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I have a 6 mo dcg whose mom comes once a day at her lunch to feed her. As a former bfeeding mom myself, I want to support her as much as I can. However, the lunch schedule and feeding schedule that she has the baby on is NOT working. As is, she is on opposite schedule as everyone else. Right now is the tail end of quiet time and I have not had a break, except for the 20 mins that she was here. She eats at an odd time right in the middle of morning nap, and mom comes right in the middle of afternoon nap. Now I have a screaming baby who I am held hostage with in my bedroom trying to keep her quiet so she doesn't wake everyone else up! So how do you go about talking to mom about this?!
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Why not ask her to provide BM in bottles and offer to feed the 6 month old for her? Explain that the baby needs to be on a schedule that would allow the infant and the other kids to coexist and that it is simply not working the way things are now. That you have to provide adequate care that is appropriate for the whole group and not the needs of just one child.
I had to do this recently and I am still transitioning a couple of parents that think that the needs of their own child is more important than the needs of the rest of he group. Not with the breastfeeding specifically but with the whole dropping off and picking up during nap time thing. I don't allow either from noon to 2pm because then I have an entire DC of cranky kids. -
If you have an open door policy (which by law many certified homes have to), she is allowed to nurse/visit at whatever time she chooses. That is the mother/daughters only time to connect the entire day.Comment
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I'd just be honest and let her know her daughter's schedule is too different from the rest of the group and as such, is causing disruption. She can:
A) help her daugher adjust to the group schedule either by getting there to feed her with the rest of the group and avoiding popping by at naptimes
B) stop coming by and provide more breastmilk in a bottle
C) continue doing exactly what she's doing for an additional daily fee. Make it high enough that she doesn't want to take this option.
Supporting breastfeeding moms does not mean that you have to allow them to disrupt the entire group in order to stop by whenever it's convenient for their schedule to feed their little ones. Breastmilk in a bottle will do just fine until the baby is home and can have mama again.
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I disagree about the open door policy. An open door policy is NOT permission to come visit any time they wish. An open door policy is permission to have access to your child at any time during the day in which the child is scheduled to be there. However, if you take that access, you will take your child with you when you leave as well. I think that is the point of being self-employed. I do NOT allow anyone to come feed or play or visit with their child during the day. IMHO, it just doesn't work in group family care....atleast not for me.
But that is the beauty of being in this business...to each his own.
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I have an open door policy but my families know that yes they can come to check up on things and if they insisted on coming during the day then they'd better be prepared to taking their child home. The 1yo and older kids don't understand what "visit" means. They see mom or dad and they want to go home and don't understand why they can't. Open door just means they can come by and check on the kiddos, not that they can distrupt the day and stay as long as they want.
I am also a BFing mom and I have also accommodated other BFing moms at DC but none so far have had a problem with supplying BM in a bottle for me or with obliging me with no visits during nap.Comment
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Cheeky, I am a breatfeeding mom, and when I had to start working, my son stopped feeding so much during daylight hours, but made up for it after work, in the mornings and in the evenings. Kids adjust. As long as they get adequate nutrition during the day and the mother continues feeding at night, they'll be fine.Comment
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I wouldn't mind her coming to feed her baby. But, not during nap time. I'd try to adjust our nap, with her feeding schedule, but we'd both have to compromise.
I think she could try to change the schedule a little bit so she's getting there at 12:30, and then while she's feeding the baby, you can get the others down.
But, I wouldn't want my break to be consumed by an unhappy infant.Comment
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This is a misconception common to many newer providers.
In truth, We have to allow them access to their child but do NOT have to allow them to remain in our homes.
My parents are welcome to come at any time, without disrupting the other children. They must, however, take their child with them when they leave.
Nobody has a right to access another persons child, ever.
As for breast feeding AT daycare, I don't allow it (other than medically necessary). I was a 3x breastfeeding mom, that is one of the reasons I choose to stay home.
If a Mother chooses daycare for their infant, they need to do the work of transitioning their infant to being fed by someone else.
It is not a right to have it both ways.
IMHO, If a provider chooses to allow it, it should be viewed as a courtesy. Once it has a negative effect on the majority of kids in the group, it is time to end.- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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I'd tell her that she can come between x-y hours. Obviously her timing isn't right. I'd still allow her to come, just be more specific to the times that would work best. If she isn't able to come those hours, too bad.Comment
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She can't change her lunch hour. This is the only time she can come. It is smack dab in the middle of nap, and she feels the need to chit chat and ends up waking up 2 of the sleeping boys EVERY day. I have been lucky in being able to get them back to sleep, but don't think I am going to always be so lucky! Ugh!Comment
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That wouldn't work for me
Yes, parents have the right to have access to their child whenever they want it, but the parent s don't have the right to disrupt our day. I've been in this position before with a BF mom who had the worst timing ever and it really made our days rough. Not just my day, but her children's day and the other kids days as well because her kids were a wreck after she would leave. I'll never subject my daycare kids or myself to a situation like that again.
From now on, if a dcm wants to nurse, she'll need to either do it at a time that will work out best for everyone or she'll need to take her baby with her to nurse in a place that doesn't muck up everyone else's day.Comment
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one arrival
one departure
per parent
per child
per dayComment
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I have two BFing moms here at my daycare and they both send pumped milk in a bottle. I do not allow daily visits, its just way too disruptive especially when baby goes thru separation anxiety and has to break from mom twice a day. Thats not better for anyone.Comment
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support her and address the disruption
Make sure she nurses till baby is done....gives a bottle if baby is still hungry and puts baby to sleep....
Make some quiet time rules.
Give them a space away from the nappers.
No Chit chat.
I am betting she chose you because you were willing to support her. 6 months is too early to get the baby on a schedule, and I am sure you are feeding this kiddo other times of the day. Follow your instincts and adjust everything to make it work. This is precious time for them and its important to make it work well for you too.
Most places, open door does mean come and visit and leave. If it is so rare that kids can't handle it, make some other adjustments (for all you naysayers...)
If every mom stayed home, we would be out of work real fast.Comment
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