Potty Training Woes

[SilverSabre25]

I posted a couple months back about the family that is forcing potty training on their 2 year old. Well, fast-forward a few months and she is still about as far from being ready to train as a newborn is. She can't vocalize that she needs to go or even that she has already gone. She doesn't care if her pull-up is wet or even dirty. When I ask her if she needs to go, she tells me no every single time. Half the time if I try and force her to sit on the potty, she throws a fit and cries and wants off immediately.

Her parents want me to force her to sit on the potty every 45 minutes, even if she's crying and throwing a fit.

How do I tell them that this is NOT working for her and it's not working for me? I can't take ten minutes of every 3/4 of an hour to sit a screaming, fighting toddler on the toilet when she s not ready.

How do I explain to them what the readiness signs are and that she's not displaying them?

[GG~DAYCARE]

I have had to flat out tell the parents "NO, I will not do that. The child is not ready" My 27 years of potty training and their 2yrs have to account for something. I absolutely refuse if I feel a child is not ready! They can walk if they want but all of my dc kids have trained and done it quickly once they are ready. Good luck!

[Kaddidle Care]

Ugh! We all make mistakes with our first - my Mother In Law told me that ALL of her children were potty trained by 18 months so the pressure was on. I should have read more and relaxed more with my first child. We were "potty training" for 2 years! It was awful!

With my 2nd, I was much more laid back (live and learn) and when I felt he was ready, dangled a wonderful prize - a movie he wanted to see. We started and finished in 2-4 weeks! BUT.. he was 3 1/2.

This article might be helpful to the parent: http://www.yourfamilyshealth.com/articles/potty.html

She obviously doesn't want 2 in diapers at the same time but some things you just can't rush and when they're not ready, it's one step forward, two steps back.

I have a question for you. Is she doing all this at home herself or is she leaving it up to YOU to train her child?

I met a woman at a party once who was very proud of the fact that she "made the daycare potty train" her child. She insisted they keep the child in underwear and if she messed, "oh well". It wasn't a mess that SHE had to clean up. I swear I wanted to slap her!

[SilverSabre25]

Kadiddle, DCM does this at home, too. She proudly told me one day that dcg is "fully trained; you just have to take her every 45 minutes!" Well...I don't know how long she makes dcg sit there every 45 minutes, but dcg has only peed on the potty for me once or twice even when I do take her every 45 minutes! Which, I don't do very faithfully because I can't get over the instinct that this is wrong for poor little dcg.

I've considered putting her in cloth diapers (old-fashioned prefolds!) at my house during the day so she can at least FEEL the wetness and maybe make the connection. Pull-ups seem dumb and counter-intuitive to me.

Thanks for the article; that's a great "primer" on potty training, IMO. I might link that on my website.

[Cat Herder]

How do I explain to them what the readiness signs are and that she's not displaying them?

You don't.

They have a right to do whatever they want at home. Unless it is dangerous or abusive, then you must report it.

This will create a power struggle between you and them. Trying to make someone bend to your will NEVER works in either direction.

Just view it as a parent request you cannot honor.

When they ask "Can you put her on the potty every 45 minutes?" You answer "No, sorry, our potty policy is.......". Have them review your handbook that they ALREADY agreed to.

I would not tell them their plan is wrong, I would remind them what I do here. They are two different issues.

IMHO, the majority of provider/parent issues are due to power struggles. It is really unneccessary. Less discussion is better for everyone involved.

[sharlan]

You can't teach some parents.

I would just tell them that she is not ready and it's just not working for either of you. Her crying upsets the other children and it's not fair to them.