for a few days, proper training...

Thanks so much...The thing is, the "new girl" has been there for 3 months. So she HAS been working with the retired lady. And has been fine, but all of a sudden, not so much. I can't tell if she has gotten comfortable and lazy or what happened...but I don't like it!!

Oh, hun....that would be awful!!

I have never had an assistant but have had employees.

Is there the slightest chance that since "the boss" is in the room that she is waiting to be led?

That maybe she is afraid of sounding too stern with the kids or is an anxious ball of nerves when you are around? Think Mr. Bean....

Maybe you could start having her fill out a diaper change form for each kid daily to ensure she knows how often you expect changes?

I was horrified to learn that a provider did not change diapers until they were full, not just wet. She was horrified that I wasted so many diapers that filled up our landfills and gave our kids and grand kids cancer...

It was just differring viewpoints and not that she was lazy/uneducated as I assumed, IYKWIM?

She turned out to be a great provider once she knew her job expectations VERY CLEARLY. Maybe start there??

Thanks for the advice. Actually, she's the most passive person ever. I sometimes think she'd let them get away with murder. I am definitely going to start the diapering logs. I am thinking about buying one kitchen timer for each child in diapers, and set them for 2 hours. When a kid is changed, we will sign the diapering log and then reset the timer, minus naptime. That's all I know to do. I am seriously freaking out over what happened. It CANT happen again.

I would definitely have a good one on one conversation with your assistant, make sure she CLEARLY knows what the job expectations are (change diapers every 2 hours unless poopy in between, take the potty trainer to the potty every hours and change pull-up if wet, etc) and the house rules are (some people don't have a problem with balls in the house), and, if I were you, I would start dropping by unannounced on your days off and at random times, just to check.

Consider security cameras, too...just in case. You can get them that you can check up on remotely via the internet.

I have definitely considered security cameras...I think they'd be a good investment, but right now I just don't have the money. I definitely am going to start dropping in at random times. My grandmother lives next door. I could always park in her driveway and slip in the back door! ha!

Thanks so much for the advice...I appreciate it.

[Mike Lassiter]

Consider too this person maybe a follower and not one to take initiative on her own. It is one thing for some to be working under another versus being the only person.
Previously when I was maintenance supervisor I had people that would do anything you told then; but where clueless about seeing what needed to be done AND doing it on their own.
This ALWAYS frustrated me. I could see say the garbage barrel needs to be emptied but they would walk by it seemingly blind.
No quick easy solution for that. Even telling some they are expected to take the initiative and what/ when you still have to TELL them to do it.
Very frustrating from people who you depend on to do what needs to be done whether you are around or not.

[countrymom]

is she happy being the only assistant. Maybe she is doing it on purpose so you would get rid of her. Maybe do a evaluation at the 3month marks, 6 months and so on till about a year. Does she have a manual what she is expected to do, maybe give her something in writing.

[MyAngels]

I think I would approach this in a different way. I would sit down with her and let her know that you are looking for someone to fill the shoes of your fabulous retiring employee. Detail all of the things that the former assistant did. She may just be so used to taking her orders from someone else that she does not realize you are looking for her to step up and do those things on her own now. Make it clear, however, this will be a requirement now that the other woman is gone, and that if she cannot or will not take the reins you will find someone who will. I'd probably try to say it a little nicer than that, though .

[gkids09]

Thanks so much for the KIND advice. I was honestly a little nervous to post what happened. It has created a stressful, upsetting day for me today, and I know it shouldn't.

The girl is not the only assistant. I have two others, and she only works 3 days per week (her choice).

I gave everyone a handbook about a month ago, and she was so worried it was because of something she was doing wrong. At the time, it wasn't at all. The more I think about it, the more I am almost sure she has gotten TOO comfortable, and gotten really lazy.

I have written up a letter for all of my remaining employees, letting them know expectations now that my most experienced is retired. In the letter, I have told them that I am giving the letter first, and if I notice no improvement, I will confront whoever needs to be confronted about different behaviors. I also mentioned that I was not trying to pinpoint any certain person, but that if something offended them, maybe it was something that needed to be worked on.

I am going to TRY that, and if it doesn't improve, I am going to have to have a sit down meeting with her, or anyone else that needs it.

I think she is definitely a follower, but I wish she'd follow the right things. ha! When she first started, it was as if she wanted to prove how awesome she was, and it's already dwindling...I hope that's not a sign for what's to come, because I will send her out the door if it keeps getting worse after speaking to her about it!!

Thank you all, again, for being so kind about this. I truly appreciate it.

[Cat Herder]

When she first started, it was as if she wanted to prove how awesome she was, and it's already dwindling...I hope that's not a sign for what's to come, because I will send her out the door if it keeps getting worse after speaking to her about it!!

My FTO once told me "Nothing cleans like a new broom. It is what you do when nobody is looking that will earn you respect. Toilets are all yours rookie."

Awww....sweet memories...::::::

[cheerfuldom]

I have been through several assistants. My guess is that she is used to the other ladies doing everything and secondly, she has gotten way to comfortable in her job. I would speak to her directly, give her once chance to step up and if she doesn't, cut your losses and fire her. I have never had success giving assistants multiple chances to prove themselves. If she can't pick up the pace after knowing your expectations, she doesn't belong there.

[Christian Mother]

Holly Cow!! That sounds like quite a stressful day for you!! Let me ask you this bc you mention on here that you only left the assistant 5 min after the retiree left so she was left alone with the children for a short time. I am not sure that all that can be accomplished in just 5 min. Does the retiree also allow the tv on at a impossible loud level? I am here with 4 boys plus my own 2 children and I am constantly watching all specially since 3 of the boys are all potty training. I think I would have a talk with the retiree and the assistant bc dirty diapers that weren't changed since drop off like the 18mo is a huge no no...that wouldn't just be the assistants fault but also the retiree. Something just doesn't add up here. Maybe the retiree was on the phone all day bc of the family emergency and couldn't focus on the kids..? But if I was a parent and I picked up my child and noticed that they had only been changed 1 or 2 I'd be worried. I think the changing documentation is a great ideal. I have a daily sheet I give my parents at the end of the day which tells them if they had a good day, what they did, what they ate and when, if they are potty training what times they went with stickers, if they are in diapers I note on there how many and if they are wet or pooped. There is quite a bit of infor. and that way the parents know how there day went but also keeps me accountable. I would def. have a talk with your assistant and find out what happened today..and is that a normal day for her? Tell her the areas you are very concerned with and how she can help you. I would start giving her things to do so she doesn't have time to sit...If she is playing or entertaining great...but if she is not playing and just sitting time to get her off her butt and helping. Hope this doesn't sound mean or anything...that just burns me bc I know that your over there cleaning up and trying to right your day and she isn't helping with your stress. Hope things getting better for you...HUGS!!!